by Nicola May
‘But think on the positive side: when you are just forty,
your youngster will be twenty and you will have a new life ahead of you. And you will be able to follow your dreams as far as you want them to go,’ Tony chipped in.
‘You’re right, and even if I was blessed to have another child at twenty-five, I know I am still young.’ She started swinging harder. ‘Oh. I don’t know, Tony. I am content, I guess.’
‘But is content really enough? Do you still love your Husband. Dana?’
She hesitated. ‘Yes, I do, but…’
Tony leaped off his swing, slowed hers, got on his knees and pulled her to him.
‘Do you love him enough to let me do this?’ He moved her scarf and kissed her gently on the neck. She bit her lip with pleasure.
‘Or this?’ He lifted her face and put his soft lips on hers. She could taste the sweetness of the Amaretto and smell the deep musk of his Italian aftershave. She couldn’t resist. It was the softest, most passionate kiss she had experienced in a while.
Did other people still kiss when they were married? she wondered. Because she couldn’t remember the last time she had properly kissed Mark. Lately, everything had been purely functional. The act of making a baby without making love.
‘Oh my God!’ Dana pulled away. ‘Look, there are two lights bobbing about over there.’
Tony flashed his torch. ‘It’s fine, rosa mia, it is just two people walking around the outside path.’
‘In this weather? We must go. I can’t be seen here with you.’
‘Dana Knight, you are such a worrier. I doubt if Mark has sent in a private detective, yet.’ He lifted her chin and smiled at her. ‘Mama mia, I’m crazy for you, my little Czech princess.’
Robbie had been an angel to babysit Eliska at such short notice, but once she had made her mind up, there was just no stopping Alana Murray.
Since her row with Stephen, he had refused to talk to her. He had terminated the contract with SM Public Relations via Sandra, his PA, and just sent an email saying that he would work out a maintenance sum for Eliska, and maybe Alana had been right that announcing he was the child’s father would not be a good thing.
It had been an immense relief knowing that Bruno always used condoms. Bless Dana for being so outspoken and in a way so bloody thoughtful. She had to believe that was true, and to be honest, if Bruno was so free with his favours, it made sense that he should be careful. Especially as he had had a scare once already.
Maybe, just maybe now she had learned her lesson too!
Her mind was made up. She was keeping this baby and against all the odds that were currently stacked against her, she was hellbent on keeping her man too.
She had managed to find Stephen’s address on an old email from years ago. She had got good at stalking, these past few weeks. Analysing former emails, trying to glean meanings from online conversations they had had. He did care about her – she knew it.
It took her about an hour to drive to Chiswick. She parked on the road alongside a beautifully kept three-storey townhouse. His car was there and the outside light was on. She could see a candle burning through the half-closed shutters in the front room.
Oh, God, what if he had company? She hadn’t thought of that. She bloody hoped not, what with it being Valentine’s Day tomorrow as well. OK, maybe she should ring him first. Just say “I’m outside – may I come in?” But what if he said no? She had driven all this way. No, that was it. Mind made up, she would ring the doorbell.
She had put on a plain black shift dress with colourful chunky jewellery. She had intended to wear jeans, but her three – month bump was just becoming evident and she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. It was going to be difficult enough as it was. Be nice, she said to herself as the bell rang throughout the house.
‘Coming!’ Stephen’s voice echoed down the hall, as if he was expecting someone.
‘Alana? I was expecting an Indian take-away.’
She had to laugh. ‘Well, sorry it’s just me, and not a Ruby Murray.’
‘Very good.’ He had always loved her quick wit. ‘You’d better come in.’ He waited while she shrugged off her coat and put it on the French antique rack in the hall.
Alana took in her surroundings. Beautiful Victorian parquet flooring led through to a wonderful long kitchen with a modern glass table at the end, set beside patio doors. Candles were burning everywhere, even out on the decked patio area at the back, despite it being just 5 degrees.
Classical music was playing in the background and an open fire was burning in the decadent lounge which she had walked past to get through to the kitchen.
‘You have a beautiful home.’ She clocked a lovely picture of Susan and Stephen on their wedding day on the side.
The doorbell rang again.
‘Must be the curry, hang on a sec. Glass of wine?’
‘No, thanks. Have you got any juice?’
‘Alana Murray, turning down wine? Are you ill?
‘I’m driving, Stephen.’
‘Hmm. Well, that doesn’t usually stop you.’
‘I’ve changed.’
‘What – that big suction machine has come and sucked all the spots off , has it?’
‘It’s having a good old go.’
Stephen started getting his dinner out of the containers.
‘Look. I miss you, Stephen. You can’t just block me out. I mean, now you know about Eliska, don’t you want to stay in my life so you can at least share the joy of her? I even work from home two days a week now so I can do the school runs. We are getting on so much better and I am already considering a decent summer holiday for us both – despite having to take the time to pitch for a new PR agency, of course.’
‘See? I knew you would have to get a dig in about that somewhere. Here, have some food.’ He handed her a fork and a plate. ‘There’s plenty here for two.’
‘I just don’t understand your actions, Stephen. If I did then maybe it would be easier for me to deal with the situation.’
‘I’ve already explained, Alana. I blame myself for Susan’s death. If she hadn’t seen Eliska, she would never have felt the way she did, I know it. You are my direct link to Eliska so I figure every time I see you, I will always be reminded of Susan and what happened.’ He clenched his jaw.
‘Oh, Stephen. But I think our relationship is too special to just throw away.’
‘Our relationship was sexual, Alana. Period.’
‘But we have a child! Surely that counts for something?’
‘Everything is just so raw, Lani.’ He bit his lip and held back tears. ‘I miss her so much. I come back here to our beautiful home and she is everywhere and nowhere, and the pain of that is so intense that I can’t explain it. It’s like I don’t want to be anywhere. I don’t mean that I would take my own life. But it’s just I am so miserable in the place I am in at the moment and I cannot see a way of getting out of it.
‘I hate waking up because I know she won’t be here and
I’ve got that whole day of her not being here in front of me, and then when the day is over, that’s even worse because I eat alone and sleep alone and after twenty years of sharing that with her, it bloody hurts.’
Alana had tears streaming down her face. How could she tell him about the baby? Or maybe this was the raison d’etre he needed to pull him out of his depression.
She got up and walked around the table, stood behind him put her arms around his shoulders. Sobbing, he turned around and pulled her to him tightly, nestling his head in her breasts.
Coming to his senses, he sat up, pushed her gently away and took a large gulp of his red wine.
‘God, you’re such a bitch, Lani, but underneath it I know you’re not all that bad. I also know that you’re pregnant.’
It was Alana’s turn to stand up, take a deep breath and a big gulp of her orange juice.
‘Who told you?’ She was flabbergasted.
‘Nobody bloody told me, you silly woman.
Those gnat bites of yours swelled to baby melons last time and the simple fact, despite you denying it, it is the only time you have ever stopped drinking before in your life. I take it you know who the father is?’
‘What do you take me for? Of course I do.’
Stephen banged his hand down so hard on the table it made Alana jump. ‘Stop playing your stupid fucking games with me this time. Just tell me – is it mine or not?’ She had never heard him so angry.
‘Y...y-yes, it’s yours,’ she whispered.
‘How far gone are you?’
‘Almost twelve weeks. I have the scan booked for next Tuesday at the private clinic in Thewkesbury.’
‘So still plenty of time to get rid of it then?’ Stephen said matter of factly.
Alana bit her lip and ran her hands through her hair.
‘Don’t tell me you hadn’t thought of that option because I know you so well, Alana Murray.’
‘I actually made up my mind today that I wanted to keep it and that’s why I’m here. I felt you should know. I realise the timing is bad as you are grieving. But, with or without you, I’ve been blessed enough to be given the chance of the gift of life again and I am going to take it, with arms outstretched.
‘I know I haven’t always been the best mother to Eliska, but things are going to change from now on. This is the new start I needed.’
Stephen put his hand to his head. ‘I just can’t believe I could be so naïve twice. But, it takes two to tango, I guess. Look, I need to get my head around this. Please – just go. I’ll be in touch.’
Alana went to say something and thought against it. She
Had known the news wouldn’t be taken with outstretched arms and hugs and kisses. But, he hadn’t told her to piss off totally and that was as good as she was going to get for now.
Stephen saw her to the door. He looked at her tummy.
‘Drive carefully, eh?’
She smiled up at him. ‘I will.’
– Chapter Eighteen –
‘Clark! Will you please do as you are told and bring your dirty washing down.’
‘Cissy, no! Squidge is patient but don’t steal his biscuit off him or he will bite you.’
‘Skye, you can’t wear red socks to school, no.’
‘Morning, love.’ Colin Brown appeared at the breakfast table in his suit.
‘Whatever is Kent doing upstairs?’ Joan asked, harassed.
‘He’s still in the toilet, I think.’
‘Right, you lovely lot, breakfast, come on,’ she bawled.
‘Or we’ll be late.’
‘TFI Friday, my sweet, oh and Happy Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t get us a babysitter, so next best thing. We shall have a take-away curry instead.’
‘You old softy – sorry, I had completely forgotten. I love you to your bones – you know that.’ She kissed her husband on the cheek.
‘Right, must go. See you later, you lot. Be good for your mum.’
‘See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya,’ Clark piped up.
‘Daddeeeee.’ Cissy waddled over to him and gave him a squashy kiss.
‘Bye, Skye.’ Colin mucked up her hair. ‘Bye, Kent,’ he shouted up the stairs.
‘Bye, darling wifey.’
‘Can we swap places for the day, please?’ Joan laughed.
‘I will help you tomorrow, darling I promise.’
Inga ran the twins up to the classroom, reddening slightly when she saw Kenny Boy. It wouldn’t have been quite so embarrassing if she hadn’t just opened a Valentine so obviously from him with just the words inside I want to fuck you till you scream. I mean really, where had romance gone?
On seeing his bottom in his tight designer jeans and his quirky beanie hat, she actually was quite up for it again.
He came bounding over to her and stared right into her eyes. ‘Emily mentioned Friday night to you, I take it?’
‘She did, Kenneth,’ Inga replied politely. ‘I can’t make it, I’m afraid, as Gordon needs me.’ She lowered her voice. ‘But, I can be home naked in ten minutes for me to give you a Valentine’s Day treat you’ll never ever forget.’
‘We’ll have to be quick,’ he replied, already hardening in his tight jeans.
‘I’m good at quick – oh, and at screaming,’ she murmured seductively. Loving the power she had over weak, wet Ken.
She swiftly turned around and bumped straight into Alana, who was rushing up the drive with Eliska.
‘So sorry. Oh, hi Alana.’
‘No worries. All OK with you, Inga?’
‘Yes, yes. Thank you.’ God, what was wrong with her? Inga thought. She had never known her ex-boss to be so polite.
Alana was indeed in a good mood. Well, in a mood of hope anyway. Hope that maybe, just maybe, Stephen would want to be with her eventually. Mind you, she had not heard a word since the night she turned up at his house. He had wanted time, and she would be patient and give it to him. She knew it was the only way. She had, however, sent him a single red rose for Valentine’s.
Joan rushed her brood and Rosie into their various classrooms. Cissy was sleeping in the cat basket on the front of her bike, despite the fact she was now far too big for it and her legs hung down precariously. Joan had on her long list of things to do – buy a proper bike seat.
She was seconds away from the Late Book as Mr Chambers appeared. He wore a red bow tie today. He smiled broadly on seeing his favourite mum.
‘May I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day, Joan. The sun is out too. You’d best get your shelf ready for three more cards later.’
‘Great stuff. You have a good day with all those terrors too. At least they can go outside and play in this weather.’
Tommy scooted in under Mr Chambers’ arm.
‘I shall pretend I didn’t notice you, Tommy Knight,’ he called out. ‘Right, in I go. See you later.’
Joan got on her bike and headed off home; rounding the corner, she had to slam on her brakes as Kenneth Pritchard screeched away from the school, nearly knocking her off.
What an earth could be so important to have to drive that fast? she thought.
Joan got back home from the school run, put Cissy down for her morning sleep and made herself a cup of tea. She had got used to replacing her customary biscuit with a piece of fruit and was on a mission to get this weight off her by the summer.
She started to go through the washing pile, sorting whites and emptying pockets. She got to the pair of jeans she had been wearing the night of Weight Busters and pulled out a business card.
Strange. She didn’t remember putting that in there. She screwed up her face and had a good look. On one side it said Charles Lake, Private Detective and a mobile number; on the other, in scribbled handwriting: Maureen’s friend, call me without her knowing, please.
She sat down and took a slurp of her now lukewarm tea. Oh, God, what if he fancied her? I mean, he was such a womaniser. What on earth could he want to speak to her about? Should she ring Mo and just tell her? No, because if he did fancy her, that would just be so terrible. She had only just cleared her head of sleeping with her friend’s son, for goodness sake! Joan had managed to absolve herself of that terrible guilt by realising she was deeply in love with her husband; she also knew that her friend might disown her if she knew.
It was a terrible thing to admit, but she was actually glad that Charlie junior had stolen the Freedom Fund and cleared off out of sight, out of mind and out of ruining her life and those of the people around her. What a mess.
Right, decision made, she would phone him after lunch. If it was anything to do with him fancying her, then she would tell Mo straight away. She couldn’t bear any more deceit.
The doorbell rang. ‘Delivery for Mrs J. Brown,’ the young delivery driver stated, handing over a bouquet of a dozen old-fashioned, beautiful-smelling deep red roses. Happy Valentine’s Day, love read the accompanying card.
‘Silly old sod,’ she said under her breath, knowing they couldn’t really afford to do t
his. But he had done it every year since they’d got together, and Colin was a creature of habit. And, for this, she was actually eternally grateful.
‘Charlie, Charlie Lake? It’s Joan here – Maureen Collins’ friend.’
‘Joan? Oh, yes. Thanks, gel, for calling me back.’
‘How can I help you?’
‘Now seeing as you are so close to young Maureen, well, I wondered if maybe we could meet up.’
‘What for?’
‘I want to talk to you about Maureen. Maureen and her boy.’
Joan crinkled her face up. He knew about Charlie!
‘Can’t we just talk on the phone?’
‘No – it’s not the time or the place at the moment. You live in Denbury, right?’
‘How did you know that?’ Joan quizzed, then suddenly remembered he was a private detective and shut up.
‘Details, details,’ Charlie senior blustered. ‘How about I meet you in Rosco’s at ten-thirty tomorrow? I’ve got to meet another client soon after in Denbury anyway. Maureen will be at work then – right?’
‘Um, I’m not…’ Joan spluttered.
‘Right, see ya then, gel. It won’t take long.’
Dana parked round the back of Rosco’s. Her heart was beating faster than usual. She had never cheated on anyone in her life. The kiss she had shared with Tony had just felt so perfect in the park the other night, but deep down she knew that what she was doing was wrong. She was a one-man woman. Having an affair just wasn’t in her remit.
Once they had been disturbed, she insisted that Tony just walk her home. She had not had any contact with him since.
Now she took a deep breath, walked in the back door and took off her coat. Bruno was in the back room sorting stock.
‘Morning, bella.’ He kissed her on both cheeks. Dana prayed that Tony had managed not to share what had happened with him. It seemed as if he had been discreet, since Bruno said no more.
She put on her apron and walked out into the café. It was already heaving so she set to work clearing tables. Tony, behind the counter preparing coffees, blew her a kiss and gave her a cheeky wink.
Her heart did a loop the loop and ended up in her mouth.
