by Nicola May
‘You look so beautiful with a tan,’ he said.
He put his arms around her and Dana breathed him in. Even without aftershave she just loved his smell.
‘I take it you have come for your P45? I can swap it for a T69 if you like?’ He laughed.
‘Tony, this is serious.’
‘I know, bella, but if I don’t joke I might cry. Did he believe you?’
‘Yes, in the end. But I do have to go.’
‘I know.’
‘It’s so hard, but I think it’s more about Tommy and trying to make a go of it than anything else.’
‘I understand.’
She exhaled loudly. ‘You, you are just so amazing though, Tony Rosco, and I fancy the arse off you. And I can’t believe I am using my head here and not my heart. I am so sorry.’ She started to cry.
‘Oh darling girl, do not cry. It is fine. All I want out of this is for you to be happy, hey?’
She bit her lip and nodded, tears still streaming down her face. ‘I’d better go.’
‘You hear me? Be happy,’ Tony repeated as she disappeared round the bend in the stairs.
He walked out on the roof garden and lit a cigarette. Bruno came out to join him.
‘All right, bro? She’s got you right in the heart, hasn’t she?’
Tony took a large drag of his cigarette and nodded.
‘But when Fabia comes over this week I still think you should make a damn good go of it.’
‘But Fabia is not Dana.’
‘No, but she is equally hot, would never cheat on you – and she worships the floor you walk on.’
Bruno then scooted off downstairs, leaving Tony deep in thought.
The Indian waiter delivered another large gin and tonic to Gordon.
‘I really can’t believe this is happening.’
‘Nor can I, and I am so sorry.’ Inga bit into her poppadom.
‘I do understand though. I mean, the thought of facing the wrath of Preachy Knickers every day. I have to say it still makes me laugh that she came at you with a custard pie.’
‘I know,’ Inga laughed hard. ‘But it’s terrible too. I am such a slut. That poor woman. Hardly anyone saw her do it, I don’t think, and as I quickly went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, there was no real big scene.’
‘You must fill me in,’ Gordon said eagerly. ‘With you going away over Easter I’ve missed out on the goss. So, any word from Kenny Boy since?’
‘I thought I told you, he sent a massive long text saying how sorry he was but he would obviously not be seeing me further and was making a go of it with his wife. They had been having problems anyway and are now going to Relate.’
‘I can’t believe he told her in the first place. I guess it was him and she just wasn’t assuming?’
‘He must have had a massive guilt trip. I mean, how else would she have found out? His life will be a living hell now.’
‘So tell me about this Marcin then?’
‘He’s Polish like me, very tall, very sexy and I like him a lot.’
‘So, when is our last goodbye then?’
‘It’s going to have to be this weekend. His building contract starts on Monday, he has sorted us a studio flat to rent, and his boss needs me from then too.’
‘Good timing though, in light of the situation. I will miss you so much, my lovely, and so will the girls.’
‘I’m only going to be thirty miles away, so we will still see each other. I will make sure of that.’
‘How many children will you be looking after?’
‘Just the one – it will be like a holiday.’ Inga laughed. ‘So what are you going to do about looking after the girls?’
‘I’ve got a week off, which is good. Then, I’m thinking about asking Robbie. At least Lily and Lola know him already.’
‘Really? Are you sure?’
‘Oh, don’t. Why are you saying it like that?’
‘There’s something about him, Gordy. I can’t put my finger on it, but I really don’t like or trust him.’
‘That’s the trouble. I quite fancy putting my fingers in him again.’
‘You are so vile, Gordon Summers, but that is why I think I love you just a little bit less than Marcin. Please, think carefully,’ she added, genuinely worried. ‘Maybe use Robbie as a stopgap, but that is all.’
‘You are so wise for your young years sometimes, girl.’
‘Not so wise to sleep with a married man and have to move counties, is it?’
‘We all make mistakes and learn from them,’ Gordon said kindly.
‘So please don’t make one with Robbie.’
‘I promise I won’t. Now come on – let’s order a bottle of wine and stuff our faces with tandoori chicken.’
‘I forgot how much I loved it here.’ Alana tipped her head back into the London sunshine and took in the river view.
‘It is lovely, isn’t it? We haven’t done this for such a long time,’ Stephen added.
‘It’s almost a date.’ Alana smiled at her tall, auburn-haired companion and couldn’t quite believe they still hadn’t had sex even though they could now do so without guilt.
‘It’s also nice to be able to talk without your mother either listening or butting in,’ Stephen said. He ordered drinks from the hovering waiter.
‘Don’t be hard on her. I hate to admit it, but despite her mad old foibles she has been a complete brick. See, another thing in my life I have you to thank for.’
‘Bloody amazing, me.’ Stephen chuckled.
‘You are,’ Alana said quietly.
‘You might not think so in a minute.’
‘Oh no – what? Just tell me, Stephen. I’ve been waiting to have the conversation about us and Eliska for so long now.’
The waiter delivered the drinks to the table and Alana took a large swig of her gin and tonic.
‘OK, I’m not going beat about the bush here.’ Stephen looked her in the eyes. ‘I’m moving to Cyprus.’
Alana felt as if acid had just been poured through her veins. Stephen saw the pain in her face.
‘No, no. I don’t want to leave you both. I want you to come with me. Start a new life.’
‘But…’
‘Hear me out on this one, Alana. My plan was always to retire at fifty out there anyway. Susan’s sister has a few villas that she rents out, but it is getting too much for her, so I have bought three of them from her. The intention is to live in the best one and live off the rental income from the other two. SM Public Relations will stay alive, my second-in-command is to become the MD and I will just advise and be involved in the big stuff.’
‘Wow, that does sound like a-dream-come-true stuff, but where do I fit in?’
‘You fit in with me, Alana. Taking this time away from you recently has given me a chance to have a long, hard think. I will always love Susan, and you’ll have to bear with me on the grief front, but you’ve changed. Since losing the baby and taking time out from your work, you have shown me a different side to you. And I like it.’ He leaned over and took her hand. ‘In fact, I love you, Lani.’
Tears pricked her eyes.
‘It is a big decision for me,’ she said quietly. ‘I mean, what will I do for work? And what about uprooting Eliska from school, and her quality of life in a different country?’
‘You can help me with the villa rentals or see what else suits you. If you work within the tourist industry, being an English speaker is fine. And knowing you, you’ll be bi-lingual before you know it. There are a lot of schools for ex-pats – and what better for a little girl than to learn a new language and culture. She’s young enough to adapt and such a sprightly little thing, I’m sure she’ll love it.’
Alana took another large swig of drink. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘ “Yes” might be good,’ Stephen told her.
‘When are you thinking of going?’
‘As soon as possible, so I can be around for the main holiday season. I already have a tena
nt moving into the Chiswick house at the end of the month.’
‘I need to think about it. It’s a massive upheaval. I mean, I have my house to think about too, plus schools for Eliska. And my job, of course. And yes, even Mother. Plus, I’m forgetting one small point. We still haven’t told our daughter that you are her father. She adores you now.’
‘So, it’s a perfect time to tell her. To begin our new lives together. And I will, of course, help you with everything. You are not alone now, angel.’
When Alana looked pained, he said gently, ‘Anyone would think you’d had bad news. Not the offer of being a kept woman in a beautiful foreign country.’
‘I’ve never wanted to be a kept woman, you know that,’ Alana snapped.
‘Sorry, wrong words – you know what I mean though. Come on, let’s order some food, have a nice time, and you can think about this later.’
Alana drained her glass. Wasn’t this what she had been longing for? A life with Stephen McNair. But now it was on a plate in front of her, she just wasn’t quite sure.
– Chapter Twenty Four –
‘I am so sorry for your loss.’ Dana caught Mo as she was just walking through the school gates.
‘Thank you, Dana. Ron went a lot quicker than we all thought he would. So he didn’t suffer too badly.’
‘Here, this is for you. When all has settled, you can take a little bit of time out for yourself.’
It was a voucher for the beauticians at the top of Denbury High Street.
‘Aw, thanks Dana, that’s lovely of you.’
‘And my offer of any childcare, et cetera. is still there, so don’t be a martyr.’
‘I won’t – and thanks again.’
Emily Pritchard, custard-pie thrower, swanned up the drive wearing one of her minuscule summer dresses.
‘Well, he was a drinker, you know – overweight too, so what did she expect?’ She spurted over to one of the other mothers dressed for the catwalk. Joan was pushing her bike behind her and overheard the spiteful remark. She was so angry that she made sure the front wheel went straight into Preachy’s leg.
‘Arrggh! Oh my God, you clumsy cow, that really hurt – and if that rubs off my fake tan...’
‘Oh, shut up whining!’ Joan snapped. ‘At least Mo’s husband kept his cock in his trousers.’
Gordon had overheard this and gave Joan the biggest kiss. ‘You go, girl. When is the funeral, by the way?’
‘Tomorrow. Why, are you thinking of going?’
‘No, not at all. I was going to offer to see if Mo needed any help with any school runs.’
‘You are a love, Gordon.’
‘I do my best, Joanie, I do my pitiful best.’ He waved his arm in the air camply.
‘Sorry to hear you’ve lost Inga.’
‘I know, we all miss her so much. But she’s found love and she needed to get out of here, you know that.’
‘So what are you going to do when you fly now?’
At that moment, Robbie appeared up the drive with Eliska. ‘There’s just the man,’ Gordon added. ‘I’d better grab him. See you later, sweetie.’
‘Hello, stranger.’ Robbie smiled sexily.
‘Hello you.’
Eliska ran off to the playground to meet Joshua P.
‘So to what do I owe this pleasure? I mean, last time you virtually kicked me down the stairs.’
‘Slight exaggeration, but yeah, sorry. I was caught in a moment that’s all, and have kinda been missing your kissing. I want to talk to you about the girls too.’
‘I’m around tonight, say the Featherstone Arms at eight?’
‘Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll sort a babysitter. See you later.’
Dana sat on the side of the bath and felt the terrible irony of it all. After all these years of wanting another baby, now she wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted at all.
Mo put her handbag on the kitchen table and flicked the kettle on. She couldn’t have coped without Dr Anderson’s help and support. He had not only guided her through the whole funeral process, she would be eternally grateful that he had also lent her two thousand pounds for the funeral costs. Which, he said, she could pay back at just fifty pounds a month, interest free.
In fact, she had been overwhelmed by everyone’s love and generosity. Even Charlie had taken the week off from his new job and was helping around the house.
She went upstairs to see if she had anything smart and black lurking in the wardrobe. She had a black hat if nothing else. Her hat box was on the top shelf. She jumped up to push it to the edge so she could reach it, and in doing so knocked it flying down on the floor. The hat flew onto her dressing-table, along with a white envelope addressed: To my beautiful wife.
Sitting on the bed, she hungrily ripped open the envelope.
My dear darling Mo,
Unless you’ve decided to wear your black hat for some other occasion, which I very much doubt, you are reading this because I am no longer with you and haven’t had the chance to say this to you face to face.
Quite simply, I love you – and even through our darkest days I always have. Our life wasn’t a bad life to start with and I hope I made you happy back then. The regret I have for how I behaved when I did lose my job is immense, and do you know what – I deserved to die young for the way I treated you. And knowing that I have left you no money to carry on with now makes me feel physically sick.
You are quite simply a beautiful woman, Mo. You always have been. Size 8 to18. Some of the things I remember I said to you in my alcoholic state were just so cruel, so unthinkably cruel. All I can say is, I am truly, deeply sorry.
And now to our kids. The beautiful little Rosie and the handsome rogue, Charlie. I know that Rosie wasn’t made in a love – filled haze by any means, but the joy that little girl has given me has made my short life worth every second. I don’t have to say ‘look after her’ because I know that you are the best mother any child could ever wish for; one of the many other reasons I loved you so much.
Now, to Charlie. This is the hard part but I didn’t want to go to my grave with you not knowing, and I hope it makes you think more of me than you probably do.
I have always known he wasn’t mine. Even when he was a little bump in your tummy. It would have been an immaculate conception – even I as a mere bloke worked that one out. But I loved you, Mo, loved you so much that I wanted to take you and your baby on. I couldn’t bear not to have you in my life and after all you had been through growing up, I knew you deserved and needed security and love.
Tears poured down Mo’s cheeks as she read on.
And when that beautiful little dark-haired boy appeared, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t mine. All I knew was that he needed a dad and that was going to be me, to the best of my ability. You may/may not know who the father is, but my blessing is with you Mo. If you want to tell Charlie that I wasn’t his dad and encourage him to find his real father, then that is fine by me. He gets the best of both worlds then, eh? And who knows, you might just find love again too.
Find happiness, Mo, and love and a person who will look after you properly.
I failed you but I always loved you, loved you with all my heart.
Yours forever, Ron x
Mo wiped her eyes roughly with her hand, folded the letter and tucked it into her knicker drawer.
That was it. She would get herself through the stress of the funeral and then tell Charlie the truth. There were to be no more secrets in this house, and if he did take off, she would just have to trust the strength of a son’s love for him not to stay angry with her forever.
It was a really warm April night and the beer garden at the Featherstone Arms was heaving.
Gordon waited nervously for Robbie to appear with their drinks.
‘So, if I get you right, you are asking me to be a sort of housekeeper for the girls? I ain’t no au-pair, love – my dressing – up days are long gone,’ Robbie told him.
‘Not a housekeeper, but if I could pu
t in your diary when I am flying and you could be available to do school runs, feed the kids and babysit when I’m not around, that would be such a help. It would, of course, be a stopgap until I can get another au pair as I know you have a busy life. I won’t go through Bebops and can pay you cash. And I wouldn’t expect you to move in.’
‘Hmm, and what might my extra benefits be – and you know I’m not talking holiday pay.’
‘You’re a bad man, Robbie.’ Gordon had a sudden thought. ‘Do you know what? I don’t even know your surname, and that’s outrageous. I know the intimate parts of your body but not who you really are.’
‘Who’s the slut now? It’s Williams, anyway.’
‘Shut the fuck up!’ Gordon exclaimed. ‘You are joking.’
‘No, my mum had a thing for him and that was it – she married a Williams and called her firstborn Robbie. Just a shame I don’t have his money.’
‘So, what do you reckon?’
‘Let’s give it a go. As long as I know in advance, which you say I will, I can organise any other work and fit stuff around the Youth Centre.’
‘Brilliant. The girls are with their grandparents tonight, so I have a free house too.’
‘Ooh – payment in kind in advance! I like that idea. Sod eating, let’s get these down us and go back to yours.’
Mo woke to the rain bashing against her bedroom window and the awful realisation that today she was cremating her husband. Somehow it always seemed worse sending someone off in the rain and she hoped it would brighten up by eleven.
She had given Rosie the choice of whether she wanted to come or not but Rosie was insistent that she wanted to be part of the day. She realised it would be sad but she wanted to be there for her mum, and she said that she could hold her big brother’s hand in case he was sad too.
The Collins family looked a very sad, but smart trio as they left the house and got into the funeral car that was waiting for them to follow Ron in the hearse to the crematorium.
The service was short but very nice, even though there weren’t that many good things that the vicar could spout on about Ron’s recent life. Charlie was a complete angel throughout, looking after his mum and guiding Rosie through the service and wiping her tears away with the tissues he had brought.
