Her Love Ran Crimson (Crimson Series)

by Zoey Foster

  It takes me about an hour and a half to clean everything up. I fall onto my bed to take a quick break before I start my homework. When I pull out my folder a folded up piece of paper falls out with my name written on it. I just sit there and stare at it. I don’t even want to touch it. I don’t know who it is from and I am terrified Dixon slipped it into my bag at the coffee shop.

  It doesn’t look like Dixon’s writing, so after a moment of hesitation I pick it up. I carefully open it as if I open it too fast something might pop out and hurt me. With fumbling fingers, I open it making sure to keep it in tact and not rip the creases. I immediately scan to the bottom to see if it is signed by anybody. I am shocked when I see it’s signed by Jase. Now I am more nervous than before to read it. Jase is the only one who could hurt me now. I expect it from Frank and Dixon, but not Jase.

  It's hard to explain

  The truth is I'm nervous

  To explain how I feel

  There’s too few of words

  To describe how real

  Imagine a mountain

  Coming up at your heels

  Coming so quickly

  It would feel so surreal

  See that's it right there

  The idea is crazy

  It's cannot be true

  Or could it maybe

  Be that nothing makes sense

  There’s nothing I could say

  And just random rambling

  Can get you to stay

  So in terms of my words

  I look at where I've landed

  And although completely absurd

  I hope you can understand it

  I reread the words on the page. I am having a hard time accepting these feeling he has thrown at me because it feels so different to me. I use to get along with nearly everyone, but after the incident every one turned their back on me and completely disconnected from me. To say Jase makes emotions run crazy in me when he says things like this is an understatement. I want to believe him with ever fiber in my being. He hasn’t done anything to make me think different. He is always there when I need someone. It’s like he just gets me and it’s nice.

  I shoot him a quick text. Nothing much since I will see him at school tomorrow, but just to let him know I got his letter. I keep typing words and erasing them. Nothing sounds good. God, how did it get this bad that I don’t even know what to text somebody? I finally type something and it doesn’t sound too bad so I hit send before I can delete it again.

  Me: I found a letter from you in my backpack. How in the heck did that get in there? Thanks for the lift up :).

  I stare at my phone wondering if he is going to text me back or if he is busy doing something else. He texts me back before I can even finish my thought.

  Jase: Glad you found it. I hope it put a smile on your face :)

  Me: It did and, once again, your timing is impeccable. Thanks for the smile, See ya at school tomorrow! G’night.

  Jase: Um…Timing? Ok, hope you’re feeling better and I PROMISE you’ll have a better day tomorrow! Night.

  I stare at my phone trying to figure out how tomorrow will be better. I wonder if he has something up his sleeve. I am anxious to see what he means, but also excited to see what he might have planned. I never thought I would think this before. Anticipating the next day is a new one, but it’s a sweet feeling. I didn’t notice before, but my cheeks hurt a little because I am smiling more than I have in a very long time and it’s starting to numb the pain a fraction.

  ****

  I fly through my homework knowing the faster I get it done the faster I can get to sleep. I can’t stop thinking about Jase all night. I am trying to keep my cool, but I am dying to know what he has planned. I just hope I’m not a “save the damaged girl” project for him. I don’t know what I would do if he had some certain agenda. Then I think about his gentle green eyes and the many times I have seen the sincerity in them. The effort he puts in is a constant reminder to just try and live in the moment.

  All the bad things that have happened and could possibly happen are beginning to fade. I don’t want to continue to live with always feeling like something is going to happen to me because if or when it does I don’t want to regret the time I have wasted trying to please everyone and never succeeding. Never letting myself have some sort of joy. In a way I feel that I deserve this little bit of pleasure in life. I don’t ever want to be the poor girl people pity. I’m strong and have made it this far in my life. Most times it is easy for me to feel like giving up and, believe me, I have many times. With Jase in the picture he makes it difficult to think of never seeing his eyes and smile again, so I go to bed tonight thinking of tomorrow and what it is going to be like. What he can possibly do to ensure I have a better day because I want that more than anything with the tiring days I’ve been dealing with in the last couple of weeks.

  I have been bruised at the hands of Frank and stalked which resulted in stitches. I am constantly on edge. I’m a mess and I know this. I know I have to make things right when I get out of here and never live like this again. I would rather die than to live this life again. I just hope everything will be worth it in the end. If I can just make it out alive without Frank taking me down like he has promised so many times. Everything will be worth it and I know my mother wouldn’t want it any other way. I know she is rooting for me as she tries to guide me along the way to where I need to be. Freedom I know doesn’t come without a price. I am just so scared to know what that price is.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The alarm startles me awake. I have never wanted out of this bed so bad in my entire life. I jump up, grab some clothes, and head to the bathroom. I am excited to get to school and see what Jase is planning. I make my way to the bathroom not caring if I am making too much noise or if I wake up Frank. Today I woke up wanting to live, so screw Frank if he wakes up.

  Once I am showered and dressed, I look in the mirror. I have a glow in my face. I’m not much for a lot of makeup and only own the staples, lip gloss and mascara. I am pretty simple when it comes to getting ready, but I do take an unusual amount of time trying to tame my wild hair. After battling my frizz and trying to keep it to a minimum I grab my bag and dash out of my room hoping nothing stops me on my way out of the door.

  I haven’t seen Frank since he decided to trash my room and I really don’t feel like dealing with that today or ever for that matter. I want to avoid as many confrontations with him as possible. I know I have to just do what he asks and stop making it such a huge deal when he asks me to do things. I do know those are the rules while I live here and it will just make things easier and keep him off my case. It will also make it safer for Jase and I and in the end. That’s the most important thing.

  I go into the kitchen to grab something to eat on my way to school, so I don’t have to stop for coffee this morning. I want to get to school as fast as possible today. When I turn around from grabbing something out of the cabinet I see Frank sitting at the table reading the newspaper and drinking his coffee as silent as can be. We don’t talk unless it’s needed, so I just act like any other day and head out of the kitchen, so I can get out before he opens his mouth. Too bad I wasn’t fast enough.

  “Where are you off to in such a hurry this morning? You’re lucky I don’t have anything for you to do.”

  “I have a test this morning, I want to stop by the school library to do a little more studying before I take it. See ya.” I start to leave again, but once again he talks so I stop and listen.

  “Okay, just make sure you’re home right after school because I will have some things for you to do. 3:15 and no later. You got it?”

  I roll my eyes. “Sure. Not a problem. I’ll come right home.” This time I do make it out of the house without another word and make my way to school.

  As I pull into the parking lot of school I scan the lot for Jase’s car. I see it over in a corner, so I drive up to the spot next to him and park. I look over and see him sitting in his car on his phone. I d
on’t like what I see, though. He is visibly upset yelling into his phone. He notices me watching him .I give him a small wave and wonder if I should get out and go over to him.

  He ends his call and tosses his phone on to the other seat. Then he gets out of his car and heads over to my car and opens my door. I grab my stuff and hop out, and he instantly hugs me. I get this strange feeling like something is up and he doesn’t want me to know. This could just be me being paranoid, so I push it to the back of my head. “Hi. You okay?” Cars are starting to pile in through the gates, so I take a few steps away from him. I still get a little uncomfortable when people see us together.

  “Yeah, everything is fine. It was just my dad. He wants me to come to dinner at his house, but I told him no. I don’t want to be anywhere near his new flavor of the month. She’s only a couple of years older than me and I know she only likes him for his money. I refuse to be around it any longer. That’s the reason I moved into my mom’s house. I’m tired of seeing the revolving door of endless gold diggers coming through, but I’m fine. Ready for the day?” he asks a little too fast.

  I follow him to get his stuff out of his car. He pulls out two paper cups of coffee from my favorite joint and hands one to me. I grab it and smile at him. “Thanks! How did you know I didn’t have any this morning? You might have just saved a person’s life if they came at me wrong today.” I chuckle as I try to make a joke, and take a sip of my drink.

  He locks up his car and, as we head toward the school, he grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. It feels great. It’s like he is trying to let me know he is there and is giving me the support I need. The second he squeezes my hand it quickly sends tingles up my arm and straight to my heart. Just the simple touch by him sends my heart into overdrive. I have never had this feeling before with anybody and now I know what I have been missing out on. I relax and just go with it. I stand a little taller with the little bit of strength that I feel from that simple gesture.

  We walk through the doors of our school and head to my locker. He stops me on the walk there.

  “Can you wait here for a second? I need to get something from my locker.”

  “Okay.” So I wait there while I assume he needs to grab his books and look around uncomfortably. I feel so naked without him next to me. It’s like I don’t know what to do with my hands again. I put my hands together and just have them clasped in front of me not wanting to fidget around and look as uncomfortable as I feel. Once Jase comes back over to me, he looks like something is up. He has this mischievous grin plastered all over his face. “Why are you looking at me like that? What are you hiding?” I stop and stand not letting him pass me as I try to figure out what is going on. I look behind his back and try and catch a glimpse of what he is hiding.

  “Oh, you aren’t going to find it behind my back, but I promise you will get it soon. It has to be the right time. Just be patient.”

  Patient, yeah I can do that. I think not. I have been waiting forever to feel this good and now that I’m finally living somewhat like a normal teen I don’t know how to wait for surprises. All I can think about is how I wait for Frank to be mad at me and Dixon to come back and take me again. I shake my head dismissing the thoughts, not wanting to ruin this day. I just smile. “Okay, patient. I think I can handle that. Let’s get to class, so we aren’t late and we can prepare for the test,” I say starting to walk to class.

  “Wait we have a test today?”

  I look at him and begin to panic for him. “Um, yeah Mr. Shultz has been talking about it for the last two weeks. This counts for half our grade. Hurry and let’s get there so I can go over some stuff with you.” I tug his arm, trying to make him walk faster so I can figure out how prepared or unprepared he is. All of a sudden he starts laughing loudly. I can’t figure out if he is laughing at me or if I said something funny. I don’t like being laughed at. Talked about and trashed is one thing, but to be made fun of is a whole new subject I hate to visit. He obviously notices the look on my face and walks up and takes my face carefully in his hands.

  “Maddie, I was just joking. Sorry. Shit, I didn’t want to make you feel bad. I studied all night. I’m gonna to do fine.”

  He starts kissing my temple making his way down my cheek bone until he reaches my nose and plants a soft gentle kiss on the tip of it. I relax a little bit. I can take a joke. God, Maddie, get it together. I curse myself in my head. Then he plants the softest of kisses on my lips leaving me wanting more and I am saddened that I have to break it off as a teacher is walking by. I nervously step back smoothing my hair down and wiping my bottom lip with my thumb. Jase smiles at me and he grabs my hand and we walk stopping at my locker first and then finally making it to class.

  We settle in our seats. “Are you sure you’re ready for the test. We can go over it if you want,” I say as I flip papers over in my binder looking for the notes.

  “I’m fine. I told you, I studied all night. I know this like the back of my hand. You good?” he asks as he leans back in his chair like this is going to be a piece of cake.

  “Yeah. This stuff is actually really easy for me,” I say. I need to know this or I will fail this class and never get out of here. I need good grades, so when I find out where I’m going I can find a college for me to start over at. I glance at my phone and see I still have ten minutes before class starts, so I decide to finish up my coffee before the bell rings and just relax. I haven’t forgotten about Jase though and that he has something for me.

  After class is over I am feeling really good about how I did on the test. I make a stop at my locker before the next class. When I turn away from locker, Jase is holding a small pink gift bag, I stare at it wondering what could be inside such a tiny bag. I don’t ever get gifts anymore. Not for birthdays or Christmas, so I am a little taken back that he would get something for me without any occasion. My heart is thudding in my chest so hard that I am sure it shows through my shirt.

  “Here, it’s nothing big, but when I saw it, it just said, Maddie, so I grabbed it. Okay, open it,” he says, nudging the bag toward me.

  Excitement blazes in his eyes and he has a huge grin plastered on his face. I grab the bag slowly, and carefully start removing the tissue paper. When I get to the bottom there is a tiny blue box that I lift out. I look back and forth from the box to Jase. He is bouncing on his toes in anticipation. I open the top and am stunned when I see what’s in the box. It’s a silver charm bracelet filled with charms. I lift it out of the box so I can look at it closer. Every charm has an inspirational word on it. They say Strength, Courage, Live, Learn, Love, and Embrace. Every single one of these words has a special and deep meaning to me. I wish I was each one of these words. Every word has a story and I understand why this would stick out for him and he would want me to have this. He has been rooting for me since he laid eyes on me. I knew it, but I didn’t believe it until last night.

  I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to let him into my life. At what point do I tear down the wall and believe not everyone is going to crush my world. I have to break the cycle sometime and right now seems better that any. I could let him in and still be cautious. Ultimately, I am the one who is in charge of my heart. I need to build it up and take responsibility for who hurts me. I can only get hurt if I let it happen. There is no harm in having a little fun and giving in once and a while.

  “Maddie? So do you…um…like it? I mean if you absolutely hate it I can return it. Is it too much?” Jase asks as he backs up a couple steps.

  I have no words for him. I am speechless, so I do the next best thing. I rush over to where he has backed up to and jump in his arms and smash my mouth on his. I hold onto him with everything I have and whisper in his ear, “Thank you, so much. It’s beautiful. I love it.” I don’t care who is watching. I am embracing the new me that is trying so desperately to shine. The smile Jase is proudly wearing is lighting up the hall. It electrifies me and I couldn’t be happier right here in this moment.

  “I did promi
se you a better day, not just a moment. Let’s get class out of the way, so we can hang during nutrition and figure out a plan to be able to hang out more. I have a few tricks up my sleeve,” he says as we walk hand in hand together to class. “Jase, this is a better day. You have already done enough. You don’t have to do anything else. This was amazing.” We make our way down the hall. For once I am fulfilled.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A week has gone by, and the new me is coming out more and more every day. It feels good to let go of the emotional damage that consumes me and takes over my life. To take things day by day and not let the small things get to me is something I have never done. I ignore the stares and the whispers. I don’t even pay attention to them anymore. I am floating in this world with Jase. I only focus on the good things that are around me. I have been trying like mad to upset Frank or let him down with his business, making sure to keep the attention off of me so I can do things I want to do when he is done using me for his running around. I hate doing it, but in the end there are just a short few weeks left until I turn eighteen and get out of here where he can’t find me. What he doesn’t know is my mom left me a lot of money and I have hidden it well. I can disappear. I have never even said these words out loud or ever really think about them scared he can read my thoughts and will trick me into telling him.