Afterlife

by Claudia Gray

  I’d expected Christopher to protest, or throw some ice — storm tantrum to keep me here, but instead he kept gazing at the scorpion as it skittered upon the sand. “Go,” he said. “I am weary.”

  Watching Mrs. Bethany’s death — even as a long — distant memory — had been as hard for him as it had been for me to see Lucas die. I put one hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for showing me.”

  “Go,” he said, more quietly, and placed his face in his hands.

  I concentrated on a place, on the records room, and traveled through the blue until it materialized around me. Patrice was up there alone, studying her German; she started when I appeared, but only for a second. “Hey, there you are. Lucas was getting worried.”

  “I’m going to him right away,” I promised, going to the loose brick in the wall and retrieving my bracelet from behind it. When I’d put it around my wrist, I took completely solid form and felt an enormous wave of relief. “I just need a second to be … less ghostly. If that makes sense.”

  “Whatever works,” Patrice said, not unkindly. “But he’s got a test this afternoon, remember? He’ll do better if he knows you’re around and okay.”

  “I know it.” Though I hated to give up the bracelet so soon, I decided I’d better. “Okay, fine. Come with me?”

  “Sure. I have to head down to class anyway.”

  I trailed behind her as vapor the whole way down the stairs. “Could you keep out of my hair, please?” she muttered. “You’re awfully damp sometimes. I’ll frizz.”

  “This isn’t easy. you know.”

  “Neither is fixing my hair.”

  I wanted to laugh, but just then — as we were reentering the classroom area — we heard the commotion. People shouting, shoes squeaking against the floor, the thud of a body against the waH — “A fight,” Patrice said.

  “Lucas.” I knew it without having to be told.

  Patrice ran, me above her, until we reached the fracas. Sure enough, Lucas and Samuel were on the floor, grappling with each other, their noses bloody.

  “I said,” Lucas rasped, “leave her alone.”

  “You want her for yourself, huh? Is that what you want?” Samuel’s sick grin made it clear that he Wasn’t talking about flirtation. Whatever human Samuel had been picking on — and Lucas had been defending — was a!J too appetizing as an evening snack. I realized who it must have been when Skye, amid the crowd, threw one of her books at Samuel, but he dodged it easily. “Hit me a little harder, and she’s yours, man. Take what you want.”

  Lucas head — butted the guy, so hard that Samuel flopped back, stunned. Groggily, a hand to his forehead, Lucas said, “Mostly I just want you to shut up.”

  The laughing crowd around us went very quiet, parting to allow Mrs. Bethany to sweep into the middle of this. She looked so different to me now that I had seen her younger, human, in love, alive. And yet she was still Mrs. Bethany, made of starched lace and long skirts and chilly authority. The fight scene got no more reaction from her than a raised eyebrow. “Mr. Ross. Mr. Younger. I take it You’ve settled this matter between yourselves?”

  “Yeah, it’s settled.” Lucas got to his feet, somewhat unsteadily, and dabbed at his nose with his sleeve. Samuel continued to glare up at him, like he might tackle him anew whether the headmistress was watching or not.

  “Mr. Younger?” Mrs. Bethany repeated. “I hope I won’t have to undertake any .. . disciplinary action. I suspect you wouldn’t care for my methods.”

  “Yeah,” Samuel said, which wasn’t exactly an answer, but he rose and slouched off without another word.

  As everyone else went about their business, scattering from Mrs. Bethany like leaves in a strong gale, I wanted to talk to Lucas — but Skye was a little faster, reaching him before I had a chance to say a word. “Thanks for standing up for me.”

  “No prob.”

  She had a crooked sort of smile that somehow made her beauty more approachable. How come my funny smile only made me look silly? “You’re kind of like a one — man SWAT team, you know. Who would ‘ve thought anybody would need so much rescuing in high school?”

  Skye was only making a joke, but it obviously struck a chord for Lucas. He took her arm by the elbow and said, “We’ ve gotta talk.”

  “Our test is starting in five minutes — and don’t you need to clean up after the fight?”

  “Forget cleaning up. Forget the test. This is important.”

  I followed them back into the stairwell; Patrice cast a worried glance after us but didn’t try to join them. Good thing, too, because she probably would’ve freaked out. Knowing Lucas as I did, I knew what he was about to say — and I thought it was a good idea.

  It was time to tell Skye the truth.

  “What’s up?” Skye’s expression clouded as they stood together in the stairwell, light from the narrow arched window illuminating her dark hair. “Are you finally going to talk about what’s wrong with you?”

  Lucas grew wary. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re just so … angry,” she whispered, her voice gentle. “So angry about everything, all the time. I’m not saying you’re wrong to be angry, but Lucas — it’s burning you up inside. What is it? Can you tell me?”

  If she’d tried to hint or trick it out of him, Lucas would never have spoken. But simple honesty always broke down his barriers. “My girlfriend, 171 Bianca . . . she died last summer. I still love her. I always will.”

  The truth, if not the whole truth, and it had the power to warm and thrill me all over again. What surprised me was the power that it had over Skye; her pale blue eyes instantly welled with tears. “I lost somebody this summer, too. My older brother.”

  “Oh, jesus.” Lucas was clearly caught off guard. “Skye, I’m sorry.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Believe me, I get it. I might hide the anger better than you do, but sometimes I just want to . . .” Skye breathed out in frustration but managed to smile for him as she wiped away one tear. “Was Bianca just — amazing? I bet she was amazing.”

  Lucas’s expression faltered. Talking about me in the past tense reminded him of my death and brought the pain back. “You have no idea.”

  “If it helps any, I believe — no, I know — the dead aren’t truly gone.” She spoke with the deep assurance that could only have come from growing up in a haunted house. Skye knew about the undead, at least on that level. “They watch us. They’re close by. And I think they realize how much we love them, maybe more than they did when they were alive.”

  As Skye finished saying this, I took the risk of brushing, gently, against Lucas’s hand. I saw him straighten, reassured of my presence and safety, and yet more emotional than before. “I believe that, too.”

  “She’d want you to be happy,” Skye said. “Not angry all the time.”

  Tm trying.” I knew Lucas was speaking to me as much as to Skye.

  They just watched each other for a second, struggling for composure. After swallowing hard, Skye managed to say, “So, what did you want to tell me?”

  “This school is dangerous, Skye. Everywhere around here is dangerous. You have to watch yourself.”

  “Yeah, I kinda got that after the time those weird old gang members fired an arrow at me. What kind of gang uses crossbows?”

  Lucas took a step closer and looked her straight in the eyes. Through the one crescent — shaped window, afternoon sunlight flooded in, turning his hair pure gold. “No, I mean it. Some of the students here — they’re not just students.”

  She folded her arms. “You mean, they’re also enormous dickweeds?”

  “I mean. they’re vampires.”

  Skye stared at Lucas. Lucas stared right back at her. I wondered if she would scream, or ask questions, or just run like hell out of the school. Instead she burst into laughter.

  As Lucas pulled back, startled, she gasped, “You almost had me!”

  “Skye — ”

  “It’s okay, I get it.” Her giggles almost masked her
words. “We were getting way too heavy for people who need to think about calculus. Thanks for making me laugh. I needed it.”

  Lucas struggled for words, then surrendered. “Anytime.”

  “Come on, let’s get to class.” Skye headed for the door. Lucas glanced back, and I shimmered slightly in the light, so he’d know I was near. His bashful smile was the best welcome — home I could have had.

  Of course I wanted to tell Lucas about Mrs. Bethany, but it could wait. Lucas’s dedication to his studies this semester might be mostly a way of distracting himself from pain, but that was a good reason to respect it. I supposed it wouldn’ t hurt to wait forty — five minutes.

  Not everybody could be as disciplined about waiting for the right time to speak, though. As I settled back into the records room upstairs, alone and ready to spend a little more quality time wearing my bracelet, someone else decided to pay me a visit.

  “Well, if it isn ‘t the prom queen of the dead,” Maxie said. I sat up, startled; she’d materialized across the room, and I’d been so deep in thought I hadn’t noticed. She was back in her flowing nightdress, like I was back in my usual pajamas. “Tell me, what’s it like to be so special that the rules don’t apply to youT’ “Awful,” I said. “It means even people you thought were your friends don’t like you.”

  Maxie hesitated. She ducked her head, so that her cropped hair fell into her eyes, slightly blocking our view. “I like you,” she said in a small voice.

  “Sometimes you don’t act like it.”

  “We have to make choices,” she said. For the first time since I’d known her, she sounded more like an adult than a petulant child. “We have to recognize that we’re dead.”

  “I get that. Trust me.”

  “Vampires are our enemies.”

  “Maybe that’s true most of the time,” I admitted, thinking of Mrs. Bethany, “but it’s not true for Lucas. Or for Baltl1azar, or Patrice, or Ranulf.

  Why do you keep trying to create these black — and — white categories? Why are you looking at what everyone is, instead of who they are?”

  “It helps,” she whispered. “When you’re not alive but not totally dead — it can feel like everything is gray. You want black. You want white.”

  “I know.” And I did.

  At that moment, the door opened, and Vic and Ranulf walked in. They had lunch period now. “Wait, wait,” Vic was saying. “You got Cristina Del Valle to go to the Autumn Ball with you? How did you work that? She’s the hottest girl in school.”

  “I am wise in the ways of comely maidens,” Ranulf said. Then they both stopped as they saw me — and, I realized, Maxie, who hadn’t made herself invisible in time and now seemed to be too startled to do so, or anything else but gape at them.

  Quickly, I said, “Maxie, obviously you already know Vic, but have you met Ranulf?”

  “Still more wraiths,” Ranulf said. He’d been uneasy about socializing with me at first, after my deatl1, but it only took him a second to get past it now. “Welcome. Will you be here often? If so, please do not frost too many of the seating places. Bianca often leaves them too cold to be of use to others.”

  “Hey!” I protested, but Ranulf suddenly seemed very interested in the Elvis posters.

  Vic just kept staring at Maxie. She’d interacted with him throughout his life, but always invisibly; this had to be the first time he’d ever actually seen her. “Wow,” he said. “Uh, wow. Hey there.”

  “Hello,” Maxie whispered. I knew that was the first word she’d ever spoken to him. She’d crossed the line — the one she didn’t want me to cross, and I liked it. Was she starting to think for herself? To understand that the lines between vampire, wraith, and human were as blurry as the ones betveen life and death?

  “Do you want to .. . hang out for a while?” Vic looked around the room wildly, obviously trying to figure out what might entertain her. “We could just talk or .. . I’ve got some music — ”

  “I should go,” Maxie said. But before I could be disappointed, she added, more quietly, ““ll come back sometime.” Vic grinned. “Great. I mean, that’s — That would be great.”

  Maxie vanished, but I could sense her. She was. drifting out of the room very slowly, as if more reluctant to leave than she’d let on. As she finally 174 rose through the roof, Vic turned to me and said, “That was unbelievable!”

  “Was it great? Finally meeting her?” I grinned up at him. His mouth was parnvay open, half smile and half amazement. “I guess .. . I never realized . . . I mean, I knew she was a she and all that, but I never realized my ghost was a girl.” Ranulf said, “Vic has not yet learned the arts of interaction with females.”

  “You gonna teach me your tricks, buddy?” Vic said.

  “It is only a small matter of observation over several centuries.”

  “Great.” Vic sighed, throwing down his backpack.

  Til be right back, okay?” I slipped off my bracelet and dematerialized, drifting up through the roof. As I’d suspected, I found Maxie high in the sky. We could see each other, mostly — misty outlines of ourselves that would be invisible from the ground.

  “I talked to Vic!” she said. Her smile was part of the afternoon sunlight. “I talked to him, and he talked back!”

  “See how much fun it is, crossing the lines?”

  “It’s not wrong to move on,” she said, more firmly. “You know how much better it is there than here. But — as long as we are partly here — ”

  “I think our afterlives have to be about the people we love.” I started drifting higher, mostly out of curiosity to see how high we could go. “Nothing else makes any sense.”

  “But I didn’t know Vic before. Not when I was alive,” Maxie protested.

  “If you ask me, it doesn’t make any difference when you start to love somebody. just that you love them.”

  Merely saying the word Jove reminded me of Lucas and the news I wanted to share with him so badly that it burned inside me. But I had half an hour to kHI. So I pushed myself higher; Maxie followed.

  “How high up can we go?” I asked.

  “Oh, crazy high. Above the troposphere. You can see the stars during the day, if you want.”

  “Really?” I could go stargazing right now — anytime, in fact. I wouldn’t have a telescope, of course, but nevertheless, that view would be something to see, like a picture from the Hubble. “Let’s go, okay?”

  Maxie started to laugh, and I knew that this was what she’d wanted all along. Not for me to choose sides — just for her to have a companion in her in — between world. “Okay, sure.”

  We rose up, farther and farther, until Evernight Academy was only a speck on the ground, then obscured by clouds. The sunlight above was brighter than bright. Blinding.

  Then this enormous silver shape appeared in the distance, coming closer, faster than I could imagine. “What in the world is that?”

  “Hang on!” Maxie yelled.

  Is that — is it an airplane?

  A commercial jetliner zoomed straight toward us, until I could see the outline of it — the front windows — the pilots inside — and then, wham, Maxie and I slamming directly through the center of the plane, front cabin, the long aisle, dozens of passengers, the little drink cart, the tail — and it was gone. We’d gone straight through.

  Maxie and I drifted there, dazed, for a long second. She finally said, “Do you think anybody on the plane saw us? “We were going too fast,” I said. “But maybe they hit some turbulence.”

  She started to laugh, and I did, too.

  Although Maxie wanted to keep creating “air pockets” for plane traffic out of Boston, I parted from her when I sensed that Lucas’s class was probably over. We promised to go stargazing soon, and while that prospect delighted me, the closer I got to earth, the more pressing my real concerns seemed.

  I found Lucas out at the gazebo, waiting for me as usual. His backpack had been tossed on the floor, and he was resting his forearms on his knees, his he
ad drooping. “You look tired,” I whispered, becoming a soft mist near him.

  “I am tired.”

  “Up late worrying about me?”

  “Up late worrying,” he confirmed. “But I know you can take care of yourself, so I also stayed up studying. And listening to music. And surfmg the Internet. And doing whatever else I could think of to avoid going to sleep.”

  I didn’t have to ask why. “Charity.” Lucas didn’t reply, but he swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. I brushed gently against his cheek, hoping he could feel the cool touch. “Is she getting worse?”

  “Worse? No. She started off making my dreams as bad as they could be, and since then — well, you have to give her this, she’s consistent. It’s horrible every night. Every single night.” Lucas stood abruptly. He braced his hands against the cast iron of the gazebo, every muscle in his back so tense I could make them out through his uniform sweater. “Sometimes it’s Erich again, threatening to torture you with stakes soaked in holy water. 176 Sometimes other vampires drink your blood, and for some reason it kills you instead of turning you into one of them. Sometimes my mom cuts off your head. Or those drunk guys — remember, our first date? In my dreams, they’re not trying to take care of you. They’re trying to burn you. All the dreams are about losing you, over and over again.”

  The ragged pain in his voice made me wish I could risk becoming corporeal. so I could put my arms around him. “Charity only turned you to take you away from me,” I said. “It’s my fault.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Lucas said. I wished I could be as sure as he sounded. “But yeah, Charity likes the idea of me losing you forever. Enough to have it on infinite replay in my head.”

  “Please, let me come back. If I were in your dreams, I know I could get through to you.”

  Lucas shook his head. “Absolutely not. Anything she did to you in there could really hurt you. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.” Even if the only alternative was his enduring pain? I hated this, but for now, we had no better choice.

  He said, “Bianca, I’ve been meaning to ask you about this for a while now. What happens after Evernight?”