Evil Fairies Love Hair

by Mary G. Thompson

  “You have to take your flock starters,” said Michael.

  “What?” Ali pounded on the wall, up and down and diagonal, but she couldn’t find anything that wasn’t solid.

  “You still have to pass them on,” said Michael.

  Ali turned back around to face the imps. Now there were many more of them. The whole floor of the “cave” was filled with giant imp eyes. They squirmed and shuffled and whispered among themselves. Obviously, something big was going on.

  “Okay Pilose, Ringlet,” Ali said. “Come on.” She held out her hand.

  No one came forward.

  “Come on,” said Ali. “It’s time to go.”

  “I’m afraid we don’t need any more flocks,” said Bunny.

  Ali’s tuft of hair burned. “What?”

  “It is time for the Replacement,” said Bunny, raising her hairpin high. “You are about to be part of something grand!”

  Twenty-Four

  “I don’t want to—mff! Mmmmfff!” Ali’s mouth suddenly was glued shut. She focused on her tuft of hair, but she still couldn’t open her mouth. Her legs wouldn’t move either, and her arms were glued to her sides. Michael wasn’t doing much better. His eyes bulged and his new basketball star muscles strained, but he was stuck standing straight up, his mouth closed. Why had she even come here? Didn’t she know they were going to pull something like this? She’d known she couldn’t trust Pilose and that she’d already broken their rules, but she’d come anyway. She was so angry with herself for being stupid, she almost missed what was going on.

  A group of imps appeared out of nowhere, seemingly having walked through the back wall of the cave. Each had a thin string attached to its body, and like tiny reindeer pulling a sleigh, they were pulling a large, haphazardly piled mass of seashells. Three imps were near the top of the precarious shell tower, hanging on with all four limbs, as if clinging for their lives. But they weren’t imps! These three had hair. They had to be Tyler, Molly, and Jennifer. At least they were alive, Ali thought. Maybe she could use her tuft of hair to make them big again, too.

  As the imps pulled the tower of shells away from the cave wall, the fake Mrs. Hopper passed through behind them. She put her hand to her throat and glared at Bunny.

  “Oh, fine,” Bunny said. “Speak.” She waved an arm.

  Follica/Mrs. Hopper cleared her throat. She looked around the cave and rubbed her lips together as if trying them out. “We are ready, Grand Miss,” she said, bowing her head.

  “Excellent,” said Bunny. “Prepare the children.”

  At that, imps began crowding around Ali’s and Michael’s feet, slipping between them and the cave wall, pushing on their feet and ankles.

  I’m not moving, Ali thought. Unless it’s to stomp on these evil imps. But the imps at her feet kept pushing, and something was pulling her forward, even as her tuft of hair flattened against her head as if trying to pull her back.

  Michael, having lost his fairy eye, stumbled into the middle of the cave ahead of her.

  Ali lost the battle and stumbled forward too. At the same time, the imps pulled the shells forward, next to Ali and Michael. Ali tried to give Tyler and Molly and Jennifer a look that said, Don’t worry, I’m thinking of a way to get us out of this, but with her mouth jammed shut and her arms and legs magically flattened into her body, she doubted the message came across. If only she could tell them that since they had attributes of fairies, they probably had magical powers. Maybe all four of them together could actually do something. “Mffff!” She crossed her eyes in frustration.

  “Add the binding agent!” Bunny cried.

  Follica disappeared back through the cave wall and returned carrying a large garbage bag, exactly like the one she’d used before to dump hair clippings all over Ali.

  As Ali squirmed at the memory, she was hit by a torrent of gummy worms. She was forced to close her eyes, and when she opened them, poor Jennifer was hanging by one arm from a clamshell. Tiny Tyler reached for her hanging hand and helped her get her grip again. Gummy worms hung on Ali’s shoulders, and two were stuck to the bald parts of her head. Michael was similarly encumbered.

  Follica smiled with her mouth, holding the empty trash bag. “What next, Grand Miss?” she asked.

  Bunny handed her hairpin to Lockner and raised both her arms. “By the power of our ancestors, the proud and happy Free Imps of the Ocean, I call forth the true Words of the Divinity of the Great Imp!” She looked up to the ceiling, and the rest of the imps all looked up with her.

  Lockner coughed. He pushed a tiny book, half the size of an imp, forward from the back of the rock.

  Bunny looked down at it. “Ah, the Words have appeared!” She positioned herself behind the book and thrust it open. “Children, a binding agent . . . that’s the candy,” she muttered. “Seashells properly encrusted. And now for the Hair of Our New Selves! Bring out the hair, Follica!”

  Lockner cleared his throat.

  Bunny glared at him. “One hair per victim, Follica.”

  Victim? Ali thought. “Mfff! Mfff!”

  “Yes, Miss,” Follica said. “I have taken a single hair from each criteria-meeting client of the salon and set it aside, just as you asked. Also, I’ve separated hairs from the other salons and barbershops I’ve been scouring for food. In total, I have exactly two thousand separate hairs—one for each imp. I can’t tell you how much work it was to find the correct hairs, all the hours I waited—”

  “Yes, yes,” Bunny interrupted. “Add them to the encrusted shells and spray.”

  “Hmph,” said Follica. She picked up another, smaller bag off the floor and dumped a pile of hair unceremoniously on top of the pile of shells, covering Tyler, Molly, and Jennifer, who crawled closer to one another. Follica turned her gaze to Ali and smiled. This time, her whole face smiled, and her deep-set light blue eyes flashed. She pulled two large bottles of hairspray out of the pocket of her skirt, aimed them at Ali and Michael, and fired.

  Ali closed her eyes as the hairspray hit, thankful that she couldn’t open her mouth. But she also couldn’t cover her nose, and she sneezed violently as Follica unloaded her revenge.

  The imps began to chant:

  “Children

  Power

  Hair!

  And wigs!

  We deserve to be made big!

  No more hiding

  No more pain

  No more watching

  We want in!”

  The spray in Ali’s face abruptly stopped. Cautiously, she opened one eye. All the imps were crowding around Bunny’s rock now. Bunny stood in front of the book, both arms raised high.

  “Two thousand un-enslaved Divvy-imps!” she cried. “Five formerly entwined children! Gummy worms! Two-hundred seashells encrusted with hair-power-enhancing mousse! One hair from each human to be replaced! And now, the final ingredient, the bridge between children and adults, the path we will travel to reach our new, fully-embodied, BIG selves! Two In-betweens!”

  In-betweens?

  The wall to Ali’s left suddenly evaporated, and in its place, standing ankle-deep in sand, were Hannah and Deacon. They stood silently, holding hands and taking in the scene.

  Not them, too! Pilose had tricked her. She had told Ali not to let them go, and then Ali had forgotten all about them in her rush to get the fairies to the Kingdome. “Mmmfff!”

  “MFFFFFMM!” Michael said. He jerked his head at Hannah and Deacon.

  I know, Ali thought.

  “Um . . . we’re looking for Mom’s Crab Shack?” said Hannah.

  “Right in here, dearie,” said the fake Mrs. Hopper. “Come on in.”

  Mom’s Crab Shack? Hannah, wake up!

  “Not there,” said Mrs. Hopper. “Come in a little farther.”

  Ali bugged her eyes out and shook her head frantically, but Hannah and Deacon acted as if they didn’t see anything unusual. They came farther inside and stopped right in front of Ali and Michael.

  “We’d like a table with an ocean view,�
�� said Hannah.

  “Nothing but the best for my Hannah,” said Deacon, flinging his hair out of his face. He suddenly noticed Michael. “Hey, bro. What are you doing at the crab shack?” Deacon had to look up to see Michael’s face, but he didn’t register any surprise, even though they’d always been the same height.

  “Mfff!” said Michael.

  “Now!” cried Bunny. She placed both her hands on the edge of the book and stared down at it with bulging eyes.

  The imps raced for the tower of shells and swarmed over it. Then, after just a few seconds, the imps vacated the tower, which was now clean of hair, and rushed for Hannah and Deacon. Each imp was holding a single hair above his or her head. They climbed onto the couple, swarming over and under their clothes, covering every inch of them from head to toe.

  “I think I’ll have the crab legs,” said Hannah, oblivious.

  “Fish and chips for me,” said Deacon.

  Mrs. Hopper grinned at Ali and shook one of the empty hairspray bottles.

  “Ahem,” said Bunny, clearing her throat. She paused for effect and then began reading from the book. “From sea shore-dwelling happy imps.”

  “From sea shore-dwelling happy imps!” the imps repeated.

  “To slaves of children’s flaws and whims.”

  “To slaves of children’s flaws and whims!”

  “We’ve un-enslaved ourselves and yet . . .”

  “We’ve un-enslaved ourselves and yet . . .”

  “We deserve much more than what we get!”

  “We deserve much more than what we get!”

  “Lockner, my scepter.” Bunny swiped the hairpin from Lockner’s outstretched hand. “Now remain quiet, dear subjects, and I will perform the final passages of the spell, and when it is finished, we shall be large, and they shall be small!”

  The imps shifted excitedly and held their hairs higher.

  Ali’s tuft was burning, and her whole body itched. “Mfff!”

  “What delicious soup,” said Hannah.

  Bunny suddenly spoke in a much louder voice. It sounded as big as a normal person’s, though somewhat screechy. “Bounded by finger- and toenails, unbounded by the power of a child’s hair, hindered even in our great magic by our small size, we Free Imps do now demand our rights! To be larger than children, to eat what children eat, to punish them as we see fit!” Bunny paused dramatically, raising her arms. “TO BE THEIR PARENTS!”

  Ali and Michael stared at each other. How could the imps become their parents? This couldn’t be happening.

  The imps on Hannah and Deacon began bouncing in place, waving their hairs silently. Then, Ali noticed that the pile of shells had begun to glow. Instinctively, she stepped back. She stepped back! Her legs were free! And the itching was fading to no more than a tickle.

  “Hannah, wake up!” she shouted. But Hannah and Deacon were beginning to glow, too. The imps on top of them were also glowing with their own light. Even the fake Mrs. Hopper was glowing.

  Ali reached for the three tiny children still clinging to the tower of glowing shells. “Climb on!”

  Tyler, Molly, and Jennifer climbed frantically up Ali’s arm. Just as Jennifer reached Ali’s shoulder, the entire cave began to shake.

  Michael was right next to his brother, trying to grab him, but his hands slid over the imps like the air was made of butter. “C’mon, man, you’re not in some dumb seafood restaurant!” Michael shouted. But both Deacon and Hannah just stood there.

  “Come on, Michael, we have to go,” Ali said. Tiny rocks were falling from the ceiling. Ali guessed that they were really in the hair salon and the rocks were pieces of the roof. Just because the cave was an illusion didn’t mean they couldn’t get hurt. She didn’t want to leave Hannah, but she didn’t want to get squashed either. “The imps’ magic will protect them. They’re not going to let themselves get hurt,” she said, hoping she was right.

  “I’m not going to let these evil—” A rock the size of a golf ball hit Michael squarely on the top of his head. “Uuuug . . .”

  Ali took that opportunity to grab him and pull him toward the wall, right where Hannah and Deacon had appeared. Sure enough, she was able to walk through, and Michael had stopped protesting. They were now on the sidewalk, facing the ordinary street. It was dark except for a streetlight shining from the end of the block.

  “It’s true,” Jennifer cried from Ali’s shoulder. “They’re going to replace our parents. They’re going to be big, and our parents are going to be small.”

  “No way,” said Michael. He turned back to the salon, then stopped. “I don’t see anybody in there.”

  Ali followed his eyes. Through the glass door, she saw only two rows of empty salon chairs, riddled with debris from the collapsed roof, and no one inside the room at all.

  Twenty-Five

  Ali wished she had some hair. She was starving and hadn’t eaten since before this whole thing in the fake cave. She shook her head. Now was not the time to think about food. She had to focus. Hannah and Deacon were in trouble. Two thousand people were going to be reduced in size, if she understood what the imps were doing. Two thousand parents of who knew how many kids. What about her parents?

  “I have to get home,” Ali said. She ran down the sidewalk.

  “Wait,” Michael called, but Ali didn’t have to. He was so big that while she ran at top speed, he could just lope along beside her.

  “Slow down!” one of the tiny children squealed, clinging to her T-shirt.

  Ali slowed. “I’m sorry, it’s just that they might have done it. They might have made themselves big. And they said our parents would be made small. And Crista’s still one of them. Which one? Where is she? Where are Hannah and Deacon?”

  “I don’t know about Crista, but Bunny was going to replace the mayor,” said Tyler. “She couldn’t stop yapping about it. How she thought the mayor had a real scepter with a giant ruby and a crown—and a throne.”

  “Then what happened to the real mayor?” Ali asked.

  “No one explained that,” said Molly. “They just told us to keep crusting the shells with mousse.” She burst into tears, her tiny sobs ringing in Ali’s ears.

  “It’s all right. It’s over now,” said Tyler, putting his arm around Molly.

  “We’re still tiny,” said Molly. “How are we supposed to live like this?”

  “You can make yourselves big,” said Ali. “Except you might end up like me, with a tiny tuft of fairy hair. The spell didn’t quite work.”

  “I don’t want to lose my hair,” Molly whined.

  “Then we’ll figure out something else,” said Ali. “But for now, it’s a good thing you’re small. When you’re tiny, you have magical powers just like they do. I still have some because of my hair.” She rubbed her tuft for emphasis, and energy surged through her.

  “Magical powers?” Molly sniffed.

  “Magical powers?” Jennifer scoffed.

  “Really,” said Ali. “I’m not surprised they didn’t want you to know.” They were approaching Ali’s house now. “We can talk about it in a minute. I just want to look inside and see what’s going on.”

  She tiptoed past the parked car and up to the kitchen door. She looked through the glass. There were her parents, sitting at the kitchen table. Beyond them, the refrigerator door was wide open. Ali’s mother was eating a pickle right out of the jar. In her free hand, she clutched a handful of potato chips. As Ali watched, she swallowed a piece of pickle, then shoved the potato chips into her mouth.

  “Thff if so goof!” Ali’s father exclaimed, chomping on a hunk of cheese. He gulped and then washed the cheese down with a swig of Pepsi. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Then his head snapped up, and he stared at Ali.

  Ali stared back. She’d been seen. There was nothing else for it now but to face them. She pushed open the door.

  “Alison,” said her mother. No, not her mother—Pilose.

  “It’s Pilose, isn’t it?” Ali asked. “Where’s my
real mother?”

  Michael stood behind her. Ali had the feeling that he was trying to hide his enormous body. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes.

  “She’s safe,” said Mom/Pilose. “She is, I promise.” Her hand reached for another pickle. “This wasn’t my idea, you know.” She chomped and swallowed. “I had to go along with Bunny. There’s no telling what she would have done.”

  “You didn’t want to eat hair anymore,” Ali shouted. “You didn’t want to live in the dirty mounds. You wanted what people have as much as she did!”

  “We only wanted to be free imps,” said Ringlet, now masquerading as Ali’s father. “And now we are. You had no right to enslave us. Do you know how many rewards we had to give you? All those colds we prevented just make me sick.”

  Ali desperately wanted some hair. She was so hungry, it was hard to even focus on being angry. But she was big again, all except for her hair. Maybe she could eat real food after all. She grabbed for the open bag of potato chips and stuffed three chips into her mouth. They tasted like cardboard, but she chewed and swallowed.

  “Now you know how it feels,” said Ringlet. “You’re lucky you can eat those chips at all. We couldn’t eat them.”

  “My friends still can’t,” said Ali. “You’d better give us some of that hair on your heads right now. And then you’d better tell me where my real parents are.”

  “It isn’t real hair,” said Pilose. She stuffed the last bit of pickle into her mouth and then rubbed her head. The hair moved. It was a wig.

  If Ali hadn’t been so blinkered by hunger and anger, she would have noticed it immediately. The wigs that Pilose and Ringlet were wearing were actually rather bad. They didn’t look like they were made of real hair.

  “Your parents are fine,” said Ringlet. “See?” He pulled open the door to the microwave. Inside, two tiny people, imp-size but with full heads of hair and normal-size eyes, lay in the middle of the turntable. They appeared to be sleeping peacefully. “It’s past their bedtime, isn’t it?” said Ringlet. “They have no idea that anything’s changed, and they won’t in the morning either. They’re still adults.” Ringlet pronounced adults as if it were a curse word.