Undeniable Rush

by S. C. Stephens

  I wanted to be angry with him for saying that, but I knew he was right. Icy dread crawled up my spine. It rose up my back and settled firmly around my shoulders. God…what if the business failed again, but this time it failed because of me? I didn’t think I could handle that level of rejection.

  Seeing that I understood the importance of what he’d just said, my dad nodded at me, then left the room. With a sigh of defeat, I collapsed into the chair behind my massive, intimidating desk. Staring at the piles, I debated what to work on first. Everything seemed a top priority. I had a feeling the bad dreams I’d been suffering from lately would now include never-ending stacks of paperwork.

  I felt drained by the end of the day, and I hadn’t even had a chance to work on the things that mattered for my career as a racer—maintaining my body, sharpening my riding skills. The season hadn’t even begun yet, and I already felt behind. How could I possibly do all of this? But my father seemed like the only one who truly understood the business side of things and going to him with this… After everything he put me through last year, asking for his help now made me want to gouge out my eyeballs. No. I’d find a way on my own. I just needed to organize my time better.

  A light knock on my door roused me from my troubling thoughts. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was my typical time to leave. I felt so swamped, though, like I couldn’t. Or shouldn’t. Dad was right, I needed to get on this stuff.

  “Come on in,” I called out, feeling worn to the bone.

  Hayden walked in, a bright, untroubled smile on his face. For a brief moment, I was jealous of his lightheartedness. “Ready to go?” he asked, not worried in the least about the mountain of things on my desk, things he didn’t need to stress about.

  Letting out a long sigh, I debated what to do. Putting it all aside for another day sounded amazing. But that was a short-term solution, one I’d been practicing for too long now. “I’ve got so much to do, Hayden. I don’t think I can leave yet.”

  He bunched his brows as he finally noticed what I was drowning in. Then he shrugged and took a seat in the chair in the corner. “No problem, I’ll wait.”

  Lifting my eyebrows, I shook my head. “It could be hours. I can’t let you do that.”

  He shrugged again. “You kind of have to. I’m your ride.”

  Closing my eyes, I cursed myself for putting him in this position. Or giving him an excuse to stay. Either one made me feel incredibly guilty. Standing up, I made my way over to him. “I really can’t let you do this,” I said, placing my hand on his knee. “Nikki is probably still here. If you want, you can leave your bike for me, and get a ride home with her.”

  With a frown that clearly said he didn’t like my perfectly reasonable solution, he told me, “But what about dinner at your place? I was…really looking forward to that.”

  My throat closed on me, and I had to swallow a few times to relax it. “I was, too, but I just feel so…behind. Another night, I promise.”

  With a sigh, Hayden stood up and clasped my hand. “Okay, but I’m holding you to that. Me, you, dinner, your place. Chinese or Thai, you decide.”

  Putting a hand on my stomach, I said, “Hayden, I really need to watch my—”

  He put a finger to my lips, cutting me off. “You can eat that tofu, no-carb, no-taste diet every other day from then until the season starts. I just want one, real date with you, full of calories and fat. And chocolate. And beer.”

  Smiling under his finger, I rolled my eyes, then nodded. “Okay, fine.”

  He grinned at me, then looked at the mountain behind me. Returning his eyes to mine, he asked, “Is twenty-four hours really going to make a difference on that pile, Kenzie? The sooner we get this date out of the way, the sooner you can go back to bland, boring food?”

  The humor in his eyes, the warmth on his face…it was all too much. And oddly, as I stared at him, my dad’s words tumbled through my brain. Time has a horrible way of sneaking up on you. That could be applied to two different things in this situation—work and Hayden—but at the moment, Hayden felt more important. This was a big step for us, one I’d procrastinated on for too long already. Hayden was right. Work could wait just a few short hours. And I needed a break anyway.

  “Okay, Hayden, you win…let’s get out of here.”

  Hayden blinked, like he was shocked. “I can’t believe that worked. I thought for sure you were going to call security and have my ass dragged off, so you could work in peace.”

  “We don’t have security,” I told him. “And you sold me with the chocolate.”

  Hayden laughed, then squeezed my fingers. “Good. I don’t feel bad stooping to that level then.” As I laughed at his comment, the humor fell from his face. “I don’t want to stress you out, Kenzie. If you really need to stay…then stay. We can have our date night later. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Wrapping my arms around his waist, I let out a soft exhale as I searched his glum face. “I know I can stay. I know I should stay. But I also know… I want to make time for you, I want to be with you. All of this…it doesn’t mean anything if I lose you in the process.”

  Hayden grinned, then leaned down and kissed me. “I’m really glad to hear you say that. I love you, Kenzie.”

  “I love you, too… Asshat.”

  Pulling back, he crooked a grin. “That’s Major Asshat.”

  With a laugh, I pulled his lips back to mine. “Yes…yes, it is.”

  ***

  CHAPTER 5

  The next couple of weeks were a whirlwind of stress and chaos. Every time I stepped into my office, my to-do list grew a bit longer, and my bank account shrank a little smaller. I’d managed to line up two more small sponsors, but Dad was right, it wasn’t enough. I needed a big fish. A Fortune 500 company, a name everyone would recognize. Someone with deep pockets and money to burn. Unfortunately, most of those companies were already spoken for. And the ones who weren’t, weren’t talking to me.

  “Damn it!” Hanging up the phone, I dropped my head onto the stacks of paper littering my desk. Yet another company had put me on permanent hold. The least they could do was outright tell me no, so I could get on with my day. But no, they just ignored me to death.

  “This a bad time, Kenzie?”

  I looked up to see my sisters in the doorway, staring at me with concerned eyes. Forcing a smile to my face, I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. What are you two doing here?”

  Theresa shrugged as she walked closer. “You’ve been so busy lately, we thought we’d surprise you, take you out to lunch.”

  Daphne grinned as she surged forward. “I have to tell you all about my plans to get pregnant in the next three months.”

  “I think you just did,” I said with a tired smile. Shaking my head, I looked between the both of them. “I’m sorry, guys, I just can’t today. Maybe later.”

  Frowning, Theresa crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s what you always say lately, Kenzie. We’re starting to worry about you.”

  Disgruntlement over my last failed phone call made me snap. “You weren’t worried about me when I didn’t have a job. When no one in the family would talk to me. You seemed right as rain then.” I knew the minute I said it, that I shouldn’t have. They’d already apologized, and I’d already forgiven them. Continually throwing it in their faces wasn’t fair.

  Both Daphne and Theresa shifted their gazes to the floor, their pale blue eyes full of guilt and regret. “I’m sorry,” I said, standing up and walking over to them. “I’m just…stressed. Dad made all of this look so easy, and it’s anything but.”

  Theresa lifted a blonde eyebrow at me. “Easy? You do remember his marriage falling apart, right?”

  With a dry laugh, Daphne added, “And how we barely saw him…unless we came here. Sound familiar?” she added.

  I smirked at her comment. “I know, I get it. I won’t be like that, I want balance…but this first year, while I’m learning the ropes, I might be kind of ghost-like, okay?”

  Th
ey both looked at each other, then back to me. “Okay, Kenzie,” Theresa said. “We’ll give you some time to adjust, but after that, we’ll kidnap you if we have to.”

  Smiling, I told her, “You won’t have to, but thank you.”

  “Okay, well, if you change your mind, call us.” Theresa’s eyes scanned my desk. “And if you need help with any of this, just ask. I’m more than happy to lend you a hand.”

  “Me too,” Daphne chimed in. “Although, I don’t know how helpful I’d be. I never really paid attention to what Dad did behind the scenes here…”

  That was certainly true. Dad had often commented on Daphne’s lack of interest. Daph tended to focus on Daph. Still, I appreciated the gesture, from both of them. “Thank you, guys, but I’m fine. I’ve got this under control.” Or I would have it under control. Soon.

  My sisters sighed, nodded, then turned to leave. Regret pulled at my heart as I watched them go, and for a moment, I wanted to tell them I’d changed my mind. Lunch was only an hour, and I needed to eat anyway. But then I remembered how distant they’d been to me, back when I’d really needed them, and my heart started to re-harden. I might have forgiven my sisters, but I’d never forget. So, I let them go. And felt even worse when I sat down again.

  A heartbeat later, Nikki walked into my office. “Hey, Kenzie, I’m leaving for the day.”

  Her statement surprised me, and when I glanced up at the clock on the wall, I saw that hours had flown by instead of minutes. “Oh my God, is it really that time already?”

  Nikki’s brow bunched in concern. “Yeah…you’ve been up here all day. You didn’t even take your bike out. Everything…okay?”

  Not wanting to get into it with her, I nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine. Just catching up on stuff.”

  She looked like she didn’t believe me, but instead of calling me on it, she said, “Okay, well, we’re all here for you, if you decide you need some help.”

  Again, I appreciated the gesture, but the problem was, none of them knew how to do this part of the job any more than I did. We were all just…winging it. “Thanks, Nik, I appreciate that.” She put a hand on her stomach, and I instantly remembered that we hadn’t really talked about her telling her family the news. “So, what did your parents say when you told them about the baby? Did Myles…lose anything?”

  Nikki snorted, then cringed. “It was awful, Kenzie. Mom was pissed, Dad was disappointed, and my brothers…” She let out a long sigh. “All six of them managed to make it down the aisle before impregnating their wives, so I’m basically the black sheep of the family now. Especially after I told everyone that Myles and I weren’t getting married.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Mom chewed my ass for thirty minutes about that, until Dad let it slip that they barely made it on time with Carlos.” She rolled her eyes. “I still can’t believe they lied about their wedding date. Unbelievable.”

  My eyes widened at the news. “Wow…that’s…surprising.”

  She laughed, then nodded. “Yeah, it pretty much redirected the conversation for the rest of the evening. I thanked my dad later.”

  A small laugh escaped me, and feeling more lighthearted, I decided to broach a question I’d had. “So… I know you don’t want to marry Myles, but what about…dating him? I think you guys would be cute together.”

  The look she gave me was completely void of emotion. “Please tell me you’re not hopping on the Date Myles train, because I really can’t take one more person telling me what to do.”

  I held up my hands. “I’m not. Just throwing it out there, in case you hadn’t considered it.”

  With a sigh, she shook her head. “We’re not like that, Kenzie, and we never will be.”

  Never say never. Wisely, I didn’t say that out loud.

  Nikki looked sad for a moment, then she smiled. “Myles has eased up on bossing me around, though, which I really appreciate. Did you have anything to do with that?” she asked, tilting her head.

  Doing my best to contain my smile, I shrugged. “I might have threatened him with bodily harm. I’m glad he listened. I really need him to ride this year.”

  Nikki laughed, then walked over to hug me in my chair. “Well, thank you. I was about to do him bodily harm.”

  Her eyes sparkled with mischief when she pulled away. “Hayden told me about your date night. I know he had a good time, but what about you…any issues?”

  A huge smile brightened my face and lightened my heart. “No…it was good, fun. I mean, we didn’t sleep together or anything, and he didn’t spend the night, so maybe it wasn’t a huge step forward, but it was a really good night.”

  Nikki smirked at me. “Really, that’s all dating is. Creating a series of really good nights.”

  “Says the girl whose longest relationship was three months long, and that was because he was away for two of those months?”

  Keeping the smirk on her face, she flipped me off. “Just because I don’t follow my own advice, doesn’t mean my advice isn’t sound. I’m a fountain of knowledge. You’re lucky to know me.”

  I belly laughed at that. Yes, I definitely was lucky to know her. She’d gotten me through some really dark times, and she always had a way of making me feel better. I hoped I could return the favor now, when her life was so uncertain. “I am lucky. Love you, Nik. See you later.”

  She gave me a wave goodbye, then shuffled out the door. I was just about to return to my paperwork, when Hayden stepped inside the room. If I didn’t love the people who were interrupting me so much, I would start locking the door.

  Hayden was all smiles, until he noticed the look on my face. “I’m on my own tonight, aren’t I?”

  With a sigh, I nodded. “Yeah, I really need to put a dent in this pile.” I stuck my finger out, pointing at him. “And no talking me out of it tonight. I gave you your date night.”

  His grin returned. “Yes, you did, and what a night it was… Thai and Total Recall…that’s pretty much perfection.”

  I laughed at his comment, then stood up to give him a hug—I could at least take a couple minutes off to share a moment with my boyfriend. Lacing my arms around his neck, I murmured, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. And I’m sorry our date night wasn’t a sleepover. Or a hot-sweaty-sex-over. I’m sure you would have preferred that…” We hadn’t gotten anywhere near sex yet, and sometimes I worried how long he’d put up with a PG-13 relationship. I’d just been so busy…and I didn’t want to rush taking that final step, breaking down that final wall. When we did go there again, I wanted things to be perfect.

  Wrapping his arms around my waist, Hayden gave me a carefree smile. “I had a great date night, Kenzie, and I can’t wait until you have time for another one. But I don’t want you to stress about sex. It’s not an issue for me. Hot, sweaty sex isn’t why I’m with you.” Surprised at his candid answer, I lifted an eyebrow. He laughed at my expression. “I’m with you…because I love you. Because I’m a better man by your side. Because I can’t imagine life without you. And none of those things have an expiration date, so if you need more time, if you’re too busy right now…that’s okay. I can wait.”

  My heart tugged, listening to him put my fears to rest. “How are you so amazing?”

  Hayden grinned as he leaned back to look at me. “I’m pretty sure I just answered that. You, Kenzie. I’m so amazing, because of you.” Leaning forward, he gave me a light kiss.

  I savored the connection, then cursed my fragmented heart and overwhelming schedule. Because after that speech, I really wanted to have sex with him again.

  Hayden pulled away after a few sweet kisses. After kissing my cheek, he released me. “I’ll let you get to work. See you tomorrow afternoon?”

  My mind totally blank, all I could do was stare at him. He sighed, then cringed. “You forgot about going to Izzy’s, didn’t you? You can still go, right? Because Izzy is pretty much dying to show you her new place. Antonia too…”

  From the look on his face, I knew he didn’t want to guilt me into going, he j
ust wanted me to realize that he wasn’t the only one who wanted to see me. God, I had so much to do, but it was Izzy and Antonia, so I really couldn’t cancel. Feeling like my brain was about to burst, I nodded. Smile tight, I told him, “I’ll meet you at your place.”

  * * *

  The following afternoon, I hopped on my bike and made my way over to Hayden and Nikki’s apartment. Traveling to Nikki’s place always reminded me of the fact that she was leaving soon. I kept telling her it was a temporary change, but a part of me was worried it would become a permanent decision once she fell in love with her newborn baby. I couldn’t imagine Nikki leaving Cox Racing for good—I didn’t want to. And while we’d been searching, we still hadn’t found a suitable mechanic to replace her. Time was running out—one more thing for me to stress about.

  I was in sort of a melancholy mood when I knocked on Hayden’s door. I hadn’t slept well last night—my head had spun with all the things I should be doing instead of sleeping and socializing. The anxiety eased when Hayden opened the door and smiled at me. His smile always had been my undoing.

  “Hey, come on in. I’m almost ready, then we can head out.”

  Nikki stood in the living room, glaring at Hayden. Were they not getting along as roommates? I’d really thought they would—they were both pretty easy going. But from the look on Nikki’s face, he’d left the toilet seat up one too many times.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  Hayden turned, and instead of answering me, he raised a finger to her. “Pout all you want, I’m not getting involved, Nikki.”

  Nikki ignored me, too, directing her comment to him. “All I’m asking for is an opinion. Surely you have one of those?”