Undeniable Rush

by S. C. Stephens

  Surging forward, Myles cupped her cheeks. “What if we do?” he said, searching her eyes.

  Nikki searched his face, too, and I held my breath. Finally, she exhaled and said, “I love you, and I want to be with you.”

  Myles grinned in response. “I want to be with you, too.” Then he crashed his lips back to hers.

  They didn’t stop making out, and I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to pry them apart again. Instead of trying, I patted their shoulders, and said, “See you guys at the track tomorrow. Don’t be late. Oh, and don’t break him, Nikki. He’s got a race to win.” She paused long enough to laugh, then sought his lips again.

  Shaking my head, I started pulling Hayden toward the doors. My job here was done.

  * * *

  The next day was bright and beautiful, my favorite kind of race day. The entire team was energized after our night out, especially Myles. He was so radiant when he walked into the garage—holding hands with Nikki—that I had to shield my eyes.

  He tossed a rag at me when he noticed what I was doing. “Funny,” he said. Then he smiled over at Nikki; she looked just as at peace as he did.

  “So,” I asked them, “are you guys ready for today?”

  Myles met my eyes with a nod. “Absolutely. Let’s do this!”

  Nikki laughed at him, then tilted her head at me. “What do you mean you guys…plural? What is there for me to do?”

  With a sly smile, I pointed a finger at my bike. “I was hoping you’d give it a onceover before the qualifiers.”

  I didn’t have to tell her twice. Mammoth grin on her face, she dropped Myles’s hand and raced over to my Ducati, practically shoving Dex out of the way. I laughed at her eagerness, then looked over at Myles. “Things good?” I asked him.

  His face morphed into sappiness. “So good. She came back to my room, and—”

  My hand instantly covered his mouth. “I’m thrilled you two are finally together, but I don’t need a play-by-play. Watching you make out was bad enough.”

  I could feel him grinning under my fingers, so I slowly pulled my hand away. His grin didn’t fade when he left to go check on his bike. God, it was so good to see him happy again. Dex came up to me as I was shaking my head at my two stubborn friends. “Hey,” he said. “Nikki kicked me off your bike, so I don’t really have anything to do…” He frowned as he looked back at her. “Is she coming back already?” He twisted back to me. “I thought I’d have more time…here.” His pale blue eyes studied my face like he was seeing it for the last time.

  With a sigh, I shook my head. “No, you’re not off the hook yet, but as you know…this was a temporary position.”

  He looked overjoyed for the first part of my sentence, then full of melancholy. “Yeah… I know, Kenzie. And it’s fine, it’s just… I’m really gonna miss it here. I finally feel like I fit in.” A small laugh escaped him. “No one’s stolen my lunch in at least a week.”

  I grinned, and a soft sigh escaped him. “I’m gonna miss that smile, too.” My expression changed, and he held up a hand. “I know, inappropriate. I’m gonna…go help Kevin.” He turned and left, still looking defeated. So much for the entire team being in a great mood today.

  “He sure loves it here. It’s a shame he’ll be leaving next season. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

  Recognizing the voice behind me, I spun around, heart in my throat. “Richard, I didn’t know you were coming out to the race. I figured…you wouldn’t have much to say to me, since all the sponsors you brought my way have decided to not continue sponsoring me.”

  He gave me a small, sad smile. “This might sound strange to you, but I’m genuinely sorry that those partnerships didn’t work out. I tried to line up some more…but seeing two of our biggest companies reject you…well, that spoke volumes, and in the end, they all said no.”

  So that was it. No more opportunities coming from Richard Covington. Deep down, I’d known that was coming, but still…the finality of it stung. “You could have called me to tell me that. You didn’t need to come all the way down here.”

  Nodding, he flattened the lapel of his pristine suit. “True…but I wanted to run something by you, and I felt a face-to-face discussion was best.”

  There was something about his tone, his face, that tickled the hairs on the back of my neck in warning. “What?”

  His lips cracked into a small smile. “Well, I know you’re struggling. And I also know you don’t really enjoy the business aspect of your sport. You want to be on a bike, not behind a desk.” His eyes flashed to his son before returning to mine. Had Dex told him all that? What else had he told him?

  “Yeah, I suppose that’s true. But…someone has to run the company,” I said with a shrug.

  “Very true, but that someone doesn’t necessarily need to be you.”

  A rock began to form in my stomach. “Who else would it be?”

  “Me,” he said, simply and directly.

  I was so stunned, all I could do was say, “You…”

  He shrugged, like what he’d said wasn’t at all crazy. “You’ve seen some of the companies I’m partnered with. Do you know what they all have in common?”

  “No…what?”

  “They were all struggling, barely holding on…then I stepped in, and made them better. I saved them, and now they’re thriving. I could do the same for Cox Racing. I could save you, Kenzie. And free you. Wouldn’t you like your only worry to be out there…?” He pointed in the direction of the track.

  My chest tightened with grief. God…yes. I was so tired of the grind, of the stress, of never knowing how we were going to hold on, day to day, minute to minute. But still…my gut told me Cox Racing would never be the same if I gave it to Richard Covington. He’d slice it, dice it…turn it into something I didn’t even recognize.

  “I…”

  He cut me off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t give me an answer just yet. Think on it a few days. Have a great race, Mackenzie. And while you’re out there, imagine how it would feel if being out there was all you ever had to think about. When you’re racing, see how good it feels…to let go.”

  * * *

  I tried to forget what Richard had said, tried to push it from my mind, but it was with me for the rest of the day. After my qualifying lap, when I finished fourth, I wondered what it would feel like if all I had to do was revel in that victory. When I sat in my grid box, waiting to begin the race, I imagined a world where waiting to explode with speed was the only thing on my mind. As the light turned green, and my blood spiked with excitement, I pictured this high being the only feeling I routinely experienced. And as I finished the race in second place, right below Myles, I felt tears of desire coursing down my cheeks.

  I wanted that kind of freedom. I wanted all the shit that I didn’t care about to be over with, so all I had to focus on was racing. I wanted to stop stressing, stop worrying, stop pulling my hair out in frustration. I wanted the salvation Richard was offering. And wanting that made me feel like I was betraying everything I believed in.

  When we got back to Oceanside, I was restless. Hayden, however, was perfectly content as he sat on the couch, like he was ready to pop in a movie and relax all night. I knew I couldn’t do that, so I told him, “I’m gonna grab my board and hit the water.”

  He immediately stood from the couch. “I’ll come with you.”

  His devotion was sweet, but it was clear he didn’t actually want to go surfing right now. “No, you just got comfortable. You can stay.”

  A soft smile on his face, he shook his head. “Kenzie, I know something’s going on up there.” He pointed to my brain. “Let me come with you, and maybe I can help you figure it out. And if not, then at the very least, I can be your friend and support you, ’cause you look like you need that right now.”

  Remembering I wasn’t alone in this made a weight lift off my chest. “Thank you.” God, he was amazing.

  Hayden and I got into our swim clothes, then headed out to my truck. It
made me smile to see all his things in the garage, and around the house. And sure, he was a little messy, and I had to stop myself from cleaning up after him every twenty minutes…but that was a stress I welcomed. It was just part of sharing a life with him. And I was becoming a little less anal about it. I hoped.

  Not too much later we were walking down the partly hidden trail to my favorite secret beach. It was late afternoon, just approaching evening, and we had the beach to ourselves. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the tang of salt in the air…my head was already beginning to clear.

  We slid our boards into the water, then paddled out beyond the breakers. We sat in silence for a moment on the fluctuating water, waiting for the perfect wave to ride. I spotted one, and Hayden gave me a nod, telling me to go for it. I paddled as hard as I could, gathering speed. When I felt that moment—that second between calm and chaos—I hopped up into a low crouch. Every muscle in my body contracted as I held that fine line of balance. The wave was perfect—swift and surging—and I rode it all the way to the shallows. My heart pounded with the rush of it as I slipped into the gentler water. Much like racing…and Hayden…surfing was a joy I couldn’t get enough of. Grabbing my board, I paddled out, to do it all over again.

  Hayden and I took turns mastering the waves, until finally, we were too tired to go out again. Sitting at the edge of the shoreline, the crashing waves tickling our feet, we sat in silence, just enjoying the tranquility. Hayden was the first one to break the moment with words. “So…want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

  I smiled over at him. “Nothing’s bothering me now. This is…perfect.”

  He grinned and nodded. With a shrug, he changed his question. “Want to talk about what was bothering you earlier? You should have been high on life after that spectacular finish at Monterey, but you seemed…off.”

  With a sigh, I looked out over the darkening water. “I feel like you’re not going to like it.”

  “Which is exactly why you’re going to tell me,” he said, placing his hand over mine on the sand.

  Twisting my wrist, I clenched his fingers. “Yeah, okay…” I turned to look at him. “Richard offered to buy Cox Racing.”

  Hayden’s jaw flexed as he closed his eyes. “I knew it…you told him no, right?”

  He opened his eyes to look at me, and I shook my head. “I didn’t tell him anything.”

  “But you’re going to tell him no, right?” he asked, brows furrowed.

  “Honestly? I don’t know.” I felt tears stinging my eyes as indecision washed through me. “Richard told me to race Monterey imagining that I had nothing to worry about but racing, and I did…and I loved it.” A tear dropped to my cheek as I stared at him. “I love having Cox Racing back, I really do, and I am so grateful for what you and my father did…but I hate being an owner. I hate having to deal with the construction people, the tire people, endlessly buying parts, keeping inventory, having machines break down left and right, making sure there’s always enough fuel, and all the freaking paperwork… I just hate it. I want to be on the road, not stressing about money and sponsors and…crap I don’t care about.”

  Hayden was silent a moment as he studied my face. “So, you’re going to tell him yes?”

  More tears fell from my eyes as I shook my head. “I feel like if I do… I’ll lose Cox Racing just like I did before. Sure, he’ll make it better, just like he did with his other businesses, but…it will never be the same. And I’m pretty certain he’ll fire almost everyone—Kevin, Eli, and Ralph for sure. Maybe even John. Maybe you…” I let out a frustrated sigh. “But maybe I can protect everyone…include them in the deal or something. I don’t know. I just don’t know.” I dropped my head into my hand as stress exploded in my brain in a throb of pain.

  Hayden released my hand to rub my back. “Hey, it’s okay, Kenzie. It’s okay to not know what to do. And it’s okay if we just sit out here some more and think about it, without making any decisions. We have time, right?”

  Wiping my cheeks dry, I nodded. “Yeah… I’ve got my sponsors ’til the end of the season, so…we’ve got until then, I guess.”

  Smiling, Hayden cupped my cheek. “We’ll figure it out before then…but not tonight. Tonight, all we’re going to do is enjoy how beautiful it is out here. How beautiful you are out here.”

  He leaned forward to kiss me, and like his lips were magic, my headache—and my worries—instantly disappeared.

  ***

  CHAPTER 18

  I found myself going surfing nearly every morning to clear my head, but I was still a mass of confused, conflicted feelings, and no clear decision was showing itself to me. Sell, don’t sell. Stay in control, honoring Hayden’s sacrifice and my father’s legacy, or take the carrot dangling in front of me, and release the extra burdens so I only had to worry about the one job that truly mattered to me—racing.

  The inability to make a decision—any decision—was starting to give me ulcers. I couldn’t stand not knowing what to do. Hayden tried to help, offering comfort and support, but in the end, the decision was mine, and so was the stress.

  Hayden approached me one afternoon, with an unsure half-smile on his face. “This is probably the last thing you need right now, but…”

  He moved aside and two people I hadn’t expected to see swarmed into my office—Izzy and Antonia. A mile-wide smile on my face, I leapt up from my desk to clasp my arms around Antonia. “Oh my gosh, no…you guys are a welcome distraction. What are you doing here?” I asked, looking over at Izzy.

  She grinned as she stood beside Hayden. “Antonia just got the results back from her last checkup. All clean, still. We’re going out to get ice cream to celebrate. Come with us?”

  I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, but there was no way I could say no to that request. “Yeah, of course. Absolutely, yes, let’s celebrate.”

  Once I grabbed my bag, we all funneled out of my office. While Antonia and Izzy walked along in front of us, Antonia entranced with everything she was seeing, Hayden leaned in close to me. “I know you’re swamped, I’m sorry to spring this on you. They just showed up, and Antonia wanted you to come so badly, I couldn’t say no.”

  I brushed off his concern with a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad they dropped by. Antonia’s good health is something we should definitely be celebrating.” Every second of every day.

  Hayden gave me a warm smile, clearly sharing my silent declaration. When we got to the garage, Antonia had to stop to see Maria—Nikki had come by with her. She’d been doing that more and more frequently, like she was itching to get back to work. “Oh my God, she’s so cute!” Antonia squealed.

  Myles and Nikki both looked down at their daughter with matching content expressions. Myles had officially moved in with Nikki almost the second we got back from Monterey. And aside from his hours here at the track, he was rarely apart from them. Nikki had told me a couple of times that she was glad her lack of sleep was due to something far more interesting than a baby crying. And Myles, well, he just wouldn’t stop grinning. It was sickeningly adorable, but I was thrilled for them.

  Before we left, I quickly introduced Antonia and Izzy to the rest of the crew—Eli, Ralph, Kevin, and Dex. Izzy was all smiles as she shook Dex’s hand, but he seemed…preoccupied. As we said our goodbyes, he stepped close to me. “Hey, Kenzie, when you get back from lunch, can we talk about…the last tire order?”

  My brows furrowed as I wondered what he was talking about—there hadn’t been anything wrong with the last order. “Uh, sure, no problem. We won’t be gone long.”

  Dex smiled, then waved goodbye before heading over to my bike. When we were outside, Izzy giggled and said, “He’s cute.”

  A long sigh escaped Hayden’s lips. “Don’t even, Iz.”

  She frowned as she looked up at him. “What? I can’t think a boy is cute?”

  Expression completely serious, he told her, “Not around me, no.”

  Antonia and I shar
ed a laugh, right as we passed the entrance to the track. Rodney and Felicia were on their bikes, having just finished their training. They popped open their visors when they spotted us, and we all gave them a wave in response.

  They rode our way, pulling to a stop before Izzy and Antonia. “Hey Felicia, Rodney,” Izzy said. “We were just getting some ice cream to celebrate Antonia’s clean bill of health. Want to come with us?”

  Felicia smiled brightly at Antonia. “Absolutely. Just let us put our stuff away.” She looked over at Rodney, and he nodded. Seconds later, they were maneuvering their bikes back to the Benneti garages.

  Izzy’s cheeks instantly turned pale. She twisted to meet my eyes. “Crap. Was that okay of me to invite them, Kenzie? I didn’t even think about it…”

  “It’s fine, Izzy,” I said with a laugh. “Felicia and I…we’ve made a lot of progress this year. And there actually is something I want to talk to her about.”

  Hayden lifted an eyebrow at me, but I only smiled at him.

  A half hour later, we were all back in Oceanside, walking along the pier, eating ice cream. It was quite possibly the best lunch break I’d ever had. As Hayden carried on a conversation with Rodney, Izzy walked close to my side. “So, Kenzie, how are things going? How are they really going? I saw on TV that you lost both of your major sponsors.”

  I gave her my most convincing, untroubled smile. “It’s nothing…this kind of thing happens all the time with sponsors. We’ll find someone else soon.”

  She studied my face for a moment, then smiled, relief in her dark eyes. “Good, I was worried.”

  “Don’t be,” I told her. “Everything’s going to be fine.” I had no idea how it would be fine, or what I should do…but it was all I could tell her.

  Felicia left Rodney’s side to walk next to Antonia. “I’m so glad to hear you’re doing so well,” she said, putting an arm around Antonia’s shoulders.

  Antonia smiled brightly up at her. “Thank you. Uncle Hayden says if my next test comes back clean, he’s going to buy my puppy Sundae a playmate.”