Mommy Wanted

by Renee Andrews

  “Hey, would you like to sit with us?” one young mother called, and Kate nodded, then sat with a new friend, laughed with Dee and Emmie and felt as though her world might actually start becoming okay.

  By the time they finished breakfast and Kate took Dee and Emmie to their respective classrooms, she couldn’t stop smiling. This was one of the best days of her life, and it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet.

  Then, as she started to leave the building, a lady with auburn hair pulled into a high ponytail stopped her in the hall. “You’re Kate, right?”

  Kate was certain she hadn’t met this lady before, but maybe she’d spoken with her on the phone. Or talked to her at church. She was trying to learn all of the names and faces at the church. “Yes. Have we met?”

  “No,” the lady said. “But I have heard a lot about you, and I guess I wanted to say hello and that, well, I hope everything works out okay.”

  Kate swallowed. “You’ve heard a lot about me?”

  “Yes. I didn’t realize you were coming to Muffins with Mom. Normally we have it the Friday before Mother’s Day, but we had so many kids out that week with that horrible virus that we postponed it, and then after one classroom got over being sick, the next one would get it. I’m just glad we were able to have it in May,” she said with a grin. “In June we’ll need to have Doughnuts with Dad, for Father’s Day.” The woman pointed to the next classroom door. “My name is Angie. I help teach the four-year-olds’ class here,” she said. “Dee will move into our class in the fall.”

  “Okay,” Kate said, still not understanding why that meant the lady had heard a lot about her.

  “My co-teacher is Jessica Martin.”

  And then the other shoe fell. Kate bit her lower lip. She knew Jessica was with Chad now and they were still on vacation. Chad had said they weren’t returning until tomorrow. But this lady had already heard a lot about Kate? Of course she had. Naturally Jessica would have talked about the woman her husband had been married to, the one who’d tried to abort their baby, cheated on him and then lied to him about Lainey being his. What wife wouldn’t talk about an ex who was that evil?

  Kate felt the muffins churning in her belly. “I’ve changed,” Kate said simply. “I have.”

  “And I believe that people can,” Angie said. “But Jessica called me last night to see how things were going in the class while she’s been away, and she also needed someone to talk to about learning that you were back and working with Mitch. We’ve grown very close teaching the class together.”

  Kate nodded. “I’m not trying to hurt her,” she said. “I just want to have a place in Lainey’s life, if they’ll let me.”

  “And that’s the reason I wanted to talk to you. Jessica is scared that you’re going to try to take Lainey away, and since Chad isn’t her biological father, I’m guessing you would have some kind of a chance.”

  “I don’t want to do that. That isn’t why I’m here, to take them to court. I wouldn’t put them—or Lainey—through that. It wouldn’t be right, because I gave her up. But I’m hoping that they will still find it in their hearts to give me another chance to at least know her.”

  “And I want you to know that I’m praying that they do, and I told Jessica last night that I felt they should let you at least see her again.” She glanced over her shoulder and saw that they were the only two in the hall. “Most everyone here knows, because I don’t try to hide it. I made the decision, after all. But I also gave up a child. My son. I put him up for adoption when I was sixteen because I wasn’t ready to become a mother. And I have no idea where he is now. I’ve tried to find him, but I haven’t had any success. I wouldn’t want to ruin his life and his family situation, but I’d just like to see him. I think it’d give me peace of mind, you know. And I am hoping that you’ll get that chance, too.” Her eyes were glistening, and she glanced up to the ceiling to apparently regain control. “Jessica and Chad are good people. And I know they’ll make the best decision for their family and for Lainey specifically. But for your sake, I pray that they let you see your little girl.”

  Her words were a balm to Kate’s soul. This woman, whom she had just met, was praying for her to see Lainey. “Thank you, Angie.”

  The sound of a toppled chair and a loud “Uh-oh!” echoed from the room nearby, and Angie grinned. “Duty calls. You have a blessed day, Kate.”

  “I will,” Kate said, and she prayed she would.

  * * *

  Mitch recognized the older-model silver BMW as soon as it parked outside his office. But he’d thought he would have another day to prepare for his friend’s arrival. The front door opened and the owner of the vehicle stepped inside.

  “Chad. I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow.”

  He closed the door, glanced at Kate’s empty desk and then moved to Mitch’s guest chair and had a seat. “I wasn’t,” he said. “But that’s the thing about vacations...you want to enjoy yourself. Jess and I couldn’t concentrate on anything but making sure Kate left town, and finally we decided the best thing to do would be to come back early and make certain she did before we ran into her with Lainey.” He shook his head. “I don’t get it, Mitch. I mean, I understand how you hired her before you realized who she was, but you know now. Why keep her working for you?” He took another glance at the opposite desk. “Or did you let her go?”

  “No, I didn’t let her go,” he said, and didn’t divulge that Kate was currently enjoying muffins with Dee and Emmie at the very day care that Lainey attended and Jessica taught. He sure hoped Jess didn’t go into work this morning. “Where’s Jessica?”

  “Home with Nathan and Lainey. And she plans to stay there until I make sure Kate’s gone for good.”

  “I honestly think you should hear her out, Chad. She’s gone through a lot in the past three years, and she says that she has changed.”

  “She says she’s changed. Do you know how many things she said to me when we were married that all turned out to be well-orchestrated lies? She’s a master at it, Mitch, and you need to understand that.” Chad squinted at him while shaking his head. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for her, too.”

  When Mitch didn’t respond, Chad said, “Don’t, Mitch. She’ll ruin you, and she’ll hurt your girls. I can promise you that. Kate only cares about one thing, and that’s Kate.”

  The door shut with a snap, and Kate said, “That’s not true.”

  Chad whirled in the chair and stared at her, shock apparent on his face. “Kate?” Then he shook his head. “What...happened?”

  Mitch hadn’t thought about the fact that Chad hadn’t seen her since she left three years ago. Obviously he’d expected to see the blonde, athletic woman who’d been a sprinter in high school and had a zest for life and adventure that he hadn’t been able to contain. He wasn’t prepared to see the thin, dark-haired Snow White figure that entered the office.

  Kate’s face fell, her eyes blinked a couple of times like they did before she cried, but then she seemed to gather her composure and answered, “I have—or, had—cancer. But I’m better now. I’m in remission.”

  Mitch had tried not to think about Kate having cancer, because it made him sick to his stomach to think he was falling for another woman who could be taken from him so quickly. But it also hurt to think about not surrendering to the pull of Kate on his heart. He looked at her, and he saw she no longer looked at Chad, but at him, her eyes so sad that Mitch wanted to tell her that everything would be okay.

  But he didn’t want to lie.

  Kate took the few steps to her desk and leaned against the front as though she were suddenly too weary to stand. She looked even more frail as she faced her ex-husband, the man who had the power to let her see her daughter...or keep them apart forever.

  “I’ve changed, Chad. I came close to dying. I know I did. But I fought to live. Do you know why?”

  He shook his head, but he also looked as though he didn’t care. “No, Kate, I don’t.”

  “Bec
ause I hated everything I’d done wrong, and I wanted a chance to fix my mistakes. I prayed to God to give me that chance, to live long enough to correct my past and to give me the chance to be a part of Lainey’s life.”

  “Like I told you yesterday, I am totally fine with you finding your faith. I’m glad you have. But you can start your new life somewhere else, and you should. This would only hurt Lainey, confuse her, and I’m not letting you do it. I’m asking you to leave town.”

  “I need to see her, Chad,” Kate continued. “You don’t have to even tell her who I am. I can just be someone she knows. I don’t care. But she’s the only child I’ll ever have. Please don’t keep her from me completely.”

  “You did that yourself when you left. It’s too late for you to start over. Now you can leave town...or we will.”

  Mitch couldn’t believe what Chad was saying, and obviously neither could Kate.

  “Wh-what?”

  “I’ve been offered positions at two other campuses. I never thought I’d want to leave Claremont, but I refuse to stay here if you’ve decided to call this your home. You’ll hurt my family, and you’ll hurt my little girl.”

  “I wouldn’t,” Kate said.

  “And I don’t believe that.” He shrugged. “Your track record isn’t that great, Kate.” Then he started for the door. “Tomorrow. Leave by tomorrow, before we have the unfortunate opportunity to run into you anywhere around town. And if you don’t, then I’m putting my resignation in at the college. It’s as easy as that. Your decision. You stay, and we’ll go.” He slammed the door, stormed to his car and peeled out of the parking lot.

  Kate watched him leave, her hand covering her mouth in disbelief. Then she turned toward Mitch, studied him and looked even more...hurt. “I saw the way you looked at me a moment ago. It’s the cancer, isn’t it?” she whispered.

  He’d expected her to say something about Chad, so her comment threw him. “What?”

  “I sensed it last night, when we were on the porch. One minute you were starting to feel something for me again, and then you pulled away. I kept trying to figure out what it was, what had happened, and then a moment ago, I saw it on your face. When I told Chad about the cancer, you looked like it hurt you for me to even mention it. And it does, doesn’t it?”

  Mitch nodded. “It’s an awful disease,” he said, and hoped that would satisfy her question.

  It didn’t.

  “But that isn’t why you pulled away last night, and that isn’t why you looked at me that way just now,” she said, shaking her head as she spoke. “You can’t handle that again, can you? You can’t handle the thought of being...close...to someone who’s had cancer. So you won’t let yourself get any closer to me, will you?”

  Mitch couldn’t deny the truth. “I’m going to keep talking to Chad and try to convince him to let you have a relationship with Lainey. I do believe you’ve changed, and I think if you give him time, he’ll believe it, too.”

  “No, I don’t think he will. He said he’s leaving town if I stay. You know Chad. He doesn’t make idle threats. That night he told me he was quitting med school because I was so unhappy, I thought he was lying, trying to make me feel bad for being so miserable. Then he quit the next day. If he said he’ll leave, he’ll leave. If I stay in Claremont, he’ll go because of what I’ve done in the past. And you’re not going to have anything to do with me personally because you’re afraid of what’s happened in your past.” She took a gulp of air, then turned and opened the door. “I give up, Mitch. I can’t win.”

  Then she left the office, while Mitch hurried to follow her. He cleared the doorway as she opened her car door. “Wait!” he yelled.

  She stopped. “Why, Mitch?”

  He wanted to tell her because he loved her, or because he believed they were meant to meet, meant to be together and raise Dee and Emmie together. But then the fear of loving her—and losing her—stopped each word in his throat. Cancer, his mind whispered, and he saw Jana dying all over again. He wouldn’t risk that with Kate.

  “That’s what I thought,” she said, climbing in the car and driving away.

  * * *

  Kate sped away from the office, her foot pressing on the accelerator as Mitch’s silence pressed on her heart. He was willing to help her with Chad, but he wasn’t willing to give her a chance at himself. And Chad wasn’t willing to give her anything toward seeing Lainey. His promise to leave town if she stayed wasn’t an idle threat, and that hurt almost as much as Mitch’s refusal to let her have a place in his life.

  No place in Mitch’s life.

  No place in Lainey’s life.

  She’d prayed for God to help her, but everything had only managed to get worse. Why, God? Why?

  Kate thought about one of the verses she’d leaned on when she was going through the cancer. She couldn’t remember the chapter and verse, but she remembered the gist of the message. God wouldn’t give her more than she could bear, and if He gave her something to bear, then He would also give her a way to get through it.

  “How much more do you think I can bear, Lord?” she cried aloud, as she pulled her car in at the B and B and turned off the engine. Then her phone rang, and she got her answer.

  She recognized the number on the display, dropped her head back and cried. “I don’t understand, God. Help me understand.”

  “We won’t call unless we need to see you again,” the nurse had said when Kate left the doctor’s office on Tuesday. And now the doctor’s name and number stared back at her from the screen. Kate had no choice but to answer. “Hello.”

  “Ms. Wydell,” the woman said on the other end, “I’m sorry to have to call you with this before the weekend, but Dr. Ayers wanted to get in touch with you today because we’d like for you to come back in on Monday. Hold on and I’ll connect you with the doctor.”

  Kate closed her eyes and listened as Dr. Ayers came on the line. Then she had the conversation she’d never wanted to have again, listening to him explain what would begin again on Monday morning. The cancer was back. The treatments would start over. More chemo. More radiation. More...unbearable life.

  Unbearable.

  You said You wouldn’t give me more than I can bear. She told the doctor she’d be there Monday morning and then ended the call. You...lied.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kate sat in her car and waited in the same parking space she’d been in two weeks ago when she found Mitch’s job in the classifieds. She’d packed all of her things last night and taken the suitcases to her car before dawn this morning to keep from waking the Tingles. And to keep from saying goodbye.

  She hated the way she left, but she couldn’t risk Mrs. Tingle convincing her to stay. Staying was no longer an option.

  This morning, she’d driven past each place that she’d come to love over the past two weeks. The diner where she and Mitch had shared lunch. The day care where she’d had her first—and only—Muffins with Mom. She could still hear Dee’s and Emmie’s sweet voices chatting with her as they shared breakfast, still felt the surge of love toward the two little girls who’d so touched her heart...and the abundance of love for the man who’d stolen it completely.

  Mitch. How she wished that she could have seen him one more time, said goodbye with a hug. Or a kiss. She touched her lips, remembered being in his arms and experiencing the tenderness of his kiss. She’d never felt more treasured, more loved.

  But he couldn’t handle even the possibility that the cancer would return. How ironic, that the day he decided it might come back...she’d learned it had.

  A few families were gathered in different areas of the park, some picnicking and some practicing baseball on the fields. The wind wasn’t conducive to kite flying, so there weren’t any of the diamond-shaped images in the sky, but Kate still pictured a pink smiley soaring above the trees...and the feel of Mitch’s arms around her when she’d lost control of that kite.

  Was that the way the rest of her life would be? Thinking about each moment wi
th Mitch and regretting that they couldn’t last forever?

  Probably so. But, if it was any consolation, the “rest of her life” wouldn’t last that long.

  She saw the silver BMW crest the hill that led into the park. Chad still drove the same car he’d driven when they were together, which didn’t surprise her. Doctor or not, he wasn’t one to be showy about his possessions. He’d been different from her that way, too, because back then, she’d spend their very last dime to make sure she wore whatever blended with the doctors’ wives.

  How foolish she’d been.

  As they’d agreed, Chad parked a short distance away from Kate, and she watched, mesmerized, as the family got out. Chad exited first and was quickly followed by a sandy-haired boy—Nathan, Kate realized. Chad’s son with Jessica would be about nine now, which coincided to the size and build of the boy grabbing a baseball bat and ball from the trunk and then running toward one of the fields.

  Kate had never seen Jessica, and when she got out of the car and smiled toward Kate, she knew why she’d so captivated Chad in high school. She was naturally beautiful, with flowing brunette hair, an athletic build and a genuine smile. Kate was shocked that she was smiling at her, especially since she knew who Kate was and how she’d treated Chad.

  “I’ll be right there,” Chad called to Nathan, and then he started walking toward Kate’s car, while Jessica opened the other back door and helped Lainey climb out.

  Kate held her breath, looking past Chad to see the tiny blonde smile up at Jessica and then hug her around the waist.

  “Let’s feed the ducks, Mommy,” she said, reaching into the car to grab a bag of bread.

  Jessica shot a glance at Kate and Chad and gave Kate yet another smile, but this one seemed to hold a hint of pity toward Kate. And Kate understood why. Lainey had confirmed what Kate already knew. Jessica was the only mommy that little girl had ever had, and would ever have.

  “You can thank Jess for this,” Chad said as he neared her. “I didn’t want to agree to your ‘deal,’ but she’s got a soft heart, and she finds it a little easier to forgive than I do.”