Unforgivable Sin

by Isabel Lucero

  “Hey, I have to admit I wasn’t expecting to hear from you,” she responds as she moves across the entryway and into the living room.

  “I know, but I wanted to talk to you. Thanks for coming over.”

  “Of course.”

  When she sits down on the right side of the couch, I choose to sit in the middle, right next to her. It seems to take her by surprise because her eyes widen and her eyebrows lift before a huge smile stretches across her face.

  “So what’s going on, Troy?” she asks, a smile still touching her lips.

  I give her a smile. “Carla, I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for what happened all those years ago. I’ve spent all this time hating you and living with that hate. I’ve blamed you for me not being able to be in a relationship and not being able to trust anybody. That was wrong of me, because that was on me. I need to learn to take responsibility for my own actions and decisions. What you did hurt me, but I shouldn’t have allowed that to stick with me for so long. I’m past it, and I wanted and needed to let you know.”

  I take a deep breath, relieved to have gotten that out. It’s taken so long for me to realize that this is what I needed. I’ve stunned her silent, because she’s just sitting there staring at me, her mouth slightly agape.

  She seems to shake herself out of it. “Wow, Troy, I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting you to say what you did.”

  “It needed to be said, Carla.”

  She nods her head. “I’m really sorry, Troy. You have to know that. I was so dumb, and I did something so cruel. I will never be able to take it back, but I’m so glad you’ve found it in your heart to forgive me. It means so much.” I give her a small smile and she grabs my hand in hers. “So, what does this mean, you know, for us?”

  The look on her face is apprehensive but hopeful. Her eyes are pleading for a positive response. So many thoughts are running through my head. What to say, how to say it, and if it’s the right thing to do. I think about Emilie and how she’s ignored me completely for the last two days. I think about how Carla has shown up to my house, apologizing and wanting to be together, but accepting friendship if that’s what I’ll give her.

  While I think about my response, she squeezes my hand tighter and bites down on her full bottom lip, effectively rubbing the gloss away. I squeeze her small hand with my own and give her a smile.

  “Let’s eat while we talk.”

  She smiles nervously. “Okay. What are we having?”

  “Your favorite.”

  The following two days go by and I ignore everybody’s phone calls and text messages. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet. I feel so stupid. Why did I ever think I could trust him? He told me she had stopped by, but he also told me he wasn’t interested in her. He flipped out when I asked if he was over her. I was confident in believing he wanted nothing to do with that bitch of an ex. But now I find out that he’s given her a ride somewhere, she’s been in his house, crying to him about God knows what.

  I have no doubt in my mind that this woman is trying to claw her way back into his life. Her crying was probably just a ploy to get him to feel bad for her. As hard as Troy comes off, I know he’s a caring and sweet person. I’m sure with their history she could get him to fall for her tricks. There has to be a reason for him not telling me that she’d been over again. Maybe he was starting to think he could forgive her. Maybe he was thinking about that new start that she had mentioned.

  Fuck my life.

  Troy’s been blowing up my phone, but I haven’t listened to any of his voicemails and I’ve only glanced over the text messages. He wants to talk, he wants to explain, and he’s sorry. All the typical shit that comes with getting caught up in something.

  Adrienne has tried getting in touch with me, too, offering words of support and then threatening me if I don’t give her my side of the story. Even Christine has offered to get drunk, listen to me rant, or go egg his house. The news has spread, which is just fucking great. Now everybody knows I’m the stupid girl who thought she could get the escort -who’s still hung up on his ex- to settle down.

  I groan and curl into a ball under my blankets. I know I need to snap out of it, my days off are coming to an end. The holiday break from The Coffee House is about over and I’ll have to face the world soon.

  A banging at the door makes me jump out from underneath the covers. I hope it’s not Troy again. Last time he came over and I saw him through the peephole, I almost let him in, but I need more time to be mad and just think.

  The banging continues, so I walk quietly to the door to see who’s here. Before I can look through the peephole, Adrienne’s voice rings out.

  “Em, I’m not leaving this time. Open the door or I’m going to tell Paul that nobody has heard from you in two days.” She bangs again. “They’ll open this door up to make sure you aren’t dead.” More banging. “Emilie Mae! I’m worried about you, just let me in.”

  My shoulders sag and I sigh. I unlock the door and open it up.

  When Adrienne sees me, she gives me a sympathetic frown and stretches her arms outwards for a hug.

  “Come here, sweetie,” she says softly and I fall into her embrace. “It’ll be okay.”

  The sweetness and compassion in her voice makes me want to breakdown and cry. I step back a few seconds later and close the door.

  “What happened?” she asks, her brows furrowed.

  We sit on the couch and I tell her everything that happened that night. How it went from one of the most amazing nights of my life, to the worst in the matter of minutes. About how when I was looking for the panties he had taken off of me, I came across the card from his ex, tucked into the side of the couch.

  “He hadn’t seen the note before?” she asks.

  I shrug. “He said he didn’t know where it came from.”

  “Well, there’s nothing there that says he slept with her. She only mentioned the ride and going over to cry to him about something. He should have told you those things, but I don’t think he cheated on you, honey,” she says softly.

  “She said thanks for always being there, thanks for doing all these things for me, basically. She said she loves him and wants him to call her. He’s there helping her out when she fucked him over. Why? Maybe he wants her back; maybe old feelings are coming back now that she’s around again. I can’t compete with what they had before. There’s history there, and I’m new.”

  “Em, from what I’ve heard from Jace, he doesn’t want to be with her,” she says shaking her head.

  “He needs to set her straight then. She thinks she has a chance. I want her to know that she can’t go over there whenever she wants. She’ll continue to do that if he leads her to believe he’s okay with it. I’d tell her if I could, but it needs to come from him.”

  “I know. You need to talk to him and tell him that. Maybe he’ll do it, maybe he has, but you won’t know until you answer his calls.”

  “I know,” I sigh. “I just want to be mad for a little longer and make him suffer a bit,” I say with a smirk.

  Adrienne smiles. “Okay. Get dressed. Let’s go stuff our faces with junk food and ice cream or something.”

  “I don’t know,” I whine.

  “No. We’re going. You probably haven’t left this apartment at all in the past couple days, it’s time to eat your sorrows away.”

  “Isn’t that supposed to be drink your sorrows away?” I ask with a laugh.

  “You could do that too, but I’m hungry and I want a big fat cheeseburger and a milkshake. Come on.”

  “Fine, but I’m not getting all pretty. I’m wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.”

  “Okay, just brush your hair, geez,” she says, looking at my head in disgust.

  “I just got out of bed!” I protest.

  “Yeah, it’s six pm. Nobody’s in bed this early.”

  “I was moping, leave me alone,” I pout.

  “Alright. Just hurry, I’m starving.”

  I go t
o the room and pull off my pajama pants and replace them with some well-worn jeans. I don’t change my t-shirt; I just put a hoodie over it since I’m sure it’ll be pretty cold outside. After I brush my hair and put it in a ponytail, I push my feet into my tennis shoes and find Adrienne waiting by the door.

  “After you, my dear,” she says with a smile as she opens the door.

  “So where we goin’?” I ask as we climb into her car.

  “It’s not too far from your job, actually.”

  When we drive past my job, I notice the sign that reads The Coffee House is looking a little dull. The coffee mug in the corner is faded, and the letters are a bit worn off. I make a note to have that re-done soon. Since I’ve taken over I haven’t made too many changes, because I like the little homey feel, but a paint job on the sign won’t take away from that.

  Adrienne finds a parking spot right around the corner from my job.

  “Hey, didn’t Christine say she works around here somewhere?” Adrienne asks as we get out of the car.

  “Yeah, she said on the same block, but I have no idea where.”

  “Maybe we’ll find the bookstore on the way to the restaurant. If she’s there, maybe we can stop in and say hi. She was worried when you didn’t respond to her text about wanting to get drunk,” Adrienne says with a laugh.

  “I was tempted to say yes to that,” I respond with my own laugh.

  We get to the restaurant without passing any bookstore, but it’s too cold for me to try to keep looking. Adrienne and I take a seat in a booth on the side, and wait for our waitress to come over.

  “Let me text Christine and see if she’s at work. Maybe she can stop by,” I say, pulling my phone from the pocket of my hoodie.

  The waitress comes by and we order a chocolate and strawberry shake first. Adrienne seems to know what she wants to eat, but I need more time.

  My phone dings with a text back from Christine.

  “She said she can be here in twenty minutes,” I say to Adrienne.

  “Oh, good. Is she at work?”

  “Yeah. I asked where it was, but she said it’s on the other side of the block.”

  “Oh.”

  After we order our food, we’re halfway done eating when Christine walks in. She’s wearing some black leggings with gray knee-high boots, and a gray sweater dress. She smiles and waves when she sees us.

  “Hey! You’re alive,” she exclaims when she slides into the booth next to me.

  “Yeah,” I say with a small smile.

  “Aww.” She pouts at me. “I’m sorry. I only heard that you and your new guy got in a fight. How are you?”

  “I’m alright. Eating my sorrows away,” I say gesturing towards my fattening plate of food.

  “Well, the shake looks good,” she says with a smile. “I’m gonna get one of those. I haven’t been able to get your cupcakes in a few days.”

  “We’ll be open tomorrow, don’t worry.”

  “Whew!” she says with a dramatic swipe over her brow. “I need my daily sweets.”

  The waitress takes my and Adrienne’s plates away and brings Christine her shake, and we all sit around and talk about everything except my situation. When the conversations lulls, Christine turns towards me.

  “So, is everything okay, really?” she asks with a sympathetic look on her face. I’m quickly realizing how much I hate that look. I don’t want people to pity me.

  “I’m fine. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m not fine, but I’ll be okay,” I say, forcing a smile.

  “As soon as Troy tells Crazy that she needs to back off,” Adrienne states.

  “Crazy?” Christine questions. “Oh, the ex-girlfriend? She’s crazy?” she asks, her eyes getting wide, ready to hear some gossip.

  Adrienne and I laugh at her response. “We don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I just imagine she is. She has to be to do what she did to Troy.”

  Adrienne nods in agreement while sipping her shake.

  “Okay, I know I’m a little late to the party, but you guys need to catch me up,” Christine says, looking between the both of us. “I want to know all about Crazy, too,” she says with a playful pout. “What did she do to him?”

  I tell Christine about how Troy’s ex had cheated on him with his cousin and got caught by Troy when they were in the middle of fucking.

  “Wow,” she breathes. “That’s… I mean, I have no words for that.”

  Adrienne and I only nod.

  “Apparently she just started coming around again and is trying to be back in his life. Showing up at his house, needing rides and shoulders to cry on,” Adrienne says with a roll of her eyes.

  “Well, what’s that about?” Christine asks.

  “Don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “Troy told me she came around and left him a gift or something, but he told me he wasn’t interested in her and didn’t plan on going to lunch with her like she wanted.”

  “Well, and I’m sorry for saying this, but I don’t get why you’re mad at him.”

  I sigh. “The note from her that I found just hit me hard. She loves him and wants to start over. She said he’s always there for her, and I’m just worried that I have competition, and I can’t compete with history.”

  She puts her hand on my leg and gives me a gentle squeeze. “Hey, don’t worry about it. What’s meant to be will be.”

  I nod but don’t say anything else.

  “Everything will be fine,” Adrienne says. “They’re too good together to not be together.”

  I can’t help but smile. We are good together, and I already miss talking to him. Once I get home, I’ll give him a call and we’ll figure this whole thing out.

  “Yay, we got a smile out of her,” Christine cheers.

  We all laugh and talk for a few minutes before Christine pulls her phone out and checks the time.

  “Oh shit. I totally forgot I was supposed to stop by my parent’s house. Dad can’t figure out how to watch Netflix,” she says, rolling her eyes.

  “Oh okay. Well, I’ll see you soon, I’m sure,” I say with a smile.

  “Work tomorrow? I’ll be by for cupcakes.”

  I laugh. “I’ll be there.”

  “Great,” she says, sliding out of the booth and dropping some money for the shake. “Later, girls!”

  “Bye,” we say in unison.

  A little while after she leaves, Adrienne and I pay for our dinner, and she drives me home. I’m actually looking forward to making this call to Troy. This phone call will determine the future of our relationship.

  When I get home, I jump in the shower and put on some comfortable pajamas before I call Troy.

  I go to the hoodie that I had thrown across my bed to get my phone out of the pocket, but it’s not there.

  “Shit.”

  I search the bed and floor just in case it flew out when I had taken it off, but it’s nowhere to be found. It either fell out in Adrienne’s car or in the restaurant. I’m really hoping it’s in Adrienne’s car, because I doubt anybody would turn it in if they found it. Bastards.

  I have a house phone, but without my cell phone, I don’t remember anybody’s number. Fucking technology has made us all stupid. I remember when I was a kid, I had all of my friend’s phone numbers memorized, now I don’t know anybody’s.

  Fuck. I guess I’ll have to wait to talk to Troy until tomorrow.

  With a long sigh, I climb into bed and set the regular alarm clock that I normally don’t use.

  The following morning, I drive to Adrienne’s house before she goes to work. When she comes to the door, she has a nice cream-colored pantsuit on, and is in the process of putting on her earrings.

  “Hey,” she says, letting me in.

  “Hey. Sorry to stop by unannounced so early, but I can’t find my phone.”

  “Oh no.”

  “Yeah, it sucks. Do you think I can check your car to see if it fell out in there last night?”

  “Yeah, sure. Let me just put my shoes on. I’m about to leave
anyway.”

  “Okay.”

  She comes back into the living room from her bedroom. “Okay, let’s hope it’s in there.”

  “God, I hope so.”

  “I guess that means you didn’t get to talk to Troy?”

  “I don’t know anybody’s number!” I whine.

  “Well, here,” she says, digging into her purse and handing me a card.

  “What’s this?” I ask.

  “It’s my card. It has my number on it. I can’t believe you don’t know my number.”

  “Hey. It’s not my fault. You just got a new one not too long ago. I haven’t had time to memorize it.”

  “Uh huh,” she says giving me a playful scowl.

  We get to her car, and I open the passenger door, hoping to see my phone on the seat.

  It’s not.

  I look under the seat, floor mat, in between the seat and console, and it’s not there.

  “Fuck!”

  “Sorry, babe. Maybe go to the restaurant, and hopefully somebody trustworthy found it and turned it in.”

  “I doubt it, but I’ll give it a shot.”

  “Okay. I gotta go,” she says, opening the driver’s side door. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Hopefully,” I say with a smirk.

  She gets in her car and drives off while I make my way to my car and head to the restaurant from last night. Half an hour later, I’m leaving the restaurant without my phone. I check the time in the car and find that I have just enough time to drive to work. I guess I’ll plan a trip to the phone company when I get off.

  When I’m in my office, I call a few places and get quotes on painting the sign outside the shop. I’m hoping to have it done around the start of the New Year. Once I’m done going through all the bills and other paperwork for the shop, I head to the front and see if Chris and Audrey need any help.

  “Hey, guys. How’s it goin’ out here?” I ask.

  “Good. Slow,” Chris answers as he folds his arms across his chest.

  “How was your Christmas?” Audrey asks, leaning against the counter.

  “Um, it was okay,” I respond, instantly thinking about how that was the last time I talked to Troy.