Straight Up Love - Lexi Ryan

by Ryan, Lexi

  Taking her face in my hands, I kiss her. I let her taste herself on my lips.

  She meets my eyes as she shifts her hips, positioning me at her entrance. “Jake?”

  I never meant for us to get to this so quickly, but her eyes are hazy with pleasure, and when she shifts above me, I lift my hips. In the next moment, she’s sliding down my cock—no condom, no hesitation—and I fucking love it. I love knowing there’s nothing between us, and am grounded by the feeling that this connects us in a way that can’t be unbroken.

  Her breath hitches as I fill her. “Oh, God.” She grips the back of my neck. “Jake, it’s so good. It’s better than I . . . God.”

  Emotion knots in my throat as I watch her move over me. Her eyes are at half-mast, and her lips are parted. Fighting the instinct to hold her too tightly, I soften my grip on her hips.

  She shakes her head and slides her hands over mine. “Hold me.” She leans forward, buries her face into the crook of my neck. “Don’t be gentle with me.”

  The whispered plea breaks something loose inside me, and in one swift motion, I wrap my arms around her and take her to the floor. She draws her knees up, opening her body for me, and gasps as I drive deeper.

  “You feel so damn good,” I whisper into her ear. Between our bodies, I cup her breast and squeeze gently, loving the arch of her neck and the flush in her cheeks. “So good.”

  When her body tightens around me and her soft moans turn to desperate pants, I cover her mouth with mine and kiss her with everything I’m feeling. It’s too much to keep this inside, and I focus on this moment: Ava naked and falling apart in my arms, her vulnerability making me even more aware of mine. I love her, and losing her would destroy me. I can’t. I won’t.

  “You’re mine,” I say, and there’s an edge to my words that’s sharper than my building need. Mine.

  She softens under me. “Yes. Yours.”

  I take her words as the promise I need them to be and let myself go, closing my eyes and relishing the feel of skin on skin as I release.

  Jake

  The bedroom ceiling fan clicks overhead, passing cool air over our sweaty limbs and providing a steady rhythm to our lazy Saturday. We gave up on joining my family down at the lake and retreated to my bedroom instead. I sent Shay a text saying we decided to spend the day alone, and she replied, Remember to hydrate.

  Ava traces the ink across my left pec, a relaxed and satisfied sigh streaming from her lips. We have no interest in letting each other go, so we’re enjoying the empty cabin while we can.

  “I love you,” she whispers.

  I press a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you too.”

  “I still can’t quite believe this is real.” She hoists herself up onto one elbow and looks down at me, her dark hair falling in a curtain around her face.

  “Why did you pretend you didn’t know?” I ask. My voice is rough, my stomach in a knot at the memory of putting myself out there and being pushed away. I wanted to ask her a lot of times, but the truth is, she saved our friendship by pretending the afternoon I first kissed her never happened.

  I was always too grateful I didn’t lose her to call her on it.

  “What do you mean?” She lowers her head back down to the pillow, and I roll to my side so we’re face to face, our bodies only inches apart, our fingers intertwined as we hold hands between our chests.

  “You act like I never told you how I feel.” I study her. “I admitted I was in love with you almost five years ago, and you . . .” I swallow, not wanting to label the obvious rejection.

  Her eyes fill with tears, but she blinks them away. “You were just trying to keep me from making a bad decision. You shouldn’t have done it, but I understood and let it go. I didn’t want to let the fight ruin our friendship.”

  I frown. “What do you mean?”

  “I was angry with you for lying like that. I spent a few days contemplating calling off my wedding because of what you said. Then Harrison told me he confronted you. He said you told him you were only trying to stop me from marrying him. That I was like a sister to you.”

  The memory falls like a rock into my stomach. Harrison was so pissed when he found out I’d kissed Ava. He didn’t want me in her life. And honestly, at first, I didn’t think I wanted to be. When I left her apartment after telling her I loved her, I thought that if she wouldn’t be mine, I didn’t want her in my life at all. It hurt too damn much. But by the time Harrison showed up at my bar, pissed at me for kissing his girl, I’d decided I needed to do whatever was necessary to hold on to my best friend. Including lying to Harrison about my feelings for Ava and pretending my night with Molly never happened.

  “I lied to him, Ava.” I shake my head. “I told him what he needed to hear so you and I could keep being friends. The day I kissed you in your apartment, I meant every word I said.” I pause for a beat and close my eyes as the rest of her words sink in. She almost called off her wedding? For me?

  “Things could have been so different.” A tear slips from her eye and begins its slow path over the bridge of her nose.

  I release her hand so I can wipe it away. “Maybe. Or maybe you would have married him anyway.”

  “I loved him. I didn’t want to lose either one of you. I didn’t think you saw me that way.”

  “Even though I kissed you?” I ask, my voice rough.

  “After having feelings for you for years, what you told Harrison was easier to believe than what you told me.”

  “I don’t even know how long I’ve been in love with you,” I say. “I don’t know that I ever wasn’t. But I didn’t understand what I felt until you started dating Harrison. And when I realized how I felt about you, I was scared. I wasted so much time trying to get over you, and by the time I told you, it was too late.”

  “Then I married him,” she says. “You came to my wedding, danced at my wedding, and told me you were happy for me. You went house hunting with me and helped me choose the home where I was supposed to grow old with another man.”

  “I was prepared to do whatever I needed to keep your friendship, but I’ve always wanted more, Ava. Always.” I roll on top of her and hold her hands in mine over her head.

  “You have me now,” she says. “For as long as you want me.”

  I crush my mouth to hers before she can say more. I kiss her deeply before I can remember those words that threaten her promise.

  Noah McKinley, son, four years old.

  Ava

  “You’re glowing.” Ellie grins as she slides into our booth at Ooh La La! She narrows her eyes and shakes her head slowly. “And it’s not just a weekend-in-the-sun glow. This is an I’ve-had-so-many-orgasms-my-muscles-no-longer-work glow.”

  I look down into my coffee and try to hide my grin. I can’t. A weekend of incredibly satisfying sex and endless declarations of love will do that to you. “That’s a pretty specific glow.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  “Not at all.” I press my palms to my hot cheeks. It’s Tuesday morning, and even though I have a dozen things I should be worried about—with the lack of a job at the top of that list, and the question of a potential secret nephew not far below it—I’m happy and calm. Everything’s going to work out. I believe that. “I’m so in love, Ellie.”

  Ellie squeaks and claps her hands. “I love this. You two are so freaking good together.” Her phone rings, and she pulls it from her purse and frowns at the display. “Shit. I need to take this. I’ll be right back.”

  I wave her off. “No problem. I have nowhere else to be.”

  She smiles gratefully and steps out onto the sidewalk to take her call, letting me return to my thoughts of Jake and the perfect weekend.

  “Ava, how are you?”

  I turn to see Harrison approaching my table. He looks handsome and professional in his gray suit and pinstripe tie this morning, but for once, seeing him only warms me with vague nostalgia instead of stinging me with longing. “Good morning, Harrison.”

  �
�Good morning.” He looks me over and shakes his head. “You look great. Did you change something?”

  “I lost my job and fell in love. The change is probably just stress relief.”

  He arches a brow. “Most people would be stressed about losing their jobs.”

  I shrug. “It’ll work out.”

  “So you and Jake are for real, huh?” He takes a sip of his coffee. “Damn. I guess I should have seen that coming miles away.”

  I can’t help but smile. “We got the timing right for once.”

  He grunts and cuts his gaze to the picture window looking onto the street outside. Ellie’s out there talking on her phone and pacing the sidewalk. “I guess I had a reason to be jealous of him after all.”

  Guilt washes over me at the shadow of hurt that passes over Harrison’s face. I don’t want to feel guilty. He doesn’t deserve my guilt. But that doesn’t change that I had feelings for Jake while I was with Harrison. “Harrison?” I wait until he meets my eyes before speaking again. “There wasn’t anything between Jake and me before. I can’t deny I had feelings for him, but until recently, we’ve never been romantically involved. I was honest with you about that.”

  “Oh well. It’s ancient history. I guess I’m just surprised. If I would have slept with Molly, you never would have talked to me again.”

  I frown. “You slept with Molly?” I shake my head. That’s not what he said. Not at all. “What are you trying to imply?”

  He chuckles, and something too much like joy lifts his features. “Good-boy Jake didn’t tell you he hooked up with your stepsister?”

  My stomach folds over, and I nearly go with it. “That’s a terrible lie.”

  He shakes his head. “If that’s what you need to tell yourself.”

  “Jake wouldn’t hook up with Molly.” My voice is too loud, and I wince. “Why would you even say that?”

  He shrugs. “Maybe it was just the once. I remember seeing them hot and heavy at the back of Jackson Brews. That might be the only time I’ve seen Jake touch a woman in public, but man, he was all over her.”

  Why is he doing this? Does he hate that I’m happy?

  But instead of insisting that he’s lying or shutting down the conversation, I hear myself ask, “When?”

  “Jesus, Ava. It’s been forever. I’m not saying he’s cheating on you.”

  “I want to know when.”

  He throws up his free hand and releases an exasperated sigh. Suddenly, he snaps his fingers. “It was the weekend you and I got engaged. Actually, it was one of the reasons I was able to get past him kissing you. I figured he couldn’t be too serious about you if he was going to turn around and be all over Molly like that. Either that, or he’s a bigger asshole than I ever realized.”

  The weekend we got engaged. My stomach folds again. And again.

  “I should have told you earlier, but Molly asked me not to.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Why would you care?”

  He grimaces. “She threatened to tell you that I came on to her first.” He waves a hand. “Back before you and I dated, but I knew it would upset you, so I agreed to keep her secret.”

  Once, that would have destroyed me. Harrison was the one piece of evidence I had that Molly wasn’t better than me in every way, and it would have killed me to know his story about wanting me and not her was a lie. Today, I don’t care about that, but the other part . . . Jake. That can’t be true, can it?

  “I figured you’d find out eventually anyway.” Harrison scans my face. “Ava, are you okay?”

  “You’re sure?” I grip my coffee cup so hard that it tilts, spilling hot brew all over my hand and wrist. “Shit.”

  Harrison reaches across the table for napkins and helps me clean it up.

  “It could have been Levi or Carter,” I say, mopping soggy napkins into a pile before meeting Harrison’s eyes. “Or, heck, it sounds like she and Brayden hooked up when he went to New York last week. Maybe he was the one you saw with her.”

  “It was definitely Jake. I can tell the difference between my wife’s best friend and his brothers.”

  “That was almost five years ago.” And Molly has a child who’s four years old. A child she’s kept a secret from everyone in Jackson Harbor. My throat is thick and tears prick the back of my eyes. “Why are you saying this? Do you want me to be unhappy?”

  “I didn’t think it mattered. I wasn’t trying to cause trouble.” Harrison’s expression has changed to one of pity, and I hate it.

  “You know it matters, Harrison.” It matters more than anything. It would matter even if it was one night without consequences. But throw in the fact that Jake never told me, and Molly’s secret child?

  Is Noah Jake’s baby?

  Harrison lowers his voice when he adds, “I’m not lying. And I’m sorry he wasn’t honest with you. I thought you two told each other everything.”

  I can hardly breathe through the awful weight on my chest, but I lift my chin and force myself to shrug and wave away the matter like it’s nothing. “We’ll figure it out.”

  “I feel like shit. Is there anything I can do?”

  I shake my head. “Go to work. Have a good day. Everything’s fine.”

  Harrison’s brow furrows, but he nods. “Have a good day, then.” He heads out and holds the door for Ellie when she comes back in.

  She’s smiling as she takes her spot across from me. “Back to what we were saying. I know you’re anxious to start a family, but enjoy each other for a while first. Date, flirt, screw in public places. The family will come later.”

  The weight of what Harrison said is too much, too heavy, and I’m starting to feel numb, but I blink at her when she says this. “We didn’t use condoms.” And I’m such an idiot.

  Ellie’s eyes go wide. “Why not?”

  Jake might be a father to Molly’s child, and I had a weekend of unprotected sex with him.

  “Ava, are you okay?”

  “I haven’t used any sort of birth control since before I was married.” But that doesn’t change that it was a conscious decision. I had sex with Jake without protection because we love each other, and in that moment, a pregnancy seemed like a wonderful possibility, not a risk. I slide out of the booth and stand. “I need to go, Ellie.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “It’s not that.” I press my hand to my stomach. “I need to talk to Jake.”

  Jake

  “Jake! I’m so sorry I couldn’t talk this weekend. How are you?”

  I drag a hand through my hair and pace my apartment, not sure if I can honestly answer that question. On the one hand, I spent the weekend with Ava and have never been better. On the other hand, I’m on the phone with Ava’s stepsister so I can ask her if she had my child four years ago. The idea is so insane that I laugh. “I’m good, I think.”

  “You think? You’re helping the love of your life get pregnant. You should be grand.” Molly grunts, obviously unamused by the idea. “So, what’s up?”

  “Listen . . .” I clear my throat, unsure where to start. “We were going over your health insurance enrollment and saw that you claimed a dependent.”

  “What?” I hear the shock in her voice and know immediately that she understands the reason for my call. “I filled that out on the insurance company’s website. I thought that was confidential.”

  “No. It doesn’t work like that.” Fuck. I pace across my living room and back, letting the silence grow between us and waiting for her to explain. “Molly?”

  “Is there a problem with me being a mother? Does this mean I can’t work for Jackson Brews?”

  I close my eyes and sink into my chair. “You know that’s not why I’m calling.” Another beat. She’s silent. “Ava was there when Brayden asked me about your kid. Even your stepsister didn’t know about him. What the hell is going on?”

  “You told Ava? Jesus, is it unreasonable for me to expect that the information I put on confidential forms remains confidential?” She blows
out a hard breath. “What a disaster.”

  “You could have told me you ended up pregnant. You don’t keep that from—”

  “It’s not your business. This is private.”

  “Isn’t it? We were together in August.” I shake my head and tug on a fistful of hair. I’ve been telling myself all weekend that it’s ridiculous to assume that a child born four years ago to a woman I slept with once is mine, but it was easy to tell myself that when I was sure she’d jump right in to name the father. “His birthday is May second.” She is quiet too long. “What am I supposed to do with this information?” I sound as desperate and panicked as I feel.

  “Ignore it? Forget it? Never bring it up again?”

  “Is he mine?”

  She sighs heavily. “He’s my child, Jake. Not yours, and not anyone else’s.”

  “How can I believe he’s not mine?” Please give me a fucking reason to believe.

  “Noah is mine. I’m his parent, so please don’t ask me any more questions and please don’t talk about it.” She’s silent for a few beats, sighing as if the fight’s gone out of her. When she speaks again, her tone softens. “Can you tell Ava it was a mistake? That I screwed up the form or something?”

  “I can’t lie to her about this.” I won’t. I’ve already fucked up enough.

  “Why not? You went years without telling her how you feel and then years without mentioning our drunken mistake.”

  “Things are different now. Ava and I—”

  “I don’t want to know, Jake. Please. You live your life. You enjoy it, but don’t make me listen to details about how special the two of you are together. Just don’t.” Her voice cracks, and I feel it in my chest. I know that ache she’s feeling and wish I’d never done anything to make it worse.

  “You can’t keep a child a secret. The father has a right to know.”

  “You’re full of assumptions, and I’m done with this conversation. I’m asking you as politely as I know how to forget about this. If I need to find another job, I will.”