Hill, Reginald - Dalziel and Pascoe 17 - On Beulah Height

by Reginald Hill

  That's all. You said I just had to talk about the old days, I needn't talk about now if I didn't want. Well, I don't. And I don't want Aunt Chloe to hear this, that's definite. But him, oh, aye, you can show it to him if you like, let him hear what it's like to be me, I'd like him to understand, that's for sure. Because who else is left in the world to understand?

  DAY 4 Songs for Dead Children

  Lieder are usually sung in their original German, but the young mezzo-soprano Elizabeth Wulfstan, feels strongly that something essential is lost to an English-speaking audience, the majority of whom have to get the sense of the songs from a program note. Unable to find a satisfactory performing translation of the cycle, she has made her own, not hesitating from time to time to use her own Yorkshire demotic.

  The original texts were the work of the German poet Friedrich Ruckert (1788-1866), who had reacted to the death of his son by writing more than four hundred poems of lament, some specific to his loss, many more general. Mahler used five in his song cycle. His interest in setting them was primarily imaginative and artistic. He was unmarried and childless when he started working on them in 1901. By the time he completed the cycle in 1905 he had married Alma Schindler and they had two children. After their birth, Alma could not understand his continuing obsession with the Ruckert-based cycle, which superstitiously she saw as a rash tempting of fate. The death of their eldest daughter of scarlet fever in 1907 seemed confirmation of her worst fears.

  Here are the poems in Elizabeth Wulfstan's own translation.

  (i)

  And now the sun will rise as bright As though no horror had touched the night. The horror affected me alone. The sunlight illumines everyone. You must not dam up that dark infernal, But drown it deep in light eternal! So deep in my heart a small flame died. Hail to the joyous morningtide!

  (ii)

  At last I think I see the explanation Of those dark flames in many glances burning. Such glances! As though in just one look so burning You'd concentrate your whole soul's conflagration. I could not guess, lost in the obfuscation Of blinding fate which hampered all discerning, That even then your gaze was homeward turning, Back to the source of all illumination.

  You tried with all your might to speak this warning: Though all our love is focused on you, Yet our desires must bow to Fate's strict

  bourning. Look on us now, for soon we must go from you. These eyes that open brightly every morning In nights to come as stars will shine upon you.

  (iii)

  When your mother dear to my door draws near, And my thoughts all center there to see her enter Not on her sweet face first off falls my

  gaze, But a little past her, seeking something after, There where your own dear features would appear Lit with love and laughter bringing up the rear, As once my daughter dear.

  When your mother dear to my door draws

  near, Then I get the feeling you are softly stealing With the candle's clear gentle flame in here, Dancing on my ceiling! O light of love and

  laughter! Too soon put out to leave me dark and drear.

  (iv)

  I often think they've only gone out walking, And soon they'll come homewards all laughing and

  talking. The weather's bright! Don't look so pale. They've only gone for a hike updale. Oh, yes, they've only gone out walking, Returning now, all laughing and talking. Don't look so pale! The weather's bright. They've only gone to climb up Beulah

  Height. Ahead of us they've gone out walking-But shan't be returning all laughing and talking. We'll catch up with them on Beulah Height In bright sunlight. The weather's bright on Beulah Height.

  (v)

  In such foul weather, in such a gale, I'd never have sent them to play up the dale! They were dragged by force or fear. Nowt I said could keep them here. In such foul weather, in sleet and hail, I'd never have let them play out in the dale. I was feart they'd take badly. Now such fears I'd suffer gladly. In such foul weather, in such a bale, I'd never have let them play out in the dale For fear they might die tomorrow.

  That's no more my source of sorrow. In such foul weather, in such a bale, I'd never have sent them to play up the dale. They were dragged by force or fear. Nowt I said could keep them here. In such foul weather, in such a gale, In sleet and hail, They rest as if in their mother's house, By no foul storm confounded, By God's own hands surrounded, They rest as in their mother's house.

  On the morning of the fourth day of the Lorraine Dacre inquiry, Geordie Turnbull rose early.

  He had a hangover, not the sort that makes you turn over in bed and burrow under the sheets in search of masking darkness and the sanctuary of sleep, but the sort that sends you stumbling to the bathroom to void the contents of your gut one way or the other, and wish you could do the same with the contents of your head.

  Ten minutes under a cold shower set at maximum force brought him closer to the possibility that there might be life after coffee.

  It had been a long time since he felt like this. His release from custody and return to Bixford hadn't brought him the relief he'd hoped for. First off, there'd been the press, who both in person and on the phone had pestered him all day. Then there'd been the attitude of his fellow villagers. Fifteen years ago in Dendale it had taken him aback to see the speed with which he'd declined from good ol' Geordie to the Fiend of the Fells. But there he'd been an off-comer, an outsider tolerated because he was pleasant company and would soon be gone. Here in Bixford he thought he'd set down roots, but the taint of being questioned in a child abduction case soon showed him how shallow those roots were. Not that anything had been said, but an overheard whisper, a turned-away glance, even the over-sympathetic tone in which they'd asked about his ordeal down at the pub, had been enough to send him home early to his thoughts and his own whiskey bottle.

  Now, toweling himself vigorously, he wandered from the bathroom to the kitchen. His brain was clawing its way painfully to normal consciousness level, but how far it had to go was evidenced by the fact that he'd filled his kettle before he registered that the back door onto the patio was wide open.

  This jolted him several steps farther up the slope, and when he heard the footstep behind him, he twisted round, flailing with the kettle at the intruder.

  The man swayed back, easily avoiding contact with anything other than the lash of water whipped out of the spout. Then he stepped forward and brought his forehead crashing against Geordie's, paused to examine the effect, before driving a vicious punch into the unprotected belly and raising his knee to receive the man's face as he doubled up. Finally he strolled round the retching figure, pushed a kitchen chair against the back of his legs and pulled him down onto it by his hair. Blood from Turnbull's nose and split eyebrow spattered his naked belly and thighs. The intruder pulled some sheets of kitchen roll and tossed them onto his bloodstained lap.

  "Blow your nose, Mr. Turnbull," he said. "I think there's something you want to get off your conscience. When you're ready, I'd like to talk with you about it."

  On the morning of that fourth day Elizabeth Wulfstan rose early too.

  She slipped out of bed and flung back the curtains on the deep sash window, drenching herself luxuriously in the light which flooded in, heedless of the fact that she was naked and the window fronted directly onto Holyclerk Street.

  Hail to the joyous morningtide! The words formed on her lips but she did not speak them, much less sing them.

  Below her the street was empty, not even a milkman to enjoy the spectacle she offered. Not that hers was a classically voluptuous body. She had a singer's good chest development, but her breasts were small, almost adolescent, and there wasn't enough spare flesh to hide her ribs' corrugations. Indeed what was most likely to have caught a prurient milkman's eye was the complete absence of hair from her head and her pubes.

  What caught her eye were two spaces in the line of residents' cars parked along the curb. As she stood there, going through a sequence of breathing exercises, she checked to left and right and couldn't spot
either Walter's Discovery or Arne's Saab.

  She finished her exercises, crossed the room, opened the door, andwiththe same total indifference to the possibility of being seen, strolled down the corridor to the bathroom.

  Here she brushed her teeth, then gargled gently with a mild antiseptic mouthwash, rinsed, and examined the moist pink interior of her mouth with critical interest.

  Now she sang the words, pianissimo.

  "Hail to the joyous morningtide."

  Finally she showered in lukewarm water so there wasn't too much steam, toweled vigorously, and returned to her room.

  Inger Sandel, dressed in shorts and sun top, was sitting on the bed.

  Elizabeth didn't break stride but went to her dressing table, sat down, and began to make up her face. It was a slow, delicate process. Her skin was naturally sallow and it took meticulous work to transform it to the flushing fairness of her preference.

  Satisfied at last, she met the other woman's eyes in the mirror, then spun slowly round on her stool to face her and said conversationally, "You an active dyke or do you just like gawking?"

  Inger said, "Am I a practicing lesbian? Yes."

  "Always? Sorry, that's daft. I mean, when did you suss it? When you were a lass or not till later?"

  "Always."

  "So you never tried it with a man? Not even Arne?"

  Inger gave one of her rare smiles and said, "Of course with Arne. Once. He wanted. I wanted to work with him. It seemed necessary, and once out of the way, it has stayed out of the way. And you?"

  "Not with Arne, no way."

  "But someone?"

  "A tutor at college. Thought I'd best try it to get it over with."

  "And?"

  "And I got it over with."

  "So there was no relationship after between you and this tutor?"

  "No way."

  "You are sure of yourself, I see. But what about him? Did he not want something more?"

  "Well, I left a fiver on my pillow next morning and went off early. I expect he got the message."

  It was a moment when, if they were ever going to share a smile, they might have done so. But it passed.

  "Any more questions?" asked Elizabeth.

  "Why do you shave your bush?"

  "To get a match with this," said Elizabeth, patting her bald pate. "Turns you on, looking at me, does it?"

  "It is ... pleasing, yes."

  "Pleasing?" She stood up, yawned, stretched. "Well, don't get your hopes up, luv."

  She slipped into a pair of pants and pulled a black T-shirt over her head, careful not to touch her face. Then, taking the blond wig off its stand, she fitted it onto her head and studied herself in the dressing-table mirror.

  "I had no hopes," said Inger.

  "Best way to be. It's always midnight somewhere, my dad used to say. So if it weren't hope that brought you here, how come you're squatting on my bed end?"

  "It is the Kindertotenlieder. I agree with the others. I think you should not sing them."

  "Which others?"

  "Arne. The fat policeman. Walter."

  "Walter's said nowt."

  "When does Walter ever say anything in contradiction to you? But I see the way he is when you sing them."

  "Oh, aye. That's a clever trick when you're banging the piano. Got eyes in the back of your head, have you?"

  The woman on the bed didn't answer but just sat there, monumentally still, face impassive, her unblinking gaze fixed on Elizabeth, who made some unnecessary adjustments to her wig.

  "So what're you saying, Inger?" she asked finally. "That you're going to take your piano and play in some other street?"

  "No. We must all make our own choices. I will not make yours for you. If you will sing, I will play."

  "Then everything's champion, isn't it? Ist'a coming down to breakfast or what?"

  Without waiting for an answer, she left the room and ran down the stairs. In the kitchen she found the back door open and Chloe standing on the patio, drinking a mug of coffee. The garden, long and narrow, flanked with mature shrubs and shaded at the bottom by a tall pear tree, showed the effect of the drought everywhere, with the rectangle of lawn looking as cracked and ochrous as an early oil painting.

  "Morning," called Elizabeth, switching on the electric kettle. "Wet the bed, did you?"

  "That's an idea. If we all peed on the lawn, do you think it would help?" said Chloe. "Walter went out very early and woke me, so I got up. And I've come out here in hope of seeing a bit of dew, but even that seems to have stopped."

  "Mebbe it's been banned, like hose. I'd not try a pee. Likely that's been banned too."

  Chloe came back inside, smiling. There could never be a motherstdaughter closeness between them, but sometimes when alone together their bond of Yorkshire blood allowed them to relax into an earthy familiarity which threatened neither.

  Just as common were the times when she felt she'd given house room to an alien.

  "I've been talking to Inger. She reckons I owtn't to sing the Mahler cycle. What do you think?" asked Elizabeth suddenly.

  Chloe pretended to drink from her empty mug and wondered how someone so direct could be so inapprehensible.

  "Why are you interested in what I think?" she prevaricated.

  Elizabeth chewed on a handful of dried muesli, then washed it down with a mouthful of black coffee.

  "She said Walter and Arne and yon glorrfat bobby thought I shouldn't. But she didn't mention you. So I thought I'd ask if them songs bother you."

  "Because of Mary, you mean? The part of my mind which deals with that has long been out of the reach of mere songs," said Chloe.

  "That's what I thought," said Elizabeth. "Oh, by the way, thanks."

  "For what?"

  "For bringing me up."

  Chloe opened her mouth in a mock gape which wasn't altogether mock. Before she could say anything, the door opened and Inger came in. Elizabeth finished her coffee, grabbed a handful of fresh grapes, said, "See you," and left.

  Inger said, "Does she eat enough?"

  "For a singer, you mean?"

  "For a woman. This morning I saw her naked. She has strong bones, so I had never realized before how little flesh is on them. She was anorexic once, I think?"

  Another member of the unreadably direct tendency, thought Chloe wryly. The only way to respond was either silence or a directness to match their own.

  She sat down and said, "After Betsy had been with us some time--she was still Betsy in those days--she was diagnosed as being anorexic. She had treatment, both medical and psychological. Eventually she recovered."

  There. How easy it was to be completely direct and yet give next to nothing away!

  "So she went through a phase many modern children go through, you spotted it, had it treated. Why do you feel so guilty?"

  Give nothing away! Who was she fooling? Not this sharp-eared woman, that was for certain. She'd once asked Arne what made Inger tick. She'd been a little jealous of her in those long-ago days when the young singer had surprised her body onto levels of pleasure her experience with Walter had hardly even hinted at.

  Arne had laughed and said, "Inger is gay, so no need to feel that kind of jealousy, my love. But don't feel superior, either, which, though they will deny it, is how straight women feel about lesbians, because they think they offer no threat. Inger hears more in the silence between the notes than most of us hear in the music itself."

  Perhaps also she had heard things from Arne that should not have been spoken, or at the least listened carefully to the silences between his words.

  Ironically it had been the crisis with Betsy which brought Arne back into her bed. After Mary's disappearance she had broken off relations with him for reasons too incoherent to merit the term, but which included a sense of being punished for her infidelity and a revulsion against anything which even threatened to dilute her pain.

  But the Betsy crisis had been different. This time she needed escape from herself, and had foun
d it in the singer's company and caresses.

  She couldn't remember now exactly how much she'd revealed of her feelings to Arne. But, if he'd spoken of it to Inger, then even a little was probably enough.

  So let her have it from the horse's mouth now, why not? The human heart can only shut so much away, and her dark cavern was full.

  She said, "I never wanted Betsy to come to us, you know. We'd moved away to the south, I had used every ounce of my will to close a door on Dendale and the past, and now here was this child threatening to open it all up again. I'd never really liked her, she was such a plain child, dark and fat, and strange, too, you'd get this uneasy feeling and turn around and there Betsy would be, watching you, waiting till you noticed her, then asking if Mary was coming out to play. We put it down to her mother, Lizzie, my cousin, who'd always been highly strung, and had the baby blues after Betsy was born and never seemed truly to get out of them. It didn't surprise most people, I think when she took an overdose. The inquest said it could have been accidental, but I think they were just being kind. Jack, that's Betsy's father, was much more of a shock. He was real down-to-earth Yorkshire, hard as nails, he'd see off anything, so most people thought. So when he drowned himself ..."

  "There was no doubt this time?" asked Inger.

  "Not a lot of people go swimming with their pockets full of rocks," said Chloe. "So there was Betsy. Eleven and a half years old. An orphan. Without a relative in the world, except for me."

  "So you took her in?"

  Chloe shook her head.

  "I took to my bed. I screamed and shouted and blubbered gallons of tears every time the possibility of her coming to live with us was mentioned. It was Walter who persuaded me ... no, not persuaded ... that implies an appeal to rationality ... he just worked on me, you know the way the sun can still be burning you even when you think you're protected by a thick layer of cloud? Well, I put up my layer of cloud, but all the time Walter was up there, burning through. And in the end, he won."