The Lobos' Heartsong

by Laura Jo Phillips

  “That was wonderful!” she said, smiling so widely that her dimples showed. “I could watch you do that over and over again. It was so exciting!”

  Faron, Dav and Ban all smiled indulgently at her, pleased that she was not afraid of their alter forms as most human women, and many human men, were. After a moment though, they all noticed that she was getting pale.

  “Are you feeling unwell Saige?” Faron asked, frowning with worry.

  “I’m just tired,” she said. “I’m sorry. Sometimes when I get excited it’s…difficult.”

  Faron thought back to the times Saige had abruptly gone still and spent long minutes focusing on her breathing and realized that in each instance she had become very excited beforehand. He did not know what was wrong with Saige, but he intended to find out as soon as possible.

  He scooped Saige up into his arms and turned towards the river house where they made their home when they were at the Dracons’ ranch. Saige made a half-hearted attempt to insist he put her down, but she was honestly too tired at the moment to walk any further. Nobody was more surprised than she was when she actually fell asleep in Faron’s arms while he carried her.

  By the time they reached the river house, Garen was already there and waiting for them with a small package. Faron carried Saige inside and laid her gently on the sofa in the living room. Dav and Ban went into the bedroom and came back with a light blanket and a pillow for her. Once they were satisfied that she was comfortable, they stepped out onto the porch where Garen waited.

  “Lariah told me about Saige's condition,” he said as he removed a small package from his pocket. “Doc had enough medications on hand for a couple of days. He is ordering more for her now which will be delivered to us. He has just been called to a Katre ranch to help with an outbreak of some unknown disease that is killing their cattle and will be gone for several days, at least. ”

  “That is unfortunate,” Faron said, feeling badly for his fellow ranchers. Having diseased cattle was bad enough. When the disease was unknown, it could be devastating. “If there is anything we can do to be of help, please let us know.”

  “I will,” Garen replied as he held out the small package.

  Faron took the package from Garen with a deep nod. “Thank you, my Prince,” he said. He turned the package over in his hands a few times, trying to make up his mind. Finally he sighed.

  “Saige has not yet had a chance to tell us what is wrong with her,” he said. “As much as I wish to know, I think it would be more fair to allow her to tell us.”

  “That is as it should be,” Garen agreed. “In truth, other than what Lariah just told me, I know little about it. If you need more information, I believe that Doc would be the one to ask. If you need to talk to someone before he returns, perhaps we can contact the town physician.”

  Garen stepped off the porch, and paused a moment. “Let me know if there is anything else you need,” he said.

  The Lobos bowed in thanks and watched as Garen transformed into his dracon. He shook himself, his leopard spotted fur glistening in the bright mid-afternoon sunlight. Stretching out his wings with a snap, he launched himself into the sky.

  Faron watched as his Prince circled the area once, then twice, his sharp dracon eyes searching for hidden danger, before stretching out his long neck and streaking away. When he could no longer see him, Faron turned and went into the house, Dav and Ban at his heels. They checked Saige to be sure she was well and still sleeping, then headed to the kitchen.

  Chapter 18

  Saige awoke in unfamiliar surroundings and sat up quickly, the blanket covering her falling to the floor. Her sudden movement had Faron, Dav and Ban all racing to her side.

  “What's wrong?” Faron demanded.

  “Nothing,” Saige assured him. “I just didn't know where I was and it startled me.”

  Faron, Dav and Ban relaxed. Faron sat down on the sofa beside her and reached for a small dish on the low table before them. “Here,” he said, handing it to her. Saige looked down and saw several familiar pills. She poured them into her hand and looked up to see Ban standing beside her holding a glass of water. She took the glass and smiled her thanks before taking the medications. She reached out to place the glass on the table, but Ban took it from her hand and did it for her.

  “Thank you,” she said, feeling self-conscious with all of them staring at her.

  “Are you hungry?” Faron asked.

  Saige looked at him in surprise. She had thought they would insist on their explanation before anything else. “Very hungry,” she admitted. “I think my body wants to make up for all the food it missed for those three days.”

  “Come on then,” Faron said, standing up and holding his hand out to her. She reached up and took it, allowing him to pull her up off the sofa. “We have a large meal on the table ready to be eaten, but do not worry. We did not cook it ourselves. Suly sent it over for us.”

  “Are you bad cooks then?” she asked, relieved to keep the conversation light for the time being.

  “It is not so much that we are bad cooks,” Dav replied. “It is more that we do not enjoy the cooking of food nearly as much as we enjoy the eating of it. We make do for ourselves, but when we have the opportunity to eat Suly's cooking, we do not turn it down.”

  “Do you like to cook?” Ban asked hopefully.

  Saige laughed. “I have no idea,” she admitted. “On Earth one does not really cook. Most food is frozen, dried or regenerated. I can certainly push buttons and add water, but I think real cooking is more complicated than that.”

  They all looked so disappointed that she found herself saying, “I suppose I could try to learn.”

  “No, that is not necessary,” Faron said, at the same time Ban said, “That is all right, we do fine,” and Dav said, “Really, cooking is not that big of a deal.”

  They all wore somewhat concerned expressions and Saige became suspicious.

  “Tell,” she said. They all looked at her blankly for a moment, then they laughed. Faron guided her to a chair at a table loaded with steaming bowls and platters and seated her before picking up the plate in front of her. He began loading it with food from the various dishes on the table.

  “Lariah decided to learn to cook,” he said as he served her. “However, many of the foods here on Jasan are unfamiliar to her so there were some…well, lets just say interesting surprises.”

  “Yes, like the chocolate cake,” Dav said with a grimace.

  “I do not know what chocolate tastes like,” Ban said, but if it is anything like that cake, I never want to taste it again.”

  “It was quite pretty though,” Faron said diplomatically.

  “What did it taste like?” Saige asked.

  “We are not really sure,” Faron admitted. “We had never tasted anything quite like it before.”

  “And hope never to again,” Dav muttered.

  “Lariah said it tasted like…let me think…,” Ban squinted his eyes in thought. “Oh yes, she said it was like lima bean cake with cinnamon-whitefish frosting.”

  Saige grimaced and shuddered. “Yuck,” she said, wrinkling her nose at the thought of such a flavor combination. “Does she still try to cook?”

  Faron chuckled. “Not so much. I am fairly sure that our Princes have discouraged her from continuing her lessons.”

  “That's probably a good thing,” Saige replied as Faron sat a loaded plate down on the table in front of her. Saige looked at the plate, then at Faron, then back at the plate again. “You do realize that I am not quite as big as you guys, right?” she asked.

  Faron frowned. “Of course,” he replied. He looked at the plate he'd set in front of her and smiled sheepishly. “Just eat as much as you want and don't worry about the rest.”

  Saige picked up her fork and dug in as soon as the others had filled their own plates and sat down. She wasn't sure what all of the different dishes were, but there was enough there that she really liked that she made a good dent in the mountain of fo
od Faron had put on the plate.

  When she was finished she pushed the plate back and reached for the glass of iced pink liquid in front of her on the table and took an experimental sip. She didn’t know what it was, but she liked it.

  “Did you get enough to eat?” Dav asked her, looking doubtfully at the food still on her plate.

  “Yes, thanks, David,” she said. “It was very good but I cannot eat another bite.”

  Suddenly all three men stilled and the atmosphere in the room became tense. Saige froze, sensing the change in mood immediately.

  “Who is David?” Faron asked, his voice gentle, even though Saige still felt the tension.

  “Who?” she asked, confused. All at once she understood and flushed so hotly that she knew her face had to be bright red.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “My dream guardians never told me their names, so I made some up. You guys are just so much like them that its a little confusing sometimes.”

  “One of your dream guardians was named David?” Dav asked. Saige nodded. “That is much like my name,” he pointed out with a grin.

  “What were the names of the other two?” Ban asked curiously.

  Saige gasped softly in surprise. “I hadn’t realized before, but they are all very close to your names.” She looked at Ban and smiled. “Your name was Ben, and yours,” she turned to Faron, “was Fred. How strange is that?”

  All three men looked at each other and smiled very knowing smiles. “We do not think it strange at all,” Faron said finally.

  She rolled her eyes and worked to keep the smile off of her face. Not that it helped. The men all seemed very satisfied for some reason. At least the tension was gone.

  “I don't want to bring up an unpleasant subject, but we would really like to know about your illness, please,” Faron said a few minutes later.

  Saige looked down at the glass in her hand and wished she didn’t have to do this. Lariah had said she was meant to be with these men, and they with her. What she hadn’t told Lariah was that she thought so too. But, she also knew that she couldn’t do it. Not to them. And not to herself. She was going to have to tell them the truth.

  “It’s a disease caused by biologic weapons used many years ago during the Bolkin Wars on Earth. It is treatable, once diagnosed. Unfortunately it is difficult to diagnose. By the time I was diagnosed, much damage had been done.”

  Saige glanced quickly at the three faces watching her, waiting patiently for her to continue, gauging their reactions before returning her gaze to the glass in her hand. At least they aren’t cringing with horror, she thought. Yet.

  “While the disease can be controlled with medications, the damage done cannot be reversed,” she continued, working to keep her voice as even and matter-of-fact as possible. “I reached a fairly advanced stage. Whenever adrenaline is released into my body, or my blood pressure rises above a certain point, I risk having a seizure. Each seizure causes brain damage to some degree, depending on the severity of it.

  “Because I live alone, I was having seizures without knowing it for a long time. Now, every seizure I have could be the one that kills me.” Saige paused to take a drink from her glass, not even tasting the contents now.

  “I take medications which prevent the disease from worsening and causing further damage, and medications to help control the seizures. Between the meds and the relaxation techniques my physician taught me I’ve been able to control the seizures for several months now. But I was not able to take the meds during the two or three days I was sedated and locked in that box.

  “These are not the kinds of medications that can just be skipped without it causing problems. But, because of the relaxation techniques, I was able to prevent at least a couple of seizures before the Bearens got me out of that box. I had some in the suitcase Jackson Bearen found for me, so I was able to take them before we left the spaceport last night. I’m sure that’s why I was able to avoid a seizure after the explosion, especially after seeing all of you hurt so badly.” Saige paused again and took a deep breath, shoving the images from the night before to the back of her mind. She really did not need to think of that right now.

  “The medications I had in the suitcase was ruined by the fire,” she continued. “So I didn’t have any to take today. And its been a rather intense day for me anyway. When I saw the blood on Ban earlier, caused by that woman, well, it just hit me so fast I didn't have a chance to even try to control it.”

  Saige raised her glass and took another drink as she waited for Faron, Ban and Dav to begin asking the questions she knew were coming. No she was not contagious. No her brain would not cause her to start doing crazy things. No she was not a danger to herself or anyone else. She’d heard them all, and a few others, more than enough times already and she’d only known about the disease for six months.

  “What did Lariah mean when she asked you if it had been caught in time?” Faron asked, surprising her. But that was not a question she wanted to answer.

  “If the disease is caught very early then it doesn't have time to do any damage. They did not catch mine that early.” Saige knew that she had not really answered the question Faron had asked, but she hoped he would not notice that. She didn’t want to lie to them, but she didn’t want to tell them the real answer to that question either. If he realized she had not answered directly, then she would be forced to tell them what she preferred to keep to herself.

  Faron considered her answer for a time, and she was almost certain that he was going to call her on it. Instead he asked her another question.

  “Is that why your bruises are so bad?”

  Saige raised her glass for another drink, fighting to hide the relief she felt. She lowered it back to the table and swallowed. “Yes,” she replied. “I bruise easily now, and once I get a bruise, it seems to spread. If I am taking my medications regularly, it helps, but I haven't been.”

  Faron nodded and silence fell once more. Saige noticed a look pass between the three of them, but she pretended not to. She waited, knowing that their conversation was not over, though she wished it were. Finally Faron leaned forward in his chair and pushed his plate back.

  “Saige, last night in the ground-car you were very straightforward with us. You told us that you were attracted to us, and that you could sense us.”

  “And that I dreamed about you for most of my life,” Saige added, hoping that her honesty was not going to come back to bite her as it so often did. But, even if it did, she could not be sorry that she had been honest with them.

  “We would like to be as straightforward with you,” Faron said, surprising her again. She looked up and met his gaze with her own.

  “Okay,” she said.

  “I do not know how much, if anything, Lariah told you about us today. I know only what we told you last night. So if I am repeating something you know, I apologize.

  “When Jasani males mature, we develop a set of mating fangs in the top of our mouths,” he began.

  Faron paused at the surprised expression on Saige's face. “Lariah did not discuss this with you?”

  Saige shook her head. “Good,” he said. “I prefer that we tell you these things as they are, to us, intimate and personal.”

  “I think that is why Lariah did not tell me,” Saige said. “She said there were many things it was not her place to tell.”

  Faron smiled as he silently thanked Lariah. “The mating fangs do not descend until one of two things happens. The first is that a Jasani male scents his Arima. In that case, the mating fangs descend within moments and remain until they are used. Once used, they are shed. They will never grow back again.

  “The second instance is when a Jasani male-set chooses a human female to mate. In that case, a potion is taken which artificially stimulates the mating fangs, causing them to descend. Again, once used, the mating fangs are shed and they will not grow again.

  “Jasani males can only mate once, Saige. It does not matter if it is a natural mating with an Arima, or an
induced mating with a human woman. Jasani males feel sexual desire only for their Arima, or, if induced, for the human woman they mate with. If their female dies, or leaves them, the males have no recourse but to live out their lives alone. They will never feel sexual desire for another, never be able to engage in sex with another.”

  Could this be real? Saige wondered.

  “Can you wait for another Arima?” she asked. Saige waited breathlessly for his answer. When she saw him shake his head out of the corner of her eye, her heart sank.

  “There is only one Arima for each male-set,” he said. “One female in all of the universe destined to match her soul with the divided soul shared by three brothers. One female with the ability to link those souls together and make them whole.”

  “What if your mating fangs descend, but the woman cannot be what you need?” Saige asked in a low voice.

  “Saige, how can a woman destined to be with a male-set, a woman created with a soul to match theirs, not be what they need?”

  Ah, Saige thought, they had, once again, come full circle. She had not wanted to tell them this. She still didn’t. But, she had to.

  “If the woman can’t have children, then she can’t be what they need,” she said, unable to speak the words above a whisper.

  Faron slid his chair back from the table and rose to his feet. He walked around the table until he was next to her chair, and knelt down so that he was eye to eye with her.

  “Look at me Saige,” he said. He waited, watching her carefully as she decided whether to do as he asked. When she finally turned her head to face him, he had thought he would be prepared for the tears in her eyes. He found that he was not, and did not think he ever could be. Her eyes were so sad, so hopeless, that it made his heart hurt.

  “We do not need a brood mare Saige,” he said, putting as much of his honest feeling into the words as he could. “We need you.”