Spinning Forward

by Terri DuLong

  I nodded. “Yeah, apparently. She seems pretty excited about it. Told me she’ll be the director and coordinate all of it.”

  Alison laughed. “Leave it to Monica.”

  “You’re invited, you know. I want you there.”

  “Absolutely. I’ve heard of women’s rituals before, but I’ve never participated in one. I think it’ll be fun.” Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes. “So…it’s safe to say that Monica liked Sybile?”

  “They really did seem to hit it off pretty good. But then, Monica has that way about her. She seems to click with everyone instantly.”

  Alison sat up on the lounge. “What’s that mean?”

  I shrugged.

  “Okay, I know you well enough to know something’s going on. What’s up?”

  “I guess I’m just surprised at how well Sybile and Monica got on together.” Running a hand through my hair, I let out a deep sigh.

  “Well, for Christ’s sake, isn’t that what you wanted to happen?”

  “Yes, of course. But—I sure as hell never thought that from the moment they met they’d act like they’d known each other forever. You should have seen the two of them together. Laughing, joking, ribbing each other. I never would have expected that.”

  Alison nodded. “Hmm, I see what you mean. And that left you feeling—how?”

  I remained silent.

  “Ah, possibly left out?”

  “No, don’t be silly.”

  “Look, Syd, you’ve never been overjoyed with the fact that you even found Sybile. That was the last thing you could have known would happen when you came here last November. And even when she confirmed this fact, you’ve admitted you don’t really care for her. Isn’t that true?”

  “Well, yeah….”

  “Okay, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Nobody said you have to have daughterly feelings toward her. That’s just the way it is.”

  “Yeah, well, how is it that Monica meets her and they both instantly seem to develop this rapport with each other?”

  “Monica’s not you, Syd. Two different personalities. And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. But you have to admit, Monica’s much more outgoing and confident than you are.”

  Although I knew this to be true, it didn’t make me feel better.

  “Maybe you need to lighten up a little bit, Syd. Maybe you’re harboring some resentment toward Sybile that you’re not even willing to admit to yourself. And if that’s the case—then the resentment is preventing any good feelings you might have for her.” Alison took a sip of iced tea. “In other words, Syd—chill out.”

  I jumped up so fast from the lawn chair that it tipped over. Shoving my feet into sandals, I grabbed my knitting and headed toward my apartment. “Go to hell, Alison,” I hollered over my shoulder. “You don’t always know everything.”

  Walking into the kitchen, I slammed my knitting bag onto the table. Reaching into the fridge, I removed a bottle of chardonnay and poured a glass. Taking the wine, I plunked into the bedroom chair, sprawling my legs onto the edge of the bed. Letting out a burst of air between my lips, I gripped the stem of the wineglass.

  How dare Alison accuse me of being resentful. I was never bothered about being adopted. I had a great life. Searching for my biological mother wasn’t a priority.

  And was that because you were fearful of what you might find? I heard a voice in my head ask. Fearful that the woman who gave you life wasn’t what you wanted her to be? Just like Stephen wasn’t really what I’d hoped for in a husband?

  Taking a sip of wine, I realized that for the first time in my life maybe I’d never been the wife I had hoped to be either. Instead of confronting Stephen and demanding that I be included in household decisions and finances, it was easier to sit back and allow him to take control. And now—now I resent the non-judgmental attitude that my mother and my daughter share. “I don’t accept Sybile,” I said out loud. “So why is it that my daughter so easily can?”

  The ringing telephone caused me to jump. I picked up the receiver to hear Noah’s voice.

  “Hey, there, beautiful. Just calling to make sure everything’s all set for tomorrow evening.”

  “Yes, Monica and I will be there about six-thirty. Are you sure I can’t bring anything?”

  “Just yourself. I’ve got everything under control. Okay, I’ll let you go. See you tomorrow evening.”

  I hung up but continued to stare at the phone. Where was this relationship with Noah headed? I wondered. I had no answers.

  Halfway to Noah’s house, I realized I’d forgotten the clam dip I’d made. “You go along,” I told Monica and Ian. “I’ll just run back and get it.”

  I smiled recalling the introduction to Ian earlier. I wasn’t sure where their relationship would end up, but it was obvious my daughter had found somebody special.

  Walking up Noah’s front steps, I heard conversation drifting through the house from the back garden along with a song playing by Bob Seger. Stopping to place the clam dip in the fridge, I glanced through the French doors hoping to spot Noah in the crowd. I wasn’t prepared for the tableau that played out before my eyes. Placing the bowl on the counter, I saw Noah holding a very attractive blonde in his arms. The woman’s hands were wrapped tightly around Noah’s neck as she kissed him. From where I was standing, it certainly looked like he was returning the kiss. Noah then pulled his face back and began laughing as he walked to a chaise lounge and deposited the woman gently on the seat. It was then that I realized the other guests were beginning to hover around the lounge staring at the woman’s ankle. Noah straightened up, turned around, and saw me standing in the doorway watching the scene unfold. Another woman rushed past me into the kitchen, whipped open the freezer, and filled a towel with ice cubes. By the time she’d run back outside, I had turned my back on the garden and opened the fridge to place the clam dip on a shelf. My body stiffened as I felt Noah’s arms around me.

  “Hey, beautiful, I’m glad you’re finally here.”

  “A little too soon it seems.”

  “What? Oh, that—that’s Valerie. I’m afraid she’s had a few too many margaritas. She tripped coming down the steps to the garden. I think she may have sprained her ankle.”

  “What a shame,” was all I could manage.

  Noah attempted to pull me tighter toward him. “Come on outside so I can introduce you to the rest of the crowd here.”

  Wanting nothing more than to leave and go home, I stood rooted to the floor. Any doubts I’d had about our relationship surfaced. Who the hell was this Valerie? She sure acted like more than a business acquaintance toward Noah.

  “Hey, Mom, you’re here,” I heard Monica say from the doorway.

  Moving away from Noah’s embrace, I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m here. And I’d love a drink.”

  “Well, come on. I’ll introduce you to Cameron. He’s behind the bar,” Monica said, leading the way out to the garden.

  I followed my daughter and saw Ali and Paul engaged in a conversation with another couple. A bar had been set up in the corner and a very handsome young fellow was talking and laughing with a young woman Monica’s age.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the crowd around Valerie had dispersed. Only the woman who’d come running for the ice cubes sat at the bottom of the lounge holding a towel to Valerie’s ankle.

  Monica made the introduction to Cameron. “Nice to meet you. What’s your pleasure?”

  I smiled in acknowledgement. “A white wine, please.”

  “Geez, you missed all the commotion,” the young woman said.

  “Not quite.” I accepted the wineglass. “What happened?”

  The girl began laughing. “It seems Miss Hoity Toity over there had one too many margaritas from Cameron. You naughty boy, you,” she said, shaking a finger toward him.

  “Hey, not my fault that she probably had a few before she even got here.”

  “I guess she tripped on the steps and down she went. The whole thing looked li
ke a staged production to me. I’ve never seen anyone fall so gracefully.”

  “Really?” was all I said. Taking a sip of wine I looked across the garden where Noah was busy at the grill. It wasn’t lost on me that as Valerie reclined on the lounge the woman’s eyes never left Noah’s face.

  “There you are,” I heard Ali say. “What took you so long getting here? You missed the show.”

  “What? Is she the entertainment for the evening?”

  “Hmm, maybe you didn’t miss it after all. Why the sour mood?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not in a sour mood,” I said as I felt Noah’s hand on my shoulder.

  “I’ve got the shrimp under control, so let me introduce you to some people.”

  Unable to comfortably decline, I allowed myself to be led around meeting Noah’s friends. They all became a blur until we came to the chaise lounge.

  “This is Valerie, who I’m afraid had a bit of a mishap. And this is her friend, Carol.”

  My first thought was that the woman reclining on the lounge like Cleopatra was strikingly beautiful. Early forties, she reminded me of an older version of Paris Hilton. Blonde, flashy and very expensively dressed in a black-and-white sundress with thick gold accessories at her neck, earlobes, and wrists. Carol was a petite brunette who appeared genuinely concerned about her friend’s injury. She smiled up at me as she continued to hold the ice in place.

  “So,” Valerie said, waving a perfectly manicured hand in the air, “you really did have a date. Shame on you, Noah. For not asking me first.”

  I raised my eyebrows but remained silent. Saying it was nice to meet her was out of the question.

  Noah laughed. “Valerie, behave yourself. How’s that ankle feeling? Do you think you need to see a doctor?”

  She lowered her eyes demurely. “Only if you’ll drive me there, handsome.”

  Noah shook his head as he took my hand and walked me away from the lounge. “I’m sorry about her. She’s really had too much to drink. Just ignore her. The more attention she gets the better she likes it.”

  “It was pretty obvious she sure liked that kiss you gave her.”

  “Are you serious? I didn’t kiss her. When I picked her up to take her to the lounge, she latched on to me. It was nothing.”

  I didn’t feel like it was nothing. To witness a man I’d recently made love with kissing another woman was more than I was willing to accept. All I wanted to do was go home but unlike Valerie, I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of Noah’s friends.

  “Can I get you another wine?” Noah asked. “I have to get back to that grill. Everything should be ready in about ten minutes.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I replied, walking toward Alison and Paul.

  “That food sure does smell good,” Alison said. “And what a gorgeous garden Noah has.”

  “Lovely,” was all that I offered, causing Ali to glare at me.

  “What the hell is up with you?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Suit yourself,” Ali said, taking Paul’s hand and walking away.

  “Are you okay, Mom?”

  I took a deep breath. “I’m fine. So who’s this Cameron?”

  Monica smiled. “He works out at the Marine Lab on Twenty-four. And he’s living on the island for the summer. He’s a grad student at UF. I think he has a thing for that girl hanging around the bar.”

  “I swear this island breeds romance,” I replied sarcastically.

  Monica laughed. “Oh, Mom, lighten up.”

  That was the second time in two days I’d been instructed to do that.

  “Soup’s on,” I heard Noah yell.

  A long table had been set up for the guests complete with tablecloth and a vase of fresh flowers in the center. There was seating for twenty and as I attempted to sit on the bench beside Monica, I felt Noah’s hands around my waist.

  “Oh, no you don’t. Up here next to me,” he said, pushing me further down the table.

  “Noah, be a dear and get me some of your famous shrimp, will you?” Valerie’s whiny, slurred voice filled the garden.

  “I have it under control,” Carol said, filling a plate with shrimp, pasta salad, and grilled vegetables.

  “How’s that ankle of yours doing?” somebody hollered.

  “It’d do a hell of a lot better with another margarita,” she tossed back.

  I saw Cameron look over at Noah, who held up his index finger and thumb in answer. Noah had prepared my plate and I stared down at the shrimp, steamed clams, mullet, and grouper that stared back at me. He did it again. How the hell could he just assume that’s what I wanted to eat?

  “Something wrong?” I heard him say.

  “No,” I said, picking up my fork.

  Conversation flowed around the table. I had to admit that except for Valerie the crowd seemed to be friendly and under different circumstances I would have enjoyed getting into the party atmosphere. I also had to admit the seafood was superb. Noah did have a knack for cooking.

  Following dinner I attempted to help with the cleanup but Noah wouldn’t hear of it. “Go see Cameron,” he said, “and have him fix us an after-dinner drink. I’ll join you shortly.”

  Standing at the bar sipping a Stinger, I noticed Carol assisting Valerie into the house. The blonde was leaning heavily on her friend’s arm but stopped to chat with everyone along the way. My eyes scanned the garden to see where Noah was and saw him with Paul stacking dishes to take inside. God, I’m acting like a shrew, I thought. Why the hell should I even care?

  When Noah joined me, he slipped his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. Picking up his glass, he touched the rim of mine. “Here’s to a pretty good party, I think. Are you having a good time?”

  I made an effort to be sociable and nodded. “The seafood was delicious. Very nice.”

  “Great drink,” he said, nodding his head toward Cameron.

  “Where’s your playmate?” I asked, and then could have bitten my tongue.

  “Playmate?” Noah threw his head back laughing. “I’m afraid she’s passed out on the sofa. Carol said she’ll let her doze a little and then she’s driving her home.”

  By ten o’clock the guests were beginning to leave and I had managed to give myself a headache. Before finding Monica to tell her I was going, I walked into the house to use the bathroom. Coming out I heard Valerie’s voice call to me from the living room. The woman was sitting on the sofa, her leg propped up with a pillow.

  “Hey there, Sydney, I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk more this evening. I’m afraid my little spill put me out of commission.”

  More like the margaritas put you out of commission, I thought. “How’s your ankle feeling?”

  “Not much better, actually. I might just tell Carol to go on back to Gainesville. I could spend the night here at Noah’s.” She waited for my reaction and getting none, she said, “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time, you know.” My face must have showed the surprise she was hoping for. “Oh, you didn’t know? Noah and I used to see each other. It wasn’t that long ago that I thought I’d be residing in this house permanently,” she said, gesturing her hand around the room. “But you know Noah. He likes to dabble here and there. Never quite sure of what he wants. So one just has to be patient.”

  I stood there looking at the confident, composed blonde as a flashback of the acquiescent housewife came to me. Never wanting to have a confrontation. Never saying if something bothered me. Always willing to let things go. Hurt, anger, and humiliation filled me. How could I have been so stupid with Noah? You’d think at my age I’d know better and be able to tell a playboy from the real thing. You’d think I would have seen through him and realized none of what we’d shared had been sincere. None of what he’d told me had been the truth. But this time I wasn’t about to accept it. No, this time I’d be the one calling the shots.

  “Well, honey, then I wish you luck,” I tossed over my shoulder as I walked out of the room. “He’s a
ll yours.”

  33

  A week had passed since Noah’s party. During that time I had managed to evade repeated phone calls from him. I knew a confrontation was imminent. Both Monica and Ali had attempted to reason with me, to no avail. They saw Valerie for the flirt and troublemaker that she was, but for me there was no turning back.

  “I don’t want to discuss it,” I yelled, when Alison tried defending Noah.

  “You’re being foolish. For Christ’s sake, he did nothing wrong. We were there. We saw her little scheme unfold,” Alison yelled back.

  “It’s a closed subject,” I had snapped, putting an end to any further discussion.

  Unlocking the door at Spinning Forward, I walked inside with Lilly. Unclipping the dog’s leash, I patted her smooth fur. “Well, girl, here we are. Back to work again. Minus Noah in our life.”

  Spooning coffee into the filter, I knew I couldn’t avoid Noah forever. Avoiding his phone calls would only last so long. Watching the coffee drip into the carafe, I caught myself biting my lower lip, and realized all the stress I’d left behind in Massachusetts almost seven months before seemed to be returning. Between my unsettling emotions toward Sybile and my misgivings about Noah, I found the tranquility of the island moving further and further away.

  Hearing the tinkle of the wind chimes I turned around to see Dora enter the shop.

  “That coffee sure does smell good,” she said, stooping down to pat Lilly.

  I smiled while filling two mugs. “Here ya go, Dora.”

  “Marin was very fond of Monica. Do you think she’ll really come back for the blue-moon gathering next month?”

  I nodded. “Definitely. She called me last night, and she has all kinds of ideas and plans in the works for the gathering.”

  “That’s great. Sybile will be really pleased about that.”

  I took a long sip of coffee. “Were you surprised how much the two of them seemed to hit it off?”