Don't Let Go

by Michelle Lynn

  I look at my watch and notice I’m running late to meet Brady. He wants to go with me to spin class. I think he’s just worried about me. When he dropped me off last night, he begged me for ten minutes to pack my bags and come home with him. I insisted that I have to do this on my own. I refuse to go from my dad to Brady.

  Swinging my bag over my shoulder, I leave the dorm, practically running to the rec center. When I reach the hill, Vodka Vince is sitting on his usual bench.

  “Hiya, Sadie,” he says.

  “Hi Vince, how are you today?” I ask, trying to sound unrushed.

  “Seen Grant lately?” he questions. Now that he mentions it, I haven’t. Ever since Brady and I got serious, I haven’t gone up to the sixth floor or seen him anywhere else.

  “No, I haven’t,” I admit.

  “Because of your boyfriend?” For the first time, Vince stares right at me. Something seems different about him today.

  “I guess. I spend a lot of time with him,” I say, shrugging.

  “Do you love your boyfriend?” Why is he asking me such personal questions?

  “Yes,” I honestly answer.

  “That’s good.” He smiles. “Well, I see you’re on your way somewhere, get to it.” He motions with his hand to continue down the sidewalk.

  “It was nice talking with you, Vince. Take care,” I say, breaking out into a full sprint to get to the rec center on time.

  I get to the doors of the building and run right into Brady’s chest. “I was getting worried,” he says, catching me by both arms.

  “Sorry…I got held up,” I respond, trying to catch my breath.

  “It’s almost starting, let’s go.” I’m happy he doesn’t ask me for more details about my tardiness. I know how he feels about Vince.

  We enter the room and the instructor is already there. I’m thankful it isn’t Chad again, but am disappointed that it’s some girl in tight, spandex biker shorts and a small sports bra. She has a spectacular body, all tanned and toned. I notice her eyes following Brady from the door to our bikes. It isn’t the first time I have seen that look from the female population when it comes to my boyfriend. Can I really be offended? They have good taste.

  I help Brady set up his bike and he admires me as I’m bent over by making sly comments about my ass. I playfully push him back and he exaggerates losing his footing. We get on our bikes and he starts to change the gears, and I have a feeling this is not his first spin class.

  “Brady Carsen!” I quietly chastise him.

  “What?” He looks at me sheepishly, knowing he just got caught. “It was too enjoyable, watching you bend over and press your ass against me,” he jokes.

  “I thought I heard your annoying laugh,” a female says, stopping beside his bike.

  “Maura!” Brady announces, obviously surprised to see her.

  “Why on earth are you taking this class? Shouldn’t you be running on the hamster wheel or something?” she teases him and when she finally comes into view, I’m surprised to see who it is.

  “I’m here with my girlfriend,” he tells her and leans back on his bike, revealing me.

  “Sadie?” she asks, and I have never been so happy to hear my name.

  “Well obviously, Maura,” he says, sounding annoyed.

  “Sadie.” He looks over at me. “This is my sister, Maura,” he introduces. “Maura, this is Sadie, my girlfriend,” he finishes the introductions.

  “Shut up! You’re his girlfriend?” she screeches.

  “Yes,” I answer, just as shocked.

  “Maura, what the f…?” Brady questions her tone.

  “Oh, stop worrying so much. I met her last week at a class. Well, I technically didn’t meet her but we chatted.

  “I can only imagine what about,” Brady says, rolling his eyes.

  “It would have been a lot more if I would have known she was the infamous Sadie,” Maura answers and takes the bike on the other side of me.

  “Just keep the stories to yourself,” Brady tells her seriously, giving Maura a look.

  “So, Sadie. Tell me about yourself.” She turns my way, ignoring Brady.

  “Um…” I stutter. Then the instructor interrupts us, starting the class. I can’t help the feeling of relief that flows through me. How do you tell your boyfriend’s sister you just got disowned by your parents?

  “Pst…Brady,” she loudly whispers.

  “What?” Brady answers with annoyance in his voice.

  “I need to talk to you after class, something about...” Brady nods his head before she finishes, and then she looks over at me and gives me a small smile before facing forward to concentrate on the class.

  I have to admit, watching my amazing boyfriend do a spin class leaves me breathless in more than one way. I want to grab him and run into the locker room to have my way with him in the shower. His silence throughout the class surprises me. Night and day to him in the bedroom. He makes no grunts or noises, just steadily completing the work out. If it wasn’t for his drenched shirt and body, you would have thought the spin class was nothing to him.

  After the class, I grab my towel and rub the sweat off me. Sipping out of my water bottle, I notice the playful Brady is gone, replaced by a very serious one. He makes no jokes about my shirt clinging to me, outlining my body. Quietly, he sips his water and stares at Maura. They seem to be having a conversation with no words. Theo and I could do that; I had always thought it was a twin thing but I guess it’s a sibling thing. Before I can ask any questions, Maura says, “It was nice meeting you, Sadie. Brady should bring you over to the house so you can meet the kids and hubby.” She embraces me into a sweaty hug and turns to Brady, doing the same before leaving.

  “Sorry about that,” Brady apologizes.

  “Why would you be sorry? What a coincidence that I met your sister last week,” I remark, following Brady out the doors.

  “She’s a little…excitable.” He stands to the side of the door, allowing me to go first. When we get out to the hallway, I see Kara talking with Maura and I know my shoulders slump and I let out an exasperated breath.

  “Oh, look who it is.” I roll my eyes in annoyance. “She knows your sister?”

  “Yeah, well…remember I told you, she’s a family friend,” Brady answers and walks us over to the last place I want to go.

  “Brady!” she exclaims, swiftly making her way over to us, embracing him. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  He slowly removes her arms from his neck and says, “You remember Sadie, my girlfriend?” He reaches his arm around my waist. One of the things I love about Brady is that he’s always forthcoming to people that we are a couple.

  “Hi, Sadie,” she leers my way and gives me a once-over before her eyes land back on him.

  “So I hear you are playing Grant’s frat party this weekend?” she asks and my head shoots up to him as he glances down at me.

  “Oh, how is Grant?” Maura questions Brady.

  “I’m only playing it because of the money. Rob booked it. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t play for those fucking douches.” Brady’s voice is full of hostility.

  “You really need to let it go, Brady,” Maura says sympathetically and Brady gives her the same shut-your-mouth look that he did earlier.

  “Anyway,” she says, clearly irritated. “I need to get back to the kiddos. I swear girls, when you become a mother you will wonder what you did with all that time before them,” she jokes, waving good-bye.

  “Bye, Maura,” all three of us say in unison.

  “So, can I come to the party?” Kara eagerly asks, and I wonder why she’s asking Brady’s permission.

  “Call Grant, I’m sure he’ll let you in,” Brady says with no emotion.

  “But I could just come with you and the band,” she whines and it dawns on me that she is asking Brady to bring her to the party. Um…no.

  “Kara, you can ask one of the guys if you want. Sadie and I will only be there to play and then we are leaving rig
ht after,” he reveals and I look up at him, surprised for the second time in this short conversation. Not only did I just find out I’m going to a frat party, but Brady has already decided how long I’ll be staying as well.

  “You used to always take me. Remember, Brady? It was always you and me.” She glares at me.

  “Well, now it’s me and Brady. I’m sorry Kara, but we have to get going.” I loop my arm through Brady’s, walking us forward. “See you later.”

  We get down the hall and Brady leans into my ear, “I like this jealous side of you.”

  “There’s something about her Brady I don’t like,” I admit.

  “She’s just a young girl, trying to be something she’s not,” he says. He is blind to her infatuation. “Come home with me and show me how much I’m yours,” he requests.

  “Gladly,” I say and stop outside the doors to kiss him.

  Chapter 23

  I finally pick up my phone when my mom calls me for the millionth time. It’s Wednesday and I have punished her unfairly for too long. She’s not the one I have a problem with.

  “Hi, Mom,” I answer.

  “Sadie,” she sighs and releases a breath. “Finally.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom, I should have called you,” I apologize.

  “You should have or at least answered your phone. But now that I have you, I don’t care. How are you?” she asks.

  “Okay.” I respond, letting her have her say so I can get off the phone.

  “I put money into your account today,” she reveals.

  “You didn’t have to. I will manage but… thank you,” I quietly express my appreciation.

  “Yes, I did. Listen sweetie, I’m coming out this weekend. Don’t try to talk me out of it. I have some things to talk to you about. I won’t be there until Saturday afternoon. I’m only staying one night and then coming back. Your dad thinks I’m going with Audrey to the city for the night.”

  “Mom, really, it isn’t necessary. I’m going to get a job…”

  “Sadie, I’m coming. You will not talk me out of this. Please be at your dorm around two o’clock,” she interrupts me.

  “Okay, Mom,” I grudgingly agree.

  “Great, see you then. Love you, Sadie,” she says.

  “Bye, Mom,” I reply.

  The whole conversation is short and weird, and I can’t imagine what she possibly has to talk to me about. My whole life has been her fulfilling my dad’s wishes. He is the alpha male and head of our household. You don’t dare cross him and I did just that. He holds the checkbook and doles out the money to what and whom he sees fit. My mom has always been given an allowance every month and nothing more. I remember Theo and I sitting at the top of the stairs when we were little, hearing my parents fight over what she spent.

  My mom had grown up with money. She was the heir to a multi-million dollar real estate company. But when her father got sick, he had to assign the responsibilities to someone and ultimately signed the company over. Since her mother had died during childbirth and my mom was an only child, there was no one else to leave it to. My grandpa chose my dad, assuming he would be a better fit than his own daughter. That was ten years ago and my dad has reaped the rewards ever since. Obviously, my dad was an educated, wealthy man but after grandpa left him the already established company, he turned filthy rich and instantly changed into someone I didn’t recognize.

  Regardless of my dad’s personality shift, my mom has remained on his arm, always smiling and laughing at his jokes while following his directives as though she was his employee. They would go on vacations, leaving Theo and me with our grandma on holidays, always buying us anything we wanted to make up for abandoning us. So I’m curious to why now she is so concerned about me.

  I try to push that aside; I can deal with it this weekend. I have an errand to run. Jessa and I went to the thrift store today and I bought Vince a gift. It’s gotten cold and I honestly can’t stand the thought of him sleeping outside without a jacket. Walking up the hill, I spot him on his usual bench overlooking the field. When I get closer, I see Grant next to him, talking.

  Going back and forth in my head if I should stay or go, I decide to stop. Grant gave me no reason to feel uncomfortable talking to him. “Hi, Vince. Hi, Grant,” I say, giving a wave of my hand.

  “Hiya, Sadie,” Vince says in return.

  “Oh…hey, Sadie,” Grant states.

  “I just wanted to drop this off for you, Vince.” I hand him the parka I bought, along with gloves, a scarf, and a hat.

  “Thank you, Sadie.” Vince voice sounds grateful, making me relieved. I didn’t want to offend him.

  “That was nice of you,” Grant adds, not looking straight at me.

  “Take a seat.” Vince shrugs the jacket on and pats the seat next to him.

  “I didn’t know you knew one another?” Grant questions and I nod my head.

  “This is on my way to and from the dorm so…” I trail off.

  “Oh. Brady’s okay with it?” he whispers in my ear so Vince doesn’t hear and I briefly wonder why he cares.

  “Probably not, but that isn’t going to stop me,” I reply.

  “Brady’s really private, Sadie. I think you should tell him,” he says and I quirk an eyebrow in confusion.

  “So, Vince. I should probably get going, but I’ll be on my way back in a couple hours. Can I bring you a coffee or anything?” I ask, ignoring Grant. Since when does he care about what Brady thinks? The whole dynamic between him, Brady, and Kara is increasingly getting on my nerves.

  “I’m fine, Sadie. This jacket is more than enough.” He pats my knee in a fatherly manner and I get up to walk away.

  I make it a few steps away when I hear Grant’s voice, “Hold up a second, Sadie.”

  I turn around, finding Grant lightly jogging my way. “What’s up, Grant?”

  “I didn’t mean anything back there. It’s just…I know you and Brady are a couple, and I know the way he feels about Vince.”

  “How do you know that, Grant? I thought you didn’t like each other. Remember telling me to stay away from him?” I hammer question after question, mostly because I’m baffled by the whole situation.

  “Like I said, Brady’s private. It’s his thing to tell you. I don’t want to interfere but believe it or not, even with our differences, I do care about him,” he admits with concern in his voice.

  “Okay,” I draw out, clearly annoyed.

  “Sadie, I wish I could tell you more, but,” he looks back at Vince, who takes a sip of alcohol from a small flask, “I can’t.” His face looks truly pained and for the first time since I met Brady, I’m mad at him. I have been letting all the secrets go, believing that when he is ready he will tell me. Now, I feel like I’m the only one in the dark, and the fact that Kara knows more about him than me makes this unbearable.

  “Thanks, Grant. I will talk with Brady,” I respond and start to walk away.

  “I should have never told you to stay away from him. He really is a good guy, just needs to be reassured of it occasionally” he calls out to my back.

  I go to my class and instead of meeting Brady at the Student Center, I text him, telling him I have a meeting at the bank for a loan. I can’t see him right now, afraid of what would come out of my mouth. I walk to a coffee house off campus. I just need to get away from everything. I have been shunned by my family, my boyfriend is keeping something from me, and I have no idea how I’m going to pay for next semester. I came to Western for a trouble-free life and now I have anything but that.

  I order a passion tea and take a seat next to the window. Watching all the college students stroll by, I wonder if they have as many problems as I do. Then I shake my head, knowing they do. These problems aren’t new or different than anyone else’s; the problem is, I miss Theo. He would have sat with me, brainstorming on what to do. He would have told me to stop wallowing in self-pity and do something about it. He would have told me to confront Brady and make him tell me what is going on. The longe
r I sit here thinking of Theo, the more emotional I become and the madder I get at Brady.

  Just as I’m about to get up from my seat, I spot Brady walking on the other side of the street with a woman. I squint my eyes to get a better look and realize it’s the same middle-aged woman I saw having lunch with Vince that day. She laughs at something he says and gently touches his arm and he turns back to her, smiling.

  Rage starts to flow through my whole body and I can’t help but follow them. I try to remain calm but the more I see them laugh, the worse the feeling gets in my stomach. Is this what Grant was talking about? They end up outside Shubert Hall, the music building. They embrace in a hug and she kisses him on the cheek before they part. It’s all I can do not to run over there, screaming like some crazed psycho to stay away from my man.

  I turn around, starting to make my way back to the dorm. Then I change my mind. I’m sick of being pushed around; Brady will answer my questions now. Turning back the way I just came, I stomp around the building and stop abruptly, speechless to see who Brady’s with.

  Sitting on the same bench I just occupied a few hours prior, Brady talks with Vince. Not wanting to make a scene in front of Vince, I sit down on the bench behind them across the parking lot. Their mannerisms toward one another appear comfortable, yet standoffish at the same time. Brady sits on the far opposite side of the bench, with his forearms resting on his legs. Even from this distance, you can feel the tension between them. Suddenly, I figure out something I should have a long time ago. I may not have all the answers but I know one for sure. How did I never notice those same deep-set caramel eyes or long eyelashes? Vince is Brady’s father.

  Almost as soon I come to the realization, Brady stands up and turns around in my direction. I stand still, as though if I move it will give me away. His eyes find mine and he instantly realizes that I know his secret. He closes his eyes slowly, no doubt wishing I would have found out differently and I wish I would have, too. I’m not sure if he mumbles something or not, but Vince turns around and smiles my way. He touches Vince’s shoulder before he heads in my direction. My heart races and my breathing is erratic until he touches me. The minute Brady’s hand touches my arm, I instantly calm. How does he have this effect on me?