Bittersweet

by Loth, Kimberly

  I stopped the line because the station was full and he came back to talk to me; my heart rate soared. Thankfully, this time the group standing on the other side were boys and they were unaffected by Dallas’s charms, so I didn’t have put up with incessant sighing and giggling.

  “How do you like The Demon Drop?”

  He leaned across the turnstile. I took a drink from my water bottle. Don’t say anything stupid, don’t say anything stupid. Channel Dad.

  “It’s okay. I’ve only been here for a couple of hours.” Yeah, that wasn’t lame at all. Why couldn’t I have inherited anything good from Dad? Probably because I could’ve stopped his death and I didn’t. I’m sorry.

  “I’m glad you weren’t fired. What time are you done tonight?”

  “I have the early shift today. I’m done at four.”

  He leaned even closer. He would hear my heart racing. I didn’t get this excited the last time I got a new box of chocolate. I stepped back, not wanting to embarrass myself.

  “Hey, me too. You wanna ride coasters after work?” he asked.

  I was saved from answering him because the line moved and I had to watch for braces and casts and Dallas had to go talk to the guests. This was a good thing, because I would’ve said yes without thinking about it. As he wove through the line and occasionally looked back at me, I contemplated his question.

  I liked him. I hated coasters. Somehow I had to tell him no without discouraging him. I looked over at him and saw him flirting with a pretty brunette in a bikini top and short shorts. Who was I kidding? He wasn’t interested in me. He could have any girl in the park and I was an ugly bald garbage queen with an evil curse. Maybe Grant put him up to it. There. I could say no now. He probably forgot he even asked me. I tore my eyes away from him and focused on the line. A few minutes later a hand touched my elbow and I jumped. Looking down, I saw Angelica.

  She smiled sweetly.

  “You missed an elbow brace.”

  Damn Dallas.

  “Sorry.” I replied, but my eyes were on said hottie who had appeared in front of me again. Why couldn’t he leave me alone? He was leading me on and that wasn’t fair.

  She followed my line of sight.

  “Hey, Dallas. What are you doing up here?”

  He held up his iPad.

  “Just surveys.”

  She pushed him in the shoulder and smiled.

  “Wrong answer sweetheart, you are supposed to say you are here to see me.”

  He put his arm around her shoulder. He’d never done that to me. I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Yep, Grant had to have put him up to it. Grant and I would need to have a heart to heart about this. The line moved again and I had to focus on the people, but I listened closely to their conversation.

  “Of course, the sun rises and sets on Angelica.” He laughed. “Actually, I need to talk to Paris, where’d you put him this morning?” I stopped the line again and looked back at them.

  She scowled. “Cyclops with Jeff.”

  “He hates Jeff.”

  “I know.” She looked away from Dallas and over the line.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Okay then. I’m in search of a miserable Paris.” He headed down the empty staircase next to the control booth. Angelica and I watched him until he disappeared around the corner. What was her problem with Paris? This warranted further investigation.

  She turned back to me.

  “Elbow sleeves can be tricky. Especially with Dallas around. It will take you a couple of weeks to get used to it. Ignore Becca. She’s naturally grumpy. And more than a little pissed about the demotion. I’m taking your spot. Go to lunch. When you come back Karl will meet you at Entrance Loader.”

  Becca went to lunch with me and I deliberately stayed a few steps behind her so I didn’t have to talk to her. She entered the lunchroom and I was grateful I’d chosen to bring my lunch instead of buying that day. I went to my locker, then sat on the rock. It was a gorgeous day, mostly cloudy but warm. I quickly ate my roast beef sandwich and was taking a bite of my apple when Dallas joined me. I wished he’d just leave me alone. Maybe Grant offered him a promotion if he befriended me.

  “Are you stalking me?” I asked.

  “Maybe. But in my defense, you are eating an apple and that probably means you have chocolate.”

  “Um, I only brought two truffles with me today.”

  He sat next to me and my heart betrayed me once again. Did he have any idea what effect he had on me? I inhaled, meaning to still my heart but instead I got a whiff of eau de Dallas. It didn’t help. He wore a light cologne that made me swoon. I looked up at him and hoped I didn’t fall off the rock. He smiled.

  “Excellent. That means I can have one.”

  “Does anyone ever tell you no?”

  He took the apple from my hand and took a bite of it. Then shook his head. He chewed, swallowed, and held out his hand.

  “You aren’t going to tell me no either. But I’ll let you choose which one you give me.”

  Yeah, he knew exactly what he did to me. I pulled out the small Tupperware container and handed him the plain dark chocolate truffle while I took the Amaretto.

  He closed his eyes as he ate it, and grinned.

  “You sure you don’t have any more of those?”

  I showed him the empty container. “Nope. Sorry.” I wished I did have more, then he’d have to stay with me longer. Come to think of it, maybe Grant didn’t put him up to it. Maybe he was after the chocolate.

  He sighed. “How about we meet here at four fifteen to ride rides?”

  “Whoa, back up. I’m not riding rides with you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I hate coasters. Haven’t we been over this already?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “That’s right. I forgot about that. How about the waterpark?”

  “No suit.”

  Dallas chuckled and looked away for a second.

  “I guess we’ll just have to do the Spook Alley rides. No big coasters. Four fifteen. I’ll meet you here.”

  Before I could retort he sauntered away. As much as I didn’t want to ride, I couldn’t stand him up. I liked him too much. The Spook Alley rides didn’t hold the memories the regular coasters did, so maybe, just maybe, I could go and have fun.

  I finished my apple and clocked back in. Karl was waiting by the control booth for The Demon Drop. He took off his sunglasses and stared at me for a second with his deep brown eyes. It was a little creepy.

  “I heard you missed a few casts and braces.”

  “Yeah. Sorry.” I wondered how many times I’d have to say that word today.

  “It happens to the best of us.” He smiled like he wanted me to say something else but I kept my mouth shut.

  “Anyway,” he said, licking his lips, “entrance and exit loader are almost exactly the same thing. Entrance loaders start at the back of the train and physically check every seat belt and lap bar. The guests can get a little mouthy about it because we are reaching down into their private areas but just pretend like you don’t hear their complaints. It’s super important that you check the belts. Two years ago, at a park in the south, a guy fell out and died because his belt wasn’t buckled.”

  My stomach tightened. I remembered that incident.

  After a few rounds of walking the train with Karl I could easily do it myself. No one whined that I’d gotten too close. He left me there for about a half hour and then trained me on Exit Loader, which was almost the exact same thing except you check the other side of the train. Plus you get to hold down a button that released the train and brought it back into the station.

  I rotated through those three positions for the rest of the day. Karl promised I could be trained on controls the next day. I couldn’t help but be excited. When I was a child my dream was to operate a big coaster.

  That was before my dad took those dreams and died.

  DALLAS SAT ON THE ROCK, his face turned up to the sunlight. Damn, he was hot. My head went a
little fuzzy. Whoa. Where did the nothing go? Feelings were coming more and more often now. It was crazy that I’d never felt a thing for Zane, but in less than two weeks I was feeling all kinds of crazy things for Dallas.

  “I’m still not sure about this,” I said as we walked out into the park. He wore a real polo shirt with a popped collar and loose khaki shorts. Definitely a rich boy. Usually I avoided this type at school, they were cocky and never had the time of day for a girl like me unless I was the butt of a joke.

  “Do coasters make you sick?” he asked.

  “No, they just hold too many memories,” I kept my eyes trained on my tennis shoes instead of him.

  “More cryptic answers. I’ll get them out of you one of these days.” I risked a look and he had that devastating smile plastered on his face again. If he kept looking at me like that, then he was right. I’d spill my guts faster than the Demon Drop plummeted.

  All of the rides in Spook Alley were built with dark brown wood, and when I stepped inside I felt like I was in a massive haunted tree house with pictures of little witches and cute ghosts everywhere. The smell of cotton candy was overwhelming. Instead I inhaled deeply and smiled. Amusement parks always smelled like cotton candy. That and corn dogs.

  He cocked his head.

  “What?” I asked, suddenly self-conscious.

  “You’re smiling a real smile. It’s a sight I don’t see very often. It’s much prettier than the fake one.”

  I blushed.

  “I smell cotton candy. It’s one of my favorite smells.”

  He nodded. “I’ll remember that next time I buy cologne. Cotton candy and chocolate.”

  I laughed. “Good luck with that one. FYI, chocolate scented things don’t really smell like chocolate. It’s the real stuff or nothing.”

  “So if I carry a Hershey bar in my pocket, will that work?”

  “No. That’s weak chocolate. Go European.”

  He was quiet for a minute as we walked deeper into Spook Alley. The rides got smaller and smaller. I didn’t even know if we were allowed to ride them.

  “Do heights bother you?”

  “Not really.” I looked around at the little kid rides. All the lines were empty.

  “Then the Sneaking Ghost it is.”

  “Sounds scary.” I replied.

  He laughed.

  “Oh yeah, real scary.”

  We climbed two flights of stairs and into a little ghost car. The girl checking our belts flirted with Dallas. I rolled my eyes. Was there any girl who didn’t want him?

  “When are you going to come out with the Spook Alley gang again? We miss you.” She pouted a little. Unfortunately, it just made her look cute. He really could have anyone. No way he actually wanted me. This was either about Grant or chocolate.

  He held up his hands in an “I don’t know” gesture.

  “My evenings are a little full,” he said and put his arm around me. Some girls would’ve been ecstatic, but I was a little annoyed he used me to put her off. Shame on him to lead me on.

  The car jerked a little and off we went. About two miles per hour on an elevated flat track. I shrugged off his arm.

  “My, my, you are in high demand.”

  He grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Obviously that was a total lie. Most nights I go home and read a book.”

  I didn’t believe that for a second.

  “Right and I party every night with a different guy.” I folded my arms in front of my chest. Why was I doing this again?

  He sat back and looked out over the kids running around under the track. I thought maybe I’d offended him until he turned back to me, his eyebrows creased.

  “It’s true. But I have an idea. Why don’t we hang out every night? Then I wouldn’t be lying, would I?”

  I looked over at him and he smiled. I replied without thinking.

  “Okay.”

  He put his arm around me again. This time I let him. The girl was nowhere in sight and so he wasn’t just using me. Plus, it felt nice. Then I immediately felt guilty. What right did I have to feel nice? Never mind that I was feeling again.

  “Why are you so concerned with the little white lie?” I asked.

  “I don’t like lying to people. Ever. But when she pounced on me like that I didn’t know what else to say.”

  “I take it you don’t like her.”

  He sighed and tugged me a little closer. My heart beat faster. I took a deep breath, hoping to still my heart. He didn’t seem to notice. A few kids screamed below us and I had to lean closer to him to hear. He had very nice lips. They weren’t cracked like a lot of boys’. He must use Chapstick or something.

  “She’s nice enough. But she came with us to the casino last week and I couldn’t shake her off. She followed me around to all the tables. I’d finally found a slot machine deep in the middle of a crowd and I thought I’d lost her but just after I put a twenty into the machine the person next to me left and she sat down. She went on for thirty minutes about why we would be perfect for each other. As soon as she said the M word, I bailed. Left six bucks in the machine and didn’t look back.”

  “The M word?”

  “Marriage.”

  I laughed. “Poor girl.”

  He mocked outrage.

  “Poor girl? Poor me. Well, not anymore, as my social calendar is now completely full. Thanks to an unsuspecting Savannah.”

  The little ghost pulled back into the station and Dallas held out his hand to help me out. Instead of letting go, he adjusted his grip so that our fingers intertwined. His hand was smooth and his fingers swallowed mine.

  Butterflies.

  Holy crap.

  The last time I felt butterflies was the summer before my sophomore year when Eddie kissed me on the Ferris wheel at the fair. So cliché, but I remembered the butterflies because Dad had died the following week. I hadn’t felt that way since. Even now my chest ached, the pain of my dad’s death as raw as it was two years ago. I shook my head. Empty. Go back to the empty.

  We walked toward the skulls. Dallas didn’t let go of my hand, which meant that he wasn’t doing it for the purpose of dissuading his eager suitor. The butterflies still floated in my stomach and the ache in my chest began to subside. Maybe some feeling was better than none.

  We had to stand in a short line for the skull ride because Spook Alley was filling up with little kids. We were the oldest ones in line. When it was our turn, Dallas stepped in front of me.

  “I present you with Floating Skulls.” He bowed and opened the door to the basket on the skull. I climbed in and he climbed in after me. “A little more exciting than the Ghosts.”

  He sat across from me and spun the wheel in the middle. I wasn’t prepared for it and went flying around the bench and careened right into him.

  “That’s better,” he said and held me close. “Do you wanna spin some more?” I shook my head and tried to steady my breathing. He relaxed against the bench and cleared his throat.

  “Will you answer a question for me? Honestly.”

  I turned to face him. It took quite a bit of effort on my part to get any words out at all.

  “That’s going to depend entirely on the question.”

  “What bad memories do roller coasters hold for you?”

  He stirred up butterflies. I suppose I owed him that one. But I couldn’t look at him and answer. Instead I leaned back against his arm. Dad would’ve never answered that question. He kept everything buried deep inside. I did not want to be like him.

  “My dad and I spent every summer riding roller coasters. Each year we would do at least two or three parks. We always did Cedar Point, that was our favorite, and then we’d travel to another park. It wasn’t about little rides like this, it was about coasters. The bigger the better. He was the only one I ever rode with. He died two years ago and I vowed I’d never get on a roller coaster again. It’s too painful.”

  No need to tell him the whole story. If I went any further, I
might start crying. Plus, there were some parts of this story that I would never tell. Dallas looked at me for a long time as the ride bobbed up and down. His face was close to mine, too close, and for a crazy second I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he spoke, his voice low and full of emotion.

  “I’ve already broken my vow of honesty. Maybe we can figure out a way to get you to break your vow, too.”

  I ARRIVED AT THE MORNING MEETING before most of the others. Becca sat alone at her table so I chose to sit with the boys again. The sun was bright and I was already sweating. This would be a long day. Jeff didn’t say much but Paris talked my ear off. He’d gone to a party the night before and thought I needed to be regaled with the dirty details.

  “And this chick whips off her shirt and her melons are bigger than my head.” He paused and took a breath. I took advantage of his momentary silence.

  “Paris. I hate to break it to you, but I don’t care. Plus, I find the whole thing disgusting.”

  He frowned. “What, sex?”

  I sighed. “No, not sex. Just the whole idea of getting drunk and sleeping with whoever appears in front of you. No one remembers the night and it’s just another notch in some guy’s belt.”

  A girl snickered behind me.

  Normally I would’ve just let it go, but, for some reason, I felt the need to pick a fight.

  “Do you have something you want to say, Becca?”

  “Only that I didn’t think a girl stupid enough to shave her head could be such a prude.”

  “I’d rather be a prude than a slut like you.” Oops, I said that out loud. I debated disappearing into the purple flowered bushes on the other side of the picnic area. But I’d started it, so I probably should stick it out.

  After a long minute she spoke.

  “I’m not a slut.”

  “Oh yeah? How many one night stands have you had?” Classic sign of sluttiness, just like Candie. Hopefully, she’d prove me right.