by Bethan Lewis
‘I was, but lately it seems like I am being denied the chance to celebrate a momentous occasion in my life. I deserve to experience that.’
Erin knew she was being a coward, but she didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had. She jumped on the marriage excuse, all the while knowing deep down that breaking off their relationship had nothing to do with marriage at all. Was she a terrible person to blatantly lie to his face? Should she come clean and tell him she no longer fancied him?
Tim regarded her with a stony expression, and Erin waited with bated breath for him to reply. The silence dragged on, and the air crackled with tension. Erin wished the television was still on. Anything to break the unbearable, uncomfortable silence which had descended.
‘So,’ Tim said at last. ‘What you are saying is, you want to get married, and if we don’t, then we are over?’ Tim sighed, and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. ‘Okay, if marriage is what it takes to be with you then, let’s do it.’
Wait, what? He wasn’t meant to say that, this was going horribly wrong. Or was he calling her bluff? For years she had dreamed of the moment he would propose. In her dream, there was candles and soft music, and Tim was on one knee. In one fell swoop, he had shattered her illusion and given her the most unromantic proposal ever. Erin was speechless, unsure of how to respond. She didn’t want to marry him, how was she going to talk her way out of this now?
Taking his hand in her own she looked him straight in the eye. ‘Thank you for wanting to make that commitment for me, but I can’t accept. I want to be married someday…but not to you.’
Oh, God. This was awful, perhaps she should have spent a bit more time rehearsing this moment.
Erin observed the play of emotions as they crossed his face, first the hurt then the anger. Tim snatched his hand from hers, and shot to his feet. What she was trying to say finally dawned on him, now he understood.
‘You bitch! Have you been planning this all the time? You sat and watched me humiliate myself, agree to do something I don’t want to do. I suppose you want me to go down on my knees now and beg to stay with you?’
‘No, don’t be silly. I didn’t plan anything. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.’
‘Well congratulations, you did. I guess there is nothing more to say,’ he said, his voice as cold as ice. ‘I will pack a bag for now and I will pick up the remainder of my stuff later in the week.’
‘You don’t need to go tonight. I will sleep in the spare room.’
‘I can’t be around you at the moment, its best I leave.’
‘Where will you go?’
‘Does it matter? I am no longer your concern,’ he said and strode towards the bedroom door.
Erin sat as still as a statue listening as he rummaged around. He returned carrying a black holdall. Standing in the doorway Tim regarded her in silence, mimicking her actions of half an hour ago. Gosh had it only been thirty minutes? It was as if time had stood still.
‘Right…I will be off then,’ he said, shuffling his feet in discomfort. ‘I will come for the rest of my belongings at the end of the week, once I am settled.’
Erin rose to her feet, and walked towards him. She extended her hand and briefly squeezed his arm.
‘Tim, I am so sorry it had to end like this. You are a wonderful man, and I will always care about you. You deserve to be happy, we both do. I wish you well for the future.’
‘Are you sure this is what you want? Tim asked.
Erin wavered a little at his pleading, desperate expression, but remained firm in her decision. ‘Yes, I am sure.’
Tim reached out, pulling her to him for a last hug, and dropped a kiss on her cheek. ‘Goodbye, Erin. I hope you find someone who can give you the things I can’t.’
He opened the front door and stepped through. His heavy footsteps resounded on the pavement as he walked away.
Erin waited until he turned the corner, then closed the door and sank down on the floor, burying her head in her hands. Tears rolled down her cheeks as weeks of pent-up emotions struck her at once. Whether they were tears of sadness or joy she wasn’t quite sure. Had she done the right thing?
Being the strong one in the relationship all the time, keeping everything running smoothly and making all the major decisions had been exhausting; she couldn’t do it anymore. The relationship had become restrictive, and she found herself bottling up her own emotions, putting his happiness before her own and this was not healthy; sometimes, she needed to be the weak one, to be able to fall apart, to cry and let it all out, and with Tim around she couldn’t do that. Yes, she had made the right choice.
Perhaps if she kept busy it wouldn’t hurt so much. Pulling herself together, she got to her feet and started cleaning the flat. She was bagging up the empty bottles in the living room, when the light glinted off something metal protruding from under the table; Tim’s laptop. Erin picked it up and placed it on top of the table. Biting her lip she hesitated, should she or shouldn’t she?
Unable to resist the temptation, and knowing that what she was about to do was a breach of privacy, she opened the laptop and turned it on. Tiny little icons popped up on the screen. Technology had never been Tim’s forte, and the silly man hadn’t even thought to password protect his account. Clicking on one of the icons she entered Tim’s world.
Nothing out of the ordinary jumped out at her, until she scrolled through the history setting. Busty babes! Bombshell blondes! How to get away with cheating! Curvy and I like it!
Erin scrolled through the web links in astonishment. Who was this man who had been sharing her home? How could he have been viewing this filth without her knowledge? A tiny purple heart in the corner of the monitor caught her eye, and she clicked on it. The home page for Matchmakers Heaven, a dating site, filled the screen. Erin scanned the page and spotted a sign in section. Once again Tim had left his details available, and after a brief hesitation Erin logged into his account and accessed his private messages.
Twenty minutes later, Erin sat back her hand covering her mouth, appalled by her discovery. How could she have been so blind? He had been cheating on her for months with someone called Alice! The bastard had been carrying on with his floozy right under her nose. No wonder he hadn’t put up too much of a fight when she ended things, and it explained why he hadn’t been too concerned about his lack of accommodation; he’d probably gone straight to her when he left. The proposal was puzzling, but perhaps he had anticipated her saying no, either that or he had been in shock. There was no doubt in her mind now, breaking up with him was the correct thing to do.
‘Good riddance,’ Erin said aloud to the empty room.
She sat for a while thinking about the past few weeks; Tim’s late nights, his visits to his ‘mother’ which she had offered to join him on, but he had declined, the secret phone calls and sudden interest in personal hygiene and his new wardrobe. Erin could have kicked herself, the signs had been right in front of her all along. Perhaps she had noticed, but chose to ignore them because she didn’t care enough. Erin let out a long sigh, it didn’t matter now, what was done was done. She closed the laptop, shutting out the evidence of his betrayal.
Curled up in bed that night, she lay listening to the peaceful silence of the flat. An enormous burden had lifted from her shoulders, and she felt lighter and more relaxed than she had for years. She gave a sidelong glance at the vacant side of the bed, and wondered what she was going to do next. What would the next chapter of her life entail? Everyone says life begins at forty, maybe now was the time to start living her life and get out of the rut she had fallen into.
Chapter 3
Rolling on to her side, Erin glanced through slanted eyes at the clock on the nightstand. Groaning she pulled the covers over her head. Suddenly she bolted upright, and peered at the clock again to make sure she had read it right. Was that really the time? She leapt out of bed. Damn! Why hadn’t the alarm gone off? She was going to be late, very late.
Ten minutes later, E
rin rushed down the tree-lined street, still trying to put her arm in the sleeve of her coat. A cool wind swirled in the September air making her shiver, and she was grateful to arrive at the bus stop as the bus was pulling in.
Wheezing heavily, she squeezed her way down the aisle to an empty seat. The other passengers smirked as she passed and Erin frowned in response. What was their problem? As she sunk into her seat she rummaged around in her bag for her inhaler and took a puff trying to catch her breath. Her reflection in the window stared back, and she grimaced, no wonder the other passengers were casting peculiar looks her way. Her blouse was buttoned up wrong, and her uncombed hair stuck out wildly in all directions, giving her a medusa kind of appearance. Heat spread over her cheeks as she ran a hand through her long locks, and she wrapped her coat tighter around her body.
It was a short ride to the centre of town, and after disembarking she rushed towards the ultra-modern, glass-fronted building which housed her office.
The lobby of Watson Dean, the largest law firm in the city, was already a hive of activity as she entered. Gloria, the receptionist, a well-built woman in her late fifties with short, curly dyed red hair, gave her a wave, as she hurried to the waiting elevator. The lift doors slid shut, and whisked her up to the third floor. When the doors opened, she shot out and rushed straight to the ladies room. If she walked into the office looking as if she had been dragged through a hedge backwards, she would be the butt of jokes for weeks to come.
A few minutes later, her hair neatly combed, a dash of lipstick applied and her blouse buttoned correctly, she strode into the office appearing every inch the professional woman.
‘You’re late,’ a voice reprimanded from across the room. Sally, the office manager, was a stickler for rules and punctuality, and was always eager to find fault with everyone.
Erin glanced at the clock on the wall, it was 9:02, she was only two minutes late. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled back.
Erin pulled her chair out from behind the desk and sat down. Her stomach rumbled reminding her that she had not eaten breakfast. Could she sneak to the kitchen without Sally noticing? Erin glanced round the room. Sally was still hovering, watching everyone like a hawk, her breakfast would have to wait.
Erin turned the computer on, and as she was waiting for it to load up she noticed a woman with long, dark, wavy hair making a beeline for her desk carrying two mugs. Erin grinned as her friend tottered across the floor in ridiculous eight inch heels, which were more suited to a nightclub than the office. Megan deposited a mug of coffee in front of Erin, and then plonked her curvy behind on the edge of the desk.
‘You are a lifesaver,’ Erin said as she picked up the mug and took a sip of the strong liquid. The caffeine took immediate effect, waking her sleepy brain.
‘So, did you do it? Did you break it off?’ Megan whispered, leaning towards Erin so no-one else could hear.
‘Yes, I did.’
‘Ladies! Get to work, there will be plenty of time to natter afterwards,’ their stern manager called out, frowning in their direction.
‘Sally’s on the war path today, we’d best keep our heads down,’ Megan said, sliding off the desk. ‘Let’s do lunch. You can tell me all about it then. Meet you at the Copper Rose bar at one o clock.’
‘Okay. See you there,’ Erin said, knowing that Megan was going to wheedle every last detail out of her, right down to what colour socks Tim had been wearing.
The morning passed in a flurry of entering data and answering the constant ringing telephone. At eleven o clock Erin paused for a breather, and went to the break room to make a much-needed cup of coffee. She was surprised to find the tiny little kitchen jam packed with people all talking at once. Erin squeezed her way in, flipped the kettle switch on and squashed herself against the counter as she waited for it to boil.
‘What is going on?’ Erin asked.
‘Haven’t you heard? The company has gone bust. They made a bad deal and lost millions overnight. We think they will be letting people go,’ said Stan, the geeky I.T. support guy, who was stood next to her.
‘Gosh, how awful,’ Erin said, as she poured the steaming water into her mug.
She returned to her desk and continued with her work, no one had mentioned anything yet, so she wasn’t going to worry until there was something to worry about.
A group of men wearing suits and stern expressions appeared. They traipsed into Sally’s office, where they sat in earnest conversation making a lot of hand gestures. ‘This doesn’t bode well,’ Erin thought, as she watched them from the corner of her eye.
Ten minutes after they disappeared into the office they re-appeared, and stood uncomfortably in a semi-circle at the far end of the room.
‘Can I have your attention please?’ Sally called out. ‘Stop what you are doing for a moment and come over here, we have an announcement.’
The staff hung up their phones, left their desks and gathered eagerly to discover what the future would hold for them at Watson Dean, or indeed if they had a future with the company at all.
‘Good morning everyone.’ A tall, blonde haired man wearing a navy suit started. ‘Most of you will have heard by now, via the gossip train, about the loss we suffered last night. Our accountants and managers have been up all night assessing the damage and trying to find a solution to recoup our losses. There is no easy way to say this, they have been unsuccessful, and it is with deep regret that we must let some of you go… with immediate effect.’
A loud, audible gasp echoed around the room, and Erin noted the shocked, glazed expressions on her colleague’s faces and realised that her own must mirror theirs. They had suspected there would be redundancies, but to go with no warning would be difficult on everyone.
‘We realise this has come as a shock, and if there was any way we could avoid it we would. You will be paid to the end of the month, and receive a glowing reference for the time you have served at Watson Dean. Thank you all.’ With that the suits all left.
‘For now it is business as usual. I will call you into my office one by one and let you know where you stand,’ Sally said. ‘Right, back to your desks.’
A few meandered back to their desks, but most stood around discussing the outcome of the meeting, reluctant to go back to work. What was the point of working until they knew if their job was secure?
‘Well, that was quite a shock,’ Megan said, materialising at Erin’s side. ‘I hope my job is safe, I only bought my house three months ago.’
‘I am sure you will be fine. You are one of the longest serving employees. Isn’t it usually last in first out,’ Erin said.
‘Megan. Can you come here please?’ Sally called out.
‘Well, here goes. We shall soon find out,’ Megan said, walking to Sally’s office as if she was being led to the gallows.
As the door closed, Erin turned back to her desk absentmindedly shuffling some papers. Despite her words she was worried about her friend; Megan had been distracted the last few weeks, coming in late, leaving early, taking personal phone calls.
The hand on the clock ticked around, and it seemed like forever before the door opened and out came a red-eyed, pale faced Megan. Oh, God, this didn’t look good. Erin rushed over and threw her arms about her dear friend.
‘What happened?’
‘I am out. After years of service, they just let me go.’ Tears rolled down Megan’s face and Erin hugged her tight.
‘Erin, your next,’ Sally said, and ignoring the hostile glares of the other workers, disappeared back into the safety of her room.
‘Go on, get it over with,’ Megan sniffed. ‘I wish you luck.’
Erin closed the door and sat in the chair which Megan had vacated moments before. ‘Did you have to do that?’ Erin accused. ‘Megan has worked here from the start, she’s been here longer than you have, and she’s recently bought a house.’
Erin knew she was being unfair, but she couldn’t stop the words from spilling from her mouth.
Sally
sighed, she had foreseen that this task would be a difficult, and emotional one. Everyone was branding her the evil one, blaming her for taking their job away, what they failed to understand was that the decisions came from above. The outcome was beyond her control, but she was lumbered with the unfortunate task of being the bearer of bad news.
‘I didn’t call you in to discuss Megan. I can’t comment on individual cases. This has been a difficult day for everyone and unfortunately a lot of people are now without work… including myself. These decisions came from management, and they weren’t taken on a whim. I pleaded with them to spare the workers I know who are valuable to the company. You were one of the ones I fought hard for, but they decided otherwise. I am sorry Erin, but they are letting you go.’
Erin sat in stunned silence not quite sure how to respond, she had never been in this position before.
‘Okay. Thank you for trying to save my job, and I am sorry you are going too,’ Erin said. What else could she say?
‘You will receive a glowing reference, and a small redundancy package. We will do what we can to help you. A counsellor is onsite, in the Human Resources room, if you want to talk. There is no need to remain until the end of the day, but if you need to tie up loose ends with your clients, or deal with paperwork then by all means stay, but I understand if you wish to go straight away.’
‘I will tidy my desk, make sure everything is in order, then leave.’
‘As you wish,’ Sally said, extending her hand. ‘Goodbye Erin, and all the best for the future. You are a hard worker, I doubt you will out of work for long.’
‘Thank you, and I hope it works out for you too.’ Erin accepted the outstretched hand and shook it politely.
Erin exited the office like a robot. Bile rose in her throat, everything blurred, and the room spun as if she was on a merry-go-round. Her knuckles went white and she gripped the doorway for support. Megan rushed over, took Erin’s arm and led her to her chair.
