A Christmas Carol For Modern Times

by Clare Tanner

known. I'm hallucinating again. That's ridiculous, anyway. I don't look like you."

  "You sure, mate? Come for a spin with me. I'm going to show you how others see us." The ghost grabbed Evergreedy's hand, before he had a chance to protest, and pushed him into the car. A strange sense of fatalism came over the young man as he allowed the ghost to manhandle him, close the doors and speed off through the window. The car spun alarmingly through the air as if through a vortex, and, suddenly, they were on a brightly lit street, full of pedestrians. The car accelerated, narrowly missing men, women and children, but succeeded in soaking them with the contents of a massive puddle. Evergreedy looked back at the bedraggled group of people, and couldn't fail to notice the hatred contorting their faces. His companion screeched to a halt and parked in a disabled parking space. He hopped out of the car, and beckoned for the other man to follow him. They walked into a very smart restaurant, barging past a middle-aged couple.

  "My usual table," the ghost barked to the embarrassed maitre d'.

  "I'm sorry sir, we only have one table left, and that has been reserved by these guests." He gestured towards the couple they had just trampled over.

  "Too bad. I want my usual table. I spend a lot of money here and I expect satisfaction."

  "But, sir, it is their 25th wedding anniversary."

  "And, we've been saving up for years. It's a special treat."

  "Tough. Do I have to phone the owner, my friend, to sort this out?"

  "Very well, sir," the maitre d' replied, his lips closing into a thin line.

  As they sat down the ghost winked. "See. Money talks, doesn't it?"

  "But what does it say?" mused Evergreedy. For some reason the wall into the restaurant kitchen appeared to be transparent, and he could distinctly see the restaurant staff spitting into every dish they brought out to the bankers' table. Evergreedy's fillet steak was kicked around the kitchen like a football before being flipped unceremoniously onto a plate.

  After a lavish meal, for which he strangely felt no appetite, the ghost dropped him back at his own apartment.

  "Is that it, then?" he said, glaring at the ghost who had caused him so much embarrassment.

  "One more thing I want to show you. Look at the window." The cinema screen appeared again and Evergreedy wondered what he would see this time. The picture that emerged was a family tableau, a couple sitting round a small Christmas tree, watching a toddler climbing in and out of a cardboard box, a couple of presents still wrapped up beside him. His mother was cuddling a newborn baby. Despite the indulgent smiles, the man looked worried.

  "I wish I could have bought him more," he said.

  "Don't worry," his partner replied, "He's more interested in the cardboard box, anyway. It's always the same with kids."

  "If it wasn't for the bloody bank bailout wrecking the economy, I'd still have my job."

  She touched his arm. "Don't worry. We have each other. That's all that matters."

  The picture faded. The ghost cleared his throat. "I'm off now. Got other fish to fry. You can probably guess who's coming next."

  "I can't wait," Evergreedy replied.

  This time, he was afraid to go to sleep. There was no doubt now that something weird was going on. He lay down and closed his eyes, but his mind was spinning. Could he have been dreaming, or had he really been the recipient of a visitation? He had never felt so unsettled in his life - not since waiting to see if there would be a bonus in 2008, anyway. He shut his eyes, and was quite sure that he wasn't sleeping, when he heard the sound of a person gently clearing their throat. Opening them cautiously, heart beating hard, He saw, standing in front of him, a young Chinese woman, small and demurely dressed in a simple black suit and cream blouse. She inclined her head in the slightest of bows.

  "You are..?" Evergreedy said, with little surprise evident in his voice.

  "I think you probably know who I am, by now," the diminutive creature replied.

  "At a wild guess, I'd say the ghost of Bankers Yet to Come."

  "That is correct," she said. "Well done. You have learnt something tonight, at least."

  "So, what are you going to show me?"

  "I will show you the future of banking, and what your future might be, if you would like to follow me," she said, holding out her hand, which trailed in the air like a wisp of mist. He tried to grasp it, with no reluctance this time. Although his hand connected with nothing more solid than thin air, he felt them both floating out through the window and into the air, as if they were Peter Pan and Wendy. This really was a weird trip.

  They drifted for some time, over dark and murky landmasses. The sun was beginning to rise as they floated towards a land mass filled with skyscrapers.

  The ghost scrutinized his face. "Do you know where we are?"

  "It looks like Hong Kong," he said, "only different."

  "It is Shanghai," she replied, "but bigger, and even more crowded than it was. This will be the banking centre of the World. Would you like to see one of the trading floors?"

  "OK, why not?" he replied, uncertainly.

  They floated through the side of a building and emerged into an enormous office, filled with rows and rows of screens and desks, each populated by a young, unostentatious Chinese man or woman. The digital clock on the side of the building flew through the hours, and the traders all stayed at their desks, supplied with bento boxes to prevent starvation.

  "They are working very hard," ventured Evergreedy.

  "Yes," replied the ghost, "and they are salarymen and women. They work for a set salary and do not ask for bonuses merely for doing their job. They are happy to have a position, and accept modest remuneration."

  "I see."

  "Do you?"

  "I think so. But where am I in all this?"

  "To discover that we will have to return to your country."

  "Oh good," said Evergreedy.

  The spirit snapped her fingers, and they were back in London, standing at the counter in McDonalds. This was most confusing.

  "Like I said, where am I?"

  The ghost inclined her head. Evergreedy followed her eyes. "What? I'm that fat git?"

  "That is correct," she said. "The one who is flipping burgers."

  He was about to complain, but she winked and disappeared.

  Evergreedy jumped up. He was back in his own flat. He had been asleep. It had all been a dream. Thank God for that. He tried to push the thoughts that were crowding into his brain away into the deeper recesses. He felt uncomfortable in his skin. A little voice, barely audible, said,

  "Evergreedy Squeeze. Have you learnt something tonight?"

  Evergreedy stood up. "Yes, wherever you are, and whoever you are, thank you. You have helped me to learn the error of my ways."

  "Good. And what have you learnt?"

  "Well, I now have two New Year's resolutions - to learn Chinese and join a union."