Harmonic Feedback

by Tara Kelly

  I focused on Naomi’s mouth as they walked toward me. It moved so quickly. Like she couldn’t get the words out fast enough. Justin’s lips curved up, not enough to be smiling. But enough to look unassuming. Pleasant.

  “She can’t seem to stop messing around with that thing,” Naomi said.

  Justin came within a few feet of me and stopped. “Hey.”

  I straightened, peering over the camera. “Hi.”

  Naomi’s gaze bounced between us. “Hello, awkward.” And then the wicked grin took over. “Drea tells me you two had quite the hot night.” She punched his arm.

  He shot me what could only be a confused look. “That’s interesting.”

  “Don’t,” I said, hoping she’d drop it for once.

  “Yeah, apparently you guys…” She put a hand over her mouth, pretending to giggle.

  “What? I missed the joke, sorry,” Justin said.

  My heart thudded. “Naomi, please stop.”

  “Drea said you guys”—she nudged him and whispered—“kissed.” Then she covered her mouth like it was the most shocking thing ever.

  My cheeks burned, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I ran into the house, slamming the basement door behind me. Naomi must’ve known what a big deal that kiss was to me. And she didn’t care. It was a joke to her. I was a joke.

  I buried my face in the softness of my pillow, squeezing my eyes shut.

  The basement door creaked open a couple minutes later.

  “Give me five minutes, Grandma! Five lousy minutes.”

  But it wasn’t her open-toed heels coming down the stairs. These steps were softer, more like tennis shoes. “Don’t worry. Grandma and Naomi are holding down the fort,” Justin said. “But I brought the camera down in case they decide to go Jerry Springer on each other.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled into my green pillow.

  His footsteps echoed behind me and stopped as he set the camera down. He walked over to the side I was facing and leaned against the wall, peering down at me. I turned the other way.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

  “Everything is a big joke to her, including me.”

  “She gets off on teasing people. But you aren’t a joke to her, Drea. She went on and on last night about how talented you are.”

  “Why is she always trying to embarrass me?”

  “Because she wants attention and doesn’t know how to ask for it.”

  “You sound like Jackie.”

  “So be it. But it’s true. Besides, she feels pretty bad. Your grandma asked where you were, and Naomi told her you didn’t feel well. She got suckered into helping your grandma redo the table display.”

  I rolled over and met his gaze. “I told my mom what happened last weekend. She wants to call her dad.”

  “Did you tell her about me too?”

  “I told her everything. I’m sorry. She still likes you.”

  He shifted his weight against the wall. “Don’t be sorry. You guys are close. I tell my sister everything too.”

  “I need to convince her not to call Naomi’s dad.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t think you can.”

  “That doesn’t help much.”

  “What can I say, Drea? I’m not very good at the comforting thing, especially when it comes to you.”

  “That’s not true,” I said.

  “No? You seemed almost disgusted by me the other night.”

  I sat up. “And that’s the problem, Justin. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say or the right way to say it. By the time I figured out how to tell you what I was feeling, you had left. Don’t assume my thoughts by the look on my face. Don’t try and read between my words. At least ask me what I’m thinking or feeling first. It might take me some time, but I will answer you.”

  He folded his arms across his chest. “Okay, then, I’m asking. How do you feel about me?”

  “It’s hard to explain. You make me feel connected to the world in ways I’ve never felt connected before. Usually I hate it when people touch me, but with you—it’s comforting. Not in the same way as my mom.”

  “God, I hope not.” He gave me a strange look before holding up his hands. “Sorry, go on.”

  “It’s a warm feeling, and my stomach kind of tickles. And… why are you smiling?”

  He moved from the wall and sat on the bed. Close, but not close enough to touch me. “You’re describing actual sensations.”

  “You asked me how I felt.”

  “I know, and it’s the most real and honest answer I’ve ever heard. That’s why I’m smiling.”

  “Oh.” I ran my fingers along the threads of my purple comforter. “I wanted to say thank you the other night. For giving me a chance, for the driving lessons, for coming to get me and Naomi at two in the morning—and for saying you liked everything about me. Nobody has ever said that before.”

  “You don’t need to thank me for liking you, Drea. It was a done deal when I saw you singing to yourself the first day of school.”

  I let my hair fall in my face, hoping it would cover up my dumb smile. “I thought you were laughing at me.”

  “No, I was wondering how to introduce myself to the beautiful musically inclined girl without sounding like an ass.”

  I peeked up at him. “I thought you were cute, but probably a jerk.”

  He smirked. “Yeah, I gathered that much—the jerk part, anyway. And you would’ve been right if you’d met me last year.”

  I moved closer to him, putting my hand over his. “But I didn’t. So it doesn’t matter.”

  He pulled away. “Drea, the stuff I told you about my past was just the highlights. I didn’t get into all of it, because I didn’t think it mattered. But I think it will matter to you—especially after your reaction the other night.”

  I moved back to the headboard, curling my knees under my chin. “Oh.”

  “I just know that the more time I spend with you, the more I like you. The more I want to be part of your life.” He rolled his eyes. “And I need to shut up because I suck at this.”

  “I feel the same way,” I said.

  He sighed and laid back on the bed. “What did you mean by—you thought I was more like you?”

  “I was hoping you were an inexperienced dork like me, because I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  “Nobody really knows what they’re doing. We’d all like to think we do, though.”

  “So it doesn’t bother you, about me?” I asked.

  “No. I wouldn’t have even known if you didn’t tell me.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not. When you kiss someone for the first time, it’s usually awkward. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve kissed before.”

  “How many people have you kissed?”

  His eyes lifted to mine. “I don’t know the exact number.”

  “Yeah, you mentioned that.”

  “I slept with some of them too. But I don’t remember much. There were times I woke up and couldn’t remember what happened. That scares the shit out of me.”

  I grabbed my pillow and hugged it to my chest. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to say to me, either.” He settled on his back again, drumming his chest. “But I was tested right before I moved here. I’m clean.”

  “Isn’t that a good thing?”

  “I keep thinking about my mom. She was obsessed with being healthy—ate right, exercised, didn’t smoke. She wouldn’t even touch alcohol. How’s that for messed up?” He shook his head. “It just doesn’t make sense.”

  “You made some mistakes, but you’re a good person. That’s what matters.”

  He covered his eyes with his arm, a smile crossing his lips. “Don’t make me go over there and kiss you. Tell me how lame my T-shirt is or something.”

  “I like De/Vision. They’re one of my favorite bands, actually.”

  “Who was I kidding? You’re Drea. You can’t help but
drive me crazy.” He dropped his arm and gazed up at me.

  I hurled the pillow at his face, but it missed him entirely and hit my green acoustic instead.

  He chuckled. “Nice aim. I’m about—what?—two or three feet from you.”

  “Shut up.”

  Justin sat up, shaking his head. “Let me show you how it’s done, okay?”

  He snatched the pillow off the floor and did a pitching motion with it. I covered my head, preparing for a blow. It didn’t come.

  “Oh, give me a break. You’ve got another pillow next to you. Use it,” he said.

  I grabbed it and jumped off the bed. He crept toward me, tossing the pillow in the air and catching it again. I charged at him and our pillow–sword fight began. Unfortunately, his height gave him the ability to bop me on top of the head. But I did have a lower center of gravity and better access to a more sensitive region. After he got me in the face, I ducked and flung my pillow at him like a Frisbee. Right where it counted.

  He hunched over and winced. “Okay, that was a low blow. You don’t play fair.”

  “How can I play fair when we didn’t make any rules?”

  “You need to have a reason to go for the balls, okay? Like what you did with Scott. That rocked. This didn’t.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t think it would hurt that much. The pillow being soft and everything.”

  He walked toward me, shaking his head. “Smart-ass.”

  I backed into the wall.

  He picked up my pillow and smiled. “You might want to hold on to your weapon next time.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut as he raised the pillows, expecting to be hit from both sides. Instead, I heard the soft whisper of them hitting the floor when his lips touched mine. The kiss was gentle and a little salty. His hands ran down my back, and heat bled through the gauzy material of my black dress. I kissed him back the only way I knew how. My way.

  I slipped my fingers underneath his T-shirt, enjoying the silky feeling of his skin. It gave him goose bumps, which made me smile because I had them too. He tilted his head to the side and moved closer to me, and I ended up licking his chin. We both laughed.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  He cupped my face. “It happens.”

  His hands skimmed the curve of my hips. Stubble beneath his lower lip made my chin feel raw, but I didn’t care. Every inch of me seemed to buzz, yet my mind probably couldn’t string two words together. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling his scent. A mix of rain, salt, and trees—or bath soap and sweat, if I wanted to get technical.

  His mouth hovered near my ear. “We shouldn’t leave Naomi up there any longer. They could be clawing each other’s eyes out by now.”

  “They’ll be okay,” I said, pulling him closer.

  He studied my face and traced the edge of my nose. “You think so?”

  We leaned toward each other again, but the basement door swung open.

  “Are you guys decent?” Naomi called, half laughing.

  “Yes,” Justin said before moving back and sitting on the bed.

  I followed and sat against the headboard again, my lips still tingling.

  “You guys have been down here a really long time. I was worried we’d have to call the fire department.” She appeared at the foot of the stairs.

  “Har, har,” Justin said, rolling his eyes.

  She stuck her tongue out at him and plopped in my computer chair. “Teaching an old person how to use eBay is like trying to teach a newborn how to read Moby-Dick.”

  Justin snickered. “I could’ve told you that.”

  “I’m not following,” I said.

  She spun the chair around in fast circles. “I just spent the last twenty minutes trying to convince your grandma to sell her crap online. She kind of lost it when she saw that people sell cars and houses on there. And the term FAQ is foreign to her. Anyway, you’re off the hook. I just helped her put everything away. Only catch is she wants you to sell the stuff on eBay for her.”

  “That’s what I wanted to do in the first place. She said no.”

  “What can I say, I have the magic grandma touch.” She stopped spinning and looked at me. “So, are you still pissed at me?”

  “No.”

  “I’m going to run around the corner to Subway. You guys want something?” Justin asked.

  After we gave him our sandwich orders, he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. “See you in a bit,” he whispered.

  I bit my lip and nodded, trying to hold back a smile. It was weird being mushy in front of Naomi.

  She waited for him to leave before throwing herself on my bed. “Is he a good kisser?”

  “I think so.”

  Naomi stretched her legs over the side and gazed at the ceiling. “I bet he is. The sensitive types usually are.”

  “I need to tell you something.” I clutched the comforter between my hands.

  She exhaled sharply. “Look, I’m sorry. It was just so cute how excited you looked. I haven’t been that giddy over a kiss in a long time.”

  “That isn’t it. I—”

  Naomi sat up and crawled over to me. “Wait, don’t tell me.” She put a hand on each shoulder. “You and Justin are getting hitched in Vegas.”

  “No! Can you be serious for a minute?”

  She let go of my shoulders and collapsed back on the bed. “I got you out of garage sale hell. It’s Saturday. Your hot boyfriend is bringing us lunch. And you’re still finding reason to be a downer.”

  “He’s not my—”

  “He’s not your boyfriend, I know. You guys just smooch and hang out almost every day. And he talks about you like you’re a goddess.”

  “He does?”

  She looked up at me. “Uh-huh. He got that look in his eyes when he talked about you last night. Do you know what I mean?”

  “Not really.”

  “And he talked about how smart and awesome you are. It was kind of sickening. I don’t think a guy has ever called me smart. I usually get ‘Hey, baby, yer hot.’”

  I lay down next to her. “Because you date jerks.”

  “Guys like Justin aren’t interested in girls like me. I’ve never been smart or arty enough. I’m not an endless source of music trivia, and I don’t hate everything on the radio. Oh, well. Bad boys are more exciting anyway.”

  “Even when they call you a psycho bitch and hit you?”

  “I said something really messed up about his family. Something I knew would hurt him.”

  “He hit you, Naomi.”

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  I propped myself on my elbow and stared down at her. “Don’t go back to him. You promised.”

  She sat up. “I’m not, okay? Just shut up about him already.”

  “Why are you acting like this?”

  “Because you won’t drop it!” She ran her hands through her messy hair. “You’re just sitting there and judging me. It’s so easy for you. You don’t even know—”

  Justin opened the door upstairs. “Food’s here. Come up when you guys are ready.”

  Naomi hopped up and ran for the stairs. “Good, I’m starving!”

  “Wait,” I called after her. “We need to finish talking.”

  She spun around, a dark look in her eyes. “It’s a nice day, Drea. Quit trying to ruin it.”

  ">

  After lunch we decided to walk around downtown Bellingham and film random things. Naomi gave us a guided tour around the pint-sized area. She interviewed various people we passed, asking them to list their favorite places. Most picked the bay, trails, or parks, and a few chose Railroad Avenue. But one person said jail and another said “wherever the pigeons hang out.” Not everyone was sober. We left with plenty of interesting footage.

  When we got back to my house, we looked at the music sites I had uploaded “Invisible” to. There were several comments—all of them very complimentary. People raved about Naomi’s voice, saying she sounded like an angel.

  Naomi smiled and
covered her face. “I figured people would hate my voice.”

  “Why would you think that?” Justin asked. “You’ve got more raw talent than anyone I’ve ever met. You haven’t even had any lessons, right?”

  “Just years in my shower.”

  I scrolled down the comments, reading them over again. “This one says, ‘Why isn’t this song on the radio? Very catchy tune with great production and an incredible vocalist. Who is this girl, and how can I get her to sing on my tracks?’”

  Naomi’s ears turned red. “Wow.”

  “I’ve played this song sixteen times,” I continued reading. “And that piano melody haunts me every time. Beautiful.”

  Justin smiled. “We’ve got our amazing producer to thank.”

  “I just polished it up and stuck it online,” I said.

  He stroked my hair. “You know you did a lot more than that. All of the programming you put into it. The drums are sweet. It sounds amazing.”

  “Naomi’s live beat helped too.”

  Naomi announced she needed a bathroom break and ran up the stairs.

  I stretched and moved closer to Justin. “Do you work tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.” He grabbed my hands and pulled me into his lap. “Did you tell her?”

  I rested my head against his shoulder and told him what she said. “She won’t let me bring up anything serious. How am I supposed to tell her that I’m a liar? Or that my mom is calling her dad because I opened my stupid mouth?”

  “No offense, but you’re a really bad liar. At least it wasn’t a surprise for me when you admitted you never went skydiving.”

  I elbowed him.

  “Be nice,” he whispered.

  I looked up at him. “What should I do?”

  “I can’t tell you that. You know Naomi better than I do.” He stroked my cheek.

  “That doesn’t help.”

  “I know—I suck. I’m sorry.”

  Being so close to him relaxed me. I ran my fingers under his sleeve, trying to guess the shape of his tattoo.

  Footsteps echoed from the stairs. I pulled back to see Naomi watching us. She wasn’t smiling this time. “Maybe I should leave you two alone.”

  “No, we have to record ‘Dawn,’” I said.

  Naomi made her way down the stairs. “I’m in the mood to celebrate those killer reviews we got.”