(in)visible

by Talie D. Hawkins

  I felt a little pang of disappointment at the thought of leaving. “Yeah, I should check in with work a little later.” I sat up and something about the look on Jake’s face worried me. “What’s wrong?”

  “Is this....are we...” he started but he couldn’t finish his question. Now I was really worried. “I won’t be mad if this was a fluke. I know I’m not enough to change your mind, or your plans.”

  I started to understand what he was getting at. “Jake, a few days ago I swore I had everything figured out. Now, I’m confused in the best way ever. All I can tell you right now is that I want to be as close to you as possible. Just thinking about going home today makes me feel anxious, and we haven’t even left yet and I already miss you.” I prayed I hadn’t confessed too much.

  “Really?” he asked in a hopeful voice.

  “Really,” I said as my eyes locked on his.

  He pulled me in close and kissed me. “If I don’t get you home right now, we may never leave,” he whispered.

  “Right. We need to go.”

  We were both quiet on the drive into town. Everything was covered in glistening white, and it all seemed so tranquil, and I felt peaceful for the first time in so long. I wanted to say so many things, and ask Jake so many things, but for now I just wanted to enjoy the silence.

  I couldn’t make my legs move when he pulled up in front of my house. I just sat, frozen, as I stared at the front door. Jake got out and came around to open my door.

  “I have to go in, don’t I?”

  “Yeah. You probably should, even though I don’t want to give you back.” He pulled me into a hug and for a minute the thought of going home, and everything else in the world disappeared. “I can come by later and pick you up if you want. I just need to go home and have some face time with my grandparents. They’ll probably grill me about why I was at the cabin.”

  “Will you be in trouble?”

  “Nah.”

  “Good.”

  “I’ll call you a little later.”

  “K.”

  He leaned down and kissed me gently, then watched to make sure I got inside ok. I looked out of the peephole at him driving away, and I was shocked at how much I missed him being close.

  13

  Nothing much had changed when I got home. My mom was sitting at the kitchen table in her robe, staring out of the window- but I doubted she saw much of anything. She turned in my direction when I walked in.

  “There are a few slices of bacon and some eggs on the stove,” she said in a groggy voice. I had to make sure I heard her right. Meals had been on a strict “fend for yourself” basis for many years.

  “Um, thanks. I’m gonna clean up a little first.” As I turned to walk away, she spoke again.

  “Who was that?”

  “Who was who?”

  “The boy. The one that brought you home.”

  I wrinkled my eyebrows in confusion. She never spoke to me, let alone asked me questions. “His name is Jake. He’s from school.” I waited for a response, but after a few moments of awkward silence, I made my exit.

  I took a quick shower and shoved my hair in a towel. The weird “almost” conversation with my mom left me with no appetite, so I didn’t bother to go back to the kitchen. I decided to double check on the coffee shop to make sure I didn’t need to work. Betsy answered in one ring.

  “You’re off the hook again. Mark and I are snowed in.”

  “I kinda figured, but wanted to make sure. I kinda made plans.”

  “You? You made plans? Tell me about these plans. I’m horribly bored.”

  I told her everything. Betsy was the older sister I never had, and she and her husband were two of the only people in the world I could trust.

  “Are you going to see him today?” I could almost hear the grin on her face.

  “I think so. I hope so,” I confessed, feeling my cheeks get hot.

  “I want details. Call me as soon as you get home. I have to go tell Mark!” She squealed out loud.

  “No, don’t tell him.” I groaned and fell back on my bed.

  “You know I can’t keep this to myself. I’ll be selective with my details.”

  “Fine,” I said in frustrated defeat.

  I thought about taking a nap after I hung up, but I knew I had plenty of school projects that needed attention. I got to work on a paper for my English class, and that reminded me that Jake was in that class too. I worried a little about how we would be around each other at school. I was shaken from my thoughts when my phone rang. It was Logan.

  “What’s up?” I asked when I answered.

  “Just seeing if you’re ok. A few houses don’t have power.”

  “We’re all good here. What about you guys?”

  “We’re good. I came by last night, but you were gone. Were you with Jake?”

  “Logan, why do you care about where I was?” I knew I sounded frustrated.

  “I guess that’s a yes. I just thought....I don’t know what I thought. I’ll talk to you later.” The line went dead after that. I bugged myself with the question all day. What did he think?

  I shook off my conversation with Logan and got to work. Time must have flown. It was getting dark when I finally took a look out of my window. I was feeling pretty hungry, but debated on going back to the kitchen where my mom could still be. She was known to sit four hours and stare out into space. I didn’t want to imagine what went on in her head when she got like that.

  The hunger pangs finally got so bad that I decided to risk it, but I was saved by the bell. The doorbell. I opened it to a shivering Jake.

  “Go get a coat and get in the truck. I’m freezing!” I did as I was told and ran out to meet him. He was waiting to open the door for me and I thought of how sweet that was.

  “It’s so warm in here,” I said once we were both inside the cab.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call first. I was just too excited.” He grinned at me then looked down at the steering wheel.

  “It’s ok. I was ready to leave anyway. We have no food in the house.”

  He looked back up at me with a worried wrinkle between his brows. “Did you eat? Are you hungry? We can go get something.” He sounded a little like a worried parent.

  “That would be great, but only if you’re hungry too.”

  “I’m starving,” he said with a wink, and automatically I was blushing again.

  14

  Just about everything in downtown Flagstaff was closed. The snow hadn’t even been cleared yet, but we were able to find one fast food place off of the highway that was open. “Should we order at the window, or go in?” he asked when we pulled into the parking lot.

  “I’m almost too cold to move.”

  “I have a full tank of gas. We can hang out in here as long as we want.” He pulled up to the menu board and cracked his window just a fraction. We ordered burgers and fries and headed out to a park that was close by. Once we were parked we dug in. The food was warm and it hit the spot. I felt a little embarrassed about how fast I devoured my meal. I took a drink of my cherry lemonade, hoping it would wash away the smell of the burger.

  He patted the spot right next to him, and I scooted closer. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against his chest. My head was tucked just under his chin and I could feel him kiss the top of my head. “I thought about you all day,” he whispered into my hair.

  “I thought about you too,” I confessed. I laced my fingers into his and rubbed my cheek against his hand. He shifted slightly and turned my head to face him.

  “I need to kiss you now,” he whispered, and then his lips were on mine. Our kiss made my entire body shiver in a good way. I felt his hand tangle in my hair before it traveled down my back and along my spine. He pulled up the back of my shirt and the contact of his fingertips to my skin sent a shockwave through me. That’s when the kiss turned hungry. We both sat up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck as his mouth devoured mine. His fingertips played at my ribcage as my own h
ands traveled under his shirt and along his chest. I could feel his heart beating as hard as my own.

  He pulled away without warning, leaving us both breathless. I looked at him, confused and wishing he hadn’t stopped. “Sorry. If I don’t stop now, I could get a little too carried away,” he admitted as he caught his breath. “I saw snow plows on the road earlier. That probably means we’ll have school tomorrow.” All sorts of questions popped into my head after he said it. It must have shown on my face. “What are you thinking about?”

  “What happens now? At school?”

  “What do you mean?” He looked confused.

  “With us?”

  “Oh. Well, I hope I can hold your hand when we walk down the halls.” He was grinning his boyish grin that made me melt. “Why are you asking me that? Are you assuming I’d pretend I didn’t know you or something?” He said it playfully but when I didn’t answer he sat up and his face turned serious. I could tell by the way his jaw tensed up that he was a little angry. “Is that really what you’re thinking?”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to think. This is all so new to me.”

  “That’s not what you want, is it?”

  “No! Of course not!”

  “Meg, I want to walk in together tomorrow, with my arm around you. I want everyone to know that you’re mine. You are mine, aren’t you?” It was a fair question. We hadn’t really made declarations to one another.

  “I’m yours...if you want me to be.” He didn’t answer with words. Instead he pulled me into another kiss that made my head spin.

  Later that night I was reminded of him every time I put lip balm on my deliciously sore lips. We made plans for him to pick me up for school and I tried to get a good night’s sleep, but that was difficult because my brain buzzed with thoughts of Jake.

  I watched for him the next morning. When he pulled up I ran outside, saving him the trouble of getting out in the cold. My hair was pulled into two loose braids under my slouchy beanie, and I hoped I looked ok.

  “Are you ready?” he asked as I buckled in.

  “Yep.” I thought to myself that this would be an interesting day.

  He opened my door for me when we got to school, and we walked up the steps with our fingers laced together. There were a few sideways glances at the two of us together, and one look would have killed us if it were possible. Logan was leaning near my locker- no doubt waiting for me- but stormed off once he saw me walk in with my hand in Jake’s.

  “What the hell was that?” he asked, a little defensively.

  “I honestly have no clue.” It was the truth.

  “Meg, were you and Logan....” he didn’t finish as he ran a frustrated hand into his hair.

  “No! There’s nothing there.”

  “I’m not sure he’d agree.”

  I had to wonder if he was right. My thoughts were interrupted when someone new joined us. Jake’s face grew into a huge smile, and he high-fived the other kid.

  “Do you know Lance?” he asked me.

  “I have chemistry with you, right?”

  “Sure do,” he said with a smile that was genuine and warm.

  “Lance has been my best friend since first grade.” Lance gave him a wrinkled look with a question in it. It had to be about me. “Lance has also known about my hard-core crush on you.”

  “Ah, so I take it she knows how you feel about her?”

  I could feel my face go bright red.

  “I hope so,” he said, looking at me instead of Lance.

  I looked down at my feet, knowing I my cheeks were probably the color of a tomato. We heard the warning bell, and with a little peck on the top of my head, we parted ways.

  During class I felt like all eyes were on me. It could have been my imagination, but it was hard to focus on classwork when I was getting curious glances from everyone. Plus, I had Jake on the brain in a huge way. I reminded myself that I needed to focus so my college apps would be perfect, and that took my mind to a whole new area. Would I want to leave Jake?

  After class, I headed to get some notes I needed and found Logan leaning against my locker. He didn’t say anything when I walked up. I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. “Can I get in my locker?” He moved to the side just a fraction.

  “So, you and Jake are kind of official now?”

  I took a frustrated breath and turned to face him. “Seriously? Yeah, I guess we are. Does that bother you?”

  “Kinda.”

  I slammed my locker shut. “Logan, I have no clue of why you even care, but if you have something to say, just say it already. I don’t take well to passive- aggressive behavior.”

  “You think I’m being passive-aggressive?” He rolled his eyes at me as he asked it.

  “Whatever. I don’t have time for this,” I said, leaving him and his weird mood behind.

  Blaine watched me like a hawk in my next class. Every time I looked up I caught her eyeing me. I quietly moved to the empty seat next to her and leaned over to whisper. “Something you want?” She looked a little surprised at my confrontation.

  “What did you do to Logan?” she asked in an angry whisper.

  “I didn’t do anything to him,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “You two clearly have a few things to work out and you need to leave me out of it. I have nothing to do with whatever is going on with you guys.” I was politely shushed by the teacher and reminded that I was in class. I had said what I needed to say so I turned my focus back on my work.

  Logan didn’t really acknowledge my existence for the rest of the day, but Blaine managed to shoot me as many dirty looks as possible. I had no idea there could be so many varieties.

  Jake joined me for lunch under my tree where we both froze, but no one bothered us. We forced ourselves to concentrate in English class, but it was hard not to glance at him from time to time, and he was usually glancing back which made both of us grin like idiots.

  The whole week was much of the same, and I was actually looking forward to my weekend so we could spend time together, but he made sure to visit me at work, and Mark and Betsy loved grilling him while he was there. Betsy’s approval of Jake meant a lot to me. She encouraged me to take long breaks during my short shifts so Jake and I could hang out together and I thought about the day I would get a real boss, and not know what to do with that.

  I was antsy when Friday rolled around. Just one more day and we’d spend all of Saturday together. We had decided in the middle of the week that we’d do usual couple stuff. Neither of us had ever done anything like that. We planned on dinner and a movie, but he warned me that he’d probably show up at my house right after he woke up. I told him I’d probably be wide awake and waiting.

  As I searched in my closet for what to wear, I thought about how I had never paid attention to my clothes before- but I had never really had a reason to care. I made a mental note that I would have to do some serious shopping soon. I grabbed a black and white striped tee shirt and some faded skinny jeans and got myself dressed. It was still freezing out, so there was no point in trying to make my hair cute. It would be hidden under my slouchy beanie. I gave myself two braids, pulled on my red converse, and then I was on my way.

  Jake had been driving me most days, but today I told him I’d meet him at school. Mark and Betsy needed me at the shop right after, and I didn’t want him to feel like he had to drive me around everywhere.

  When I pulled into the school parking lot I spotted Logan near the entrance. I was pretty early so not many people were around yet. I looked around for another entrance, but I knew the main doors would be the only ones open this early. I tried not to make eye contact as I walked by, but it didn’t stop him from acknowledging me.

  “Eggy, why are you in such a rush?” He didn’t sound right and I knew exactly why.

  “Are you seriously drinking before school?”

  “Yep. Gotta do something to take the edge off.”

  “What edge? What’s so terrible that you have to do that?”
I asked, pointing to a flask he wasn’t hiding very well.

  “I told you already. My parents, my past, my future,” he slurred, waving his arms around.

  “Hey, tone it down. You’re being pretty obvious.”

  “Good, maybe they’ll kick me out.”

  “Logan, grow up. We all have crap to deal with. So deal with it. Avoiding it isn’t doing you any favors.”

  “Oh, so now I get advice from you? Queen of dysfunction? You can’t even speak because of how messed up you are! Oh, but wait- now you’re in love and normal, and everything will be just fine,” he said sarcastically through gritted teeth.

  “You’re an ass.” I turned to walk away, but ran into a chest I knew all too well. Jake wrapped a protective arm around me.

  “Are you ok,” Jake asked before he turned his attention to Logan. I nodded yes. “If you come near her again you’ll regret it,” he threatened in a tone that made me shiver.

  “How much did you hear?” I asked once we were inside.

  “Enough to know you can fend for yourself.” He pulled me into a hug.

  “He’s drunk. It’s just....sad.”

  “Well, he’s not your problem.” He kissed the top of my head and insisted he walk me to class.

  My little interaction with Logan nagged at the back of my mind for most of the day, but I pushed it aside and reminded myself that it was Friday. I was free from all of this for two days, and I’d probably spend both days with Jake.

  After school, I headed straight to the coffee shop. We had a lull before the onslaught of 5:00 commuters bombarded us. After that it was quiet again. I made Jake promise to stay at home. I felt bad that he spent so much time at the shop watching me work. He reluctantly agreed, but he did text me a few times to entertain me.

  Just before I was ready to close a little surprise walked in the door. Blaine and three other girls from school sauntered in. I was ready to end my shift and call it a night, and I was in no mood for the B.S. they were no doubt about to dish out.

  “Blaine, I’m closing.”

  “Oh, we’re not here for coffee. We’re here to chat,” she said in her most condescending tone.