by C. M. Owens
“Too much information,” Rye groans.
“Well, you guys won’t stop staring like you’re expecting an immediate baby bump to protrude at any second.”
She’s blushing like she’s on fire, but Kode kisses her cheek, grinning. “You’d look cute with a baby bump.”
“Not happening any time soon,” she says, but her lips twitch like she wants to smile.
Fucking baby talk everywhere.
“Who the hell is pregnant?” I finally ask, and Brin makes a startled sound that draws attention to her.
Rye turns a scary shade of white, and Brin swallows hard like she’s nervous. Her eyes dart around like she’s searching for something, but she doesn’t deny it immediately like everyone else has.
“Brin?” Rye says hoarsely, as though it took a year to forge that one word.
“It’s me,” Allie says suddenly, standing so quickly that the chair flips over behind her.
Wren falls out of his chair, and then leaps back to his feet, his eyes wide and excited. “Really?” he asks, his smile growing until it looks painful.
He’s excited?
“Um… Yeah,” Allie says, sounding like she’s not as enthused.
Wren is on her in the next breath, kissing her and pulling her so close that you couldn’t wedge a piece of paper between them. Rye stands and walks away, his entire body so tense that he can’t seem to relax.
“Is he upset?” I ask, confused as I look over at Brin.
She clears her throat, while shrugging. “You know his past. Kids are touchy subject for him until he really believes history can’t repeat itself with him. I need to go make sure he’s okay.”
She stands and sprints off in the direction Rye went.
Bella stands, still a little pale. I guess she’s shocked over Allie’s confession. Wren looks like he’s on cloud nine right now, but I’m ready to call it a night. I can’t fix this thing with Bella in front of everyone.
“You ready to go?” I ask her, hoping she’ll still take me home with her.
She nods instead of vocalizing the agreement, and I test the waters, putting an arm around her when she reaches me. She doesn’t throw me off her, so that’s a good sign.
“About what I said earlier… Bella, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I just—”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just tired, and I want to go home,” she says softly, so softly that I barely hear her.
My brow furrows when I see she’s not looking at me, and I follow her gaze to where Rye is holding Brin against him. Actually, Brin is holding him, since she’s on the hood of his Range Rover, and his head is against her chest. But he’s clinging to her like he can’t let go.
I guess that seriously freaked him out.
“Yeah, sure,” I finally say, which seems to break her out of her trance.
Her eyes cut away from Rye and Brin, but I notice she’s walking like she’s defeated, as though something terrible is going on that I’m not aware of.
“Bella? What’s wrong?” I ask, catching up to her as she opens the driver’s side door.
“Like I said, I just want to go home. I’ll drop you off at your house, and you can come get your car tomorrow.”
She’s like ice when I sit down in the car, which confuses and concerns me even more. This can’t be about what I said. Surely.
“Rye really loves Brin,” she says randomly as she starts the car and starts driving toward my house.
“Yeah,” I say, trying to catch up to whatever train of thought she’s on.
“Yet he really freaked out when he thought she was pregnant.”
“Well, it probably scared the shit out of him,” I say, holding back the truth of Rye’s past.
His mother had a lot of mental issues, and he suffered because of it as a child. He slept in a closet for days on end, and went hungry too many times to count. The psychological effect it had on him was far worse than any physical abuse I ever suffered.
Like Brin said, until he’s certain he won’t ever have the same issues, kids is a touchy subject for him, something Brin is fully aware of and can handle. In fact, she’s the only person who can handle him.
Bella doesn’t say anything else, and I regret not being able to elaborate. For whatever reason, that seems to have her upset.
Maybe Rye will give me permission to explain, and she’ll get it then. But I can’t just go spilling his past out no matter how much I trust Bella, because those aren’t my secrets to tell.
Bella holds true to her word, and she pulls up at my house.
“Come in with me. I’ll take you home in the morning in time for you to grab some clothes. My bed will feel empty without you in it.”
Yeah, I’m reaching the pathetic line, but this rift between us seems to be growing by the minute.
She clears her throat and wipes her eyes, as though she’s crying, but I see no tears. Besides, Bella doesn’t cry. It’s one thing I love about her.
Love… Fuck that word. Because of that word, my night went downhill quick.
“Bella,” I say, prompting her to answer me when she seems to get lost in thought.
“Not tonight,” she says, forcing a smile as she looks over at me. “I’m really tired.”
Blowing out a reluctant breath, I get out of the car. As long as she has my car, at least I know for sure she’s planning to see me tomorrow.
“I’ll call you in the morning,” I tell her, watching as she gets lost inside her head again.
“Alright,” she says quietly, and I back away as she puts the car in reverse and drives toward her house.
Putting my hands on my head, I watch until the taillights disappear from sight, and I groan while pulling out my phone.
“What’s up?” Tag says as he answers.
Rye is dealing with his own issues, and Wren is too busy being overjoyed about a new kid. Tag is my only other option, even though I dread the mockery that will ensue this phone call.
“What do you do when you fuck up?” I ask him.
“Grovel and get excited about makeup sex,” he says immediately.
“Funny. Define groveling, because I think I suck at it.”
Silence stretches on for a couple of awkward seconds, until I can hear the bastard grin. “Is Ethan Noles really asking for advice about a girl? Oh, this night is fucking perfect.”
“I’ll hang up,” I warn him.
He laughs but he muffles it somewhat. Dick.
“Fine. Fine. Does she like gifts?”
“No. She hates for people paying for things for her, because her parents are assholes who held that sort of thing over her head.”
“Okay… Does she have a favorite food you could cook?”
“I don’t want to poison her with my cooking skills. I’m trying to keep her around.”
He snorts out a laugh, but continues. “Chocolate?”
“Falls under the gifts category.”
“Massages?”
“Yes, but I’d have to get close enough to be allowed to do that.”
“Right. So you’re deep into the doghouse. Um… What’d you do?”
“Fucked up. That’s all I’m telling you,” I answer, considering I’m not even sure how I did anything this wrong.
“Alright then. Get a notebook. I’ll give you all my best tips.”
Chapter 55
BELLA
Eight more tests stare at me, and I stare back in disbelief. Awareness slowly sinks into my bones, and nausea hits me like a wall.
My head is over the toilet, and I’m expelling whatever is left in my stomach in under a second.
“Bella?” Allie’s voice trails through the house, but I’m too busy throwing up my future to answer. “Bella, I got his car back over there, and he didn’t see me.”
I wish I could answer, but I’m still preoccupied.
“Oh shit, Bella,” she says, suddenly right beside me. I hear water running, and then a cool, damp cloth is pressed against the back of my neck.
&
nbsp; Warm tears spread across my cheeks, and I try to think of a time in my life when I messed up so badly.
“I can’t remember the last time I got my shot,” I manage to whisper, though it’s hoarse and full of disbelief.
My best friend found herself pregnant at eighteen because of a broken condom. One night was all it took to change her life forever, and I swore to always be Miss Protection after that. No risks. No chances. One thousand percent covered.
No unplanned pregnancy.
I’m a nurse. I’m a responsible freaking human being. All my bills are paid on time. My car always gets serviced. I always check the expiration dates when I grocery shop. I even remember to get my legs and various other body parts waxed on a regular basis. But I can’t remember my damn birth control shot when I’m having reckless, unprotected sex?
Stupid fucking Jacob’s ladder. It’s because of those damn piercings that I refused to force him into a condom. Pleasure overrode sanity and responsibility.
My mother was right, and I’m such an idiot.
A reckless, pregnant idiot.
That word hits me like a fist to the stomach, and more tears assault me as I hurl a little more denial about my current situation into the toilet. Allie hisses out a breath and grabs my hair, pulling it back as my life comes crashing down around me.
Standing slowly, I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand, and I stagger toward my bedroom. Allie follows me, and I drop to my bed, sobbing into my pillow. Rye loves Brin in a way I’ve only ever dreamed of being loved, and tonight, he totally freaked out when he thought she was pregnant.
Ethan freaked out when he dropped the L-word in a casual joke he didn’t mean. I can only imagine how a pregnancy would hit him. Personally, I’m too busy handling my breakdown to handle his too.
I doubt very seriously he’ll take me in his arms and promise we’ll be a happy family. There’s no doubt in my mind that he wouldn’t be here for his child, but as for the happily ever after? It’s just too soon.
The bed dips as Allie sits down beside me, and she starts running her fingers through my hair, trying her best to soothe me. The roles have reversed. I remember being her so many years ago, consoling my best friend when she found out her life had changed forever.
She was a scared eighteen-year-old who was fresh out of high school and had nowhere to go. I’m a full grown woman with a steady job and a home. I shouldn’t be such a wreck, when she was once so strong.
“While you figure out how to tell your boyfriend you are pregnant, I have to figure out a way to tell my overly enthused fiancé that I’m not pregnant,” she says, trying to lighten the intensity of my despair.
It doesn’t work.
She sighs harshly when I only cry harder.
“Bella, I know it seems hard to believe, but it really is all going to be okay. And while Ethan doesn’t seem like the fatherly type, people change. Look at Wren. He’s turned out to be the best father I ever dreamt of. Hell, look at Tag. He was a huge playboy, and now he’s juggling two kids with pride, and he’s loyal to Ash without any temptation to be otherwise.”
I turn toward her as fresh tears spill over the edges of my eyelids, and I suck in a shaky breath.
“Ethan would freak out.”
“I know, but he has to man up, Bella. He’s half to blame in this.”
“I wasn’t finished. He’d freak out, but he would man up almost immediately,” I whisper, crying harder as my words start to slur. “No one sees what I see. The tattoos and attitude make most people dismiss the notion of him being a truly honorable guy, but he is. At the end of the day, he’d do the right thing and sacrifice whatever necessary to be a part of his child’s life.”
She looks confused. “And that’s a bad thing?”
“He spent ten years in a job he loathed, doing everything he could to make his father’s dream live on. He finally gets to live his own life, Allie. How can I look him in the eye and tell him I’m stealing it all away? I told him I was on birth control. I thought I was, but I seriously can’t remember my last shot.”
She stares at me, but my sobs increase, and I can’t speak anymore. He might have had sex with me without wearing a condom, but he trusted me to be responsible. How could I do something so stupid?
Allie soothes me and promises everything will be okay, over and over and over again. But when I finally fall into a tear-induced sleep, all I can think about is the haunting dark eyes that will be devastated to once again find out his future is planned out for him without any regard for what he wants.
Chapter 56
BELLA
“This is yours,” I say, thrusting the cat at Maverick as soon as he opens the door.
The cat makes some battle cry, and leaps over his shoulder, racing through the monstrosity he calls a house.
“What the hell?” he asks, shocked.
“I can’t keep her anymore,” I explain, handing him bags full of all her things. “Health reasons.”
His look immediately changes to one of concern. “What the fuck? What’s wrong?”
Sometimes, since he’s such a clown, it’s easy to forget Maverick cares.
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. “It’s nothing life-threatening, so don’t worry. I’ll explain later, but Bananas is now your pet. Have fun. She’s fucking evil.”
His mouth opens like he’s about to say something else, but I shut the door and walk away. I’m in my car and heading toward the hospital when he races out in his boxers to try and ask more questions.
I’ve been in a daze for the past day and a half, trying my damnedest to wrap my head around everything. My phone buzzes in my hand, and I close my eyes, exhaling slowly, trying to stave off the onslaught of tears that are beating against the backs of my eyelids.
As I walk into the hospital, the phone buzzes again. I can’t… I just can’t.
My cheeks are raw from the scalding tears I’ve already shed, and Ethan won’t stop calling. This time, he sends a text when I don’t answer, and my heart hurts when I see his name instead of “Asshole.”
ETHAN: Hey, I realize you’re pissed. I keep fucking up, but I’m sorry for whatever I did. Come over so I can grovel properly. I have a list of things I can do to get back on your good side. ;)
Guilt blankets me, and it gets difficult to swallow. He has no idea why I’m avoiding him, and how can I tell him? I know I have to. It’d be wrong not to. But I’m a coward, and I plan to put it off for as long as my conscience allows.
“Berta,” I say as she passes me.
“Yeah?” she says, sounding rushed and annoyed, until she sees my face and her look softens.
“Good lord, child, you look like you’ve been crying all night. What’s wrong?”
Berta is among the few in this hospital I trust to keep a secret. Plus, she used to work in an obstetrician’s office for over ten years before coming here three years ago.
“Um… I need a favor.” Already losing some pride, considering I never ask for favors.
“Of course. Name it.”
***
Allie walks in just as Berta sets up the machine, and she comes to sit down beside me. I shouldn’t have called her, but I couldn’t do this alone.
Berta secured us the room and the machine, and she didn’t seem to mind doing it. I think she’s more concerned about the fact I’m back to bawling than anything.
“Alright, Bella, you gotta relax for me, because this is the one that goes up your vagina. If you’re skinny and your pussy is too tight for this, I might just slap you for being too perfect,” Berta says, trying her damnedest to make me smile. I force one just for her sake.
Allie squeezes my hand as I feel the pressure down there, and then I close my eyes as she inserts it all the way. Something loud and suspiciously similar to a very fast heartbeat finds my ears, and my eyes fly open as I stare at the screen.
New tears find my eyes, but this time, for an entirely different reason.
“Is that—”
“Y
es,” Berta says, but I’m still staring with wide-eyed fascination at the screen. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat, and that tiny little peanut is your baby. Sweet girl, it’s been a while since I did this, but I’d say you’re between six and eight weeks along. You sure you don’t remember your last period or shot?”
I nod absently, unable to tear my eyes away from my baby. My baby.
The surrealism crashes into reality, and every bit of despair is pushed away as an extreme sense of protectiveness swells in my chest. My hands instinctively move to my stomach, and I stare in awe as the heartbeat continues very fast, but that’s normal for a baby.
A baby. My baby. Mine and Ethan’s baby.
My tears morph, but I have no idea why I’m crying anymore. My emotions are crazy and going haywire.
The denial I felt about the baby truly existing is replaced with love for the peanut inside me. All the denial I had about my feelings for Ethan are exposed in the light, and the fact that I’m in love with him physically hurts now. Because there’s no denying he’s going to forever resent me for this. For taking away the freedom he’s been chasing for over a decade.
“Thanks, Berta,” Allie says when I can’t force myself to speak. “I’ll take it from here.”
Berta pats my leg before putting everything away. I never even felt her withdraw that damn thing from me. My focus is entirely on the fact I have a child growing inside me, and all I want to do is shield he or she from anything and everything that could ever hurt them.
“She’ll need to see a doctor soon. She needs to be taking care of herself. And get rid of that cat. She can’t have an indoor cat when she’s pregnant. The litter is bad for the baby.”
“The cat is gone,” I assure her, already on the right path to caring for my child better than I cared for myself.
I’ll never be irresponsible again, because now a new life depends on it.
But how do I tell Ethan Noles, the guy who is sick of responsibility, that he’s about to be a father?
