I Need You Forever: Romantic Suspense, Military, Holiday, Contemporary, Erotica, Psychological Thriller (Need Series Book 5)

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  “I’m screwed.” The words were hard to hear, but they made me realize the safest place for me to be right now was right here. If I tried to leave, the security team was given orders to return me. Mr. Prescott and Jax believed that it was better to let them work their magic and wait things out until Declan made a move again. Would I ever feel safe again, even if the threat was neutralized? What about the construction company? They’d sent goons out to scare me and it worked. Would they assume it’s me investigating again if Titan Security started looking into them? Would they try to hunt me down?

  I was shaken from my thoughts when I heard punching sounds coming from down the hall. I was curious, so I slipped out of my room and walked down the darkened hallway to the room at the opposite end of the house. The door was slightly ajar, letting light spill out onto the carpet.

  There was movement in the room followed by grunts, more punches, and some music playing in the background. I recognized the beat as one of the songs from the eighties. I think it was the Pet Shop Boys who sang, What Have I Done to Deserve This. The tune was nice, but it made me wonder if Jackson played that because of the situation we were now in.

  I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and trust. Hell, with what I’ve been through, who wouldn’t? I tried to project utter confidence at the office, and I guess it did the trick because Mr. Prescott not only listened to the issues going on at work with Marissa, but he hired me to work there. Although, now they all see me as the vulnerable, broken person I truly am.

  I peeked in to see Jackson going rounds with a punching bag suspended from the ceiling and noted each piece of equipment he had in his workout room. He’d pointed toward the door earlier on the tour, but I didn’t step inside. I figured that like most people he’d have one of those basic square machines where all the various workouts were pushed together in one unit. Instead, he had a treadmill, an elliptical, a cable weight machine, some free weights, and several other items I couldn’t begin to know the names of.

  The punches kept coming, and I watched as he did a dance with the bag. His movements were self-assured, yet graceful. He’d removed his shirt and only wore a loose pair of gym shorts and a pair of boxing gloves. He extended his legs a few times to take swipes at the bag. He must be into kickboxing. Maybe he can train you so you’ll know some moves to disable anyone who comes at you.

  I had to admit the idea of learning some moves from him sounded enticing. I was entranced watching each muscle flex under his movements as sweat dripped down the ridges of his chest and perfect abs. He is a vision of Michelangelo’s statue of David but better – he is real life.

  My mind was going to dirty place and imagining how nice it would be to lick the sweat off of his chest, to nibble the saltiness of his neck, and to drown in his scent. He used to smell of musk and sandalwood, but lately his scent was even better, smelling similar to Ethan’s. I think he must be wearing the new Argo’s cologne that Marjorie dropped off for him. The scent was enticing. It reminded me of eating oranges on the vacations my family and I took along the gulf shores of Texas; the one good memory I had left to hold on to.

  I continued to watch as his moves picked up speed with the tempo of the next song. Hmm…he must like Pet Shop Boys because this time it was the song Always on My Mind. I had to admit this version was much better than Elvis’s original or even Willie Nelson. Not that there was anything wrong with those versions, this just had a tempo you could actually exercise to, while the others were only good for slow dancing. The words, either way, were perfect for remembering loved ones. It made me remember my father and how much I missed him. Is that why Jax was listening to these songs? Was he missing Gabi and expressing himself through music?

  The emotions of missing my father, not being able to find Jonas, and everything that happened today swept over me like a tidal wave. I suddenly felt myself drowning. Needing some time for my thoughts to clear, I leaned against the wall for support and slid down toward the floor. I could easily turn back toward my room, but knowing Jax was this close by helped me breathe a little easier. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mind me sitting here listening to his music.

  Song after song played, and I could relate to each one of them, especially Cher’s If I Could Turn Back Time. That’s what I’d wished for over the past two years – to turn back time, to talk my dad into leaving Orlando and maybe, just maybe, he might still be alive. The words Mr. Prescott had said were haunting. Could I have prevented all this if I had gone to him earlier? I didn’t know the answer to that.

  The thought kept echoing in my mind to the point I had to put my hands over my ears to block everything out. I pushed myself to remember happy times, to remember what my life used to be like when my father, brother, and I were like the three musketeers – bound to nothing, wanting only what made us happy in life as long as we had each other as family. And now what did I have? Nothing!

  Trying to wake me from my thoughts, I felt Jackson’s hands on my shoulders. His words were muffled by the inner screaming going on in my head. “Robin, snap out of it.”

  I just shook my head harder, screaming out, “It’s all my fault.”

  Placing one of his arms around my shoulders, Jax sat down beside me in the hallway and pulled me close to his side. The warmth of his body and the smell of his sweat were overloading my senses, finally snapping me back to the present.

  He just held me until my shaking stopped. “You may think everything’s your fault, that you could have/should have done things differently, but you’d be wrong.”

  I looked up at him through my tear-streaked haze. “What do you mean?”

  “Fate is sometimes a nasty bitch.” He shrugged and took a sip of his water bottle before offering me a drink.

  The water was cool, making me shiver a little as it went down. He held on to me tighter, forcing my head to rest on his chest, where I could hear his heart beating and wished it would consider beating for me. Don’t go there. He’s only been your knight in shining armor for one day, and you’re already falling for him.

  My subconscious was right. He’d only tried to save me today, but in reality he’d been saving me for quite some time, and I’d already fallen hard. My only fear was if my white knight had a dark side like I’d heard in his dominant tones today. Just how dark did that run and would it be something I could handle?

  He was saying something to me, but I’d zoned out again. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

  He laughed, causing my head to shake on his chest. “I’d asked if you agreed that fate’s a bitch.”

  I nodded. “But can’t we change fate based on the choices we make in life? Don’t we ultimately hold the power?”

  He laughed again. “You’d think that, but you’re wrong.” His laughter stopped, and a level of seriousness replaced it. “I have a secret to tell you. No one knows this, not even the Prescotts.”

  I leaned back a bit to take in his expression. His eyes, normally a greenish-blue, had taken on a dark ominous look, sending chills down my spine. “Okay?”

  “I’m responsible for my wife’s death.”

  His voice was only a whisper. Did I hear him correctly? “What was that again?”

  He balled up his hand, making a fist and punched it hard into the carpeted floor. “Damn it. Gabi died because of me.”

  My mind didn’t want to accept what he’d said. He couldn’t be responsible for Gabi’s death, he just couldn’t. Instead of focusing on what he said, my mind zoned out wandering back over the past two years at how much had changed. Bringing several couples together, Gabi’s passing seemed to be a large influence on everyone else’s fate. How could he have been responsible for it? Jackson couldn’t even harm a fly, or could he?

  I remembered going to Mr. Prescott about Connor, a fellow intern at the time that was stealing Marissa’s ideas and her position within the company. Mr. Prescott ended up giving her a chance by hiring her to be Dane’s manager trainee as a thank you for saving Dane’s life whe
n he nearly drank himself to death believing he had caused his sister Gabi’s death.

  If Marissa hadn’t been part of the organization, the Prescotts wouldn’t have thought to use her brother Nate with his forensic accounting skills, along with his computer friend Ethan, to uncover cyber theft within the Prescott organization from three of its employees. Nate and Gianna, Mr. Prescott’s niece, had butted heads quite a bit in the Accounting Department, but in the end they were exactly what each other needed to be happy. Nate has since taken over as Accounting Manager, and Mr. Prescott is funding his and Ethan’s software designs to help other companies avoid cyber theft and accounting issues. I mean what are the odds?

  I would’ve never pegged Marissa’s former roommate, Dawn, to be the one to tame Rafe, Mr. Prescott’s other son, and take him off the market. I can remember the tears flowing in the break room the day he announced his engagement.

  Then again, was it Gabi’s death that brought everyone together, or was it Marissa joining the Prescott family? Rafe would’ve never met Dawn if he hadn’t followed his family to Marissa’s graduation. That one act made their paths cross.

  Their love was instantaneous, but their road had been paved with conflict. No one had any inkling her family had been part of a witness protection program or that she’d end up in the clutches of the man intent on destroying her and her family. But Rafe and the Prescotts had saved the day, rescuing them all and freeing them from a life of hiding.

  The biggest surprise was hearing Jax at the cemetery telling his late wife how he’d finally come to forgive Ethan for his part in her accident – realizing he’d been a victim too. It’d been nice seeing Jax finally accept Ethan, especially after he not only saved the Prescott’s company, but also saved their niece Marjorie. I would never admit that I overheard him telling Gabi about how all that happened at the cemetery. I tried to pretend I’d spent all my time visiting my father’s grave.

  It’s hard to believe Ethan and Marjorie got married only yesterday. I’d gone to the wedding to support them both. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to eat a free meal, especially since I’d been dining solely on coffee, ramen noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, and whatever Marissa or anyone else decided to bring in and share at work. All my extra money had gone to the hospital so they’d keep off my back. However, seeing Marjorie with her dad and Ethan talking with Mr. Prescott reminded me of my own family and my need to speak with my brother to know he was all right. The memories of my father swallowed me whole, so I ended up leaving hungry and alone.

  I noticed Jax shift beside me; then, he grabbed my shoulders and shook them. “Did you hear what I said? You’re zoning out on me again, Robin.”

  My eyes felt unfocused as I tried to look at him. I shook my head. He couldn’t have killed her. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe Gabi died because of you. You couldn’t harm anyone. I know your bark is worse than your bite.” My head started to feel weird. “Why are there two of you?”

  I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHY Robin kept zoning out on me. This was either the third or fourth time today. I knew she’d been on an emotional roller coaster and when that happens, the adrenalin kicks in and can easily zap your system and make you crash hard. I’d had it happen to me numerous times after Gabi’s accident. But something was off about how it was affecting Robin.

  “We’ll continue our conversation later. This zoning out has me concerned.”

  I picked her up in my arms and noticed she weighed less now that she’d changed out of her clothes and into a nightshirt and sleep shorts. Wondering if she was sick or just trying to lose weight, I’ve been watching her curves start to disappear over the course of the last six months. I should have put two and two together when the guys ran through her kitchen and only pulled out a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a couple boxes of ramen noodles. I had told them to leave it because she wouldn’t need that crap where we were going.

  I walked her into the kitchen and placed her on the lowest countertop, which was within reach of the refrigerator. I turned on the overhead lights and picked up her hand. I had a suspicion she wasn’t eating right. Her fingernails looked thin and brittle, and her dark obsidian hair had lost some of its shine and bounce. I gripped her forearm tightly.

  “Ouch!” She jerked her arm back, but I held firm. Her strength was considerably weak. “What the hell, Jax?”

  I released her arm but noticed it took a while for the marks to fade. It should have been gone within seconds, not minutes. I scrunched down to where our noses almost touched and looked her deep in the eyes. “What have you eaten today?”

  Squeezing her arm had brought her back to the land of the living. She gulped audibly and tried to turn her head away from me. I firmly grabbed her chin and turned her face back toward mine so she couldn’t escape my glare. “I asked you a question, and I want an answer.”

  Her eyes shifted toward the floor – a common sub move. “I ate with you tonight at your sister’s place.”

  I had been happy to see her eat at Brianna’s. I hadn’t realized that was the only food she had today. No wonder she scarfed everything down so quickly; I thought she just had a hearty appetite. But that got me thinking. If that’s the only thing she had today, what about…”And yesterday?”

  Trying to loosen my grip on her chin, she shook her head. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Robin. I only want to help. You keep zoning out on me these past few hours, and I’m attempting to figure out if it’s due to the stress of everything or lack of food.”

  She kept avoiding my stare. “I can keep this up all night, but you’ll be zoning out again shortly if you’re malnourished. We can do this the easy way and get to the root of the problem, or we can do things the hard way, and I can take you to the emergency room to have them run tests on you.”

  Her shoulders slumped as she stopped fidgeting. “You win. I had a piece of bread and peanut butter yesterday.”

  “And?” That couldn’t be all she had.

  She finally looked me in the eyes. “And what? That’s all I had, all I could afford to eat yesterday and still make it until Friday’s pay period. I owe the hospital a lot of money. They’ve already called bill collectors on me. I was able to avoid them for a while, but they found my new address.”

  I couldn’t believe she’d deny herself food in order to pay some money hungry collectors. “Are you only eating once a day? If so, how long has this been going on?”

  I could tell she was embarrassed by her situation. She’d gone from very curvy, stylish, and gorgeous to too thin with loosely fitting clothes. She was still beautiful, but she could no longer hide how tired and stressed she was.

  Robin’s voice was whisper quiet. “I eat twice a day sometimes, but only if someone brings food in to share at work. Marissa brings me back coffees and treats from your sister’s place a couple times a week. Otherwise, yes, I only eat once a day.”

  I wanted to yell at her, to tell her she was slowly killing herself by treating her body this way. She was losing strength and making it easier for someone to mug her on the streets or steal her away in the night. I’d just been talking about Fate being a bitch, but reality is that Fate brought Robin into my path today and helped me see an error I could correct, a person I could save in life.

  I heard Gabi’s voice echo in my mind, “Yes. It took you long enough to realize. She needs you, and you need her.”

  I shook my head to dispel the crazy notion, but it wouldn’t be the first time I heard my late wife say these things to me. Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe it was my need to hold on to the memories of her, or maybe it was her way of telling me it was time to move on and take care of someone else.

  “I’m not going to yell at you. I understand that you’re trying to do the best you can with the circumstances you’ve been dealt, but those issues stop as of now. If we’re being completely honest here, I haven’t been the best about eating food either. If it weren’t for the maid leaving pre-cooked meals in my fridge, and my mom and Mr
s. Prescott inviting me to dinner all the time, I’d just be holed up here making sure Nicola ate but not caring whether I did or not. So I get it.”

  A few tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes and down the side of her face. I couldn’t help myself; I leaned forward and licked one off the corner of her mouth. Her breath held, and I could see her heartbeat had kicked up at the edge of her neck. So I affected her. That was good to know in case I decided to do something about it. In case nothing! Kiss her, man. You know you’ve wanted to kiss her again like you did in her apartment.

  I leaned in again to lick across her bottom lip, tasting of salt from her earlier tears. Her lips were so soft to the touch. I didn’t care if this was wrong or if I shouldn’t be doing this. I swallowed her lips with my own. The same fire and passion that crept into my system burned hotter than ever. She matched me kiss for kiss, opening so I could ravage her mouth. Our tongues battled with one another, and her legs wrapped around my waist as my hands reached around to grab her ass and pull her closer.

  Robin was the one to pull away from the kiss, her head resting on my chest as my hands rubbed up and down her back. We were both speechless and gasping for breath.

  After a few minutes, I was the one to speak. “What are you doing to me, Robin?” We’d stopped kissing, but the magnetic pull she had on me intensified and made me want to kiss her breathless again.

  “I’m sorry,” her voice was shaky, as she was still trying to catch her breath.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about. If anything, I should be the one apologizing for my behavior. I admit I kissed you at your place to get access to the threat you’d received, but when our lips met then, just like now, I couldn’t control the power behind it. You’re like a magnet and I’m metal drawn to you with no power to resist. But…”

  I know I trailed off. I didn’t want to finish my thoughts of what might or might not be. I still felt I was responsible for Gabi’s death, and I needed her to hear that so she would know what she was getting into before she made any rash decisions and jumped in blindly.