Everybody Knows

by Kyra Lennon

  “I thought I might… I don’t know… I probably didn’t compare to some of the other women you’ve been with.”

  “You’re right. But it’s not for the reasons you’re thinking. You mean so much more.”

  The words I love you lurked on my lips, but I couldn’t let them out yet, however true it was. The way he’d taken care of me told me he felt it to; we didn’t need to use the words. The slow brush of his lips on mine was enough.

  More than enough.

  Chapter 14 – In Sickness and in Health

  Jason and I walked towards the ICU waiting room hand in hand. My insides were a mess of emotions; so happy to have Jason, to have had the first time I’d always wanted, but so deeply worried about what we’d be greeted with by our families. Oh God, would they be able to tell? Would they be able to see something in my expression that told them their little girl wasn’t so innocent anymore? I glanced down at myself, trying to check my clothes were on straight – even though I’d showered and changed, maybe they’d still be able to spot something that told them the truth. From the corner of my eye, Jason gave a small smirk.

  “Relax. You look exactly the same as you did a few hours ago.”

  My face flushed and I bit my lip, trying to hide my own smile – because we shouldn’t have been smiling at all. Nothing about the situation we were in was funny, and as we entered the waiting room our smiles faded. Empty. All seats were vacant, and as a nurse speed walked through, I said, “Excuse me.”

  The brunette nurse stopped and turned to us, then gave a warm smile. “You’re looking for your family, right?” I nodded. “Your mom said to tell you that they’ve gone to the hotel to check in and get some rest, and that she will call you in a few hours.”

  “They all left?” Jason’s eyes narrowed. “Nobody is with Drew?”

  The nurse shook her head, her eyes shining with sympathy. “Drew wanted some time alone after his diagnosis, so I suggested they go freshen up.”

  I glanced up at Jason. “Maybe we should come back later. If he wants to be alone…”

  “Let’s just check first,” Jason said. He turned his attention back to the nurse. “Please could you ask him if he’ll see us?”

  She nodded. “Sure. Wait there, I’ll be right back.”

  As she left, Jason said, “This will be a lot easier now I know I don’t have to worry about Ellie screaming at me.”

  I wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself into him and letting out a small sigh of sheer joy as I remembered how we’d spent our afternoon. This is actually happening. His hands on my waist made me want to reach up and kiss him, but I had to keep my focus.

  Drew. We had to see Drew.

  “Jase… do you mind if I see Drew on my own? It’s just… I haven’t seen him at all yet, and I know you haven’t seen him since he woke up, but-”

  Jason’s lips pressed gently against mine, silencing me. “I don’t mind at all.”

  Before I could slip into another blissful trance, the nurse re-entered the waiting room with a smile. “Drew’s ready to see you.”

  “Thank you,” I said, before turning to Jason again. “I’ll be back soon.”

  He smiled, placing another kiss on my lips and I made my way to Drew’s room.

  I tentatively opened the door, and Drew slowly turned his head towards me. Like Jason, he had cuts all over his face, but that wasn’t what made me gasp. It was as if someone had turned out the light in his eyes. They were lifeless, and even when he attempted a smile, the dullness remained. In that moment, everything else that had happened slipped away. None of it mattered anymore. I blinked back tears, and Drew said, “Don’t, Lucy. I’m counting on you to be the strong one.”

  Right. I could do this. I could forget how potentially awful his situation might be. I could find the strength to stop myself falling apart for him. I had to.

  I nodded and quickly wiped my eyes. “I can do that. It’s just… everything.”

  “I know. But I’m pretty close to losing it and I’m counting on you to hold it off.”

  When he attempted another smile, I slowly walked towards him, counting to ten in my head to distract myself from how serious this was. I kept my head high, and sat beside him on the bed.

  “Where’s Jason?” he asked.

  “He’s outside. I asked him if he’d mind me coming in on my own first. I needed to see you and…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “I feel like I need to apologise even though I don’t know what I’m apologising for.”

  “You don’t need to apologise for anything.” He turned his head, looking straight ahead at the opposite wall, eyes still void of emotion.

  “Drew.” I reached for his hand. “You don’t have to be strong the whole time. You don’t have to hold it together in front of me, or any of us. Everyone who’s here for you loves you, and if you need to-”

  “Dad can’t handle it. And Ellie’s so close to breaking, I can’t put this on them. You and Jason have got your own things to deal with, and your mum, great as she is, shouldn’t have to deal with it either.”

  I reached up and gently turned his face back to mine. “Drew, come on. You’ve spent your whole life being strong for everyone else. Don’t let this be something else that ends up eating away at you because it won’t do anyone any good.”

  This was his thing. Suppressing his feelings until he exploded, and it never led to anything good. If the worst outcome happened, and he had to spend his life in a wheelchair, pushing down his feelings about that would kill him. It would kill Ellie, and it could kill their relationship. He’d gotten so much better at opening up, but even for someone who wasn’t emotionally stunted, it would be hard to handle this kind of news. For Drew, it was so much harder.

  “Nobody’s here, Drew. Just me. Jason’s outside, but he said he’d wait.”

  Silence echoed around the room, Drew just staring at me with his still vacant eyes. My hand was shaking in his, but I waited. I waited for what I knew was coming; had to come for Drew to begin to come to terms with the thing that had the potential to change his whole life.

  I wasn’t sure how much time passed as I kept my eyes gentle on his, letting him know I was there for him whenever he was ready. Suddenly, his eyes closed, his body stiffened, his hand tightened around mine and he let out a huge, gut-wrenching growl of pain. He lowered his head, his entire body shaking with the sobs he’d held in, and I shuffled as close to him as I could, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him in to me. The strong man I knew crumpled before my eyes, cracking my heart into a million pieces.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s okay.”

  He curled his arms around me, and we sat, both of us sobbing, both of us lost in our own thoughts about what might be ahead. There was nothing I could say to him that would ease his fears or take away the pain of what he was going through. Not just about his own future, but the loss of Mack, and the reality that Razes Hell’s success was about to reach a screeching halt. It was at least twenty minutes before we calmed down enough to break apart and look at each other. I held onto his hand as he took in some deep breaths. His eyes appeared marginally less heavy and a touch brighter after letting go of all that he’d held in. He was far from okay, but the slight improvement gave me hope that he’d be able to get through this, as long as he didn’t start holding everything back again.

  “Drew,” I said, gently. “Nobody has spoken to Jason and me for a few hours and… I just… we were sort of…”

  “You want to know what my scan results showed.”

  I nodded, trying to control the shakes vibrating my body.

  “I have something called spinal stenosis. I don’t know exactly, but something dislodged in the crash and it’s crushing some of my nerve tissue. I’m having surgery tomorrow.”

  “Okay. How… I mean… what…?”

  “If the surgery goes well there’s every chance I’ll be absolutely fine,” Drew interrupted, understanding my stuttered words. “But… there are some huge risks
with the surgery. When they tell you what’s going to happen, they also outline the risks. I might still have symptoms, and need more surgery in the future. Worst case scenario, I could end up permanently paralysed. Or it could kill me.”

  My hand shot to my mouth. Death is a risk with any kind of surgery, but hearing Drew say it so openly shocked me. He rubbed his hand across his forehead before looking me in the eye again. “If I’m paralysed, Lucy, I might not just use the use of my legs. I could lose control of my bladder, and I could end up needing round the clock care. I don’t… I don’t want to live that way, and more than that, I don’t want that to be Ellie’s life. I don’t want her life to revolve around caring for me. I love her too much to make her do that.”

  I shook my head, my eyes filling with tears again. “You wouldn’t be making her do anything. She loves you so much. She would give up everything she has for you.”

  “But she shouldn’t have to.”

  “What are you saying?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know. I guess that we should forget about the wedding. Forget about everything. I should let her go.”

  I stood up, shaking my head again. “You need to stop talking that way. First of all, this is entirely theoretical, and none of it matters because you are going to be okay. You’re going to get better, and you’re going to marry my sister like you promised to. If the worst happens, you’re still going to marry her, because she is never going to let you go. Do you understand that?”

  I paced the room, my mind racing. How could he even think Ellie would want anything but him, regardless of what happened after the surgery? They might not have been married yet, but wasn’t that what vows were all about? In sickness and in health? They were planning to make that commitment, and I knew that if things were the other way around, he would never give up on her. As angry as I was with Ellie, I knew she, hell, neither of them, would ever be okay again without each other.

  “I could die, Lucy,” Drew said, quietly. “I’m not saying this to be dramatic. This is fact. There are so many things that could go wrong.”

  “I won’t accept that. That is not going to happen. You are not leaving Ellie. You’re not leaving any of us!”

  “Lucy!” I stopped pacing and turned to him. He reached his hand out to me, and I stared at it for a moment before stepping forwards and placing my hand in his. “Look at me, Lucy.”

  Slowly, I raised my head to meet his eye. I let my gaze travel across his bruised, scarred face then searched his eyes again to find the light I needed to see. The fight I needed to see. All I saw was fear and pain.

  “Look, I’m not going to sit here and say my goodbyes. I’m confident enough that it won’t come to that, but at the same time, what happens if something does go wrong and I leave things unsaid?” He gave a hollow laugh. “I could probably write a pretty fucking good song right about now. But I’ve been sitting here thinking about Mack. His girlfriend was working an extra shift the night of the crash. That means he didn’t call her the day he died. He hadn’t talked to his parents for a few days, and he’d had some stupid argument with his brother that he hadn’t sorted out yet. And now he can’t fix it. Now there is a bunch of people he knew who missed out on hearing his voice telling them the things he needed to tell them. People who didn’t get a chance to remind him that they loved him.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat as his words sank in to my brain, my heart aching for Mack’s family, especially his brother who I knew he loved very much.

  “I know where this conversation is going, Drew,” I whispered. “I’ll fix it, I promise.”

  He shook his head. “Listen. Ellie was wrong. We were both wrong. I was so close to calling you and telling you to come back on the tour because Jason was missing you, although right now, I am so damn pleased I didn’t. Luce, this thing with you and Jason. Go with it. Do what you want to do. I’m sorry we weren’t more supportive. It made sense to us at the time to try to protect you, but right now, all I want to do is tell you to forget about what everyone is saying and just… be happy. Be with Jason and be happy.”

  Tears fell down my cheeks, and instead of speaking, I sat back down on the bed and wrapped my arms around him, sobbing into his chest. Drew gently stroked my hair and I clung to him, relieved, scared, happy, heartbroken. So many things on my mind that I couldn’t begin to voice them. This man – my future brother-in-law – had always been one of the kindest men I knew. Sure, he looked intimidating with his ridiculous height and chunky build, but he really was a teddy bear. The idea of him not being around was unfathomable.

  But he would be okay. He would.

  The sound of the door opening made me sit up and wipe my eyes, and Jason peered around the door. He glanced from me to Drew then back again, his own eyes filling up a little at the scene he’d walked in on. Then he gave his trademark grin. “Making my girlfriend cry? You should be bloody ashamed of yourself. ”

  Even Drew gave into a laugh as Jason entered the room, and I rose from the bed to allow him to sit beside his brother. I sat in the chair beside the bed. After a moment, Drew and Jason hugged each other, and I had to try hard to stop myself crying again.

  “How are you feeling?” Jason asked as they let go of each other.

  Drew blew out a breath. “I feel as okay as I can under the circumstances, I think. You?”

  He shrugged then reached over to hold my hand, giving me a smile, the kind of smile I felt in every part of me. “You know me… I’m just taking everything a step at a time.”

  “Have you been in touch with Alex?”

  “Not yet. I don’t feel like I need to at the moment. I’ll call him if I need to. I feel a lot better now you’re awake, and now Lucy’s here.”

  He squeezed my hand, and as he did so, the door opened again. Ellie stood in the doorway, her hair a huge tangle of curls, her face still ghostly white with shadows beneath her eyes. Jason let go of my hand and shuffled back a little, putting some distance between us. He sat up straighter, bracing himself for more harsh words. Ellie walked into the room and stood in front of me. She stared at me for a moment than grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, crushing me against her.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she clung to me. “I’m so sorry.”

  She placed her hands on my shoulders and gently moved me back slightly so she could look at me. Again, she stared, as if she was seeing me for the first time in forever. “Since you left the hospital, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said. About how… how you could have been on the bus too. How we could have lost you, and you wouldn’t have known how much I love you.”

  I shook my head. “I never doubted that, Ellie. I understood why you acted the way you did, I just didn’t like the way you went about it.”

  “I’m done, Luce. I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying, but I promise I won’t interfere, or make you think I’m not here for you.” She let go of me and turned to Jason. For a second, it was like time stood still as they surveyed each other. I held my breath, waiting for one of them to speak. Ellie took a small step towards him but Jason didn’t move. His posture was still rigid, because even though she’d apologised to me, it wasn’t clear whether we truly had her blessing.

  “Jase.” Ellie took a deep breath and lowered her head for a second. “As crappy as I’ve been as a sister, I think I’ve been an even worse friend. I’ve been no better than the damn press with the way I’ve acted towards you. I wasn’t fair to you, and I have no excuse for that. Being worried about Lucy is not a good enough reason for freaking out as much as I did. I’m just hoping we’ve been friends for long enough that we can…” She stopped and a tear dripped down her cheek.

  That was all Jason needed.

  He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I get it, Ellie. I know who I am, and I know the things I’ve been capable of in the past. I’ve had more than enough second chances, and I’ve blown almost all of them. For the last year, I’ve worked so hard to get
where I am now, and I’m not giving that up. Not for anything. But you also have to understand that I’m not giving Lucy up, either. I want a chance with her, and that’s not up for debate. I would really like it if you’d give us a chance too.”

  Again, the room fell silent as we waited for Ellie’s answer. She didn’t speak for a while, but she didn’t let go of Jason either. She held him tightly; her best friend in the whole world. I understood all the reasons this was hard for her, and I understood that the two of them would always have a bond I would never be a part of, or even remotely comprehend. Maybe I should have been a little jealous of that the way Drew used to be. How could I be jealous of something so special, though? Their closeness had no bearing on the way he and I felt about each other, and as I held my breath again, I hoped Ellie would come through for us. Tell us what we both needed to hear.

  “I can do that,” she said, softly, so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

  Jason placed a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you.”

  Releasing the breath I’d held, I stood up and hugged Ellie again, thanking her without words. Jason sat down in the chair I’d vacated then pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me, as Ellie sat on the bed beside Drew. The heaviness in Jason’s eyes had almost completely lifted, and I was sure my own reflected his. I flicked my gaze towards Drew and Ellie, and Drew looked equally as relieved that one of his concerns had been eased. We all had a long way to go until everything was right in our world, but we’d taken the first step.

  We’d taken it together.

  Epilogue

  “Well, well, well,” Jason snaked his arms around me on the dance floor. “I don’t think today could have gone any better.”

  I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck, smiling. “I think you’re right.”

  All around us couples slow danced to Ed Sheeran, the lights soft, casting patterns on the highly polished wooden floor. The people sitting at tables around the room watched, mesmerised by the romance in the air.