by Mz. Toni
IF I WAS YOUR WOMAN 3
WRITTEN BY: MZ TONI
As I end this series I feel all kinds of emotions, this series is my first baby, my first love, this series was the start of something fantabulous and to see it end gets me all teary eyed and cry baby like, I want to thank everyone who rode with me on this journey, Tselyn Jean, Shante Colllins, Por’schea Musgrove, Kamesha Boyd, Chanta Gray, Cherri Hayes, Gillian Davis,Aireka Leggins, Tyffani Estrada, Joi Cordy, Janae Faulk, China Custis, Tyreka Watkins, Timolin Smith, Katrina Lynn, Nerrisa Duran, Elijah Douglas, and all my other my patient readers who allowed me to take my time, my readers who have supported me, and gave me words of encouragement, you guys will never know how much y'all mean to me and how humbled I am by all the love. I of course couldn't name everyone and for that I apologize. Shout out to my sister Shana who has been rocking with me since the start of this, my girl Tarina aka Ms. Honesty the woman I can count on to be blunt, brutally honest and t have not one filter lol I love you and thank you for being you, A huge shout out to the best publisher to ever grace the book world Tiece Mickens, what started off as business for me quickly changed once I realized how cool, giving, honest and loyal you were. The awesome and honest Ebony, thank you for never giving up on me and always being there when I need your help or just your ear. My family at Miss Mickens Presents/ Tiece Presents and Tiece Mickens Presents, Yasmine Davis, Corrie, Kellz Kim, Johnazia, and Briana this is our year to shine so I hope they ready for us!!!!!!
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Copyright © 2016 Mz. Toni
Published by Tiece Presents
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without prior written consent of the publisher, except brief quotes used in reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to the real locals are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents are entirely coincidental.
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Chapter One (Shante)
I feel so betrayed by everyone, but Kasan hurt me the most. I almost lost my life to a bitch he claims to still care about. I lost my child at the hands of his little bitch and he thinks I’ma let this shit go. Yeah, let me pull out my calculator so I can add up how many times he got me fucked up.
Pulling up to my father’s house, I banged on his door and waited for him to answer. A few minutes later I had guns from every direction trained on me, which pissed me off even more.
“Can y’all please go get my fucking dad!” I said with an attitude.
“I'm sorry, Ms. Shante, we were just being careful,” the guard said.
“Understandable, but what I'm trying to figure out is where was all this security and being careful when my ass got shot, ‘cause I ain't see none of y’all niggas around!” I snapped.
I mentally forgave every motherfucker that had something to do with me being shot. I thought because I was alive and well that that was a miracle in itself, but now finding out I lost a child in the process got me feeling all kinds of emotions. Do you know how hard it is to find out all in one sitting that not only did I become pregnant, but my baby died? Not only did my baby die, but my man and my friend knew about it and my man was protecting the bitch that did it. Naw, nobody knows the pain, anger and hurt I'm feeling right now, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
“Baby girl, is everything okay?” my father asked when I walked into his house.
“No Daddy, everything is fucked up!”
“Come sit down, tell me what’s going on and I guarantee I can fix it.”
“I know who shot me and I want the bitch dead!” I blurted out.
“Who did it?” he asked, trying to remain calm but I saw the murder in his eyes.
“Keisha, Kasan’s ex. My memory came back and I've just been holding on to this information not sure what to do with it, but after everything I found out tonight my mind is made up. She gotta go!” I said as tears fell from my eyes.
Calling one of his men over, all it took was one whisper and her fate was sealed. I wrote down all the information I had on her ass. I was playing no games.
“Consider this person handled. But, how are you?”
“Did you know I was pregnant?” I asked. He dropped his head and wouldn’t even look at me, so I had my answer. “Who the fuck didn't know?” I snapped, pissed.
“Look, we thought it was in your best interest you not know.”
“Now you sound like Kasan. Who are y’all to decide what I need and don't need to know?”
“Don't be mad at him, he was trying to look out for you.”
“Oh so you on his side, huh? I shouldn't expect any less than for you to take your son’s side!” I said sarcastically.
“Don't do that shit, Shante!”
“No it's cool, I get it. I can't trust nobody to keep it real with me!” I screamed, grabbing my shit and leaving as he screamed my name.
I hopped in my car and pulled off with no destination in mind. I had to get away from all the lies and bullshit. As I drove, I thought about my baby girl, what she would have looked like, would I have been a good mother, so many thoughts ran through my mind as the tears poured down my face. How dare they treat me like a child and keep something so serious, so important from me? Pulling up to Best Western motel, I wished I could have just stayed at my apartment, but I knew that would be the first place everyone checked and as of right now, none of them could be trusted.
I got out my key card and entered my room, feeling so alone and lost. I had nobody to turn to and I refused to answer the many phone calls and text messages they left. I turned my phone off, curled up in bed alone and cried myself to sleep. I guess my baby girl got what she wanted because this was the first night I slept without dreaming of her. I felt a weight lifted from my heart, I knew my dreams meant something and it pissed me off even more knowing that Kasan’s bitch ass tried to minimize my dreams.
I doubt if I could ever forgive or trust Kasan ever again. When he didn’t kill her after finding out she shot me, he made his decision. He chose that conniving, murdering, thot ass, sneaky ass trick over me, the person who never gave him a reason to doubt my love and loyalty.
****
I have been in this damn motel room for weeks crying, eating and throwing up, in that order. As usual, I woke up and ran straight for the bathroom. I threw my whole life up and that wasn't normal, but it's been happening for weeks now. I grabbed my phone and called my OBGYN and set up a same day appointment. Part of me prayed I was pregnant, but part of me loathed that this baby would be Kasan’s. Call me petty, but I feel like he can't even be trusted with my child. He didn't protect our daughter, so who’s to say he would protect this child? He chose a bitch over his child, who’s to say he wouldn't do that again. I was so angry with him right now I wanted nothing to do with his ass.
After going to the mall to get a few outfits, I came back to my room to shower and made it just in time for my doctor’s appointment.
“Hello, Ms. Adams,” my doctor said with a smile.
“Good afternoon, Doctor James,” I said smiling back.
“First, I want to say I'm so sorry about what happened. The moment I saw it on the news I started a prayer circle for you. I also sent flowers to the hospital when I heard you were awake,” she said.
“Thank you for the prayers and flowers. I meant to call, but things have been hectic.”
&
nbsp; “No problem, I understand. So, I tested your blood and I have good news!”
“I'm pregnant ain't I?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Yes, you are! I would like to do an ultrasound.”
“Okay!” I said smiling. When she put the cold gel on my stomach I was beyond annoyed, but when I heard that heartbeat and saw my little bean in my belly I was beyond excited.
“Oh wow…,” my doctor said with a shocked expression.
“Is everything alright?” I asked.
“Yes, I am measuring the baby. Okay, based on my measurements you are five months pregnant.”
“That's impossible, I would know if I was that far along,” I said in shock. I mean shit, I know I’m a big girl, but I wasn’t that damn big.
“Sometimes women don't show until about six months, especially with all you have been through.”
“But I've been getting my period too,” I said, still not believing.
“That's possible also, Ms. Adams.”
“But I been drinking,” I admitted.
“You didn't know. It's not your fault and your baby looks healthy.”
“Really, so I didn't hurt it?”
“No not at all, would you like to know what you're having?”
“This is just all too much right now,” I said holding my head in my hands.
“I know, and I apologize for hitting you with all this at once,” she said sympathetically.
“I wanna know,” I said, praying that somehow I could have my baby girl back that was taken away from me.
“You're having a baby boy!” she said with a smile. I couldn't hide the hint of disappointment in my face and she saw it.
“Oh, somebody wanted a little girl I see,” she said with a smile.
I didn't want to talk about it so I just nodded my head and forced a smile. I wiped the gel off, got my prescriptions, set up a new appointment and was ready to leave..
When I pulled out my phone I had eighty missed phone calls from Shana, Kasan, Mark, Mama Betty, Carlos and Camille and I wasn't returning any of them. As soon as I started my truck, my phone rang again. I was going to reject it, but I saw it was Tanisha, my cousin on my dad’s side I met when I came home from the hospital. We had been talking a lot since meeting each other and I’ve grown to love her little ratchet ass.
“What’s up, boo?”
“Girl you, ya name popping through the hood!” she said hyped as hell.
“What are you talking about?”
“Ya damn daddy looking for you, ya man searching high and low for you and his little sexy cousin,” she said. I didn’t care if they were worried or not, I wasn't calling or fucking with them at all.
“Yeah, well fuck all them!”
“Oh shit, they must have done some foul shit for you to say that, but you wanna come through? I won't tell nobody,” she said laughing.
“A’ight, I’ll be there soon,” I said hanging up.
Pulling up on Chase Street, I knocked on my cousin Tanisha’s door.
“What's up cousin!” she said hugging me tight.
“Ain't shit, just finished my internship,” I replied, grabbing a chair and sitting on her porch.
“I still don't understand how you can be around all those bad ass kids,” she said laughing.
“Girl, I love kids and I love helping them even more so it's a win-win for me.”
“Cool, so let me tell you the tea!” she said hyped as hell.
“Oh shit, who’s fucking who?” I asked laughing.
“Well, I wanted to tell you when I heard it, but you haven't been around and my phone is cut off but--,”
“Girl, just spit it out!” I said laughing.
“Word around the hood is that Kasan got a daughter,” she whispered.
“We ain't together no more, so if it’s true then oh well, I wish him the best,” I said, trying my hardest not to show my true emotions.
“I said that Kasan got a daughter and you acting like you don't fucking care!” she said loudly.
“Girl, that's because I don't fucking care!” I said laughing.
Deep down inside I was crushed. I knew what baby she was talking about. How dare he flaunt that bitch’s baby around like she was his when our baby is six feet under the fucking ground? I’ve never been a hateful or spiteful person, but when I say I want that bitch dead I mean it, when I say the thought of her dying causes my heart to smile I mean that shit. I don't know who I'm becoming, but I don't like the person one bit. I feel my heart going cold.
“Whatever you say. If you don't care I don't, but you my cousin and I had to tell you,” she said honestly.
“I appreciate it cuz,” I said hugging her.
I stayed with her for a few hours catching up and making fun of the ratchets and was having fun until Tre’s ass walked up. I knew I should have been left, but I didn't want to go to that room just to be alone. I thought he would've said something, but he rolled his eyes and kept it pushing. I guess the two ass whoopings he received because of me had him fed up.
“Girl, my future husband about to walk up!” my cousin said hyped as hell.
“What’s up, Shante?” he said. I guess he had a change of heart which I'm glad because for real, I didn’t do shit to him.
“Hey Tre,” I replied nonchalantly.
“Can we talk?” he asked. I got up and walked down the street with him since Tanisha wanted to be nosey as hell.
“I wanted to apologize for what I did to you. Straight up, you ain't deserve that shit.”
“You're right, I didn’t. No woman does, but I apologize for not keeping it real and telling you the extent of me and Kasan’s relationship.”
“Apology accepted,” he replied with a smile. I turned around and walked back over to my cousin’s house, we had nothing more to talk about. We cleared the air and apologized to one another, but too much has transpired for me to ever look at him the same again. I was fine leaving it where it was. I knew from the beginning we weren't meant to be so letting him go was nothing, and I damn sure wasn’t trying to rekindle old flames. When I sat down Tanisha was staring at me like I stole her best friend.
“Damn bitch, you got all the fine niggas,” she said when I sat down.
“Yeah I know Tre, but it ain't nothing like that.”
“Oh, he hit and quit it? Girl, don't feel bad, he known for that shit,” she said with sympathy. I wasn't sure if she was throwing shade or if her ass was actually serious.
“Hit it and quit it? Me and Tre dated for months, I never gave him any and we only broke up because I chose Kasan over him.”
“I didn't mean it like that. Girl, he hit and quit a lot of bitches around here, even my ass,” she admitted.
That's why I fucked with her the long way, she was honest as hell. At any given time or place she would tell you some real shit. She didn't compare to my bitch, Camille, but I had to take what I could get since I wasn't fucking with her right now.
“Nope, not at all. I only been with one nigga in my life and that's Kasan’s ugly ass,” I told her.
“Ugly? Girl we must not be talking ‘bout the same nigga, because the Kasan I know is chocolate, bearded and fucking fine!” she said, pissing me off. If looks could kill that bitch would be dead.
“Oooooh, don't be looking at me with that face bitch. Damn a’ight, he ugly!” she said laughing.
“I don't care how sexy that nigga used to be, when he fuck up he whatever I say he is!” I said laughing my ass off.
“Uh-huh bitch, you ain't right. You one of them chicks that be getting fucked all crazy then be going around calling him lil dick Willie.”
“Oh hell naw, I ain't nevaaa gone’ say shit about his dick game, good or bad to not nan hoe!”
“Girl, you crazy. I tell my real friends about the dick I get.”
“Hmmmm, then you gone’ be mad when they fuck ‘em like you ain't just put the shit in their head,” I said shaking my head. Me and Tanisha talked for a little longer before I
got up to go back to that damn room.
“A’ight boo, let me get outta here, I’ll call you when I get home,” I said hugging her.
“A’ight, and I understand you mad at all of them, but you need to tell at least Kasan that you pregnant,” she said shocking me.
Throwing up the middle finger I screamed out, “fuck that nigga!” and hopped in my car. I'm not sure how she knew I was pregnant. I mean, maybe I looked more pregnant than I thought.
Chapter two (Shana)
When Camille called to let me know Shante found out she lost her baby I was sick. The first thing I did was call her to explain where we were coming from, but she wasn't trying to hear that shit. I knew she had to be upset with me because she hadn't seen her niece and nephews in over a month, when typically she couldn't go two days without seeing them. I feel bad as shit, hell we all do and now we know we should've told her, but we didn't want to stress her out even more than she already was.
I have been blowing her phone up and she refuses to answer. Now I'm to the point where she got me ready to whoop her ass, got us all worried about her and she can't even return a simple phone call or shoot a text saying “I'm alive.”
Carlos and Kasan got the whole hood looking for her ass. It’s been weeks and we have no leads, which is weird. I'm thinking maybe them niggas just ain't good at finding people.
“Y’all better be up there getting dressed!” I yelled up the stairs. I swear, if I had to go up them damn stairs I was beating asses.
“We ready ma!” Raymond Jr. said running down the stairs.
I don't know what I would do without this boy. He kept me sane. R.J. was now almost fourteen-years-old and definitely a looker, so I had to keep a close eye on him to make sure he had his head in them books and not on them fast ass little girls that stay in his face. The bad part is him and little Miss Sparkle have been dating and seem to have grown close. I know their little asses ain't fucking, kissing or touching because they value their lives, and Mark already had a talk with R.J. and I had one with Sparkle. Her hearing has gotten so good and her talking has improved greatly. Even though I hate to admit it, I love that little girl. I just wish she wasn't so caught up with my baby boy.
