If I Was Your Woman 3: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

“Why do I need to tell you? Whatever happened to keeping it old school and surprising the woman?” he said laughing.

  “I am not marrying you, Terrence,” I said, suddenly feeling like shit.

  “Why wouldn't you marry me?”

  “Because we aren't ready.”

  “Well, that’s why people become engaged first.”

  “So if I accept your proposal, you won’t push me to set a date?” I asked.

  “I promise you baby, I won't push you.”

  “Okay. I don't care if it takes twenty years, I will not marry you unless I know you're ready,” I said seriously.

  "Why do you keep on assuming I'm not ready? We live together, we love each other, what's stopping us?"

  "I am staying here temporarily, and I refuse to get married just to get a divorce."

  "Tell me the real deal. Are you still in love with ya ex-husband?" he had the nerve to say.

  "Did you really just say that shit? I was already divorced for over a year before I even met your ass and I should be asking you the same fucking thing!" I snapped.

  "What the fuck is you talking about, Shana!"

  "I was putting shit away and I went in the attic."

  "I been meaning to clear that out, just haven't gotten to it."

  "It looks like a shrine, which just shows me you’re not over her!"

  "You act like I'm fucking cheating on you!"

  "You might as well be! I don't have your whole heart, how am I supposed to be your wife if you’re not over the one you had before me?"

  "It’s not like that."

  "Well, tell me how it is then because I'm fucking confused."

  "She was my wife and we were happy until the day she passed. Getting rid of her things makes me feel like I'm betraying her."

  "How can you marry me if even dating makes you feel like a cheater?"

  "Because I love you more and more every day. I'm getting over my issues and fears, I just need you to stick with me through this shit."

  "Okay Terrence, but I will not marry you like this," I said before kissing him and turning over to go to sleep.

  The next morning he woke me up bright and early telling me to get dressed and meet him downstairs. Throwing on a Pink! sweat suit and my sneakers, I came downstairs.

  “You look beautiful,” he said kissing me.

  “I got on sweatpants, Terrence,” I said laughing.

  “It doesn't matter, you look beautiful in anything you wear.”

  “Thank you babe, but where we going?”

  “It’s a surprise,” he said smiling.

  When we got in the car I watched as he drove past every restaurant and diner, so I wasn't sure where he was taking me until he pulled into Heavenly Light Cemetery. It was then that I knew what we were there for. Parking his car, we got out and I followed behind him until he stopped walking. He knelt down at a grave and began talking.

  “Hey Chanelle, I know it’s been a few weeks since I last came to visit, but I have so much to tell you and I'm kind of scared. The day you died you made me promise you that I wouldn't stop my life because of you, and although I promised I did exactly that, never getting too close to any woman, never letting my guard down. I felt like if I moved on it would be like I'm forgetting you and I couldn't let that happen. I guess I never found someone worth losing you, but now I have this beautiful woman who loves me and our child and I'm stuck in the past,” he said shocking me. Grabbing my hand, he pulled me closer to her grave and continued to talk.

  “This is Shana, and I was afraid to fully commit to her because I felt like I would be betraying you, but meeting her and knowing her made me see what you meant when you told me to move on. You were my everything, but now I have to let you go so she can fill that void. I love you so much. Every day our daughter looks more and more like you and she deserves the love of a mother and I know you would want that,” he said as tears fell from his eyes and mine. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a black box and faced me.

  “Shana Adams, I never knew I could love someone as much if not more than I loved my first love and wife, but then you came and turned my world upside down. From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were sent to me by Chanelle. I knew you would be my wife, my partner and my best friend. I know it took me long to get it together, but now that my eyes are open I never want to lose you. I brought you here so y'all could meet each other. I wanted my old love to meet my new one, and I felt like she deserved to be here when I proposed. So here I am flaws and all asking you to accept me and my child, asking you to be mine forever, asking you to be my wife,” he said through tears.

  I was so emotional I couldn't even talk, I just nodded. When he stood up and slid that ring on my finger, the sun came out of nowhere shining bright and I couldn't help but believe it was her giving me her blessings.

  Chapter Twenty-One (Camille)

  I pulled up to the rehab to pick up Mark’s mom. It had been over three months and she was clean and back to her regular self. I was so proud of her, but I wasn't sure how I would tell Mark that I helped his mother behind his back. I thought about doing a dinner, but Mark knew I always did that when I had some bullshit to tell everybody, so I wanted to go about this differently.

  “Hey daughter!”

  “Hey Alex, you look good.”

  “Thank you baby, I feel good.”

  “I'm so happy you followed through this time.”

  “Yeah me too, but I'm so upset about missing y'all wedding,” she said sadly.

  “Don't worry, there was so much going on that day we didn't even have a reception or honey moon,” I said.

  “So, have you talked to Mark yet?”

  “Umm, I didn't, but I will.”

  “Damnit Camille, is he still angry with me?”

  “He doesn't even know I helped you. I haven't found the right time to tell him.”

  “Where is he at right now?”

  “Probably at the club.”

  “Well, that’s our first stop,” she said with conviction. I was nervous as hell for the both of us. I wasn't sure how Mark would react when he saw her, and definitely when he found out I helped her out.

  I drove to his club slow as hell, mentally preparing myself for his wrath. We parked at the club and headed up to his office. We knocked on the door and he told us to come in, but when we walked in he didn't look up.

  “Are you my wife?” he asked, confusing me.

  “Of course I am. Why would you ask some shit like that?”

  “Because I'm trying to figure out how my fucking wife could keep some shit like this from me,” he said finally, looking at me and Alex with cold eyes.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked playing stupid.

  “Don't fucking insult my intelligence, Camille!”

  “Don't be mad at her, I begged her to help me,” Alex said trying to take up for me.

  “You don't need to say shit to me Alex!” he barked, hurting her feelings by calling her by her first name.

  “Nigga, I know you done lost your fucking mind talking to me like that. I am your mother!”

  “You stopped being my mother when you almost got my wife and kids killed!”

  “I was sick, but I love all of you and I just want a second chance. I'm clean, I'm better!” she begged.

  “A muthafucka don't cross me one time without getting a bullet in ‘em. You birthed me so I'm letting you keep ya life, but I don't do second chances!” he said with venom and cold eyes.

  “Really, Mark? You don't do second chances? I gave your ass a second chance!” I reminded him.

  “It ain't the same. I hurt you, she almost got us fucking killed. I expressed to you how serious I felt about us cutting all contact with her, and you go behind my back and use my fucking money to pay for her rehab!” he said shutting me up. I had no clue he knew about the money I was paying monthly for her rehab.

  “Oh, cat got ya fucking tongue now, huh? Go ahead, speak. Explain to me how my wife could go behind my back
and do exactly what I asked you not to do!”

  “I'm sorry, I had to help her.”

  “No, what you should’ve done is what I told you to do, but naw, Camille don't fucking listen. You don't fucking respect me and I let it slide, I try to let you be you, but I can't do this shit no more!”

  “What exactly are you saying?” I asked as tears fell from my eyes.

  “I'm saying exactly what the fuck I said. I refuse to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't respect me, let alone married to the person!”

  “So you gonna divorce me?”

  “Just shut the fuck up talking to me, Camille!” he said before swiping everything off his desk in one quick motion.

  “Don't talk to her that way, Mark. You don't mean that, she’s your wife!”

  “It’s your fucking fault, you should've stayed where you was at!” he screamed.

  As tears fell from my eyes, I looked at my husband and I didn't know him. Had my personality and selfishness really pushed him away? I made him mad numerous times, but he has never talked to me this way.

  “Get out my office!” he snapped.

  Looking at him one last time, I grabbed his mother’s hand and rushed out of the office. When I got to my car I broke down completely. I knew he would be upset, but I didn't think that once he saw his mother and acknowledged that she was clean he would still be so angry.

  I started the car and pulled off. After dropping Alex off, I headed home. Walking into my house, I had no kids and no man, it felt empty. Mark worked late and the kids were still in school, but after the argument I just had with Mark I needed my family close. For the rest of my afternoon I did nothing but mope around, but at around 2:00 p.m. I got a call from Mama Betty letting me know she was picking the kids up and keeping them for the night.

  I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to start dinner. I made meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn. I put some in a container, hopped in my car and drove to Alex’s motel. Pulling up to the room number, I was taken aback and confused. I had just dropped her off earlier today and now there were niggas hanging outside her room smoking and drinking and it looked like a full blown party happening.

  “What’s up sexy!” some ugly ass dude said. I could smell his stinking ass breath before he even spoke. With his breath smelling like ass, weed and cheap ass liquor, he shouldn’t be talking to nobody.

  “Excuse you!” I snapped.

  “I'm trying to talk to ya bourgeois ass and you acting like you better than somebody!” he yelled.

  “I'm trying to get in here and ya funky ass breath is giving me a headache, so naw, I don't want you talking to me!” I screamed back.

  “Bitch, do you know who I am!”

  “You ain't nobody to me, nigga ya name don't ring bells!” I said with a smirk. Before I could even think twice, he had slapped me hard across the face. I'm talking about one of them slaps that have you seeing stars, my whole face stung.

  “I bet you know who I am now don't you, hoe!” he said with a smirk.

  Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my baby on his ass and as soon as he saw it his taunting turned into pleading.

  “Say something now, nigga! Oh, what, cat got ya tongue?”

  “I don't want no problems,” he stuttered with both hands in the air.

  “Naw nigga, you asked for these problems, putting ya fucking hands on me!” I screamed.

  “Yo, Alex!” he screamed. When she finally heard his call she came running out the room and when she saw me she had shock all over her face.

  “Camille, what are you doing?”

  “I should be asking you the same thing! You just got out of rehab and you doing this?”

  “No, it ain't like that. I called my girl and she invited people over to celebrate.”

  “Oh, so you celebrate your sobriety by having niggas drinking and smoking around you!”

  “Man fuck all that, tell her to take her gun off me!”

  “Nigga, you shut the fuck up, you like putting ya hands on females!” I screamed, cocking back my gun.

  “He hit you?” she asked.

  “Hell yeah he hit me, but that’s neither here nor there. Have you done any kind of drugs?”

  “I drank a little and took a couple hits off the blunt, but I ain't do nothing heavy,” she said with a guilty look.

  “Wow, I lost my husband because I helped you. I lied to him, I used his money without telling him, all for you to do this shit,” I said in disbelief.

  “I'm sorry, but I'm grown. I ain't gonna go back to doing the same shit I was doing.”

  “You already doing it! All that shit you doing is a gateway drug to the hard shit, but you grown right, I'm done with you,” I said with teary eyes.

  “Don't be like that, Camille!” she screamed.

  “And you nigga, I don't wanna see you, hear about you, nothing or I swear on my kids I'm taking ya life!” I snapped on the dude. Slowly backing away to my car, when I got in I let out the breath I had been holding in. When I looked in my visor mirror I could see a big red handprint on my face and it was already swelling up.

  While looking out my mirror I saw someone who looked just like Kasan’s ex, that bitch Kiesha. I tried to get a good look, but I couldn't really see so I started the car and drove closer to her motel room door. I pulled up as closely as I could without being spotted. Sure enough it was her moving a bunch of shit into the room. I made a mental note of her room number and pulled off. I was almost certain that Shante would handle this shit as soon as I told her.

  When I got home I prayed Mark wasn't there, but of course when I didn't want him to be he was. When I walked in he behaved as if he didn't even see me walk in and for once I wasn't even mad. I had nothing to say because the last thing I wanted was for him to see my face.

  “Camille!” he said with base and authority, stopping me in my tracks. Damn, just when I thought I was in the clear.

  “Yes?”

  “Come here.”

  “Mark, can we argue tomorrow, I'm really tired and I don't feel like it,” I said before turning to walk upstairs.

  “Camille, the way I'm feeling right now you better bring ya ass over here and sit the fuck down!” he yelled.

  I walked over to him and sat on the couch next to him. When he saw my face he went the fuck off.

  “Why the fuck you got a hand print on ya face!”

  “It’s not that serious,” I said trying to downplay it.

  “Let me decide what the fuck is serious and what ain't. Start explaining,” he said.

  When I finished telling him everything he was heated and I couldn't even blame him.

  “I want his fucking name, I want the name of the motel too!”

  “Damn Mark, just leave it alone!”

  “Fuck you mean leave it alone? A nigga put his hands on you, my fucking wife, and you want me to leave it alone? I told you not to fuck with my mom yo, I told ya hard headed ass!”

  “Alright Mark, you were right. Is that what you want to hear? Damn I'm sorry, I fucked up and I'm sorry!” I said breaking down. As much as he wanted to be mad at me, once he saw tears fall he pulled me close.

  “I'm sorry Cam, that’s one of the reasons I love you, because as hard headed as you are you're loyal and loving and I know you thought you were doing the right thing.”

  “I feel so stupid, I feel so fucking stupid for thinking she could change, she used to be so different.”

  “I know, baby. When she’s ready she’ll change on her own without our help and until then we are done,” he said before kissing my forehead.

  Chapter Twenty-Two (Shante)

  Things with me and Kasan have been great. We ain't together, but we been cordial since we had our talk and I couldn't be happier. I forgave him for what he did, but I don't think I could ever forget and I refuse to take him back only to throw in his face what he did every time I'm mad. At this point that's exactly what I would do.

  Today I was going to the doctor’s for my 3D ultrasound
and I couldn't wait. This would be the first one I've had. When I got to the doctor’s, like always Kasan was there waiting for me. I laid on my back and got myself prepared. When I saw my son’s face I couldn't help the tears that built up. It looked so real, and I could see everything.

  When I looked over at Kasan I could see that he was just as emotional as me and that made me smile. Ain't nothing like seeing a man emotional over life that he helped create.

  “Wow, so that’s my boy,” he said in shock.

  “Our boy!” I corrected with a smile.

  “You know what I mean, but seriously, Tae baby, thank you for giving me my son.”

  “You're welcome,” I replied. When we walked out the office after both receiving a set of pictures we went our separate ways. I wanted to show my baby off and my first stop was to my daddy's house. When I got there like always the guards greeted me and let me through. I was no longer upset, but after I had my baby I planned to find that bitch Keisha and make her pay.

  “Hey, Daddy,” I said, kissing his cheek when I walked into the house.

  “Hey baby girl, how you feeling?” he asked as he rubbed my swollen belly.

  “I'm okay, how are you?”

  “I'm straight. Did you eat, are you hungry, how’s my grandson?” he asked all at once.

  “Yes I ate, no I'm not hungry and your grandson is good,” I said laughing.

  “I still can't believe you're having a baby, but I'm glad you came. We need to talk.”

  “What’s up?”

  “I know you stole my papers,” he said with a straight face.

  “Daddy, you had all her info and still ain't touched her.”

  “Do you know why I'm successful? Because I take my time and make sure I do shit right, she will be touched.”

  “I need to handle this on my own.”

  “Naw, that ain't happening!”

  “Did she kill your baby?”

  “No, but….”

  “Ain't no buts, Daddy. I will be careful and safe, but I'm doing this on my own.”

  “You are your father’s child so I trust you, but if you need me don't hesitate to call.”

  “I won’t, I love you so much.”