Christmas Under a Starlit Sky

by Holly Martin

‘You’re wearing the ring again,’ Oakley said, gesturing to the diamond, which was back in its rightful place.

  She stared at it. ‘It’s a reminder of everything I’ve ever wanted.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘You. I love you. And I don’t think we wouldn’t have lasted. We are meant to be together. You’re my forever and there will never be anyone who means as much to me as you do. Of course there will be bumps in the road, there always are, but as you said when you came here to get me back, there is no problem too big that we can’t work through, because if we love each other then that’s all we need.’

  Oakley stared down at the floor, shaking his head slightly.

  Fear and desperation ripped through her. ‘You were right, I was pushing you away, but it was never because you weren’t good enough for me. I was scared that I wasn’t good enough for you.’

  He looked up, staring at her in confusion.

  ‘You’re this big famous actor, you have women falling at your feet, you could have anyone you wanted. I never believed you would want me forever. Zander told me he loved me, then he became this famous Olympian and he ditched me. I was scared of it happening all over again and I couldn’t cope with losing you. But you have to understand that I was deliriously happy with you. Zander was my past but you were my future and then...’ she hesitated but she couldn’t possibly make this situation worse. ‘Your mum told me that I wasn’t pretty enough, glamorous or famous enough to go out with you. She said that I wasn’t special enough to keep your interest. She said you deserved better than me and if I loved you at all, I should let you go as going out with me would ruin your career.’

  Oakley’s face turned to thunder, his voice was low when he spoke. ‘I don’t believe this.’

  ‘It’s true, I swear. I didn’t want to hold you back. This was your dream come true and I wanted that for you so I pushed you away. And selfishly I wanted to protect myself from you when, as your mum put it, you came to your senses and dumped me.’

  ‘She had absolutely no right to say those things to you or to make you feel for one second worth less than you are. I can’t believe all of this came from her.’

  Neve shook her head. ‘It was an old wound and she just ripped off the plaster and made it bleed again, but it was already there.’

  ‘You were everything for me. There wasn’t a single seed of doubt in my head that you weren’t perfect for me in every way. And you let my mum and Zander take that away from us.’

  ‘I know, I never gave us a chance. I was so scared of the future that I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy what we had. I was so scared of you breaking my heart that I pushed you away and I broke my heart anyway. I want to give us a chance now.’

  ‘I’m not Zander, I don’t know what I can do to get you to trust me—’

  ‘I trust you. I didn’t, but I do now. When you said you wanted to marry me and raise my baby as yours when you thought you weren’t the father, I knew that you loved me. You have no idea how much confidence that gave me. You weren’t staying with me because I was pregnant with your son, you were staying because you loved me so much. Every doubt and fear I had went away when you said that. Your mum, the press, all the assholes that wrote nasty comments about the photos of us, saying I wasn’t good enough for you, they can all go to hell because you wanted forever with me and I could finally see that.’

  ‘So the lie was a test, push me away and see if I come back?’ Oakley said, clearly getting angrier by the second.

  ‘God, no, that wasn’t the plan. I never intended to lie to you, that was a gut instinct to your horrified reaction to me being pregnant. I was trying to protect you. I knew you didn’t want a child, I was trying to set you free. It absolutely wasn’t a test, it wasn’t me thinking you wouldn’t be a good father, it was me trying to do what I thought was best for you. I didn’t want to stand in the way of your dream job. I’m sorry, it was a terrible mistake.’

  He sighed, pushing his hands through his hair as he walked away from her, pacing the room.

  She stood up. ‘I still love you, I still want this to work. And if you can find it in you to forgive me and you still want to marry me then my answer is yes. I’d marry you right now if you’d have me and I’d move with you to California.’

  He turned round to face her. ‘You’d move to America with me? You’d leave your family, your job?’

  ‘Yes, wherever you are, that’s where I want to be. You’re the most important thing in my life and, as long as I’m with you, nothing else matters. But even if you don’t want to be with me any more. . .’ her voice choked. ‘If you don’t love me any more and we can’t be together. . .’ she swallowed a sob. ‘I want our son to grow up knowing his dad. I want him to see you every day, not two or three times a year. You are a wonderful, loving, kind and generous man and you will make a fantastic father to our son. I don’t want him to miss out on that. If you don’t want me then I’ll still come to America so you can be part of our son’s life. I can sleep in a different bedroom or, if you don’t want me in your house, I can get a house nearby so you can see your son whenever you want. And. . .’ she wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘You won’t have to see me at all, if that’s what you want. You can just send some PA to come and collect him and bring him back and you’ll never have to see or speak to me ever again. There’s no way I want our son missing out on having you in his life, so I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re a part of it in any way that you want to be.’

  She wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  ‘You’d come to America even if we weren’t together?’ he asked, incredulously.

  ‘I want the best for our son and you being in his life is the best thing for him. I’d have to sort out visas and I have enough money put aside to start my riding school. That would be enough to buy a small house somewhere, if you didn’t want me any more.’

  Neve couldn’t help the sob that escaped her throat. The thought of being in America all by herself, raising a baby without her family to help her, was a terrifying one, but she hoped it would show Oakley how serious she was about them, that she would give up everything for him. She hoped that if she was living nearby then maybe one day he would be able to forgive her and they could have another chance at being together but even if they couldn’t, being alone was the price she would have to pay to ensure her son knew his father and was part of his life. It was all her fault, so she owed her son that much.

  Tears filled her eyes and she was surprised when Oakley wrapped his arms around her and held her as she sobbed against him.

  ‘The fact that you would do that for me means so much, but if we weren’t together, you’d be all alone out there and I couldn’t ask you to do that.’

  The crying intensified and there was nothing she could do to stop it. After everything she had said, it had made no difference. He still didn’t want her.

  ‘Shhh, don’t cry, Freckle.’ He pulled back to look at her. ‘We’ll figure this out somehow. Fortunately money isn’t a problem for me. I can fly over every weekend if need be. We’ll sort it out. You look wrecked, have you slept?’

  ‘No, I couldn’t.’

  He scooped her up and carried her up the stairs. Then he sat her down on the edge of the bed and undressed her as she continued to cry, and then encouraged her to get under the covers. He covered her and then lay next to her on top of the duvet.

  ‘Go to sleep, Neve, you need to look after our little bear.’

  She carried on crying. That’s all she was to him now, the mother of his child, not someone he loved or cared about any more. She closed her eyes and when she felt his arm go round her, holding their son, she cried herself to sleep.

  Adam slammed a fist onto the door in frustration. He’d been knocking on Ivy’s door for ten minutes or more; it was quite clear she wasn’t going to let him back in.

  ‘Hey, Adam, what are you doing?’

  He turned to see Oakley staring at him in confusion. Adam sighed in defeat and came to sit on
the bench outside Ivy’s house.

  Oakley came to sit next to him. ‘Nice dressing gown.’

  Adam sighed.

  ‘I owe you an apology,’ Oakley added.

  With his mind only on Ivy and what had just happened it took Adam a few moments to realise Oakley was talking about accusing him of sleeping with Neve.

  ‘It’s OK, I think I would have reacted like that too if I’d thought that someone had got Neve drunk and slept with her.’

  Oakley looked at him in surprise.

  ‘I care about her too and no, not in any kind of romantic way – we’re just friends – but that doesn’t stop me caring about her. What’s going on with you two?’

  Oakley sighed. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘I hear she told you the truth.’

  ‘She lied to me. I’m not sure I can get past that.’

  ‘Do you love her?’

  ‘Of course I do but—’

  ‘There are no buts here. If you love her and she loves you, which I know she does, then make amends with her. She shouldn’t have lied, she knows that and you have every right to be angry at her, but don’t let that anger ruin what you have. The sad thing is, she thought she was doing the right thing for you. She is head over heels in love with you, and you were offering her marriage, a house, riding stables and everything she ever dreamed of and she was prepared to turn all that down for you because she knew a baby was not something you wanted. She was scared it would interfere with your dream job. She lied to free you of your responsibilities. It wasn’t selfish, it was anything but selfish. In fact the only one being selfish here is you. You’re prepared to walk away from her, the woman who you love and who is carrying your child, because your feelings have been hurt. You need to grow up. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but being in a proper relationship means forgiving each other for the mistakes that you make, not walking away at the first sign of trouble.’

  Oakley stared out at the snow-laden trees for a moment. ‘If I want advice, I don’t think I’ll be taking it from a man sitting outside his girlfriend’s house in a bright pink dressing gown at five in the morning.’

  Adam’s patience snapped. ‘Then go, sod off back to America. We’ll take care of Neve. I’ll take care of her.’

  Oakley turned back to glare at him. ‘If you lay one hand on her I’ll—’

  ‘You’ll what? Do you honestly think that when you go back to America and start screwing around with all these famous women that she has seen you with in the newspapers over the last few weeks that she’ll sit at home like a virgin and never touch another man again? She’s a very beautiful woman and it won’t be long before she moves on. You walk away from her this time, there’ll be no coming back from that. She won’t forgive you for that. Antoine has already been sniffing around her and there will be others. Someone who will love and cherish her regardless of the mistakes she makes. Someone who will be here for her son, who will raise your son as theirs. Is that what you want to happen just because she made one little mistake?’

  Oakley didn’t say anything for a moment then he stood up to leave. ‘I’ve got some clothes you can borrow, if you don’t want to walk back to the hotel dressed in that.’

  Adam took one more look at Ivy’s front door and stood up too. He followed Oakley back to the cluster of lodges at the end of the village which had been converted to guest accommodation.

  Oakley shushed him as they walked into the house.

  ‘Is Neve here?’ Adam hissed, as they walked up the stairs.

  ‘Yes, which is why I couldn’t sleep.’

  Adam walked into the bedroom behind Oakley and saw Neve curled up fast asleep, in the middle of Oakley’s bed. Though she was mostly covered in a blanket, her bare shoulders peeped out the top and it was quite clear she was probably naked.

  He watched as Oakley covered her shoulder up with the blanket and she stirred slightly, reaching her hand across the empty bed, clearly looking for him. She frowned slightly when her hand fell on nothing but cold sheets.

  Oakley handed some clothes to Adam.

  ‘Thanks.’

  Oakley nodded, unable to drag his eyes from Neve.

  ‘I certainly wouldn’t be wandering around outside in the cold in the middle of the night if I had a beautiful naked woman to keep me warm. If I had someone like that in my bed, I don’t think I’d ever leave.’

  Adam went into the bathroom and quickly got changed. When he walked back into the bedroom, Oakley was already climbing into bed next to Neve and pulling her into his arms.

  ‘Oakley,’ Neve whispered, clearly still half asleep.

  ‘I’m here, baby,’ Oakley said.

  Adam smiled and left them to it. Hopefully they would sort themselves out. If only his own love life was that easy to fix.

  He went downstairs and stepped out into the night. He glanced over to Ivy’s house, which was now in complete darkness. He would talk to her tomorrow.

  Neve woke up later. Judging by the sunlight pouring through the windows it was late in the afternoon. Panic shot through her before she realised she could feel hot breath on her neck and the feel of a large hand wrapped around her stomach. She turned round in his arms to find Oakley lying in bed with her, fast asleep. He looked so peaceful. She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

  ‘I love you,’ she whispered.

  Instinctively the hand that was around her waist pulled her in closer to him and she snuggled against him, closing her eyes and wishing that moment could last forever.

  Oakley’s eyes suddenly snapped open as he realised where he was. He looked at her warily but he didn’t move away from her and he didn’t remove his hand from her waist either.

  She leaned back slightly, giving him some space. ‘I thought your helicopter was coming at half nine.’

  ‘He couldn’t get here. Too much snow,’ Oakley explained.

  Overhead she heard the sound of the plane coming in to land and Oakley blushed at being caught out in the lie.

  ‘Snow affects planes and helicopters in different ways.’

  Hope bloomed in her heart. Had he cancelled his flight? She wouldn’t push him any more. She had said everything that she could say but the fact that he was lying in bed with her, holding her, proved he still cared about her. He was angry and he had every right to be but maybe, just maybe, he could move past that and forgive her so they could have a future together.

  ‘When are you leaving?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow.’

  ‘It’s the New Year’s Eve ball tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  She ran her fingers down his jawbone, relishing the feeling of his stubble against her skin. ‘And you promised you would dance with me.’

  A slight smile played on his lips. ‘I did, didn’t I?’

  ‘Though I need to get a new dress for tomorrow. I’m getting too fat for most of my dresses.’

  ‘You’re not fat, Freckle. You’re beautiful and you’re carrying my child. There’s nothing sexier than that.’

  ‘Well, everything is starting to get a little tight, especially around the breasts.’

  Oakley lifted the duvet to look at them. ‘They are getting bigger, aren’t they?’

  ‘Hey!’ Neve laughed and grabbed the duvet from him and covered herself back up. ‘You don’t get to look at these again, I’m not that kind of girl. Only men I’m in a relationship with get to see these.’

  Playfully he tried to tug the duvet away from her fingers. ‘I’m an ex-boyfriend, that’s got to count for something.’

  She frowned, not liking the direction the conversation was going. ‘I’ve got lots of ex-boyfriends, does that mean they can all come round and have a look?’

  ‘No, they bloody can’t!’ he laughed.

  Neve got out of bed, taking the duvet with her. ‘You’ve got the same rights as all my exes over my body, you don’t get to look at or touch it if we’re not in a relationship and you’ve already made it clear that you do
n’t want that. If I come and live with you in America so you can be a part of our son’s life, you don’t get to make love to me or kiss me whenever you like and then cast me aside again because we’re not actually together. You’re either with me or you’re not, there’s no in between. In fact, you won’t get to see me naked again unless we’re married and then I’ll know that you won’t be able to leave me the next time we have a stupid row.’

  To her surprise, he was still smiling as he lay on the bed, watching her. He got out of bed and started getting dressed.

  He walked up to her and she backed up to the wall as he crowded her with his wonderful body.

  He brushed a strand of hair from her face. ‘One of the things I fell in love with was this fire in you. This no-nonsense, not-taking-any-crap attitude. I love that. I’m glad to see it’s still in there. There’s been far too many tears lately, though I know I’m almost entirely to blame for that.’

  He leaned forward to kiss her but she stopped him.

  ‘No kisses either? OK.’ He smiled as he walked past her, heading towards the stairs, seeming completely unperturbed. ‘I better see what I can do about that then.’

  She stared after him in confusion, watching as he walked down the stairs. ‘What?’

  Without another word, he walked out the door.

  Ivy stood outside Adam’s office and raised her hand to knock on the door before changing her mind. She knew that he would come down to her house later on, demanding an explanation for why she kicked him out wearing only her robe, and she wanted to explain to him here rather than have him in her home again. If they properly broke up – and she strongly suspected they would – she wanted to be able to walk away from him, not have to get him out of her house again.

  She plucked up the courage and knocked. A few seconds later the door was flung open. Adam stared at her for a few moments and then gestured at her to come in. She walked in and he closed the door behind her.

  He sat down behind the desk and waited for her to speak, clearly still angry over what had happened the night before.

  She took a deep breath and ensured that when she spoke her voice was strong and not clogged with emotion. ‘My husband broke up with me because I couldn’t give him a child.’