The Sunburnt Country

by Palmer, Fiona

  Denise nodded while her fingers played with the edge of the tablecloth.

  ‘You could have stayed in touch,’ he said.

  ‘I tried but every time your father found out I’d been calling or trying to see you he’d come around and cause a scene that was hard on us all. He told me that you hated me and by trying to contact you I was making it worse. He also said that if I didn’t leave you alone he’d take a job over east so I’d never be able to see you again.’ Big sorrowful eyes pleaded with him. ‘I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t have you hate me but I didn’t want John to take you away either. I was so confused. In the end I agreed to leave you alone, at least this way I knew you were still close and I could catch glimpses of you. I hoped that one day you’d be old enough to make up your own mind and come and find me when the time was right. I didn’t want to push you further from me. You have to understand just how much I love you.’

  Resting his head in his hand, Dan tried to slow his thoughts. How dare his dad do that? His mum had always loved him. Had his dad done this to get back at his wife and to hurt her? Would he really have made them move to another state or were they empty threats? Dan’s head exploded with bitterness at his father and relief that his mum never forgot him. ‘So you wanted to see me?’

  ‘Yes. You probably didn’t ever notice me but I’d try to keep track of you. Driving past your work hoping to catch a glimpse to see if you were happy; hanging out at the coffee shop on your birthday became an annual event. I used to dream of you recognising me and we could be a family again. So many times I wanted to come and see you, approach you, but I was scared.’ Denise dropped her head. ‘I was scared you would still hate me and not want to see me. My poor heart couldn’t take it if that happened —’

  ‘I wouldn’t . . . hate’s a strong word,’ he said cutting in. He wondered what he would have done if his mum had come up to him. He was sure he wouldn’t have turned her away, but then he had used the word hate to express his emotions towards his mother more than once over the years.

  ‘Derek told me to just wait. He was certain you’d come back,’ she finished.

  ‘So you’re still with Derek?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, we’ve been married now for ten years.’

  Wow. Dan sat back in his chair. Ten years. ‘Is he here?’

  ‘No, he’s off with his mother at the moment. She’s just been put into a nursing home so he’s trying to help her adjust. He would like to meet you again one day. When you’re ready.’

  They were quiet for a moment as they both processed all that had been said.

  ‘Would you like to see your old room?’ Denise asked.

  Dan smiled. ‘Really? Have you changed it much?’ They got up and she took him down the hallway.

  Amazingly his room was still blue, and the shelves on the wall still had some of his old trophies, too. He checked out each one, a smile plastered on his face. Life had seemed so much easier just being a kid at school. As he looked over the rest of the room, he noticed that his bed was gone, replaced by a big computer desk, but it was still his room. From the dent on his wall where he always rested his cricket bat to the glow-in-the-dark stars he could still see on the ceiling.

  On the way down the corridor he snuck a look into Cam’s room, which had a single bed and a baby’s cot in the corner. A cot? Was Cam a father? Was he married? Have I missed all the important things in Cam’s life? No wonder Cam was so hurt. Dan’s mind was spinning with his thoughts. Dan realised the magnitude of his abandonment. He felt so bad and upset with himself for being so arrogant. He was just like his father. Hanging his head, he moved back to the kitchen.

  ‘You all right? Is this all a bit too much?’ Denise asked.

  He could see that she was worried he’d be scared off. Dan sat down, resting his arms on the table. ‘No, it’s about time the air was cleared. You don’t have to worry, Mum. I’m not going anywhere.’ She smiled so brightly his chest swelled. ‘I’m just a bit upset about Cam. I just never thought . . .’

  ‘Cam will come around, just like you have. He’s just voicing the hurt that he’s carried all these years. I’m sure you understand.’

  Yes, he did. If Cam needed time, so be it. But he wouldn’t let his brother down again. He would keep working to rekindle their relationship no matter how long it took, because Dan knew how much it meant to be wanted. ‘Is he a father?’ he asked tentatively.

  ‘You saw the old cot?’ she said. ‘Cam’s going great. He’s working hard as an electrician for a mob in Morley and, no, he’s not a dad . . . yet.’

  Dan snapped his head up to meet his mother’s blue eyes, Cam’s blue eyes.

  ‘His girlfriend Myree is twelve weeks pregnant and I know for a fact he plans to propose on Valentine’s Day.’ Denise pulled a photo off the fridge and handed it to Dan.

  ‘This is Myree, gorgeous girl from a nice family down south near Margaret River. He met her while doing some work in the shop she ran. They’ve been together three years.’

  Dan hardly noticed the girl. His eyes went straight to his brother. Cam had aged so much since he’d last seen him. Still the same Cam but such a man now. He looked like their grandad. But the thing he noticed most was how happy he seemed. A carefree man with his arm wrapped around the tall, dark-haired beauty beside him. They made a good couple.

  ‘Where do they live?’

  ‘Actually, quite close. They’re just north of Morley. I’ll give you their details, if you want to go and visit.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Dan was a little scared. Would his brother even want to see him? ‘Actually, yes, that would be good,’ he said, determined.

  Denise studied his face. ‘Would you rather see him here on familiar ground? How would you like to come back for a family dinner?’

  His mum was actually holding her breath and he realised what a lousy son he’d been. ‘Sure, Mum. I’d love to.’

  ‘And Derek will be here . . .’ she said.

  Dan smiled and touched his mum’s arm. ‘That’s okay. I want to meet him properly.’ He had some bridges to mend in that department. Being a rude teenager to Derek at one of his visits home to pick up his stuff was something he had to make amends for.

  Relief washed across Denise’s face. ‘Oh, wonderful,’ she said with a rush. ‘This is the best Christmas present ever. We’ll make this new year one to remember.’

  After taking a sip of tea, he asked, ‘So Cam’s happy, then?’

  ‘Yes, he’s very happy, Daniel. Derek has been wonderful and the two of them get on so well.’

  ‘I guess Dad never stayed in contact with Cam?’

  Dan saw the panic flash across her eyes. ‘Um, no. Your dad kind of erased him from his life when he saw Derek and Cam playing in the backyard. I guess it must have been a real slap in the face for him, but the fact is he’s just never been there for you boys like Derek has been there for Cam. That’s how a father should be.’ She said the last sentence quietly. Even though Dan was a grown man, she was still shielding him from the brutal truth.

  ‘And Derek is how a husband should be too, right?’

  Tears fell from his mum’s eyes as she nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Daniel. I couldn’t do it any longer. And then Derek came along and he was everything your father wouldn’t be. I’m so sorry.’ She hung her head.

  Dan touched her hand. ‘Mum, I’m sorry. I was too young to understand. Even now it’s taken me this long to figure out Dad’s not going to change.’

  Blinking away the tears, Denise touched Dan’s cheek. ‘You idolised him so much, wanted to be just like him. I didn’t have the heart to tell you any different.’

  Dan looked out the back window. The black of night had descended. ‘I’ve been working so hard just to please him,’ he mumbled.

  ‘And has he noticed?’

  ‘Barely. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be like him, to have him be proud of me and to actually want to spend time with me.’ Dan felt like a ten-year-old kid, upset for not being not
iced.

  ‘Daniel. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have helped.’

  He glanced back. ‘How could you, Mum, when I blamed you for everything? Dad would go on about how disloyal you were and all these other things. I believed him. Now I realise just how bad it was for you and I don’t blame you for wanting out. Look what you have with Derek. You’re happy.’

  ‘Oh, yes, very much so.’

  They shared a smile, similar smiles. His mum was still beautiful, her skin glowed and her smile lines spoke of the happiness she’d shared.

  ‘So why now? What made you finally come home?’ she asked.

  Her words brought Jonelle’s face to mind and he couldn’t help the smile that escaped.

  ‘Ah, a girl, perhaps? That smile says a lot.’ She laughed. Her laugh was so familiar to Dan, like the gentle tunes of his most cherished childhood memories.

  Dan pulled out his phone, found Jonelle’s picture and showed his mum.

  ‘That’s Jonelle Baxter. She’s a mechanic in this tiny town out bush and she has very strong connections to her family and her home.’

  ‘She’s beautiful. A mechanic?’

  ‘That’s just the start. She truly is amazing and different, but in a good way.’ Then he went on and showed her all the pictures he’d taken in Bundara. Of Zac, of the racetrack. His dad wouldn’t have been interested in any of it. After he finished he stared at the tablecloth, picking at the lace.

  ‘Then why do you look so glum?’

  ‘Because I’ve just said goodbye to them all. That was the end of my stint. Now it’s back to my real life. I’ve just got a job promotion. I moved into my new office this week,’ he said.

  ‘And that makes you happy?’

  ‘Yes, I guess. This is my life.’ He wasn’t sure what his mum was getting at.

  ‘Are you sure?’ she repeated. ‘Do you really want to work in that bank just like your father? Choose your own path, Daniel. Do you know who you are? If you want to go back to this town, then do it. Just by looking at you I can tell that Jonelle means a lot more to you than you are willing to let on. Don’t do what you think you’re supposed to do. If I had done that I’d still be miserable and married to your father. Have you ever thought of doing something else?’

  Dan almost laughed. The thought of telling his father scared him to death. How couldn’t hurt his dad like that, he’d put so much effort into Dan’s career and he was the only remaining family John had left. ‘It has been on my mind.’ More so since he missed Jonelle like crazy. ‘But I can’t do that to Dad.’

  ‘You are not responsible for your father’s feelings, Daniel. You can’t sacrifice your life to please him. He is a grown man and he needs to understand that your happiness is important and if he doesn’t then he’s the one who needs to deal with that, not you.’

  Dan had been the only one there for his dad; he had helped John through the divorce and supported him. Maybe it was time to make himself happy.

  ‘Well, that’s definitely food for thought, Mum.’

  He finished his tea while his mum got up, bringing back some photo albums.

  ‘Just a few years to catch up on,’ she said, handing them over. ‘Now, while you look through them, tell me how soon we can have this dinner?’

  Dan glanced at the first few photos of Cam and thought to himself, Not soon enough.

  Chapter 37

  JONNY’S Workshop is closed due to unforeseen circumstances. Hopefully opening next year. Sorry for any inconvenience.

  Jonny read her notice again. She’d read it ten times so far: each time she’d printed one out and again when she stuck them up in the windows out the front. Every time she read the first line, she pressed her lips firmly together. Hardest thing she had ever done, closing down her treasured business. But it had to be done.

  Of course, she had kept her doors open right up until the last day before she left for her new job. This way she was able to spread the news about her closure. But really it hadn’t taken long to get around – all she had to do was tell Gabby and Carlos.

  Hot wind whirled around her body, the dust whipping her skin with a sting. She took a few steps back to the edge of the road so she could take in the whole workshop while shielding her eyes from the dust. The big blue shed with the old fuel pump and her flowerpots with their big metal flowers. She could picture Coot, leaning against the doorframe, rollie hanging out the corner of his mouth as he wiped the grease from his hands. The rag would be just as dirty and he’d be wearing his overalls, telling her a yarn about the good ol’ days.

  Pulling out her phone she took a photo, something to remind her of what she was working for, something to keep her going when she was feeling lonely and homesick. Despite having Ryan for company at the mines, there was still so much she was going to miss.

  Seeing as it had taken a bit longer to get her paperwork done, she was heading to the mine a week after Ryan. But that was okay, he’d have it scoped out by now and could show her around. She hoped they’d have dongas close to each other. She wasn’t worried about living in a small donga. Her room out the back of the shed was close enough to one.

  Back in her hot room she packed her bag. She didn’t need much, just toiletries and a few clothes. There was a brand-new uniform waiting for her at the end of the journey. She picked up her old workshop overalls, holding them tenderly. ‘I’m gonna miss you guys. I haven’t replaced you, just letting you take a breather.’

  She laughed at her own silliness.

  With her bag slung on her shoulder, she walked past her racing car, which had been packed away into the corner of the workshop along with its crumpled parts. ‘I’ll finish working on you when I get back, okay?’ She tapped the roof of the car, headed outside, locked up for the final time and chucked her bag in her ute.

  On the drive out to her family’s farm she passed the cemetery. She knew exactly where Rick had been laid to rest as two large flags, Bundaberg Rum and Holden, fluttered in the wind. Oh, how things had changed these last few months.

  Out at the farm her folks were on the verandah, awaiting her arrival.

  ‘Hello, love,’ said her father, hugging her. His beard had been trimmed and the big bandage was gone from his hand, only a smaller one remained. Sandra still had to unwrap it and treat the wounds, check they were healing okay and make sure there was no sign of infection.

  ‘Come inside, darling. It’s a scorcher today.’ Her mum wrapped her arm around her waist and guided her inside.

  Her mum’s soft cuddle felt like home. Sandra even smelt like choc-chip cookies.

  Inside the cool dining room her brothers were waiting for her, minus JB, who’d gone back to the mine up north.

  ‘Hey, sis!’ said Zac, looking up from their card game. He had day-old stubble and bed hair. ‘Fancy a quick round of Presidents and Arseholes?’

  Jonny smiled as Ted groaned. ‘No, she’s a tin-arse, don’t let her play. At least with you gone I might be able to win a few hands,’ he teased. Ted scratched his crew cut. Monique must have trimmed it with the clippers last night. His eyes had dark circles – Xavier was still not sleeping through.

  ‘Well, I’d love to but I’d better hit the road. Don’t wanna get there late. I still need time to check the place out.’

  Her father touched her shoulder. ‘We’re gonna miss you around here. It’s bad enough having JB in and out, now you as well.’

  ‘You’ll be all right, old man. As long as you don’t go doing anything stupid. Same goes for you two,’ she said pointing to her brothers. ‘I won’t be around to rescue your arses.’

  ‘No, but I will be,’ said Zac. Jonny looked at him strangely. ‘Hey, someone had to take your place on the team. You’re looking at the new rescue boy.’ Zac dusted off his shoulder.

  ‘What? Did you do this to impress Renae? You don’t need to, believe me. For some reason she thinks you’re all right. I reminded her that you used to pull her hair . . . a lot.’

  Sandra bustled back in from the kitchen carry
ing a bundle of containers. ‘Now, didn’t you know that was Zac’s way of saying he liked her? Even back then he had a little thing for Renae.’

  ‘Oh, Mum, I did not.’ Zac stood up and pinched a container from her pile. Opening it, he pulled out a cookie and started eating it.

  Sandra slapped him on the hand. ‘They are for Jonelle.’

  ‘What? Where are ours?’ asked Ted, glancing up after sneaking a look at Zac’s cards.

  ‘I left you a few in the kitchen.’ No sooner had she said it than both brothers raced to the kitchen like children.

  ‘Men and their stomachs,’ Sandra said, laughing.

  Jonny had peered into the containers. There were the choc-chip cookies, her favourite, a chocolate cake, a date loaf and some Anzac biscuits. ‘Oh, Mum, you didn’t have to.’

  ‘I know, but I wanted to. I can’t have my baby girl starving out there.’ Sandra brushed back her short fringe.

  Jonny carried the containers back out to her ute. Zac and Ted had returned, their mouths munching and extra cookies in their hands.

  ‘Zac, can you grab my pillow from my bedroom, please?’ He nodded and started to head off. ‘And don’t get any chocolate on it.’

  Outside in the heat she put the food in the ute, shoved in her pillow and shut the door before turning around to her family. They stood out on the gravel, faces sad, with the rammed-earth house as a backdrop.

  ‘You will take care out there, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course, Mum.’

  Sandra blinked away some tears and Jonny’s heart melted. She threw herself into her mum’s arms. ‘I’ll be back before you know it.’

  Next was her dad, trying to be strong but the amount of swallowing and coughing he was doing gave him away. ‘Love ya, Dad.’

  Her brothers were next. Ted smelt like Monique’s perfume and freshly laundered clothes. ‘Give the kids a hug from me,’ she said, before moving on to Zac.

  He hugged her the tightest. They saw each other all the time, socialised together as well as working on the farm side by side, so she knew she’d miss his cheeky face the most.