Fading Out

by Trisha Wolfe

  Groaning, I run my hands down my face. “What does he not do?” But I shake my head. “It’s not his fault, though. I just need Ari to believe that I…” Hell. I was about to say love her, but that sounds so weak, like a platitude. And not at all enough to convey just how madly I am in love with her.

  Plopping down on Ari’s bed, Vee says, “She’s really a mess.” She frowns. “She like…went out and got highlights in her hair and bought all new makeup. Those are the signs for seriously hurt, my friend. Like, breakup rebound shit.”

  That might actually worry me if I didn’t understand Ari’s logic. It’s not a breakup makeover; she wants to set herself further apart from the girl of my past. Pain slices through my chest, and I rub its fire-hot path along my breastbone. Fuck. I need to get to her before she can build this into something we can’t come back from.

  “We’re not broken up,” I say firmly. “Can you please tell me where she is?”

  Vee and Gavin share a look. My stomach practically bottoms out. What the hell aren’t they telling me? I feel like I’m about to come out of my skin.

  “Gavin, man,” I say, standing and facing him.

  He holds up his hands. “I don’t know shit, bro.” He points at Vee.

  “Real nice,” she says. “See what you get later…”

  Gripping my hair at the roots, I groan. “Guys! Please.”

  They snap out of their playful banter and look at me. Vee says, “Look, all I know is what I overheard. Ari’s not the most transparent person, so it might all be a mistake. But she was really disgruntled with her stepmom.” She stands and takes a couple of steps toward me, a wary look pulling at her features. She feels sorry for me. Pity. I can see it in her eyes. “Ari went to a big dinner event at her parents’ place in Wisteria.”

  I widen my eyes, nodding. “Yeah, I knew about it. So?” But I’d forgotten about that damn dinner. With all this drama taking up mental space, it just didn’t register.

  “I heard her stepmom going on about some guy.” Vee averts her gaze away from me. “Apparently her parents are from the Victorian ages or something, because they’re announcing her engagement tonight. To this guy who Ari barely knows!” She shakes her head, indignant.

  She prattles on about the injustice of it all, but I’m no longer listening. My pulse careens against my arteries. A dull pounding builds in my ears. My heart is beating the fuck out of my chest wall. Then I’m stalking toward the door.

  “Wait!” Vee snags my arm, pulling me to a brief stop. “You can’t go there, Ryder. Just wait until she gets back. I’m sure this will all work itself out. I mean, she can’t really marry this guy.” Her mouth tightens into a frown. “At least, not tonight.”

  I appreciate what she’s doing. Assuring me that I can win Ari over this guy—that I have a fighting chance. But I won’t be fighting for Ari’s choice. Her parents are my competition, not whoever this guy is. And there’s no way I’m letting Ari give in to them.

  As far as I know, she loves me. I’ll choose to cling to that reality until she tells me otherwise. And the hell if I’ll allow her to get engaged even for a night. This madness has gone too far.

  “Where do her parents live?” I ask Vee.

  With a resigned sigh, she pulls out her phone. “This is a mistake, Ryder. You should wait until the debris settles.” She glances up at me quickly. “She’s stressed to the max. You might just push her too far right now.”

  “She needs me,” I say simply. And I mean that. Vee must see the desperation in my eyes, hear it in my voice, because she nods. Relieved, I release a tense breath. “And I need her.”

  She gives her shoulders a small shrug, then hands me her phone to take down the address. “Then go get our girl.”

  * * *

  Ari’s parents live in the wealthy community of Wisteria. As I drive past plantations with rich landscaping and accent lights illuminating trees and signs, I grip the wheel, trying to keep my pulse under control.

  This town reminds me of the upper-class district of my hometown. Where I rode the bus to nearly everyday, attending a school that was far out of my league. Where my parents commuted to for work, serving the better half. Where Alyssa once lured me under false pretext to a party at a mansion.

  I remember freaking. I ran out and spent a good chunk of my savings on a nice outfit, just so I wouldn’t stand out. So I’d blend in. Those feelings of inadequacy never truly departed. Even now, after all these years and my recent revelations, the feeling of not being good enough slithers over me, covering me like a blanket of shame.

  Even if I make millions in the pros, I’ll never be like these people. Like Ari’s people. There’s a class structure that even money can’t cross. Generations of breeding this class defines them above the simply obscenely rich.

  And as I turn onto a road and spot a long, winding driveway, sweat beading across my forehead, I know that Ari’s parents will never accept me. But I’m okay with that. Just as long as Ari accepts me, and she’s willing to fight for us, I’ll never care again how others view me.

  Twinkling lights dot the manicured yard, and a glowing fountain stands center. Music drifts out of the enormous house as I make my way up the drive. I parked along the street, hoping to make a break for it easily if I needed to, and a valet greets me before I reach the door.

  “Keys, sir?”

  I point over my shoulder. “I already parked. Thanks.” He gives me a hard once over, but steps aside. Then I dash around the house, ignoring his instruction to enter through the front.

  I doubt I’ll get two feet inside before I’m tossed right back out. My best chance is to sneak in through the back. Try to find Ari and talk her into leaving with me before I’m noticed or cause a scene. The last thing I want to do is embarrass her…but I’m feeling damn near desperate.

  Laughter and classical string music hits my ears as I creep through a pergola entryway to the backyard. I stop suddenly, feeling way underdressed. This house party is black tie. Hell. Attempting to straighten my shirt and brush my hair down from its disarray, I walk along the outskirts of the party, my eyes dancing around groups mingling.

  On edge, I tug out my phone and send Ari a text. She hasn’t responded to a one since she told me she needed time to herself, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t see them. I glance around and type out my location to her, hoping she’ll know right where I am.

  Not five minutes pass before I see her emerge through the crowd. My heart stops.

  She’s wearing a black and tan gown that falls to her feet. It’s all lace and elegance. Her hair—that has in fact been streaked with blond highlights—is swept up off her shoulders. Loose tendrils fall from the up-do, cascading down the middle of her back. She’s so beautiful my chest aches. It will be a cruel punishment if I can’t win her back.

  Nothing I do from this moment forward means a damn thing if she’s not mine.

  Bolstering my confidence, I move with purpose through the crowd, my steps determined as I close the distance between us. She meets me halfway.

  “Are you crazy?” she says in an urgent whisper. “What are you doing here?”

  Not able to go another second without touching her, I grasp her elbow, urging her to follow me to an enclosed pool area. The party hasn’t gotten this far, and I usher her under an alcove of hanging string lights. As I look down at her, the glow shimmers in her amber eyes. If not for the circumstances, this would be a perfect moment.

  “Vee told me.” I let my words hang between us, and watch as she connects their meaning. Her eyebrows pull together. “Ari, this is insane. You are not getting engaged to some random guy just because your parents want it.”

  Her slim throat bobs as she swallows. “It’s complicated, Ryder.”

  The world fucking tilts on its axis. I was hoping…shit. I don’t know. That she’d laugh it off. The idea of her engagement so utterly absurd that she’d blow it off with a wave of her hand, reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about.

  That’
s not what happens, though. And the look on her face conveys all the torment she’s feeling.

  “Hell no.” I link our hands together and start to pull her through the alcove, leaving. Immediately.

  She jerks back. “I can’t leave!”

  “Yes, you can!” I turn on her, my chest heaving and my eyes wild. “You can do anything you want, Ari. Anything and everything.” I pause, needing to center my thoughts. I’m so about to lose all control. “Explain it to me, then. Make me understand why you’re willing to trade in your freedom and happiness for this world?”

  And like a blinding light full of the truth, it hits me. In that one question, I shed the last remaining, painful layer of myself. What was I willing to sacrifice to make my father’s dreams come true? To right all the wrongs; prove to everyone that I’m not Jake—that I’m better? My own passions and wants swept aside to be the star athlete with a real future.

  The unequivocal truth that I’m better than my roots.

  Ari’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. She shakes her head, over and over. “Because I’m no one,” she says.

  I feel the confusion wash over my face. “What are you talking about?”

  She laughs a mirthless laugh. Then sucks back her tears, stares into my eyes. “I’m fading away. Just…fading out of existence. If I ever really existed at all. Who I am isn’t as instrumental as what I am. A Wyndemere who will carry on this fabrication of reality. So me? All on my own? I’m no one, Ryder.” She sweeps a hand through the air, indicating her life. “And, God, but when you stumbled right into my little bubble, you burst the damn thing open.” She shakes her head. “I wanted you so badly. I wanted to be someone with you. But that was the biggest lie of all, wasn’t it?”

  “No.” I grab her wrists and bring her to me. “I see you. No matter how you try to hide, I see you, Ari. And I’ll be damned if I let you believe all this bullshit. You are someone. You’re so much to me… And you’re more than that, even; you’re standing here, so vivid and real, it’s tearing at me to keep from touching you.”

  A tear slips down her cheek as she closes her eyes. “How did we get here?”

  I move in and capture her waist, pulling her to me. Her whole body trembles against mine.

  She shakes her head. “It was supposed to be…fun. How did we get here, Ryder?” She looks up at me, her pouty mouth beckoning me to kiss her. “How did I let myself fall so hard for you?”

  She may despise those words, but they fill me with hope. They’re the most amazing words anyone has ever uttered. “I don’t care how,” I say, brushing my thumb across her cheek. “All that matters now is that you stay here—with me.”

  Tilting her head back, I crave only one thing. To seal this moment with a burning kiss that will weld Ari to me permanently. And as I move in to do just that, my heart knocking so hard I know she feels it, I’m pulled out of the moment by a booming voice.

  “Get away from her—” The guy grabs Ari’s arm, wrenching her away from me, and it’s the wrong thing to do. Just the wrong fucking move.

  My fist hauls back—and Ari shouts, “Stop!”

  Face twisted in anguish, fist cocked, I force myself two steps back and curse. Dropping my hand, I concentrate on Ari, making sure she’s okay. She rubs at her arm, but it’s more to soothe herself rather than out of pain.

  The guy dressed in a black tux glares at me, his shoulders squared, then turns toward Ari. “Are you okay?”

  The fuck… That’s my line, asshole. “One way not to have to ask that question—” I step toward him. “Is not to hurt her in the first place.”

  His attention is back on me, brows hiked to his hairline. “You should leave. Before security is called. I’ll personally see you out.” He moves to take me by the arm and I grab his instead.

  “I’m not leaving without her.” I nod to Ari. “And I’ll see my own self out.”

  Ari pushes between us, her hands pressed to either of our chests. Rage burns through me, coursing and igniting. She looks up at me. “Ryder, please. Just go. I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

  “What?” I glance between her and the douchebag—and it hits me. Like a fucking blow to my gut. “This is the guy? The guy?”

  She swallows. “I can’t. Please. I just can’t.” Her eyes are pleading, and my chest is ripped wide open.

  I have a choice: walk away now, and maybe talk some sense into her when she’s not surrounded by her overbearing family and their friends. Or hold nothing back.

  Hell. I’ve slinked away like a coward too many times in my life. For her, I’m all in.

  27

  Arian

  My world is shattering. Each carefully positioned piece cracking. I’ve vigilantly kept my two worlds from colliding—but now they’re racing toward each other at breakneck speed. The crash inevitable.

  Foolishly, I thought I could get through tonight and somehow not be engaged by morning. I’m so disillusioned. I just continued to go through the motions; nodding along in conversations with Becca, not responding to my father’s emails, dressing for this party tonight. I’ve been told for years that this, right here, was my purpose. My role. And I never once fought for a different outcome.

  And, oh, there’s a million, different little reasons that—when collected and placed side by side—make up the huge picture of why I didn’t. But individually, these reasons didn’t seem worth the effort, the struggle, during the time.

  I allowed this to become my life. I’m the only one to blame.

  Truth is, I had no idea how awful my life was until Ryder charged into it. I wasn’t painfully aware of how shallow and empty my existence was. I was blissfully unaware that I wanted something more. The acuteness of that desolation that I feel now—with his presence rolling over me in electrifying waves—is a punishment. Pure and simple. I could wish I never met him, but then I wouldn’t have the memories with him that I’ll desperately need to last me the rest of my miserable, lonely life.

  “This is the guy, Ari?” Ryder says again, and it’s like salt being ground into an open wound. “You’re just going to walk away from us so you can give your parents this guy?” He looks Lucas over and shakes his head. “He must have something they want pretty badly.”

  Lucas bows out his chest, affronted. But he doesn’t really have the right; my parents did choose him precisely for his father’s business connections. Our marriage will be equally beneficial and prosperous to both our parents.

  Lucas scoffs. “Hey, look. Don’t take it so hard.” He says this to Ryder in his best commiserating tone. “Ari’s allowed to go slumming during college. Hell, I did. You just have to get it out of your system before—”

  Ryder has Lucas by the collar, jerking him upright before Lucas can finish his sentence.

  Remembering what Ryder did to his own brother, I panic. Throwing myself against Ryder, I wrap my arms around his strained arms. He won’t attack Lucas if it means hurting me. “You have to stop!” Ryder’s grip on Lucas loosens, and then he releases him all together. He gives him a hard push that makes Lucas stumble backward.

  Ryder turns toward me, his chest rising and falling with his labored breaths. “Is it true? Is that what you meant on the beach that night?” His jaw ticks. “Is that what you were trying to make me understand?”

  My mouth opens, but I can’t force any words out. I’m ready to deny the accusation, to assuage his pain. To prove to him that I’m so desperately in love with him that I’m dying right here. That the second he walks out of my life, I’ll lose all will to exist in this painful reality.

  But for one minute, I look past this moment. To the possible future. If I take that course, just what will my father do? Could he somehow hurt Ryder’s future? I’ve never known my father to be a vindictive man. A powerful one, yes—but never outright hurt anybody. But then, no one has ever threatened him the way Ryder is right now.

  My marriage to Lucas is more than what’s expected of me; it’s a means to rectify my father’s standing. I can s
ay with certainty that my father won’t allow Ryder to hinder this merger.

  Everything that Ryder has worked so hard for…I won’t be the reason he may lose any of it. I’m not worth that sacrifice.

  I swallow hard, look into his eyes, then, “I told you it couldn’t last.”

  His eyes blaze. “Bullshit,” he hisses. “You said that you’d fight for us. And you meant it.” He steps closer and tries to take my hand, but I pull back. His face contorts with his hurt.

  Straightening my back, I lift my head. “And who are you fighting for, Ryder?” I ask, hearing the tremble in my voice. “Who am I to you? I’m supposed to walk away from everyone in my life for…what? I don’t even know who you see when you look at me.”

  And I hate that I mean those words. They strip me bare, revealing how wrecked I am. In love with a man who saw another woman within me. But it’s the only way. This can’t be allowed to go on one second longer. Ryder and I are at an impossible impasse. One that will tear both of us apart if we try to force our paths to merge.

  Ignoring Lucas on the sideline, Ryder steps right before me and looks directly into my eyes. “I see the woman I love,” he says. And I’m through. Leveled. “I know I’ve hurt you. For my past, for who I was, for my weakness…I’m sorry. But I’ve more than suffered my penance.” He runs a hand through his hair and releases a tense breath. “I’ve earned a fighting chance. So have you, Ari. Don’t give in. Trust me enough to prove I only want you. I’ll spend the rest of my life, every single day, proving it to you.”

  The tears I’ve been holding back break free. My legs go weak, unable to hold my weight. My knees buckle, and I feel the concrete dig into my knees as I’m taken down. His words slice right through my resolve, tearing at my defenses, and I can’t. I just can’t.

  Lucas is by my side. “Arian, he isn’t worth all this.”

  I wipe at my tears and turn away from Lucas. “Give me some time, please.” I look into his dark eyes and glimpse a shred of understanding. He nods, then looks up at Ryder.