“No.” It was all he said. He might be worse than me.
“Oh.” Jeez, seriously. What was wrong with me?!
He broke into a wide grin. His green eyes crinkled and he displayed his beautiful teeth. That elusive full smile I never really got to see had emerged. And god, I couldn’t breathe. He was so damn beautiful.
“You look beautiful,” he said, like he’d read my mind. And Oh. My legs threatened to give out. Beautiful. Wow. I felt a flush starting at my chest, quickly surging upward.
“Thank you.” I replied demurely. Seriously. What was wrong with me? I’ve never been demure in my life. “You’re not so bad yourself.” He chuckled. I felt my face burning. “Seriously, Calen, you look really nice. Thank you for asking me to dance.” I was trying to regain steady ground. He smiled again and I felt my heart swell a little. The song ended too soon. Suddenly, I hated this band. Why were their songs so short?! He leaned in toward me, much taller even in my heels, and brushed his cheek against mine as he whispered in my ear.
“Thank you.” His warm breath ruffled the hair at my temple.
“You’re welcome.” It came out slightly strangled. He caught my eye one more time, then pulled away and went off in the direction that my brother and his friends had been. Wow.
Sarah came rushing over, and practically tripped on her own shoes. Her face was blood red and she was frantic. “Oh my god. You just danced with Calen!!!” She practically screamed it at me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
“Yes, I did.” It was the least rude thing that I could come up with at the moment. Besides, I was still trying to figure out if I moved, whether or not my legs would give out.
“Oh my god. You guys looked so divine. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Bobby wanted to hit someone but otherwise it was So Awesome. Even Sam was jealous.” I fought back a smile. Did we really look that good together? Then I snapped out of it. Shaking my head, I started to walk away from the dance floor. Sarah was right at my heel, rambling on about the romance and the gracefulness with which he’d danced with me. I finally couldn’t take anymore.
“Sarah! Ok, I get it. But it was just a dance. I’m here with Bobby, and Calen is Will’s friend, so get over it,” I snapped. She looked hurt and whimpered a little. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Sarah. I shouldn’t have been short with you. You’re right. It was nice to dance with Calen. But I am here with Bobby so can we not make him feel even more uncomfortable by rehashing my dance?” She nodded, looking too scared to actually say anything. I was such a bitch.
I sighed and hugged her. She looked at me sheepishly. Like she was the one who should feel sheepish? I gave her another squeeze and then set off to make up with Bobby. In reality, I didn’t care all that much, but I felt a little responsible for embarrassing him. I sidled up, smiling up at him. “Hey,” I said. He looked like he hadn’t quite gotten over it, but then smiled back.
“So do I get a credit for that time during which my date was dancing with someone else?” Bobby “joked”. Umm, No? I drew upon my self-restraint and just smiled again. My mouth was getting sore. Instead of saying anything, since I couldn’t really trust what would come out, I just grabbed his hand and led him out to dance. This night was suddenly feeling too long.
Eventually, after a few cups of disgusting punch, and several too close dances with Bobby, the night was wrapping up. I was trying to be an attentive date, but I kept losing my focus. My mind kept returning to my dance with Calen. His chest had been so firm and his arms had held me so securely. While dancing, I had felt this crazy urge to just press every inch of my body up against him, wrapping myself around him. Thank god I didn’t. I shook myself out of the memory.
“So, after this, where do you want to go?” Bobby asked. He looked at me expectantly. Wait, what?
“It’s cool if you’d just take me home.” I made my face blank enough to not betray my confusion. He knew we’d gone as friends, right? I felt my stomach sink. Is that why he freaked out about my dance with Calen? Crap. I pretended not to have just had this running inner monologue, smiling again at him. Jeez. I don’t think I’ve smiled this much in a long time. If ever.
“But we could go get coffee, or you could just come hang out at my place. My parents are always asleep by 9 so you don’t have to worry about them.” He looked painfully hopeful.
“Bobby, I’ve had a really great time with you tonight. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you asking me, but I’m really tired. I’m just glad I had such a good friend to go to the dance with.” He paled at the word ‘friend.’ I pressed on, “I have to be up early in the morning. You know how it is. I’m in AP history and it’s kind of kicking my butt.” Please let him get the message without it hurting his feelings too much. Guys have liked me in the past, but usually I could let them down easily. This looked like it wasn’t going to be good. I smiled at him again. Was he catching on to my tactic? It wasn’t my fault. I’d never given Bobby any indication that I was interested in him. But I had agreed to accompany him to the dance. I was starting to feel guilt gnawing at my stomach. I kept smiling. Oh my god.
Right then, I heard a deep chuckle from behind me. Bobby suddenly froze as a cold expression crept up his face. I looked behind me and there stood Calen. I looked up at him and he smirked.
“I’m driving Will home. Tara, would you like to catch a ride back with us?” I did.
“Tara is going to ride with me.” Bobby’s voice suddenly sounded deeper, like he was angling for a challenge.
“Um,” was all I could say.
“Tara?” Calen looked at me expectantly. “You’re welcome to catch a ride. If you have other plans, by all means…” He trailed off. At least he was allowing me to make up my own mind, unlike Bobby. Right then, Will sauntered up. I knew he didn’t give a rat’s ass about who I rode with, so I wasn’t entirely sure what he had on his mind.
“Well, Lady and Gentleman. The chariot is departing.” Will sized me up. He then cut a dismissive glance at Bobby. Bobby tensed. I guess my brother could be intimidating when he wanted to be. Before things could escalate, I decided to take control of this insane situation. I stretched up and whispered, “Thank you” to Bobby. I gave him a hug and then turned away so I wouldn’t have to meet his hurt gaze.
Not looking back at him, or at Calen, I announced, “Let’s go, losers.” With that, I grabbed Will’s arm and pulled him with me. I let go once my intentions were obvious and marched out of the MPR. I searched for Sarah and when our eyes met, I blew her a kiss. She nodded and then I left the hall. I was praying that Bobby wasn’t following us out. I didn’t want to deal with another confrontation.
Outside, I inhaled deeply. The fresh air gave me a second wind. I whirled around to make sure that the two boys were behind me and bumped right into Calen. Oops. “Sorry,” I mumbled. He smiled. Will came up behind him and started complaining about how boring the dance had been as we all headed to Calen’s car. I’d never been in it, but it was a black Audi I’d seen him in before. Clearly, he had a little money. It made me realize that I really knew nothing about him. This thought plagued me as I hopped into the back seat and Calen and Will got in front. Calen shifted the car into gear and we pulled out of the parking lot. I stared at the gear shaft, noticing how large his hands were, yet how graceful his long fingers were. I dragged my eyes away.
“What happened to your dates?” I inquired. Will stifled a laugh.
“Like I said, mine was a light weight,” Calen answered.
Will just snorted and went on to say that his had turned out to be a stone cold bore. I just I shook my head. Poor girl. Ditched at Homecoming. Then I realized I had committed a similar transgression. Maybe it was genetic. I hoped not. I loved my brother but being like him was not something I strove for. I remained quiet for the rest of the drive home. Will invited Calen in, but he declined, and I surprised myself with the relief this brought me. I was done for the night, playing with my old life. As I was trying to collect my heels, wh
ich I’d kicked off the second I got into the car, Will had already jumped out and was half way to the front door. Slipping my feet back into my shoes, I grabbed my purse and looked up to find Calen turned toward the back seat, looking at me.
“You really looked nice tonight,” he said. I felt my heart lurch and then started to feel that breathless feeling that I now could identify with being around Calen. “Thank you again for the dance. It was the highlight of my night.” He smiled.
“Thank you,” I said. “And thanks for rescuing me from Bobby, I didn’t really want to take things any further. Thanks for the ride and the excuse.”
“It wasn’t an excuse. And you should never feel trapped. Besides, it made sense, seeing as I was driving Will home.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, goodnight Will’s sister. I hope you had a nice time tonight.” Will’s sister? He was going there? I felt my chest constrict. Ouch. I looked into his eyes and stared at him, daring him to look away. He wouldn’t. Fine. I mumbled another thank you and charged out of the car. I headed up to the door, forcing myself to walk slowly and pretend like I wasn’t running away from him. I felt shame color my cheeks. How could I have thought he might actually like me, or even view me as a girl and not his friend’s little sister? I heard his car start, then pull away from our house. Will was already inside but had left the front door wide open. Apparently, he wasn’t concerned with the heating bill.
I ripped off my heels in the entryway. Grabbing them, I ran up the stairs and burst into my room. I practically yanked off the stupid dress. I didn’t know why I was so upset. My date had been highly appreciative of how I looked, I’d had an ok time, and now I could crash out. Why did I let an offhanded comment from Calen ruin my entire night? I pulled on some pajamas and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were still flushed and I had a slightly wild look in my eyes. I continued to look at myself, my expression turning scornful. I plucked the ornate clip from my hair and all but threw it towards my vanity.
I needed to get a grip.
Finally, I headed downstairs looking for something to snack on. Will was lying on the couch in the living room, watching some stupid movie as I walked past.
“Nice dance moves you have.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“I saw that dance you had with Calen. Seriously, a sister of mine really should not be caught dead looking that desperate.” He cut me a glance.
“Excuse me? How dare you?” What a Dick. And I really didn’t need this after my flameout in the car with Calen.
“Please, you were like plastered to him. Take my advice. I’m your brother and I love you. Don’t go there. He’s out of your league.” With that he returned to his stupid show.
I felt myself burning. How could my brother be such an ass? That comment was so hurtful. I had only danced once with Calen, and I wasn’t the one who’d initiated it. Not to mention, I hadn’t done anything that would come back to affect Will or his reputation as ‘Cool Guy.’ I felt my fingernails digging into my palms. No longer having an appetite, I returned back upstairs. Will glanced at me as I passed and I shot him the bird. Douche.
That night, after washing the residue of the evening off of my face, I curled up in my bed. My mind felt like it wouldn’t stop racing, but eventually I fell into a fitful sleep. A pair of vivid green eyes was the last conscious thought I had.
꧁9꧂
So my dad had left us. High and dry. I fought to keep this reality out of my thoughts on a daily basis. It was weird. He was to blame, but yet, I held the rest of my family at fault for how they’d dealt with everything. Sure, my mom didn’t ask to be left, but she became a ghost after my dad was gone. And Beth, shit. She was so irresponsible, always had been, and never stepped up. She never made a single attempt to help after Dad left and Mom retreated into herself. It made my heart hurt how my mom would spend her days with Beth, caring for the baby. I got it that Beth sucked as a mom, but why did my mom have to stop being there for us?
My dad had still been here when the news of Beth’s pregnancy came out. He was Not pleased. My mom came to her defense, but my dad still blamed her for not being vocal enough in her instruction with Beth. Clearly, Beth did not get the same conversation I had received. Or if she had, she hadn’t cared. I’d had to endure several uncomfortable sessions with my parents where we read instructional books about ‘what was happening to our bodies,’ and ‘where babies come from.’ Worst. Experience. Ever. The only thing more mortifying was when they launched into how masturbation was natural and not something to be ashamed of. Kill. Me. Now. Once I’d finally been able to look my parents in the eye again, I’d vowed to never speak of such things again.
Then my sister came home one day and announced, “I’m pregnant.” She had the decency to look a little apprehensive, but when my mother sighed and then hugged her, Beth let go of all guilt. She spilled how she’d been with Richard for a few months and that this must be a sign of true love. I had been listening in from around the corner and rolled my eyes. Were we even related? Apparently they've never heard of birth control, or overpopulation for that matter. My stomach hurt for her, but she didn’t seem to have any regret.
I've managed to keep my legs together during my 17 years on this earth, much to the chagrin of my handful of suitors. Yeah, I've been with boys. Kissed boys. Had boys lying through their teeth to get the goods. But I have never received the respect I needed, nor have I experienced the emotional connection I have hungered for. Subsequently, I figured I was a rare species. In fact, now that I spent all of my free time grocery shopping, cooking, tidying, and playing all around wife, I suspected I might end up a virgin for life. I frowned at the depressing thought. Then I mentally kicked myself for being so self-pitying.
I mean, Planned Parenthood could use Beth and Dick in a commercial where all the two of them had to do was tell their story and just be themselves. Teenagers everywhere would turn to abstinence and overzealous prophylaxis. It would probably be more effective than most family planning classes. Ok, I sound like a biz, and I really do love my nephew, but I just wouldn't make the same choices that my sister made.
Returning to the memory of that day she’d announced her pregnancy, I recalled how my dad had left the room after voicing his disappointment. My mom just kept hugging Beth. I’d forced down the bile in my throat. This was my Worst Nightmare and Beth was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. I guess that’s the difference between the two of us. It’s funny. Despite being sisters, and the only two girls in the family, we’ve never really been close. Yeah, we’re three years apart, but I’ve always felt like she never seemed to care that I existed. You’d think she would try to be there for me, guide me into womanhood and all of that, but no. She generally acted like she forgot I was around. Eventually, I had grown accustomed to that.
Now that Dad was gone, and Mom was gone (from me), I barely even registered that Beth, being older, should be caring about anything that was happening in this house. These days, I felt like Will and I lived with three strangers and a baby, and we did our best to stay out of each other’s way.
***
I had this habit of folding laundry while sitting on top of the warm dryer. I was kind of like cat in that respect. I’d pile the clean clothes on the washer next to me. Plus, I could shoot free throws into the clean laundry bin with the socks I’d just folded. It made it easier for me to then do the rounds and deposit everyone’s laundry outside their doors. I was a freaking saint. Too bad I was so full of resentment.
So into my favorite surf rock band that was blasting in my earbuds, I didn’t even notice I had company. When I glanced up to grab the next clean item, my heart practically jumped into my throat. There stood Calen. I stopped the music and was afraid of what kind of sound that I had emitted when he had startled me. I was confident that it had been embarrassing. He chuckled.
My chest heaving, I cleared my throat. “Uh, Hi.” Is that all I ever said to him? The grin on his face was growing, threatening to reach his eyes. He looked
only slightly repentant for scaring the crap out of me. Was this guy like Special Ops or something? How did he always sneak up on me?
“Sorry,” he said. The more I stared at him, the more I realized he really wasn’t sorry in the least. I started to hop down but he held up a hand.
“No, you don’t have to stop, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I was just on a mission to the pantry for some chips when I saw you. Please, go back to your little muppet dance, or whatever that was.” My cheeks flamed. I did Not dance like a muppet. I hoped. “You know,” he continued, “I know you aren’t shy. How come you never talk to me?” I was probably the first girl he’d ever had to ask that. I had seen him at school, he couldn’t shake the girls off of him.
“I’m trying to maintain my air of mystery,” I responded. Really, I just never knew what to say to him.
“Well, that usually works a little better when the other person doesn’t see you every day.” Ouch.
“So you’re saying I’m not mysterious? I’m wounded,” I said, theatrically holding my hand against my heart. And how come I know nothing about you, I wanted to ask.
He only laughed again. It was kind of cute. Then he just stood there. It looked like he was deciding what to say. Must be nice not to just blurt out whatever pops into your head.
We continued to look at each other. He finally spoke, after what felt like an eternity. “You want to know the first time I really knew that I wanted to get to know you better? That I needed to get to know you better?” He asked. His gaze had taken on an intensity and those sexy green eyes were burning through me.
“When?” I whispered.
“Remember the night of Will’s birthday when we brought him home so drunk?” How could I forget? Shut up brain! “Well you just took over, no hesitation, no indecision. It was so Boss. The way you ordered all of us guys around and we did everything you said to do, unquestioningly. It was impressive. It was hot.” I suddenly felt all warm and squishy. When had he gotten so close?
Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1) Page 6
