Pushing through the door, I almost bumped right into Zach. Seeing me, he stiffened. This was a make or break it moment. I went with the former. “Zachy! You came. How did you sneak by me? I didn’t even see you come in.” I was going for a light tone.
He looked at me for a moment, then seemed to make the same decision.
“Princess, had I seen you, you know I would have said hello. Nice party you’ve thrown together.” He almost convinced me, but I heard a nearly undetectable variation from his usual tone. I pretended not to notice.
“Well, you know me. Always the hostess, never the guest.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I was just charging forward.
“I was just looking for something to drink. If you’re the hostess, what are you offering?” He was working hard at pretending that nothing had changed. I had a surge of respect for him.
“Well, what’s your poison? We have soda, water, beer, and champagne…for the more manly types.” I quirked him a smile.
“I’d go for a beer. Since you’re offering.”
“Well, technically that would be Will offering, but I know he feels like I do. What’s ours is yours, Zach.” A little hurt flashed over his face. Shoot. I was just doing our old routine. Zach’s face suddenly got serious.
“Tara, I’m sorry about that day. I shouldn’t have done that. I knew I shouldn’t hope for anything between us, but I had to try.”
“Zach, it’s ok. Really. I never even knew there was something you hoped for. I’m sorry if I have ever given you the wrong signals.” I had been stressing over this whole thing. Had I been stringing him along? I honestly didn’t think so. Zach and I had had the same goofy relationship for as long as I could remember. We were giving each other a hard time long before we had even reached puberty. But, I still assumed some responsibility. I guess I should have been more perceptive. It really hurt me that I had caused him pain.
“No, Tara. I’m the one who is sorry. I have just never been able to stop feeling for you what I do.” I could only look at him and hope he understood. “I’m trying,” he said softly.
“Oh Zach. Just remember, we’re friends to the end. This whole thing will figure itself out and we’ll still have each other.” Sort of knowing I shouldn’t, I hugged him. He returned the embrace, but I could tell he was holding back. I was glad. Finally I was the one who pulled away. “Zachy, it’s New Year’s Eve. Try to have a little fun!” Then I turned to leave the kitchen.
Just before I made it to the door, I heard his voice.
“Tara.” I froze. “You look beautiful tonight.” There was so much sadness in his tone.
I turned back and went to him. “Happy New Year, Zachy.” I kissed his cheek, then left the kitchen.
I had barely gotten through the doorway when I ran into Calen. He eyed me.
“Why are you running out of the kitchen as if you’re being chased?” he asked. He didn’t sound happy, but he also didn’t sound pissed. I quickly told him what had happened, although I suspected he already knew exactly what the situation entailed. Calen, once again, surprised me.
“I sort of feel sorry for Zach,” he said. We were purposefully speaking in hushed tones…I mean, we weren’t heartless.
“You do?” I asked. I’d been worried, considering how he’d been last time.
“Of course. He has loved you for so long, and then I show up and sweep you off your feet.” I raised an eyebrow at him. He chuckled. “What I mean is, he’s a nice guy who has respected you enough that he’s held back his feelings for you, and for so long. It’s commendable.” I was still surprised. “That doesn’t mean I am willing to allow him to try anything with my girlfriend.” His eyes narrowed. Ahh yes. That Calen had just shown up. I elbowed him.
“Come on, Prince Charming.” With that, I dragged him over for a dance.
The night continued perfectly, everyone having fun and Will’s friends mingling with mine. At one point, I’d even forced Calen to dance to a sultry song and I got a little carried away. I didn’t care, it was New Year’s! I’d broken out the champagne so I was a little giddy as midnight approached. I had yet to see Sarah follow through with her vow to speak to Zach, and I was kind of glad. Not because I was jealous, but more due to our exchange in the kitchen, and I suspected that Zach needed a little more time to deal with what had happened. I wanted Sarah to actually have a chance and I didn’t think Zach was there yet.
At five minutes to 12, Calen leaned down and whispered in my ear that it was almost time. I giggled, and pulled him against me. He laughed and then pulled away and took my hand.
“Come on sweet girl, let’s watch the countdown.” He pulled me to where Times Square was on the TV. We all counted down, and when the clock struck midnight, Calen pressed me to him and kissed me with the perfect combination of passion and sweetness, as his hands slid down my back and lightly caressed my butt. My legs felt weak. When he pulled away, he whispered in my ear, “I never thought I’d be so lucky as to see in a new year with someone as wonderful and lovely as you. Thank you for the honor.” He pressed a soft kiss to my neck, just below my jaw. I purred.
“No Calen. This is my dream come true. Happy New Year.” He held me to him and I never wanted this moment to end. When we finally separated, I looked around. I noticed several interesting couples who had apparently shared midnight kisses. Then I noticed my brother sucking face with Sam in the corner, and it almost ruined my night. Almost.
When the party was over, everyone left, except Sam, Calen, and Sarah. She eventually excused herself, saying it was late, but I knew she was starting to feel a bit like a 5th wheel. I turned to Calen and looked at him questioningly. Before he could answer, I grasped his hand and slowly pulled him upstairs. Once inside, he drew me over to the bed, pulling me to him as he sat on the bed. I was facing him, his long legs outstretched and loosely straddling mine. Kissing me again, I felt his hands travel to my exposed legs as he began to explore them with a featherlight touch. I shivered. As his hands moved up my thighs, I closed my eyes and a small moan escaped my lips. Feeling his hands stop at the edge of my dress, my body was screaming for him to travel higher. Instead, he kissed me softly and told me to go get ready for bed, lightly patting me on the behind to spur me forward.
Reluctantly, I left him in my room, changing out of my dress and into some sleep pants and a tank in my bathroom. When I came out, Calen was still leaning against my bed, now in his undershirt and dress pants. I climbed onto the bed and watched him. He didn’t move for a minute, then began to unbutton his pants. My heart started beating a million times a minute. Wearing nothing but his boxerbriefs and his T-shirt, Calen leaned toward me on the bed. He kissed me gently and then lifted the covers, pulling me closer to him after he’d gotten in. Arranging the sheets around us, he rolled on his side and looked into my eyes. We lay like that for a little while, until he gently pulled me up against him. He switched off the lamp and wrapped his arm around my waist, whispering in my ear, “This is already turning out to be a great year. Sweet dreams, my love.” I sighed.
“Goodnight Calen. See you in the morning.” In the darkness I saw him smile. Pressed up against him, enveloped in his scent, I drifted off with pure joy in my heart.
***
The only thing better than falling asleep with Calen, was waking up next to him. I stirred and realized that the warm thing pressed against the length of my body was Calen. I smiled before I’d even opened my eyes. Still refusing to believe that it could be a reality, I didn’t want to have the dream shattered so I kept my lids pressed closed, cherishing this moment. Then I felt the light caress on my cheek and I had to look.
There he was, curled against me, smiling. I never thought it was possible to love him more, yet every day I managed to do so. There was a boy in my bed, a Very good-looking boy, and he loved me. And I loved him. There were puppies and unicorns and rainbows and clouds. Stupid Sam! Suddenly thinking of something very different, I laughed to myself.
Boxers it is. I giggled out loud.<
br />
“What’s so funny?” He asked, good-naturedly. I just shook my head, this silly grin on my face.
“Oh nothing…” then I giggled again. Before he could ask anything else, and ignoring the fact that I suspected he was in on my naughty observation, I rolled over so that I was looking down on him. How could someone so beautiful exist? He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me close. This was new for us. We’d never spent the night together, or had this luxury of so much time with each other.
“I can’t believe you took advantage of my tipsiness last night!” I accused him, a teasing quality to my voice.
“What? I didn’t.” His tone was a little too serious. I felt his arms stiffen.
“You most certainly did! Without that champagne, do you honestly believe I would have let you just take me to bed…to sleep?” He laughed.
“Oh Tara. Last night was the best night of my life.”
“You’re such a tease,” I pouted.
“It went exactly as I would have wanted. Besides, when our time comes, I want you to be entirely aware.” Suddenly Calen had switched to sexy mode. I liked it. A lot.
After a little more cuddle time, it was time for him to go. He knew his Grandfather wouldn’t be worried, but he didn’t want to be seen leaving by Will. He doubted that their friendship was solid enough for that. Standing just inside my door, Calen looked at me with longing. I guess he wasn’t as immune to what he hadn’t allowed last night, as he pretended to be. In my head, I shook some pom poms. He came back to the bed and kissed me once more, then I got up and slipped out of my room alone and did a little reconnaissance mission. Returning, I informed him that all was clear. He left and I felt a little sad as I watched the front door close behind him.
I needed to go for a run.
꧁27꧂
“You did it, I know.”
That was the first thing Sarah said when I called her. Not hello, not what a great party, “You did it.” Jeez. Hopefully there weren’t wagers because I would have just lost people a lot of money.
“Um, Hi?” I said.
“Tara, come on. At least you can give me a few details.” She sounded both excited and resigned.
“Ok,” I said. “After you left, we went upstairs to my room-”
“I knew it!” she interrupted.
Ignoring her, I just continued. “And I got ready for bed, and so did he.” I heard Sarah inhale. “And then we just curled up and went to sleep.” Take that, miss ‘I knew it’!
“And?” She still hadn’t gotten it.
“And then I woke up in his arms and it was all very romantic.”
“Wait, so when did you do it?”
She was starting to annoy me.
“Sarah. Did you listen to anything I just said?”
“Yeah, but you left out the good stuff.”
“No, it was all good stuff.” There was silence.
“But…”
“Sarah! God, do I have to spell it out? We didn’t do it!” More silence.
“But…” Now I didn’t even respond. “But you guys were having the best night, and it was so romantic! And I saw the way you were grinding on him during that one song…” Oh. I had forgotten that. My cheeks felt warm but then I just didn’t care. It had been fun.
“I know, Sarah. We love each other. It’ll happen when it happens.”
“Oh Tara,” she finally said, sighing. “I knew you guys were into each other, and I knew it was the real deal, but to hear you say that makes me so happy. You deserve it. And it gives single girls like me hope. Oh, and he’s really hot.” I could sense she was blushing, through the phone. Hey, he was really hot.
“Yeah, he is. And yeah, it’s amazing. Sar, I really do love him. Like more than I knew you could love someone.” Then I whispered, “I’ve never been in love before.”
“Tara, you’re my best friend. I only want good things for you, and you know I will stand beside you through good times and bad. But what you just said is the best news I could ever hear. I wasn’t kidding. You deserve this. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you.” My tone was still quiet. This was just so much. I’d been through the lowest lows and the highest highs in such a short period of time. I was still processing it all.
After a period of silence, Sarah said that she’d better go, but she’d talk to me later. Right before she hung up I said, “Oh, and Sarah? It’s boxerbriefs.” I hung up on her laughter.
I had a huge smile on my face.
***
“I can’t believe you can dance in those shoes. I can’t believe you can walk in those shoes. Women are crazy.” And yet, I had noticed that last night, he’d really appreciated the shoes.
“Hey. I have a lot of skills you still don’t know about,” I retorted, teasing him.
“I’m sure you do, I’m sure you do,” Calen replied, shaking his head. Even when he tried, he could never hide that amused smile from me. He’d stopped by in the early evening on New Year’s Day. Apparently he could stand being apart from me as well as I could him. As in, not for long. I felt smug.
“And maybe if you weren’t like, Ginormous, I wouldn’t need to wear such high heels. Well, I probably would anyway…they are pretty killer aren’t they?”
“Murderous,” he murmured, but I could tell that his mind had moved on. He had come up behind me and gathered me against him, his breath warm on my neck. I delighted in the affect that I clearly had on him. How? Beat the hell out of me. But, I was finally not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was mine and I was reveling.
***
Life, wonderful life, continued on.
The only glitch was that my mom confronted me.
I was like, wh-what?
“I saw that boy leaving in the morning after he stayed with you.” She said it out of the blue, on a rare morning that I happened to run into her in the kitchen. Great. I chose not to respond, since none of my answers would have been appropriate. More likely, my answers would be offensive. How could she be calling me out? If I listed my grievances against her, we’d be here for a month.
“It is not appropriate to have boys stay over,” she said. At that moment, I realized that I hadn’t heard my mom say my name since Dad left. When she did throw me a bone, a rare inconsequential comment here and there, she never said my name. Was that part of her distancing herself from us? Even that day when that I’d spent hours in her room, cuddling Blake and reading to him, she never once said, “Tara.”
This realization hurt more than I could have thought it would. I had told myself that I was done caring about how she’d been behaving, but it’s hard to lie to yourself. You always seem to know when you’re doing it. Shocker.
I still hadn’t acknowledged her statement.
“There are rules in this house, and I expect you to follow them,” she continued. I actually contemplated if I was dreaming right now. But no, I was fairly sure that since I’d stubbed my toe on the way to the kitchen and it still hurt like hell, this must be reality. Reality was getting more and more hard to determine. Sartre was suddenly making a lot of sense.
I still just looked at her, unable to voice any of my thoughts. Rules? My brain was exploding as it tried to compute the fact that she’d just said that. I thought I smelled burnt toast. Not really, but I assumed I must be having some kind of neurological malfunction if what seemed to be happening was actually happening.
My mom was acting like a mom. As much as I had yearned for this, prayed for this, basically thought I’d give my first born for this, it was too late. Especially, in regard to this issue. I had given my blood, sweat, and tears to this family and I never got any acknowledgment. Well, maybe not my blood, except for the first time I tried to make dinner because no one else would, and I kind of sliced off the tip of my finger. It had hurt like a bitch, but amazingly, healed quite nicely.
“Well?” (Tara?) “Aren’t you going to acknowledge me?”
Like you’ve acknowledged me for half a year, as
you stayed in your room or lounged in the living room? How you’ve pretended like Will and I didn’t exist? Acknowledged how I shopped, and cooked, and cleaned? Oh. My. God. I couldn’t do this. It was like I was one of those robots who finally short circuited and steam shot out of their ears.
Lizzy Borden fleeted through my mind and I chastised myself. Obvi I loved my mom. But she was pissing me off.
“I’m talking to you,” she said. She was needling me and I suddenly felt trapped. It was overwhelming. Calen and I hadn’t done anything. I hadn’t done anything wrong. All I’d done was try my best to make sure our family didn’t fall apart any worse than it had. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I suddenly wanted to curl into a ball and hide in the corner.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
“Well?” Her tone was rising, along with my panic. Just when I thought I might crumble and start bawling, Will charged into the kitchen. He looked at me, looked at Mom, and froze for a split second. Then he recovered.
“What exactly is going on in here?” he asked, his tone surprisingly neutral.
“I’ve just been telling your sister that she has no right to be entertaining a boy here. I saw him on New Year’s Eve.” My mom looked scarily smug, like she knew she’d found someone to defend her.
And, she still hadn’t said my name.
Will took this in. He glanced again at me. I was about to crack wide open. I couldn’t handle Will attacking me too. I wondered briefly if I could leave and deal with the guilt of living off my dad’s money until I could support myself. But really, I knew that was unrealistic.
Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1) Page 21
