Jude’s Song

by Mary Crawford

  Straightening my shoulders, I decide as far as huge milestones in my career goes, today is about as monumental as they come. This is probably how Tasha felt when Aidan asked her to join the group. Trying to forget my nerves, I take a deep, shuddering breath and start to sing softly. This classic country music song always takes me to a different mind space. I concentrate on the words and try to lose myself in the song. It’s simultaneously the easiest and the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I didn’t come here for easy — I came to make a career for myself which doesn’t involve dragging other people’s equipment around. With that in mind, I sing a little louder.

  These head games are so dumb. I love to sing. It’s probably not the most macho or the coolest thing to admit. As I start to gain confidence and sing louder, I’m again reminded how much I miss the ability to belt out a ballad as if not a soul in the world cares about who you are or what you’re doing.

  Shaking off the rest of my nerves, I settle into my own little play list of songs. Some songs are old, and a few of them are current songs on the radio. This is something I had forgotten in all the years I didn’t sing out loud to anyone — I really enjoy this stuff. There’s a weird sense of freedom about singing songs. You can take the traditional route, sing it precisely note by note, or you can play with the melody and make it into something else entirely. I’ve struggled for so long, I forgot how much fun this can be.

  After I finish a small set of songs, I turn around and study Tasha for clues. However, she’s in almost exactly the same position she was in when I chanced a glance before. I don't know whether she even heard my accomplishment. If she did, she’s not giving me any indication whether it was complete garbage or halfway decent.

  All the mellow feelings and confidence I gathered evaporate in that millisecond of self-doubt. Initially I was so adamant that I didn’t want her to hear me, I never stopped to consider how much I was counting on her feedback. What if I accomplished this massive milestone and she never even noticed?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  TASHA

  MAYBE I SHOULD’VE SET UP this “operation sing in public” scenario a little differently. When I thought of this idea, I didn’t think about all the ramifications of the blind audition. Jude seems to be taking my lack of an enthusiastic response to his singing as some sort of implicit criticism. Nothing could be further from the truth.

  I guess my acting skills are better than I imagine, because Jude thinks my nonchalant, casual, and fully understated response means I either didn’t listen or hated what I heard. In truth, I’m basically struggling to keep a lid on it. I know good when I hear it. Jude is beyond good, he just doesn’t know it yet. Even though it’s been a few weeks since our first recording session, Jude is still skittish about his talent.

  I’ve heard so many demo tapes in my life, I can sort them in my sleep. Even before I joined Aidan’s tour, he’d run demo tapes by me to see what I thought before he interviewed a potential new act. Jude is every bit as good as those people — better even, because he has a knack for arranging music and writing songs. Somehow he can play songs all the way through in his mind before he ever approaches an instrument. I thought I was a pretty talented songwriter before I met Jude. He makes my skills seem as if they came from a Cracker Jack box.

  I tap on the glass to get his attention and motion for him to put his headphones on. After he does, I announce, “Aidan made some upgrades to the recording equipment. He wants us to experiment with it to see how it works. Are you game?”

  For a moment, Jude turns a little green. He grips his guitar fret and looks me straight in the eye. “You know, I trust you, but this is scary for me. Promise me you won’t use this against me at some point.”

  “You know me better than that,” I respond with an exasperated sigh. “We’re doing this to help Aidan. It’s not a big deal. You’ve been singing in this booth for a month now. In case I haven’t told you this clearly enough before, you are a great vocalist.”

  “Thanks.” Jude blushes and ducks his head. “Still, it’s not like I don’t have a point. You can be very sneaky. I just want to make sure you won't do something underhanded with these tapes.”

  I roll my eyes and give a small huff. “When have I ever done anything which wasn’t in your best interest?”

  Jude shrugs. “Up until this point, nothing … but you never know.

  “Oh, quit your bellyaching and make some beautiful music for me. I’ve had a terrible day.”

  Jude straps on his guitar. “What’s wrong, Sirena?” he asks with a concerned expression.

  I slump in my chair. “It’s the same old family stuff — but it’s getting really old. I don’t know how many different ways I can tell my mother to butt out of my life. She thinks I’m still a toddler. She wants to make me up like a perfect little doll and parade me on stage in a pageant somewhere. It’s so stupid. Aidan doesn’t have a problem with how I dress or do my hair, but every time my mom sees a picture taken by the paparazzi, she calls me and berates me. I don’t know how to handle this anymore.”

  Jude takes his headphones off and sets his guitar down. Before I can even blink, he’s opened the door to the recording studio and is striding across the room toward me. He takes my headphones off and sets them on the counter before giving me a gentle, but thorough kiss.

  He pulls away from the embrace and runs his thumb down the side of my face. “So don’t.”

  “So don’t what?” I ask, distracted by his closeness and the ever-changing emotions rolling through his eyes. His brown eye is the color of whisky and his blue eye is cool like flint.

  “Don’t deal with your mom’s craziness. Let me and Aidan handle it so you can focus on your work.”

  “It’s not your job to deal with her. Trust me, no one should have to deal with this junk. I’m not going to put that on Aidan. It’s not his job. I’m not a kid anymore, I need to be professional and handle my own drama.”

  “Fair enough. That approach might work with Aidan, but I want to be involved in this. I don’t like to see you hurting. No one should treat you like that. I might not understand your decision to leave, but it doesn’t mean you should have to put up with your mom's garbage.”

  I bury my face into his shoulder for a moment as I gather my thoughts. It’s almost impossible to explain my pain to someone who hasn’t been through what I’ve been going through my whole entire life. I shrug as I try to shake off my negativity. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have to, but I’m nearly all my mom has left and I don’t know how else to deal with all of this.”

  “You have to be in the studio tomorrow to cut Aidan’s new song, right?”

  I smile a watery smile. “Yeah, it’s a little weird because it’s a romantic ballad. I have no romantic feelings for Aidan at all. He’s kind of like my big brother. We’ve been friends for years.”

  Jude looks at me skeptically. “So, you’re telling me you never, ever had a crush on Aidan O’Brien? I clean up the mess after shows, so I know firsthand how obsessed fans can be about him. He’s the definition of a heartthrob.”

  “Hero worship, yes — crush, no. That might be because I met Tara at the same time as I met Aidan. It was clear there was more going on between them than simply sign language interpreting. I might’ve been young when we met, but I wasn’t totally clueless.”

  “Does that mean I’m still in the running?” Jude responds with a teasing grin.

  “It most definitely means you’re in the running. Not only that, you’re the only one in the contest. I don’t make a practice of kissing my coworkers — especially on the job. It’s safe to say I’ve never done it before you. No matter how you slice it, you’re a one-of-a-kind.”

  Jude’s expression grows intense. “There was a time in my life when I would’ve given anything to blend into the crowd and not stand out — but I have to tell you I’m more than happy to be your one-of-a-kind.”

  “Are you telling me there is an official ‘us’ now?” I ask, trying not to sound too ho
peful.

  Jude looks puzzled. “I thought we’ve been a couple for a while.”

  I placed my hand in the middle of his chest over his heart. “I don’t know how it happened or when the official start of us began. Still, this is the first time we’ve ever really talked about it.”

  “I feel stupid now because I didn’t know we had to. I suppose I should have told you how I feel.”

  I swallow hard as I study his face for clues. “Jude, I didn’t mean to corner you.”

  Jude places a finger on my chin and tilts my face up so I’m looking at him. “No. Stop. I need to tell you this. You haven’t cornered me in a place I don’t want to be. I understand I’m probably just a summer fling until you go away to college, but I’d like it to be more.”

  I shake my head vehemently. “You are so not a summer fling. I don’t do that kind of thing. This might be news to you, but I’m dating you because you’re funny and smart. You make me smile even when I don’t feel like it.”

  Jude looks stunned by my outburst. “I’m glad you feel that way. I don’t know if I deserve all this praise. I’m just me. I like you a lot too. Please let me help you. I’ll take your phone tomorrow so you can concentrate on working with Aidan.”

  I look away as embarrassment colors my face. “You have a job too. It isn’t fair to ask you to babysit my phone. My mother can be obnoxious — especially if she can’t reach me.”

  “I’m just checking rigging before we pack the bus. I’m totally capable of fielding a few phone calls for you. That is, if you trust me.”

  I laugh out loud. “I trust you fine. My mother, not so much. She might shred a nice guy like you.”

  Jude squeezes my shoulder gently. “I’ve held my own against tougher than your mom. I’m not worried and I don’t want you to be either. This isn’t a huge deal. I’m just trying to help make things go more smoothly for you. I like that part of being an ‘us.’”

  I duck my head in shame. “I still don’t think you know what you’re getting into, but if you want to handle my phone tomorrow, more power to you. You need to know I’m not like my mom.”

  Jude pulls me into an embrace and whispers into my ear. “No, you’re not like her. You’ve been amazing when I whine and complain about trying to reach my own dreams. You never criticize me for that.”

  I have to wipe my eyes as I pull away and try to steer the conversation to less emotional topics. “Speaking of the recording session tomorrow, we need to lay down some tracks to see how the new system works.”

  “You’re right. I have an idea — I don’t even know if this is possible. Can you preset the recording equipment so you can come in and sing with me?”

  “I don’t know. I guess we can try. It might take a few more run-throughs to adjust the settings.”

  “Let me do a solo first so you can set things up. After you’re finished, I think I‘m ready to sing with you.”

  Inside my head, I’m doing cartwheels and backflips. I try not to let it show as I answer casually, “That sounds doable.”

  Jude’s made so much progress from where he started. When we first started this adventure, he was hesitant to even play his guitar in front of me, and now we’re going to sing together.

  “Just ‘doable’?” Jude asks with a pained expression.

  “Yes, ‘doable.’ Actually, it’s more than that — but I didn’t want to stress you out.”

  “I appreciate that, but I was hoping for a little more excitement.”

  “Okay, if you want me to be honest … I’ve been looking forward to singing with you for months. This is like Christmas, New Year’s, and my birthday all rolled into one.”

  Jude looks a little gray. “Umm… Okay. Nothing like a little pressure. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to hold up my end of things, but I’ll give it my best shot.”

  I lean forward to give Jude a quick kiss before I sit down in front of the soundboard. “See? That’s why I didn’t say anything about how excited I really am. I figured you’d be uncomfortable if you knew.”

  “Well, I guess I’m going to have to get over being weirded-out. We’ve got to get this done for you, so everything is figured out by tomorrow.” Jude goes back into the recording booth.

  I watch as he settles onto the stool. His quiet confidence makes me smile. He’s still jittery about singing in front me, but those nerves are disappearing quickly. As I adjust my headphones, I’m surprised to hear him singing a Keith Urban song. His range is incredible. He knows songs from Porter Wagoner to Hunter Hayes, and seems equally comfortable with both.

  I’m so lost in the sweet lyrics; I almost forget why we’re here today. As he comes to the chorus again, I adjust the gain in the microphone and hit the record button. Jude stumbles over a word when he sees the red light come on. He shoots me an embarrassed smile, but continues to sing. By the time he’s finished, I feel like one of the screaming fans at Aidan’s concerts. There is something to be said for a sexy, humble guy singing a romantic song directly to you. Over my headset, I say, “That’s the best I’ve heard you sing so far. I love that song.”

  I swear I see him blush before I change some settings on the soundboard. I grab my favorite guitar from the corner of the room and strap it on as I walk into the recording booth.

  After I settle into the stool next to him and start tuning my guitar, I ask him, “What are we going to sing?”

  “I don’t know. A lot depends on how familiar you are with country music,” he responds with a mischievous smile.

  “I think I’ll be okay. New York isn’t Tennessee, but I’m a fan of many kinds of music. Go ahead, hit me with your choice and I’ll see if I know it.”

  Jude adjusts his customary cowboy hat and winks at me as he plays the Willie Nelson classic, Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.

  A hoot of laughter escapes me. “Here’s a little-known fact about me: Nana’s a huge Willie Nelson fan. We used to sing this song on the way to pageants just to annoy my mother. Ma thinks Willie Nelson’s an uncouth criminal and hates his music.”

  Jude starts the intro again as I join in. He smiles slyly as he remarks, “Well, it’s too bad your mom isn’t here. After all the garbage she’s put you through, it’d be fun to annoy her some more. Maybe you should send her the tape.”

  “I appreciate your gallantry on my behalf — but are we going to sing, or what?”

  “You’re on.” Jude keeps time with his boot against the rung of the stool.

  I can’t wipe the smile off my face as we make our way through the campy classic.

  We’re having so much fun Jude transitions into another classic duet, Islands in the Stream. He glances over at me as if he’s expecting me to be unfamiliar with the song. However, what he doesn’t know is I adore Dolly Parton and spent many years trying to be just like her. Again, my nana played a big role in my music choices as I was growing up. She lived with us for a while after she broke her leg and we spent a lot of time looking up all the old standbys on YouTube. Nana was completely flummoxed by the idea that you could look up old concert footage and music videos and we’ve spent many hours attending virtual concerts together.

  As Jude and I hit the last verse, I’m startled when I hear a voice over my headphones. I'm was engaged with harmonizing I didn’t even notice Aidan come into the control room. Jude looks equally startled. He flushes a dark shade of red as he says, “Aidan… we were just messing around. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t care. After all, it’s what I asked you guys to do. I think Tasha’s been holding out on me. She never breathed a word to me about your singing chops.”

  ”D-don’t blame it on Tasha, sir,” Jude stammers. “I swore her to secrecy.” Panic fills Jude’s expressive eyes. I want to reach out and reassure him but I don't want to embarrass him by holding his hand at work in front of Aidan.

  I hold my breath as Aidan takes a long drink of his coffee. I know Jude deeply respects his opinion. Aidan’s verdict will shape everything to com
e. As I wait for my boss to say something, I regret my decision not to tell him what we’ve been up to.

  Aidan sighs deeply before he looks at Jude and asks, “What have you been waiting for? Had I known I already had you on my team, I wouldn’t have spent the last three months listening to demo tapes — some of which are horrible at best.”

  Jude looks like someone punched him in the gut. He seems to be fighting tears as he tries to explain. “You’ll never know how much I wanted to join your jam sessions, but it’s complicated.”

  Aidan raises an eyebrow. “So uncomplicate it for me. You’re really talented. Most people I know in your shoes would’ve been banging down my door for a shot.”

  Jude looks like he’s struggling to find the right words, so I jump in. “Aidan, do you remember the background singer we hired when we went to Florida?”

  “Margo?” he asks with a puzzled look. “What about her? As I recall, she was an incredible singer.”

  “I agree she was, but remember her paralyzing stage fright?”

  Aidan chuckles softly to himself. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that. In the beginning, she could barely sing at the audition — but by the third night, she was belting out songs like Adele.”

  “Jude is a little shy like Margo. We’re working on it.”

  Aidan glances over at Jude. “The next two months are going to be crazy with our bus tour. Come see me when we’re done, though. I want to talk to you.”

  I can’t keep the excited grin off my face, but when I glance over at Jude, he looks as if he's swallowed battery acid.

  I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake that could cost us everything.