Jude’s Song

by Mary Crawford

  I bite back a grin. “Okay, whatever you say — but it was just a little makeup. It was the least I could do.”

  Pennie shakes her head. “To you it was a bit of makeup, but to me, it completely changed my mood today and made me happy. I went on a virtual date with my husband and felt glamorous for the first time in a long time. It was like our problems fell away for a few minutes and it was like old times. I know it seems silly, but it took Hayden’s mind off of things too. Thanks for giving us a few minutes of normal.”

  I blink away tears as I respond, “You’re so welcome. I’m honored to play a tiny role in whatever brings you joy, Pennie. I wish nothing but happiness and love to your family.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  JUDE

  THUNDERSTORMS ARE TYPICALLY NOT MY favorite thing in the world, but I’ve never been so grateful to see one as I am at this moment. The deluge of rain has encouraged the paparazzi to abandon their posts at the front door of the hospital, and Tasha and I return to the rental car without any more issues.

  I pull my sopping wet T-shirt away from my chest and remark, “I never thought I’d say this in July, but I’m sure glad there’s a great shower and a big, fluffy down comforter in our hotel room.”

  Tasha smirks at me and quips, “Just one of the perks of being a superstar, babe.”

  I let out a bark of laughter because the remark is so atypical for Tasha. “Are you sure you’re ready to go back to being a regular civilian?” I ask. “Maybe you’ve gotten spoiled over the last few years hanging out with Aidan.”

  Tasha shrugs. “I probably have,” she concedes. “Then again, I have this amazing boyfriend who'll soon hit the charts like a tropical storm. He’ll soon reach the pop stratosphere and I won’t have to worry about my status as a lowly college student. I’ll just be an industrial-strength groupie. He’ll get me all the rock ’n’ roll perks I’ll ever need.”

  I want to laugh at Tasha’s joke, I really do. I know she means it to be funny, but there’s a growing knot in my stomach. I might not be able to go through with all my grand plans. What if my stage paralysis is a permanent thing and I can’t ever sing again? Tasha thinks that if we go back to the beginning and start our process over, we can erase the bad experience at Puckett’s. I don’t know if it’s so simple. I wish it was. I keep turning it over and over in my head. The words from my family echo in my brain. I don’t want to go home unless I can figure this out. I left everyone behind with the goal to either make it or throw in the towel. I’m not ready to give up. I guess I need to come to grips with what will happen if the worst happens.

  Tasha glances over at me. “I thought you might be a little more excited about the prospect of lounging around at the Peabody with me. It’s been a rough day. I’m ready to unplug and not think about anything. These visits with Hayden have been an interesting two-way street.”

  “How so?” I ask

  “When I first agreed to help Aidan with this, I thought we would be the ones providing all the help and fun presents. I guess I never stopped to think about the impact Hayden and her family would have on my life. Pennie’s daughter, Jayne, is the same age as I am. When Pennie was proudly showing us pictures of all the stuff Jayne designed as part of her classes and bragging about her grades, all I could think about was how great it would be to have a mom like hers.”

  I nod in agreement as I say, “Yeah, it was really sweet, wasn’t it? You can tell there’s a whole lot of love in their family. It’s a great thing because the environment will help Hayden adjust to her new life.”

  “Pennie gave us some great advice, didn’t she? You can tell she and Larry have been through some tough times.”

  “Been through and still going through tough times. But even though they’re apart, they seem to be a team. They remind me of my aunt and uncle and my grandparents. It makes me homesick.”

  “I know we said all the right things in front of Hayden, but do you really think everything will be all right?” Tasha frets. “It’s so weird. A couple weeks ago I didn’t even know Hayden, and now she feels like a kid sister or something. I would be devastated if something happened to her. I’m so angry! Cancer sucks. Why does it have to strike somebody like her? Why not the sick deranged people on the planet? Why does it have to happen to good families like theirs? It’s not fair!”

  I reach across the car and grab her hand. “Sirena, there are no great answers about why bad things happen to good people. People has been trying to figure that out forever.”

  “Aren’t you angry, Jude?” Tasha demands as she pulls her hand away from mine. “How can you look at Hayden’s beautiful face and not get pissed off? She looked so much worse this time. It was beyond scary. I wanted to collapse to the floor and cry for her, but I knew tears wouldn’t be helpful.”

  As we pull into the hotel parking lot, I scrub my hands over my face and take a deep breath. “Of course I’m scared, furious as hell, and tired of cancer taking people I love away from me. I look at all the crazy things we’re able to do now. We can send space vehicles to another planet or store millions of files of data on a single chip the size of a grain of rice, but we can’t stop cells from going crazy and killing little kids? It makes no sense. A teenager shouldn’t have to learn to tie her shoes again at thirteen. The only thing Hayden should have to worry about at a junior high school dance is whether another girl is wearing the same dress and if her shoes hurt her feet. She shouldn’t have to be anxious about whether her friends will hate her because she can’t play basketball on the varsity team anymore.”

  “I know. It’s so sad,” Tasha remarks as she wipes away tears.

  “When she asked me if I could change the settings on her iPad to make it easier for her to use with one hand, she reminded me so much of Fernanda. It was enough to break my heart. I know my little sister always trusts me to fix everything in her world. She never has any doubt about my ability to make everything okay. I saw the same kind of trust in Hayden’s eyes today. I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to wave a magic wand and fix every cell of her body.”

  “Exactly! I feel helpless,” Tasha admits. “It’s silly of us to think this way because Hayden would never put this kind of pressure on us. Even so, I still feel like I should be able to do more. I’m scared for her future.”

  “I know, but the best we can do is hope the doctors at St. Jude’s can get to the bottom of what’s going on and get Hayden back on the right path.”

  “I feel like we’re spinning our wheels here. Thinking about it won't change anything, but I can’t stop trying to solve everything.”

  “I know what you mean. I feel that way about a lot of things. Right now I feel like I have a whole gang of hamsters running around in my head. I just go from one problem to another and drive myself nuts trying to figure everything out. I think we need a break from thinking. What do you say we actually go on vacation like we’re supposed to be doing? I suggest we go pretend to be rich and famous in this swanky hotel. I took a look at the room service menu and it’s pretty killer. I’m thinking we should lock ourselves in the room at the Peabody and not leave for a couple days.”

  “It sounds like a great idea. I’m tired of thinking so hard. Hanging out with you in the lap of luxury sounds like the perfect plan. It might cure me of my dislike of hotel rooms.”

  I chuckle as I open the door for her and place my arm around her waist and walk with her into the hotel lobby. As the elevator closes I whisper into her ear, “I’ll do my best to make sure you’re not bored.”

  “That’s what I’m counting on,” she replies with a wink.

  “I can’t believe this; my goosebumps have goosebumps. Who knew a little rainstorm could cause so much damage? It was weird. It’s kinda like walking through a very warm wet sauna.”

  I reach around the shower door and test the water. “I’ve never had such a luxurious shower before, so I didn’t realize it would take so long for the water in those fancy pipes to heat up. My teeth are chattering so hard I feel like th
ey might crack. We’re in Tennessee and we’re talking about how cold we are in the middle of July. There’s something wrong with this picture.”

  “I agree, usually it’s hot as blazes out there,” Tasha says as she starts to peel off her jeans. “I think we should’ve thought twice before cranking up the air conditioner in the car while we were drenched.”

  As I stand up and do the same, struggling to shimmy out of my wet, sticky jeans, something hits the floor.

  “Oh crap, I totally forgot about it,” Tasha says as she sees the envelope the paparazzi handed us earlier.

  Finally, I’m able to untangle the wet jeans from my ankles and kick them aside. I bend down to pick up the letter. “What do you think this is?”

  Tasha shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s hard to say what arrangements Aidan and Tara made to cover Silent Beats when they were gone. It might be something from their law office dealing with all the crap from Five-Star.”

  “I don’t think so. It’s too girly to be a business letter — but it could be something from Stella. She promised to stay in touch over the break and she’s pretty old school. She doesn’t use email much. She prefers letters. Maybe she had someone from the crew deliver it,” I suggest.

  Tasha smiles at me as she grabs the letter from my hands, “I bet you’re right. Stella is a big-time letter writer. I bet she just wants to check in on us to see how we liked her house. Look how frilly this is. It seems like it has Stella written all over it.”

  I smirk at Tasha as I observe, “Geez, anxious much? You’re like a kid waiting for a letter from Santa Claus —”

  “What can I say?” Tasha replies with a self-deprecating laugh. “I don’t have much family and I didn’t get very much mail when I was a kid. When I did get something, even if it was junk mail, it was a big deal.”

  “Whatever you say,” I tease. “I think you just like presents.”

  Tasha gives me a sideways glance and raises an eyebrow as she asks, “Are you done making fun of me? Because I’d like to open my mail. I don’t get awesome stuff like this often and I’d like to enjoy my experience.”

  “Thanks for giving me the key to your heart. I’ll just send you love letters in fancy cards,” I joke as I watch Tasha’s excitement grow.

  “That’d do it,” Tasha quips as she leans on the edge of the vanity and examines the envelope. “This is so beautiful; I hate to tear it all to pieces.”

  I bend down, scoop my pants off the floor, and retrieve a small pocket knife from the pocket. I take a second to dry it off on a nearby towel before I hand it to Tasha. “This should help.”

  She flicks open the blade and cuts a slit in the top of the envelope. She squeezes the envelope so the sides bulge, but as soon as she looks at the contents, she shrieks, “Oh, hell no! How did he find us here?” Instinctively, she drops the envelope on the floor as she sinks down to sit on the toilet.

  Taking a towel off the rack, I cover up my hand and pick up the letter. I gingerly peek inside and immediately understand why she’s so upset. “You’ve got to be kidding me! How in the world did they get a picture of us while we were in the hospital?” I exclaim as I study the gruesome pictures.

  “I don’t know, but it's from the other day when we were waiting out in the hall for them to change Hayden’s IV. I remember because I was wearing a red shirt and it’s Hayden’s favorite color.”

  “That’s sick,” I growl. “I wonder how close he was. I hope the jerk was using a telephoto lens. I don’t want him anywhere near you. It’s time to call Logan.” I walk over to the dresser where my cell phone is.

  With my free hand, I grab a paper towel from the minibar and set it down on the dresser. I lay the letter on it before I start to search through my contacts for Logan.

  “Stop!” Tasha directs. I freeze as I look over at her. “Did you even get a look at the picture? There was a target on your head. A target! The man was close enough to take a picture of us a few days ago. He handed this envelope to Howie. He wasn’t even strange enough to set off any alarm bells. As a reporter, Howard studies people for a living. Doesn’t that scare the crap out of you?”

  “Yes!” I bellow. “Of course it does! I’m supposed to be protecting you. I should’ve noticed someone strange taking pictures of you. Instead, I was focused on kissing you. I should’ve kept my head in the game. I let you down. You know how Tara’s always telling us to be aware of our surroundings. Obviously, I wasn’t — I was off in la-la land.”

  “That’s not what this is about!” Tara yells, then softens her voice as she continues. “I obviously was in la-la land with you. I didn’t notice anybody taking pictures of me either. We were distracted by Hayden’s condition and how upset Pennie was that day — it’s not surprising we weren’t focused on the other people in the hallway. It could’ve been anybody. To be honest, I don’t even notice people’s cell phones anymore unless people start being obnoxious about it — everybody and their dog takes pictures of me these days. If I got upset about everybody who takes pictures of me on the sly, I’d get nothing else done. I don’t let it bother me anymore. To be fair, I’ve never had anybody take pictures and be like this. This is beyond Fifty Shades of Crazy.”

  She angrily wipes away tears. “Jude! The guy Photoshopped bullet holes in your head with a target. That’s a death threat. We have to call the police.”

  “I agree, we need to call somebody. I just think we should call Logan first. I have a hunch Aidan will want him to coordinate your protection.”

  Tasha raises an eyebrow. “Actually, first I think we need to get dressed. I don’t think we’re going to get our nice warm shower right now. Later, I’ll get all pissed off at the missed opportunity because I was looking forward to taking a shower with you and warming myself up in all those cushy down blankets after the thunderstorm — but we have bigger things to worry about right now.”

  For the first time in a while, I take note of how I’m dressed. Tasha has a point. The police would probably take me more seriously if I had clothes on. “Well, the letter accomplished one thing for sure. I’m not cold anymore. How about you?”

  Tasha slowly shakes her head as she says, “No, I’m not cold anymore. I’m scared out of my mind. It’s a totally different sensation. I feel like my stomach is on fire. This is worse than stage fright.”

  “I don’t know. I might argue with that sentiment. It doesn’t feel good; I’ll grant you. I feel like every nerve ending on my skin is on high alert,” I admit as a shudder travels throughout my body.

  “Should I take the time to take a quick shower?” Tasha asks as she looks down at herself in dismay. “I feel dirty simply because I touched the letter. It won’t take long. Can you ask Logan what he wants us to do? I’ll do whatever he recommends. As he so politely says, I think this will ‘escalate things.’”

  “That’s a no-brainer. I think we should consider them officially escalated — like to Defcon one million thirty-seven. I’m going to call Pennie and let her know. The hospital staff might want to up the security on Hayden. Those pictures weren’t taken too far from her room.”

  “Oh Gosh! What a horrifying thought. What if I put Hayden in danger? I’d never forgive myself,” Tasha says in a broken whisper.

  “We don’t know if anything like that will happen. It's a precaution to keep Hayden and Pennie safe. I’ll call Logan and see what else he wants us to do.” I gesture toward the steaming shower. “There’s no sense in wasting this. You’re cold and feel nasty. You might as well take a shower while I get dressed and make some calls.”

  “Gah! This is so annoying! How can someone I’ve never met ruin my first real vacation with my boyfriend? That’s just too insane. How does Creepy Stalker Dude even know we were here? What if this isn’t the same guy? What if this is a totally different obsessed crazy person?”

  “I don’t know, Sirena,” I reply. “Those are all great questions for Logan. Maybe he’ll have some answers for us. I'll let you know what he says after I call.”

 
“I hope so because none of this is making any sense,” Tasha answers as she wipes away her tears again. “I’m just somebody who sings songs for a living — who could hate me so much?”

  “I don’t know the answer either,” I answer quietly. “I can’t imagine anybody hating you.”

  “You know what this feels like?” I ask as I pull Tasha tighter toward my body and tuck the blankets around her again.

  Tasha shakes her head. “No, I don’t know what this feels like. I’m petrified.”

  “Did you ever tell ghost stories around the campfire when you were young?” I ask, trying to distract her for a few moments. She’s been shaking uncontrollably for hours.

  Tasha laughs out loud before she says, “I was going to ask you if you’ve met my mom, but then I remembered you actually haven’t had the pleasure yet. Ghost stories are not her thing. Actually, campfires aren’t her thing either. I wanted to join the Girl Scouts, but she said they would interfere with the pageants she’d scheduled for me, so I didn’t get to do that either. I haven’t really had the chance to do the whole campfire-ghost story schtick.” She trails off with a hitch in her voice.

  “I can see what we’ll be doing on our next vacation. You have to go through the ritual at least once your life. It’s a rite of passage. I’m surprised you haven’t had the opportunity to do it with Aidan and Tara at the Creative Arts Center they run. Sometimes they have a bunch of deaf kids there. Let me tell you, you haven’t heard a ghost story until you’ve seen it acted out by deaf teenagers who are high on chocolate, marshmallows and Mountain Dew.”

  “Tara didn’t interpret for the kids? She loves to do that.”

  “I’ve only been to one overnight session,” I explain. “I usually go on the rock climbing trips. The time I was there I guess she was planning to, but she wasn’t feeling well that weekend so one of her former classmates filled in for her.”

  Tasha interrupts, “Hey, you never told me why tonight reminds you of ghost stories. I don’t think this is like summer camp at all. I’m so scared that I can hear my own heartbeat.”