Defensive (Guarded Heart #1)

by J. D. Rivera

  “You know, I wasn’t sure about you at first, but I can see you love her. You have my blessing. However, if you hurt her even a fraction of the way Shane hurt her, I will kill you,” my dad said.

  “And you should kill me. But I’d never do that to her. She’s too special. She means everything to me.”

  “Okay. We’re going to go now since she’s sleeping. Call us first thing in the morning and let us know how she is.”

  I heard the door close and I felt Jackson lean down and kiss my forehead before placing a small kiss on my lips. “I love you, Vanessa. With all my heart.”

  I managed to move over a bit and patted the space beside me. I felt the bed dip, then his arms wrap around me, holding me close. I felt loved and safe.

  Jackson

  I didn’t sleep but maybe two hours. I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was beautiful inside and out. I also couldn’t stop thinking about how I wanted to propose to her. At about five in the morning, I had come up with what I thought would be a nice way to do it. Not too corny but it had meaning in our relationship.

  I also kept thinking about how I could convince her to move in with me now. I decided that if she absolutely refused, I’d just make her elope. Vegas probably wasn’t what she wanted, but I didn’t care. She was getting out of that ghetto apartment and she was becoming my wife. End of story.

  I was beginning to sound like an asshole, even to myself, but when it came to her, I didn’t care. I felt her move beside me. “Hey,” she said as she turned her head toward me.

  “Good morning, beautiful. How do you feel?” I asked.

  “I’m okay. Sleeping with you helped. I always sleep better when you’re next to me.”

  I kissed the top of her head. “Me, too.”

  She touched the area on her head that she’d hit. “Gosh, that hurts. It feels like I met the concrete last night.”

  “Don’t even joke about it. Seeing you like that, I’m pretty sure I died last night.”

  A nurse came into the room and narrowed her eyes at me. I kissed Vanessa’s lips softly before I eased off the bed. “Sorry,” I told the nurse.

  “I’ve already seen it. She seemed okay so I left it alone.” She turned toward Vanessa. “I’m your nurse, Amy. How are we feeling this morning, Ms. Smith? Anything I can get you?”

  “I’m feeling okay. My head’s just sore. Could I get some water, though?”

  The nurse nodded. “Of course. I’ll be right back and your doctor should be around in an hour or so.”

  She left the room as I sat down in the chair beside Vanessa, scooting up as close as I could to her. She ran her hand over my cheek and under my eye. “You look so tired. Did you not sleep last night?” she asked.

  “I’m fine,” I told her. “I just kept wanting to stare at you and know you were okay.”

  “I promise I’m fine, although I’ll be better once I shower and get out of here.”

  I smiled. “I’ll help you with that and then we need to call the movers.”

  Her eyebrows pulled together. “Why?”

  I grabbed her hand and pulled it up to my mouth, kissing each knuckle. “Because you’re moving in with me. Today.”

  “What? I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

  “Sure you did,” I lied.

  “No, I didn’t, but maybe if you ask nicely, I’ll actually agree to it.”

  Did she just agree to move in with me? I leaned forward and kissed her mouth, then pulled away slightly. “Vanessa, will you move in with me?” I asked in a whisper.

  “Yes,” she said before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me down to kiss her again. I tried to get her to open her mouth but she pulled away. “Sorry. My mouth is so dry. I know I have the worst breath ever. Nothing more than a peck for now.”

  I laughed. “I don’t care. It’s been too long since I’ve gotten to give you a real kiss.”

  “Here’s some water, Ms. Smith.” Amy interrupted our moment and handed Vanessa her water. She left the room and Vanessa drank a little.

  “Last night, you said you came to talk to me about the baby.” She put the cup on the table.

  I smiled. “Yeah. Cynthia called and she did a DNA test. She may have forgotten about a one night stand.” I leaned down and kissed her. “The baby isn’t mine.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh? That’s all you have to say? I figured you’d be relieved. I know I am.”

  “You are?” she asked, finally looking me in the eye.

  “Yes. Don’t you see? She isn’t giving me anything that you can’t. I was devastated when I realized you had lost our baby. I may not have known until he or she was already gone, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. I still do. I’ve been mourning the loss of our child, too.” I kissed her again and continued. “And I know that one day we will be parents to another baby. Before you say anything, we’ll figure it out. We can get medical help or adopt. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “I’ve really been trying to accept the fact that you were going to be a father to someone else’s baby and the thought was really growing on me, but I am so freaking relieved right now,” she said.

  “I know, babe. I know.”

  She cleared her throat. “Listen, I know you hate Shane for everything he did, but he’s my friend.”

  “How can you just forgive him for beating you down?” I really didn’t understand.

  “I haven’t… or maybe I have. I don’t know. I know it sounds strange, but he’s like the guy I grew up with, not the guy I was married to. I’m not saying he’s my best friend or anything or that I’ll even keep bowling with him on Friday nights, but you have to accept that he is my friend now.”

  I smoothed some hair out of her face and looked her in the eyes. “I can’t tell you who you can be friends with, so I guess I will deal with it. Still, I don’t really like it.”

  She smiled. “Fair enough.”

  While we waited for Vanessa to be discharged, I called a car rental service to drop off a vehicle to take us home. Vanessa thought it was ridiculous not to call a cab but I planned on making more than one stop after we left.

  “So, why don’t we go to your apartment and grab all of your clothes and stuff you’ll need for say the next week?” I suggested. “When you’re not so sore, we can pack up your place and hire a moving company to come get it. Sound good?” I asked her as I drove out of the hospital parking lot.

  “I guess. Are you sure you want me to move in? Really sure?” She leaned her head back on the headrest and looked over at me.

  I squeezed her hand and glanced in her direction. “Yes. I’ve been asking you to move in because I want that. I want it more than anything.”

  She smiled. “Then yeah. Let’s go pack me a bag.”

  Thank goodness she was allowing this to happen. After everything that we had gone through with losing the baby, we needed to be together. To support each other and have each other’s back.

  As I pulled into a spot at her apartment complex, I noticed she was ringing her hands and looking around. God, I’m an asshole. I never even thought about how it would affect her, the day after being attacked here.

  I grabbed her hands before pulling her into a hug. “Hey, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. This can’t be easy for you. How about I take you back to my place and I’ll come back and grab your stuff?”

  “No, it’s okay. You’re here; nothing is going to happen.”

  I kissed her cheek. “You’re right. As long as I’m with you, I won’t let anything happen to you. But that doesn’t mean you have to do this. Just write down a list of things and I’ll come get it.”

  She gave me a soft kiss on the lips, then sucked in a breath of air. “No. This is silly. I can do this.” She pulled away and opened her door.

  I reluctantly let go of her hand and opened my door as well. I hadn’t realized how hard this was going to be on me, either. As soon as I stepped out of the car, my nerves shot up and all I could see was Vanessa lying on th
e ground, with blood seeping from her head. I had to get a grip and be strong for her. Realize she was alive and right in front of me. I took some deep breaths and tried to calm myself.

  “Are you okay?” she asked as I looked up to see her standing on the sidewalk.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Jackson,” she said as she put herself in front of me. “I know you’re not okay. What’s wrong?”

  “You were attacked last night and you’re worried about me?”

  She nodded, “Yeah, I am.”

  I sighed as I placed my hand on her cheek. “I didn’t realize how hard this would be on me, either. As soon as I got out of the car, I had a flashback of you lying on the ground.”

  She leaned up and wrapped her hands around my neck, placing a kiss on my lips. “Hey, I’m okay. We’re together and that’s what’s important now. I’m sorry I put us through hell recently. We should’ve never been apart.”

  I leaned down and kissed her, swiping my tongue across her bottom lip, making her open her mouth. I slipped my tongue inside, making her moan. God, I loved that sound. Knowing I could make someone like her make that noise made me incredibly happy. I ran my hands down her back and then back up. I pulled away, looking into her eyes. “From now on, we go through everything together. Good and bad.”

  She nodded. “Good and bad.”

  I pulled away. “Okay, let’s go get your things.”

  We stepped into the apartment and looked around. Memories of my first time here flooded my mind. I was so glad that she was leaving this hellhole and coming home with me. Permanently. I was ready to make a life with her.

  “So what do you think you’ll need and I’ll help gather things up?” I asked.

  “Could you get all of my stuff from the bathroom?” She asked as she walked toward her bedroom.

  “Sure thing, but what am I going to put it in?”

  “There’s a caddy under the sink. It should all fit.”

  “What the hell is a caddy?”

  She laughed, “It’s a thing you put stuff in that has a handle to carry everything. You’ll know when you see it.”

  I entered the tiny bathroom before I found what I thought was the caddy under the sink. I found her toothbrush and placed it inside, along with her toothpaste. I grabbed the things from the shower and threw them in the caddy before I made my way to the bedroom.

  Vanessa was rummaging through different drawers, grabbing clothes and throwing them on the bed. “Can you put those in that duffle bag?” she asked, pointing to the bag on the bed. I stood in the doorway and watched her for a bit as I thanked God that we were back together.

  “Sure,” I told her as I walked toward her bed.

  I sat down on the edge of her bed. “Come here,” I said as I raised my arms out to her.

  She turned to face me, then placed a hand on her hip. “Why?” She questioned with a smile on her face.

  “Come here and I’ll show you,” I said grinning.

  She sauntered toward me, stopping in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders. I grabbed her hips, pulling her closer then dragged her down to sit across my lap. I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek and then her temple. I pulled back a little to look into her eyes. “You are so beautiful,” I told her before drawing her in closer to my chest.

  “Thank you but I don’t feel beautiful.”

  I gave her a soft kiss on the lips, “Well, you are. How’s your head feeling?”

  She reached up and placed a finger on her bandage, “It’s sore and I have a pretty bad headache.”

  “And how are you feeling?” She gave me a questioning look. “After everything else that happened last night.”

  “I’m feeling… numb. I guess that’s what I’m feeling. I’m trying not to think about it because I’ll freak out. Almost as soon as my mind goes there I can feel my body start to shake.”

  “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’m just so damn sorry it happened. It’s bad enough that he mugged you but then he tried—”

  “Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it.” She pleaded as a tear slipped down her cheek.

  I reached up, brushing the tear away, “Okay. Let’s finish packing.”

  After we were done packing, I asked, “Is that everything you’ll need for a little while?”

  “I think so,” she replied as she sat down on the bed and looked around the room. I turned around to grab a bag from the floor. “Jackson?” she whispered.

  “Hmmm?” I asked as I turned around. As I looked at her sad face, I dropped the bag and immediately sat down beside her.

  She moved her head so she could look me in the eyes. “I really am sorry for shutting you out. I just felt like my second chance at being a mom was taken from me and I felt so alone. I felt like I would never be able to give you a family and eventually you wouldn’t want me. I know it’s not like that but I felt that way.”

  I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “You’re right. You weren’t alone and I’ll never not want you but it’s okay. We’ll get through this.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek, “We should probably go but I need to stop by your neighbor’s apartment first. Is that okay?”

  She wiped a tear, “Why do you need to go to my neighbors?”

  “Because he saved you and I want to say thank you. I want to give him a little money. I don’t know what else to do but I know I have to give him something.”

  She smiled. “That’s really nice of you. I’m sure that’ll mean a lot to him. I mean, living here he can’t have a lot.”

  “I hope he sees it as me being thankful and not throwing my money around. I just… I owe him everything.” I told her before giving her a quick kiss.

  Later that night, we were lying on the couch. She had her back pressed against my chest and I breathed in the smell of her coconut hair. I was totally relaxed. We weren’t spending any more time apart; we never would again if I could help it. I wanted to lie on the couch with her forever. She was my everything.

  I was brought out of my thoughts by her soft snore. I knew she had been through a lot and her head was still hurting, so I was glad she was able to drift off to sleep. I just needed to figure out how to get her into our comfortable bed without waking her. I eased myself up and slowly crawled out from behind her. She made a small noise but didn’t wake up. I gently lifted her up and carried her to bed. As I laid her down, I couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful she was. I didn’t know if I should be glad that she didn’t know because she would dump my ass, or if I wanted her to know. I gently kissed her forehead and came to the conclusion she needed to know how beautiful and special she was. I was going to spend the rest of my life showing her just that.

  Vanessa

  I hadn’t felt this comfortable in a while. I didn’t really want to open my eyes. I felt like I could just stay wherever I was forever. I knew that wasn’t possible so I cracked my eyelids open and was happy to know that I was in Jackson’s bedroom. Our bedroom.

  I wasn’t real sure if this was the best decision of my life but I did know that I wanted to be with him. He made me feel safe and protected. I don’t know why I had been so stubborn and pushed him away. I was so heartbroken over the loss of our baby and angry over his reaction to Shane that distance was my first reaction.

  I rolled over to face him before he tightened his hold around my waist. “Morning, beautiful,” he muttered.

  I kissed his lips softly. “Good morning to you, too.”

  “This is an amazing way to wake up. I plan on doing it every day for the rest of my life.”

  “You can’t. You travel too much for that,” I told him as I kissed up his neck and let my hands roam over his body.

  “Mmm. Okay… God, that feels good. Every day I’m… not travelling,” he finally got out as he rolled me over and hovered over me.

  I walked into the teachers’ lounge for lunch on Monday and threw my food in the microwave. Just as I hit the start button, the door opened and in strolled Carla, th
e bitchiest teacher.

  “Oh, hey, Vanessa. I’m so sorry to hear about you and Jackson.”

  “What about me and Jackson?” I asked.

  “What do you mean? You broke up,” she said with a big smile on her face.

  “Crap. If that’s true, then I should probably go move all of my things out of our place that I moved into yesterday.” I knew it was a little petty of me to act this way since she had been out of work after having gallbladder surgery. She was relying on gossip from two weeks ago, but she was a bitch, enjoying my breakup.

  “What?” she asked as she sank down in a chair.

  I turned around before I grabbed my meal out of the microwave. It burned my damn finger but I was having too much fun watching her face to care. As I walked over to a table, I asked, “What do you mean? What?”

  “But I heard you broke up. I figured he finally came to his senses.”

  “Could you be any more jealous? You can rest assured knowing that, even if I wasn’t in the picture, you’d never have a chance in hell with him.” A part of me wanted to ask him to show up every day during lunch just so we could make out in front of Carla. I wasn’t sure if I hated her but it was very, very close.

  “Whatever, Vanessa. I’m sure this is just a fling type thing for him. That’s what he’s known for. Don’t think you’re anything special.”

  I didn’t even glance up. “Okay. Believe whatever makes you feel better. Just do me a favor? Don’t think of my boyfriend when you’re alone tonight and bored.”

  I heard her gasp. Just as I looked up, the door was flung open and she was practically running out of the room. I wasn’t sure why I had said that to her, but I couldn’t help but giggle to myself. I heard my phone ringing inside my purse and I pulled it out to see Jackson’s name on the screen.

  “Hey,” I greeted him.

  “Hey, babe. I was just calling to see how you were feeling.”