Zander_Heroes at Heart

by Maryann Jordan

  “I don’t think that’s a bad thing, my dear. Through that care, you have remembered more of your past, he helped you discover who you were and used to be.”

  Leaning forward, her eyes wide, she said, “Oh, Miss Ethel, please don’t think I’m ungrateful for everything he did for me. I know my feelings for him are real. But Rafe kept mentioning guilt and said that our relationship wasn’t built on full disclosure. He accused Zander of being in love with the idea of a fairy tale.”

  “Pffft,” Miss Ethel huffed. “Rafe has grown cynical and spreads that around to others. Believe me, if Alexander feels something, it’s real. That boy’s head was never in the clouds.” Reaching over to clasp her hand, she added, “But, if you need some space, that’s a good thing too. And you’re welcome here as long as you want to stay.”

  Standing, Miss Ethel peered down at her and said, “Now, before I show you to your room, tell me if you let him know where you are.”

  Blushing, she responded, “I left a long note on the counter.”

  “You do know he will be here as soon as he reads it.”

  “I asked him to give me some space…that I needed some time alone.”

  Miss Ethel just smiled, saying, “Come with me, dear. You must be exhausted.”

  Following obediently, she picked up her suitcases and trailed up the stairs after her, wishing her heart felt lighter. At the top of the stairs, she observed a long hallway, with two doors on each side. A quick glance revealed a large bathroom through one of the doors.

  Miss Ethel directed, “My bedroom is downstairs next to the kitchen. These three bedrooms were for my boys. They generally shared the bathroom, but one room up here has its own connecting bathroom.” She smiled over her shoulder toward her and explained, “I wanted one room to have privacy in case I was given a child that had difficulty integrating. If not, then usually the oldest had the privilege of a private bathroom. In fact, Alexander lived here the last two years he was with me.”

  Stopping at one of the doors, she followed the older woman inside, seeing a clean, functional bedroom, obviously with the connecting bath. The wooden, twin-sized bed, covered in a light blue, chenille bedspread was against the far wall with a nightstand and lamp next to it. A matching wooden dresser was against the other wall, the clean surface containing a few nicks in the wood, bespeaking of years of use.

  “It’s not much for a young lady,” Miss Ethel began, “but I’ll be pleased to have you stay here as long as you wish.”

  Smiling her gratitude, she set her case down and grasped Miss Ethel’s hands. “It’s perfect.” A giggle slipped out and she shook her head. “In fact, I just realized that even though I’ve only been in Virginia for about two months, this is now my fourth room. First, the hotel. Then, the hospital, followed by Zander’s and now here.”

  Patting her hand, Miss Ethel nodded silently, her face full of understanding. Walking out of the room, she stopped at the door, looking back over her shoulder. “Come on down when you get settled and we’ll have some more tea.”

  Once alone, she lifted her suitcase onto the bed. Placing her belongings in the closet and drawers, she felt a sense of connection at the thought of Zander’s teenage belongings in the same space. Heaving a sigh, she peered into the mirror in the bathroom. Staring at her reflection, she squared her shoulders, lifting herself to her full height. “You’ve got this, girl. Stand on your own…then you’ll be someone with something to offer.”

  Full of determination, she flipped off the light on her way downstairs.

  28

  Zander gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, forcing his lead foot to not speed down the neighborhood streets. His stomach gripped with anxiety and his heart ached…a real, physical ache. Ever since he had gotten home to an empty, Rosalie-devoid apartment and read her note his heart had seized in pain.

  Recrimination slammed into him as he realized she must have overheard his conversation with Rafe. He should have never put his phone on speaker. Pulling into Miss Ethel’s driveway, he observed the front porch light on and bolted from his truck. Not wanting to wake her, he used his key, entering the foyer quietly.

  “I’m in here, Alexander,” came the familiar voice, soft in the night. Rounding the corner, he saw Miss Ethel, her white hair in a long braid lying over her shoulder, dressed in a pink robe. She blinked as she turned the lamp on, chasing away the shadows.

  He rushed into the room, squatting in front of her. Before he could speak, she said, “She’s fine. She’s in one of the bedrooms upstairs.”

  Dropping his chin to his chest, his voice full of anguish, he asked, “I’ve lost her, haven’t I?”

  The feel of her hand on his head lent a spirit of calm to his storm and he inhaled a shuddering breath.

  “Alexander, be at peace. You haven’t lost her. She’s still figuring out who she is, and Rafe’s words made her realize that she needs to do that on her own.”

  “I can’t believe she heard the crap he was spouting—”

  “Was it?” she interrupted, holding his gaze as he lifted his face to hers. “She is dependent on you. She doesn’t know the whole story of what happened the night she was attacked. She awoke to a lover’s kiss and has been in a fairy tale ever since…or, at least, she wonders if she has.”

  “What do I do?” his pain poured out in each word.

  “Talk to her. Tell her everything. Stop trying to be a prince…just be a man she can trust.”

  He caught her eyes moving over his shoulder and at that moment he felt Rosalie’s presence. Twisting his head, his breath hitched as she stepped into the faint glow of the lamp. Feeling Miss Ethel rising from the chair, he stood, assisting her to her feet.

  “Well, children, it’s late and this old lady needs to sleep.”

  Bending to touch his lips to her soft cheek, he accepted her warm pat as she moved toward the hall. Taking Rosalie’s hand in hers, she said, “Talk, my dear. And listen. But, remember, you have a home here as long as you need it.”

  After Miss Ethel left the room and soft footsteps could be down the hall, Rosalie lifted her gaze to Zander, still standing in the middle of the room.

  His ragged voice matched his face. “All the way over here, I kept thinking what if you had decided to not come here…had gone somewhere else. I just kept thinking that I had to find you even if I had to search every corner of the earth.”

  “You once told me if I ever went away, you’d never stop looking for me.”

  Stepping closer, he kept his eyes on hers. “I wasn’t lying.” Swallowing audibly, he added, “I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. I’ve never lied to you, Rosalie. But, I’m so sorry you heard the phone call between me and Rafe.”

  “He’s your friend…he cares about you.”

  “I know, but he also hasn’t been here to see what’s happening. How you make me feel. Getting to know you. He’s far away, so it’s easy for him to make snap judgments.”

  “But the others are here and they’re worried.”

  Reaching his hand out, he gave a tiny tug on her arm. “Can we sit?” At her nod, he led her to the sofa, sitting next to her. Close, but making sure to give her some space.

  “We need to talk about the guilt, Zander. I don’t know what that means.”

  Blowing out a deep breath, he said, “I never lied to you, but I also never told you about the night you were attacked. At first, I didn’t want you to relive the horror. But, I also didn’t want you to remember me as anyone other than your champion. Selfish, I know…I guess I just wanted to stay your hero.”

  “Miss Ethel said it best—just be someone I can trust. Without all the facts, I can’t trust you.”

  He stared at her wide eyes and became lost in them. Her blonde hair fell in sleep-tousled waves over her shoulders. Her flannel pajamas peeked from from beneath a pink robe tied haphazardly at her waist. Forcing his gaze from her rosy mouth, he knew she deserved the truth.

  With a slow nod, he swallowed deeply, knowing his
relationship with her could change forever. “You came into Grimm’s on a crowded, busy, noisy night. I noticed you when you moved past me from the ladies’ room back into the bar. Your beauty knocked me for a loop and your soft voice captured my attention. But, you seemed too innocent for a bar like mine.” Shrugging, he admitted, “What can I say? Before you, I was a grumpy ass most of the time.” Rubbing his hand against his forehead in an ineffective attempt to ease the tension he felt, he continued. “So, I was behind the bar, thinking you were too young to be there. A man came up and you seemed surprised. Then you seemed annoyed. Then he put his hands on you and I kicked him out. I had Roscoe take him out and get him a cab. He was pissed, said some nasty things, which just made me angrier.”

  “Okay,” Rosalie said slowly, understanding why he was irritated at the man. “So, what happened then?”

  Heaving a sigh, Zander plunged ahead, knowing that, if she were going to hate him, he might as well get it out into the open. “I turned on you. I was pissed at him and turned it around on you. I said you shouldn’t be at a bar like Grimm’s and I cut off your alcohol. I called a cab and escorted you to the door. Roscoe took you from there to make sure you got in the cab.”

  Her brow lowered, confusion evident. “You kicked me out?”

  “No…yes…I mean…fuck, Rosalie. I thought you were too good to be hanging out alone in a rough bar. I was attracted to you, but acted poorly. I hated that I might see you hook up with someone. So, I took away your choice and made you leave.”

  Her face gave nothing away, so he plunged head. “The taxi pulled into the parking lot, but a fight broke out near the back of the bar at the same time. Roscoe told you to take the cab home and he came back in because he heard the ruckus. After we got the fight settled, I went back out to make sure you were okay and saw the cab driving down the road.”

  Her mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. Sucking in a shaky breath, she said, “So, I didn’t make it to the cab. He was out there. Biding his time until I came out.”

  “I…I don’t know. I guess he must have been.”

  “And he didn’t have to wait long. There I was.”

  “Yeah…I was the last to leave. I heard a noise on my way out and followed it. That’s when I found you.” A choking sound left his chest and his eyes squeezed shut, as though to get rid of the memory. In order not to see her condemnation, he kept his eyes closed as he confessed, “I might not have attacked you, but it’s my fault he got to you.”

  Just as before, Rosalie heard nothing but the tick-tock of Miss Ethel’s clock on the wall. His words swirled around in her head, her heart aching at his honesty. Reaching out, she placed her pale hand on his forearm.

  Zander’s eyes shot open, head down, staring at their connection and her fingers stroking his arm. Afraid to look away from her hand, he finally forced his head to lift. Her intense gaze hit him, his breath leaving his lungs in a rush.

  Clearing her throat, her voice tentative at first, she began, “I don’t know why I was there that night. Maybe, being new in town, I was just hoping to meet some people. Or maybe I was tired of sitting in the hotel. Who knows?” Letting out a shaky breath, she continued, “But I do know this. Zander, you may have been a grumpy ass, but you’re a good man. You cut off my drinking when you thought I needed to leave. Even though, according to you, I hadn’t had too much to drink, you thought it wasn’t safe. Your intent was to get a cab for me.”

  Lifting her shoulders in a slight shrug, she continued, “Who knows why things happen? When a plane crashes, is the person who missed the flight just luckier than the ones who were on it? I don’t know. But I do know that you didn’t assault me. You were trying to take care of me before the assault and you certainly did afterward.”

  “I felt horrible, Rosalie. The idea that I put you in his path just killed me.” His words, laced with anger, felt like they were torn from his lips.

  Squeezing his arm, she said, “If he was lying in wait for me, Zander, he would have been out there an hour later or whenever I left. He could have followed me back to the hotel. I know it feels like it couldn’t have been worse, but it could have. He could have left me where no one would find me. He could have finished the job and killed me.”

  Jerking at the idea her not living, he grasped her hand in his, his thumb finding her pulse on the inside of her wrist. Feeling the thrum of her blood pulsing in her veins, he calmed. “I haven’t been able to forgive myself.”

  The confession struck Rosalie and she said, “That’s the guilt Rafe was talking about. He thinks you’re with me out of guilt. So, I’ll ask you point blank, Zander…are you?”

  Twisting his body so he faced her fully, Zander stared into Rosalie’s eyes, the blue shining in the glow of the lamp. Taking both hands in his, he held her gaze. “When I visited you the first time in the hospital, it was out of concern. Guilt…and concern.” A grimace of pain crossed his face. “When I saw you lying on the bed, so bruised and battered, my heart sunk at the damage done to your beautiful body. And the guilt ate at me. I felt as though I just handed you over to the monster.”

  Listening to his description, Rosalie witnessed the evidence of his guilt written on his ravaged features. He gave a slight tug on her hands, bringing her attention back to his words.

  “When I first began to read to you, I felt…I don’t know…like we were connected. It’s hard to explain, but as you lay there, unmoving, I hoped you could hear the stories. I looked forward to visiting. It was no longer just guilt, but caring. I wanted to be the first one you looked at when you finally opened your eyes. I wanted to be the one you turned to.” Zander’s chest hurt as he held her gaze, his words choking him. “Please forgive me.”

  “So, what started as guilt…” she prompted.

  Rubbing her hands in his, he nodded as he finished, “Ended up being love. Rosalie, I didn’t want you to move in with me out of guilt. I wanted you with me because I was in love. Am in love.” Hoping she was not just hearing his words but hearing his heart, he held his breath watching the play of emotions cross her face.

  Blinking slowly, she whispered, “I’ve realized that I put you on a pedestal. You were my hero…my dragon slayer…my prince.”

  Fear gripped his chest, his heart beating so loudly he was sure she could hear.

  “But, the reality is, you’re just a man. A man who makes mistakes. Sometimes falters. Sometimes disappoints.” Her lips curved slightly as she continued, “But I forgive you, Zander. Because, even though you’re just a man, you’re still my hero.”

  Her words took a few seconds to sink in, but the pull on his hands, bringing his face closer to her, caused his eyes to widen as he sucked in a fast breath. Her lips landed softly on his, a gentle movement. His heart soared but he held the kiss steady, afraid of breaking the fragile spell. Focusing on just the kiss, he angled his mouth, barely licking her lips.

  Rosalie’s hands slid around his neck, pulling him closer, drinking him in. Their tongues explored slowly, savoring the taste of their love. Shifting back, she blinked several times, running her tongue over her kiss-swollen lips.

  “Oh, babe, I know it’s late, but let’s go home,” Zander said, his smile firmly in place, relief flooding his chest.

  “Uh…no, Zander. I’m not going,” she said, her voice soft but strong.

  “Okay, we can spend the night here and go back in the morning,” he agreed.

  Biting her bottom lip, she shook her head. “No, honey. I’m not going back with you. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. I’m staying with Miss Ethel for a while.”

  His brows lowered with confusion. “I don’t understand. I thought—”

  “Rafe was right about something,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I am dependent on you and I need to stand on my own two feet for a little bit.”

  “Wha…no. I mean, Rafe’s got no idea what he’s talking about—”

  Her fingers landed on his lips, her touch burning, and he had to fight the desire to kiss their
tips.

  “Please, listen to me.”

  He eyed her pleading gaze and nodded, settling back, making sure their legs were still touching, taking her hand back into his. “Okay…anything you need, sweetheart.”

  Releasing a deep breath, Rosalie looked down at their connected fingers, linked together, and her heart warmed at the sight. Lifting her gaze, she said, “I do love you, Zander. And this is not me breaking things off with you. It’s just that when I was in the hospital, I was scared. I had no one. No belongings. No place to stay. I didn’t even have clothes to put on. But you were there…larger than life. You took care of everything. With you, I felt safe, secure, and didn’t have to worry about anything.”

  “Was that so bad?” he asked, reaching to smooth her hair back from her face, his hand warm on her cheek.

  Her lips curving, she shook her head. “No…it’s been wonderful. A place to stay. A job until I can teach again. My belongings. Sharing an apartment with a man I adore. What’s not to love?”

  “Okay, princess, you’re going to have to break this down for me. If it’s so good, why do you not want to keep it going?”

  “Zander, we never even dated. We didn’t go on a single date. There was nothing normal about our meeting…about our coming together…about my moving in with you. It just happened.”

  “Okay…” he said, confusion still written in his crinkled brow.

  “I want to take a step back. I want Rosalie Noble, recent teacher-to-be, transplant from Baltimore, to meet Zander King, local businessman. I want to come to you, standing on my own. Not out of need, but out of want.”

  Her words swirled around Zander’s head and, after his initial protestations, he knew she was right. The crazy situation they found themselves in had them hurdling forward at light speed. And, while their love was true, they had not taken the time to slow down and savor the new beginnings of their relationship.

  Rubbing his thumb over her soft cheek, he nodded slowly. “You’re right. It kills me to think of you not sharing my home right now, but as long as you’re not saying goodbye to us, I’ll do anything to make sure you know we’re perfect together.”