Delvers LLC: Adventure Capital

by Blaise Corvin

  Honey cocked her head and regarded at Henry curiously. Then she licked her crotch.

  “Seriously, Honey. Just stop. I actually wasn’t sure when or how to bring this up before. I kind of wanted to make sure that you were a friend first, not an enemy. You might notice I’m not armored up and I don’t have any weapons nearby, so I obviously think you’re a friend. At the very least you are my friend. I kind of like having you around, but we seriously need to have a real discussion after you’ve dropped the act.”

  The purple, badger-looking creature lost interest in Henry and twitching her nose, sniffed her improvised bed of old shirts.

  “I’m gonna say this one more time.” Henry ran his fingers through his hair. “Please stop making me talk to you like you’re just an animal and I am a crazy person. I may not be Jason, but I still have seen some shit, like shows and games and stuff. There is always some animal sidekick that is smarter than they act and the stupid heroes don’t notice. There’s some small, animal-thing in practically every show Jason has ever been in to.

  “I noticed, Honey—all those times you let it slip you could understand what people were saying. I was watching for that shit since the moment you appeared. I’ve seen the interest in your eyes when people talk. You are not just an animal.

  “It seriously doesn’t bother me. This is Ludus. I mean, fuck, I use magic now and my best friend is married to a fucking elf. It’s not going to wig me out that you are a person.”

  Henry chuckled and continued, “In fact, I watched every season of Futurama. I have trained for this sort of thing, dammit.”

  Honey gave no sign that she was paying attention at all and began tracking a bug climbing up the wall.

  “Fine,” sighed Henry. “Be that way.”

  For the next few minutes, Henry went back to a different project, one he was actually using blessed steel for. The rifled barrel was coming along nicely. He got into a rhythm, working until his body grew completely relaxed with the ebb and flow of manipulating metal.

  Suddenly, Henry turned and hollered, “There’s a monster above you!”

  Honey sprang to her feet, startled, and looked up. Henry pointed and crowed, “I got you, bitch! There is no fucking way you would have reacted like that if you didn’t understand what I was saying! I may be a lot of things, but I am not crazy!”

  At first, the purple creature’s eyes widened and she started to scratch herself, pretending to be a regular animal. However, Henry couldn’t stop laughing. The situation was the funniest he’d encountered since he came to Ludus and accidentally cock blocked Jason in the Jaguar Clan bath. The Delvers leader laughed so hard, tears streamed down his face.

  Honey grew agitated, eventually moving in a bur towards Henry, jumping up on the table directly before him and baring her teeth. Her fur began to crackle.

  “Oh, shut the fuck up,” said Henry, rolling his eyes. “You were perfectly okay with lying to me even after I called you out. I’m sorry for tricking you, and I’m sure you have your reasons, but I want to have a partnership with you if you are going to be part of this group.”

  Honey stared Henry in the eyes, her unsettling gaze made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. The air in the workshop began to grow heavy, and Henry could feel the power gathering. “If you want to duke it out, whatever,” said the Delvers leader. “But I’d rather be friends. In fact, I’ve known you are not an animal for a while, and I’ve started to think of you, well...kind of like the daughter I never had.”

  The pressure in the room cut off like a switch had been thrown. Honey took a step back and regarded Henry, her nose twitching in apparent confusion. Henry slowly reached forward with a hand, keeping his face neutral and his entire demeanor calm. His palm came to rest on Honey’s head, and he gently scratched.

  “I know what it’s like to be alone,” said Henry softly. “I don’t know what your past is like, and I don’t know why you were hiding what you really are from us, especially when the goblins already seem to know, but I know you don’t mean us any harm. And...I happen to like you.

  “Now do you think we can have a chat? Just nod yes for yes and shake your head for no, at least for the time being. Do you understand?”

  After a pause, Honey nodded yes.

  Henry blew out a breath. He asked, “Do you want me to keep this stuff from everyone else for a while? I won’t force you to let anyone else know.”

  Honey nodded yes again, and pushed her head into Henry’s hand, closing her eyes in obvious thanks and relief. They stayed that way for a while, with Henry offering comfort the best way he knew how.

  God, this planet is strange as fuck. Henry shook his head, but as he pet Honey, he spared a smile. One wounded soul could sometimes recognize another.

  ***

  Thirsty crossed his legs, steepled his fingers, and tried to calm his racing heart as he sat in his special, most fabulous chair.

  His shop had been doing well. Amazingly well. The fact that Jason had given him generous seed money and Yanno-ibbi was a handy contact with the Taretha Mo’hali clans had been a godsend.

  In an amazingly short amount of time, Thirsty built his own shop and had a steady, enthusiastic client base. It turned out that his enchanting power was rare. Soldiers wanted regular clothes that protected them as effectively as armor for obvious reasons. The rings he’d made that created little flames had been a big hit, too. Little gizmos he created all sold out immediately, and with all the practice he’d been getting, they’d barely taken him any time to make.

  The first week or two had been rough, though. He’d gotten some tough customers that wanted to run him out of town for business or for personal reasons. If Thirsty had encountered that sort of thing before being part of Delvers LLC, before fighting hordes of fucked up monsters, they might have succeeded. Unfortunately for them, Thirsty was orb-Bonded and did not put up with that shit.

  Enchanting new weapons and shields to scare off thugs took time, though. Thirsty had hired a couple of muscular men to deter the rabble; one look at his guards, and most of the jealous-ass women on the street selling shitty magic gear had scrammed. Jesdan and Benjamin had been extremely helpful, they turned out to be great salesmen too. It was too bad they were straight...but whatever.

  Yes, Thirsty had been doing extremely well, but he hadn’t expected to attract the attention of the queen herself! Thirsty was a fierce bitch, a savage queen, but he’d never met a queen-queen before. He honestly wasn’t sure how to act, and eventually decided to just be polite and respectful as if he were meeting RuPaul herself.

  Suddenly, Jesdan, one of Thirsty’s guards came running into the shop from the street. “Thirsty, I think she’s coming! There are like a couple dozen zebra knights out there guarding a carriage!”

  “Okay, sweetie, get in the back please. Be ready in case I need you,” said Thirsty. The other man scurried through the double doors to the rear of the building, all rippling muscles and nervous energy. Thirsty composed himself. It would have been comforting to have one of his employees and friends out with him, but he wanted to look strong for the queen. He’d learned the importance of appearances on Ludus from Jason.

  In another minute, the door was thrown open and two men wearing armor, including full helms and Tolstey tabards, rushed into the room. They both carried shimmering, enchanted weapons. One had a sling pistol on his hip. The men held up black boxes to their eyes, scanning the room before announcing, “Clear.”

  Next, a woman walked into the room, decked out in some of the finest Taretha fashion, reminiscent of a flowing toga. She was drop dead gorgeous, with features from at least four celebrities back on Earth that Thirsty could name. The woman was also tall and leggy in a way that made him jealous as hell. Thirsty thought her clothes were ugly and impractical, though. The weather was starting to get too chilly to show much skin. Fuck that, he thought. Fashion is all well and good, but I ain’t got time to be cold.

  The woman in the toga announced, Queen Smrithi of Tolstey!”r />
  The next woman to walk into the room was of average height and racially ambiguous, with big, clear brown eyes, full lips, and light brown skin. She looked like she was in her mid-twenties. Her clothing consisted of a light green jumper with a cream colored, long sleeve top underneath. She also wore a pair of knee high socks and some cute green shoes. Simple, but adorable outfit, thought Thirsty. He approved.

  Thirsty stood. “You must be the queen, right?” he asked.

  “I am,” she replied.

  The queen didn’t seem haughty or arrogant to Thirsty, only curious. He took this as a good sign.

  The woman in the toga bristled. “You should bow and—”

  She was interrupted when Thirsty noticed the queen’s hand and rushed forward, lifting her wrist so he could look more closely at her fingers. “Girl, these are some beautiful rings! Where did you get these? Oh my God, they’re so cute!”

  The two guards took an angry step forward and the elegant woman in the toga growled, her eyes blazing. The queen raised her other hand and said, “Peace, Cora.” The other woman immediately backed down and the guards took a step back as well.

  Queen Smrithi regarded Thirsty’s hand on her wrist and her eyes twinkled. “Which one do you like most?”

  “Oh, girl, this one with the seashells and the little pieces of gem that make the waves sparkle is gorgeous!” Thirsty said, pointing at one of the queen’s rings.

  “I made that one before I took the throne, almost eighty years ago. I had to give up my hobby after I took on all the new responsibility. Well, for the most part.”

  Thirsty looked up. “Eighty years? How old—actually, never mind. I ain’t gonna be a rude enough to ask a girl her age. But damn, these rings are cute.”

  The queen shook her head and lightly rolled her eyes. “Thirsty—I believe you go by Thirsty, yes? You knew I was coming here, and even had a runner outside to alert you. We have been watching you. Some of the business agreements you have made in the last couple weeks in particular have proven that you are not a fool. So why would you rush up to me like that and touch me?”

  Thirsty released the queen’s wrist and took a step back, bowing slightly. “Sorry about that. I think I got some bad habits from some people I traveled with. I’m kind of an all or nothing girl these days. I figured if you were coming, it was about my ability and I wanted to see what kind of person you were.”

  The queen’s eyes sparkled. “That was very reckless. Perhaps brave—or stupid of you.”

  “Yeah, but like Henry would say, it worked didn’t it?” Thirsty fetched his second most fierce chair and brought it over to the queen. “Would you like to sit, Your Majesty?”

  “Oh, so you do have some manners?” The queen’s small smile had widened into a grin. She placed her chair in front of Thirsty’s and sat. “You may sit as well.”

  “Thank you, Your Majesty,” Thirsty replied, seating himself as he’d been told. His palms were sweaty. The tall black man figured that he might have died, but the queen would probably end up being his new employer. He had wanted to test her. Plus, he’d guessed that if she was coming to fetch him, his orb power was valuable enough to keep him alive.

  He’d still been nervous as hell, though. Luckily, he could do anything as long as he thought of it as a performance.

  Queen Smrithi mused, “I understand that you have not been on Ludus long, but I didn’t see your ‘Bonded status when I saw you, and I know you have orb powers. On a related note, you said you got bad habits from people you traveled with, and you mentioned a Henry; were you talking about Henry Sato and Jason Booth?”

  “Yeah, they kept me alive but I think they might have strengthened some of my more...random personality quirks. And trust me, I’m quirky already, honey.”

  The queen chuckled. “What kind of people are they? Actually, never mind. That conversation can wait. I have heard that you have been doing well for yourself?”

  It was time for Thirsty’s second gamble. “Look, Your Majesty, I really appreciate you coming here in person. Honestly, I’m honored. You are beautiful and fabulous, but we both know this is business. I have a rare ‘Bonded power, and you want to grab me for your kingdom and keep me from selling stuff to people that might not be your friends. I wouldn’t have figured this out before I came to Ludus, but I got a crash course in reading between the lines right up until a fuck ton of zombies tried eating my face off. Why don’t we just talk business?”

  “Ah, I respect directness,” the queen said, her eyes glittering. “Speaking of being direct, I heard you enjoy wearing women’s clothing, but you have not done so in public since you have been here. Why not?”

  Thirsty didn’t even try to figure out how she’d known that. He huffed. “Honey, when I first landed on this wack-ass planet, I realized I could tone down who I really am and it would probably make everything easier for me. But another thing I learned from Henry and Jason is that I’d rather be who I really am, maybe even die for it, than let this fucked up planet beat me down, turn me into someone I’m not just to survive.

  “And this is all true, but there’s a difference between being true to myself and practically begging a whole city to kick my ass. I’m fierce, not stupid.”

  The queen threw her head back and laughed. She said, “I think I like you. Okay, well said. But I need to ask one more thing. Did you know that you might die when you casually approached me?”

  Thirsty’s expression was serious when he answered, “Yeah, but I might die every day on Ludus. Plus, you’re the queen. There ain’t no way you aren’t packing some major orb power, especially after what you just said about your age. I bet I have about as much chance of hurting you as hitting high notes like Whitney Houston.”

  “Correct,” said the queen. She held up a finger and sang softly, her voice lifting into a voiceless melody with perfect pitch. For a few seconds, a blue flame formed on the tip of her finger, narrowing to a sharpened point. When her voice faded, so did the magical flame. “I am a seventh rank ‘Bonded. There may be other ‘Bonded more powerful than myself, but I have not met them in person. Once ‘Bonded grow more powerful than around rank four, endurance and willpower dictate whether a person will survive the elevation.

  “Additionally, my orb power is as rare as yours, and considered one of the most powerful and versatile on Ludus. Unfortunately, I have still never been able to figure out how to enchant anything.” The queen smiled, and Thirsty’s blood ran cold.

  Seventh rank? Holy fuck.

  Thirsty cleared his throat and said, “Well, thank you for not turning me into some charcoal or something.”

  The queen leaned forward and patted his shoulder, reaching up due to the difference in their height. “Do not worry. I have been getting reports on you for a while, and you did not disappoint my expectations. To answer your earlier question, I would like to slowly elevate you to fourth rank ‘Bonded. Even fourth rank is too much for some.

  “You will be paid well for your services, and supplied with a great deal of security. In return, I’d like for you to live in the palace and work directly for me.”

  “This isn’t really a choice, is it?” asked Thirsty.

  “No, but let’s pretend it is. Plus, I’d rather have you as a friend than an enemy. You are probably resourceful enough that you could eventually escape. Plus, you already have powerful friends. I have a feeling I am going to regret giving Henry and Jason to Berber. I’d really rather not make an enemy of them on top of that.”

  Thirsty sat in thought for a while. The deal seemed to be about what he’d been expecting, and wasn’t too bad. He had to ask for more though, for appearances if nothing else. “Okay, but I want you to make me some fierce-ass jewelry like you’re wearing, and for my friends. I told them I’d give them some gear I’d made the next time they see me.”

  “That can be done. In fact, it would be nice to create again. Is there anything else?”

  “Yeah, the two men I’ve been employing, can they have jobs too? They h
ave families and I don’t want them to be unemployed because I gotta take my fine ass to your house.”

  “Of course,” said Queen Smrithi. “And additionally, after you have been in my service long enough, perhaps we can talk about opening your own club, some place you can practice your drag. That is what you call your hobby, yes?”

  Thirsty smiled. “That doesn’t sound too bad,” he said. “Not bad at all. If I’m gonna be bought anyway, I might as well get a new drag home out of it. Okay, Boss Queen, where do I sign?”

  ***

  Yelm stalked through the subterranean warren of tunnels that the cultists used to hide themselves. He was furious.

  After a half hour of searching, he found his quarry. “Hiisa,” he almost snarled, barely controlling his tone in time, “why didn’t you tell me that your people found Henry and Jason? I just found out from Celina!”

  The blonde Areva woman stood with a few of her toadies before a thick, aluminum cage. In the cage, a young girl, perhaps thirteen, cowered, naked. Hiisa turned and narrowed her alien eyes. She gestured at the cage and the captive inside, saying, “Can’t you see that I am busy? Your issue can wait.”

  “I don’t believe it can. Plus, you are usually busy and can be difficult to find. What are you doing, anyway?”

  The high priestess of Asag smiled, showing off her teeth she’d filed to points. “I am waiting for an acolyte to bring me a Dolos orb. Sometimes enemy ‘Bonded we kill yield a gift from Dolos of an orb, not a spirit stone. We don’t currently wish to elevate new priests, but strengthen the ones we already have. So if we get a new orb, we give it to a prisoner, wait until morning, kill them, and then have another chance as a spirit stone reward instead of an orb.”

  Yelm frowned. “And you are here to oversee?”

  “Of course. Orbs are priceless, after all.”

  Yelm eyed the prisoner in the cage. The girl was whimpering, pressing herself to the rear of the filthy cage. Yelm mused out loud, “Seems like a waste. Why don’t you let some of the men, or the women for that matter have a few turns with the prisoners first if you’re going to kill them anyway?” He gestured at the girl in the cage. “In fact, why not just bleed her until she’s almost dead? She doesn’t even need to be conscious to be ‘Bonded, right? It seems like we always need fresh blood for something.