‘I’ll handle this, Dad.’ Jamie placed a restraining hand on his father’s arm. ‘Firstly, this place you just called a dump is my home and I love it. Secondly ... ’ He paused, patience exhausted. ‘Get out.’
‘You can’t do this,’ Devane challenged him belligerently. ‘We had a deal.’
‘Our deal didn’t include breaking the law so, yes, I can and will do this.’
‘We’ll see about that.’
‘Are you threatening my son?’ Harry demanded, sounding more than just a little angry.
The professor smiled unpleasantly. ‘Let’s just say I know people who might help change his mind.’
‘Who? Your buddy Slade?’ Jamie said with a hollow laugh. ‘Go your hardest. When I spread the word about him taking money for information on finds he’ll be lucky not to be run out of town.’
Devane’s startled look was quickly followed by a snort of disgust. ‘It was Gemma, wasn’t it? She told you about Slade. I should’ve known better than to trust that bitch.’
Jaw rigid, Jamie fought a burning urge to punch the crap out of the guy. ‘I don’t like the way you just referred to the woman I love,’ he warned him. The woman I need to go to, take into my arms and beg forgiveness from. ‘Time to leave, professor.’ He strode to the door, jerked it open and gestured with a hand for the other man to do as directed.
‘You’re a fool if you think Gemma loves you. She doesn’t know the meaning of the word.’ The professor stood his ground, eyes burning with hostility and the vitriol in his voice emphasising his disdain. Then he sneered. ‘Are you aware she also keeps secrets? There’s one in particular she’s kept for a very long time which you might be interested in.’
‘If you mean the fact that I’m Drew’s biological father then Gem’s already told me.’ Devane’s expression faded from triumphant to thwarted and Jamie wondered whether to go further. Yeah, why the hell not? ‘I couldn’t be happier. I can’t wait to meet my little boy.’
White-faced with fury the professor punched a paw into the palm of his other hand. ‘You’re going to regret this, Coltrane. And you won’t be the only one!’ He stormed out, leaving the threat hanging in the air behind him.
Jamie hesitated, forcing himself to breathe deeply. It didn’t work; the blood that pulsed too loudly in his head eclipsed everything but the need to react. Propelled by rage, he yanked open the door and moved to chase after the professor.
Harry was too quick and placed a restraining hand on his arm. ‘Don’t.’
‘That guy needs to be taught a lesson.’ His punishing glare dared his father to disagree. ‘And I’m just the one to teach him.’
‘I’m not saying you’re wrong.’ Harry’s voice was pitched low, all patience and understanding. ‘But think it through. You’re the winner here, son, and there’s no way Devane can make you regret your decision. It’s an empty threat from a frustrated man. Leave it at that.’
‘No!’ He rounded on his father, venting the fury still bubbling away inside. ‘For all we know, he’s headed for Gem’s room while you’re keeping me here arguing!’
Harry gave a long-suffering shake of the head. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve been keeping an eye on their comings and goings. He’s never been to Gem’s room, and even if he did know the number, she’ll have Lou with her.’ Almost imperceptibly he smiled. ‘I’ve yet to see anyone stand up to that woman of mine and not wish they hadn’t.’
Unconvinced, Jamie shook his father’s hand off. ‘I have to go to Gem.’
‘With all this pent-up anger still in you? She won’t want to see that. By allowing Devane to get you so worked up all you’re doing is giving him power over you. Is that what you want?’
Jamie paused in the doorway, chewing over his father’s words in stony silence. For a long moment he resented the logic of his father’s argument, but then common sense kicked in. He had no desire to give the professor any leverage whatsoever.
‘No,’ he conceded finally. ‘No, I don’t. You’re right, Dad. About everything.’
Relief flooded Harry’s careworn face. ‘Good. Now go set things to rights with Gem.’ His mouth curved into its familiar grin. ‘Like I said earlier, prior to the rude interruption, what are you waiting for?’
Jamie returned the grin and, with an instant and powerful longing surging through his body, high-tailed it out the door. His father had forced him to face realisations he’d sidestepped for far too long. No more running away.
His heart belonged to Gem ... if she’d forgive him and accept it.
Chapter 18
‘And then he ordered me to go.’ Gemma swiped at the tears spilling from her eyes, an attempt to scrub away the grief that threatened to overwhelm her.
Lou clucked in sympathy.
‘He said ... ’ The words stuck, blocked by the boulder in Gemma’s throat. ‘He said he didn’t want me anywhere near him.’ Her voice broke and she pressed a hand to her heart, waiting for the pain to pass. Close beside her on the bed, Lou made soothing sounds, her usually cheerful expression drawn down in a deep frown.
All Gemma had wanted as she’d fled from the confrontation with Jamie was to be alone in her misery, to try to cope with the unspeakable anguish of her heartache as best she could, but the older woman had intercepted her and insisted on coming with her. Once inside her room she’d somehow held it together for the first few minutes, had even been able to feel a little gratitude for Lou’s undemanding presence and the distraction of small talk that momentarily stopped her from focusing on her despair.
But then realisation hit: she’d never know the exquisite thrill of another kiss from the love of her life, never again wake up wrapped up in his arms, never share with him the sheer joy of loving Drew. Giving in to the release of silent tears, she’d haltingly informed Lou of Jamie’s decision to sell the fossil to Roger, and then gone on to tell all that had taken place in Gracie’s room.
Warm fingers crept over the hand she had curved in a fist on the bedspread. ‘I’m so sorry, Gem. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have talked you into it. I knew Jamie would be shocked at finding out he had a child, but I didn’t expect him to be so cold-hearted.’ The look on Lou’s face betrayed the depth of her disappointment. She had to be hurting; she loved Jamie like her own son, must have hated hearing how he’d reacted.
Despite her own humiliation, Gemma’s heart went out to her. ‘You’re not responsible for the way things went. Jamie needed to learn the truth and I’d already put it off for far too long. His reaction was incredibly hurtful but also excusable. I have no one to blame but myself.’
The out-loud acknowledgement of her role in the demise of their relationship initiated a fresh deluge. When Lou’s arms enveloped her in a long, fierce hug, she dissolved into a blubbering heap against the older woman’s comforting plumpness with Jamie’s wounding words still reverberating in her head. Would they ever stop?
She wept, nose running and with a high-pitched keen rising from deep inside that forced its way out between her lips. She wept with her whole body shaking from the effort. She wept until all that remained of the massive knot tightening her chest was a tangle of frayed threads, around which she could at last breathe without sobbing.
The catharsis was a clearing thunderstorm that raged over and through her, leaving her exhausted but with everything now clear-cut in her head. She licked away the salty tears gathered at the corners of her mouth and pushed herself upright on the bed. ‘I’ve made a lot of questionable decisions in my life.’
From who-knows-where, Lou produced a wad of tissues and handed them to her. ‘I don’t know anyone who hasn’t,’ she said, her voice filled with sympathy.
Gemma tried for a smile. ‘Maybe, but I always managed to hold others accountable for my mistakes.’ She blew her nose and dabbed at her cheeks. ‘I blamed Jamie for deserting me all those years ago when it was actually me who said I never wanted to see him again. I blamed Roger for the failure of our marriage. Oh, he definitely played a role, but our relationship
was doomed from the start. See, I was still in love with Jamie. In my head I constantly compared Roger to him, and he constantly fell short.’
The other woman nodded, studying her with pity in her eyes. ‘You can’t help who you fall in love with.’
‘You’re right. But you can make rational decisions on what to do about it. I can’t tell you how sad I am it ended this way with Jamie. I want him to know his son—and heaven only knows what we’re going to do about that—but I also have to accept what I did was a deal-breaker. I hurt the love of my life and my punishment is that I now have to find a way to live without his love.’ She braced against the sudden piercing hurt.
‘When he’s had a chance to cool down ... ’
‘I can’t afford to think that way.’ She stood, wandered over to the dressing table and sat gazing with unseeing eyes at Lou’s reflection in the mirror. ‘I spent too many years living in false hope.’ Foolishly believing Roger would change if I just tried harder to please him. Why did I not realise sooner that it was never going to happen?
Suddenly, she pressed a hand to her forehead, brought up short by a thought: maybe holding unrealistic expectations of the people close to her, hoping against hope that they’d change, had become yet another pattern in the life she’d woven for herself. And if that was the case, was sitting back and waiting for others to do the changing any way to live?
Of course it wasn’t. Time to face facts. It hurt like hell to acknowledge it but Jamie wasn’t going to change his mind; he’d meant every word he said.
Though her bruised and battered heart teetered on the edge of shattering into a million pieces, for her own emotional wellbeing she had no choice but to bind it with steel-strong determination. ‘I need to rebuild my life, Lou—my life and my son’s life. And this time, I’m not going to blame anyone else if things go wrong. I have to start accepting responsibility for my actions.’
The knock on the door made her jump.
‘Gem, are you there? I really need to talk to you.’
She hesitated, heat firing beneath her skin and shooting prickles of nervous energy all over her body. What could Jamie possibly want of her? He’d made his stand more than clear; was he here to ensure she’d started packing already? Momentarily, the ache in her chest deepened, but then her heart leapt into her throat. Could that urgency in his voice be because he’d had time to think things over? Had a change of heart?
Did she have the emotional strength to grant that fragile hope a life? Or was she better off maintaining the shield around her damaged heart? She flashed Lou a pleading look: what will I do?
In the mirror, the older woman’s kindly eyes regarded her with a mixture of sympathy and reassurance. ‘Go on. Get it sorted. You can do this.’
She returned a quivery smile of thanks. Yes, she could do this. Get things sorted. Hadn’t she just vowed to take charge of her life? She and Jamie weren’t supposed to end in a miasma of bitterness, not after everything they’d come to mean to each other again, not after everything she’d done to try to make things right with him. Too much had been left unsaid between them; clearing the air, for better or worse, was the right way forward.
And they still had Drew to consider.
They both rose and Lou padded over to encase her in a hug that said ‘I’m here for you. I care for you.’ A warm rush of affection surged through her as she drew strength and a sense of calm from the comfort of her friend’s arms. ‘I’m so glad we met.’
‘I feel the same way, love, and I truly hope it works out for you both.’ Lou pulled open the door. ‘Jamie,’ she said without inflection, shooting him a reproachful glance as she passed.
He gave a brief nod, his face betraying his discomfort at her silent censure. When she’d gone, he turned to Gemma. For a moment they stood staring at each other, her heart thundering in anticipation, a muscle pulsing on his taut jawline.
‘Can I come in?’ he asked at last.
Without a word she held open the door and he pushed past. Pulse palpitating erratically, she turned to face him. He stood in the middle of the room, hands on his hips, his handsome features impassive. A silent stranger. A man who took up too much space.
The air in the room vibrated with nervous tension; she waited for the sickness in her belly to settle. ‘What is it you want, Jamie?’
‘I thought you’d like to know I won’t be selling Gracie to the professor.’
She inhaled a deep breath, slowly released it through dry lips. ‘Oh.’
So he’d come to inform her of his change of heart regarding Gracie, not to set things right between them. Her heart tumbled to the pit of her stomach but she stifled the crushing pain, pushing it behind the protective shell she’d only just resurrected, determined not to give in to the heartbreak of her fragile hope shattering.
‘I should’ve known Devane wouldn’t play by the rules,’ Jamie continued, ‘but that’s not the reason I’m here.’ He studied her in silence for a moment before his words poured out in a rush. ‘I’ve come to apologise, Gem. I overreacted to your news and I’m sorry, truly sorry for hurting you.’ His voice was thick with regret, a tone so genuine the words had to have come from the heart. The undisguised misery on his face confirmed it.
The skin on the back of her neck tightened but she managed to keep her expression blank. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ wasn’t forgiveness. Roger had taught her that, apologising after bad-mouthing her but always with the caveat of ‘what do you expect when you keep pushing my buttons?’ And he never forgot or forgave.
‘It’s not easy to admit this, but ... ’ Jamie paused, an intense frown creasing deep lines in his forehead, as if the confession was too difficult to continue with. Then he dragged in a breath and drew himself up straight. ‘I’m not gonna sugar-coat this. I need to be honest because you deserve the truth.’
Uh oh. Here it comes.
‘Finding out I—we—have a son was damn confronting. I—I can’t think of any other way to describe it, and I let gut response take control. I was angry and I reacted without thinking. Your words, all the implications behind them, didn’t really sink in until you’d left.’ He roughly rubbed a hand up and down the back of his neck. ‘I’m guessing from the look on your face that I’m not explaining myself very well. What I’m trying to say is, you were justified in not trusting that I’d respond in a good way.’
Gemma put a hand on the dresser to steady herself, his words reeling in her head. Okay, he’d apologised and acknowledged her right to have withheld the truth from him. But there was still room for a ‘but ... ’ to come.
Jamie stepped towards her, his blue eyes fixed on hers. ‘All I was thinking of was me. I didn’t even stop to consider how much it cost you to tell me about Drew and I’m kicking myself for the terrible things I said. I’ve been an idiot.’ He leaned forward, placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead. ‘Please don’t go. I need you here. And I want to hear all about my son.’
She inhaled a breath, waiting for the world to stop spinning and, for the first time since he’d ordered her to leave, a chrysalis of hope for a future with him began fluttering into existence. But before she could allow it life, one question remained in need of an answer; a question she was terrified to ask for fear Jamie’s response might be less reassuring than it had to be.
Her body prickling in nervous anticipation, she delved deep inside, drawing on the new determination she’d so recently promised Lou—and herself—that she would live by. ‘Are you saying you’d like to become a part of Drew’s life?’
Dark eyes pooled with heartfelt emotion, gazed into hers. ‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’ With trembling fingers he reached out and caressed her cheek. ‘And I’m also saying I love you.’
Though she’d longed with a heart-deep wish to hear those last three words from his lips again, it was the unrestrained yearning in his eyes and his voice that undid her. She leaned her face into his hand, feeling his touch over every inch of her skin. A rush of tenderness, a breath
lessness that caught at her throat and made her sigh and close her eyes, suffused her body. In that instant she loved him so much that all she ached to do was to melt into him.
But could she risk her heart with him a second time?
As if he’d read her thoughts, he now stood so near that the heat of his body and the scent of his warm breath mingling with hers tingled the tiny hairs on her arms. When she opened her eyes, his lips were all she could see; she stared at them, recalling the infinite delight of the kisses they’d shared. For a moment the words they formed made no sense. Then she realised Jamie was waiting for a response from her.
He tilted her chin up. ‘I’m dying here,’ he repeated, naked desperation on his features. ‘Please say something.’
For several seconds she permitted herself the luxury of gazing into the face of the only man she’d ever loved; a pleasure she’d convinced herself she’d never experience again. They still had so many things to work out, and she had another confession of her own to make, but life was too short and too precious for them to spend any more time circling each other like two wary wrestlers, fully aware of the capacity of the other to hurt them.
On a tremulous breath, no longer afraid of what the future held, she let go her fears, and as the splintered pieces of her heart pulled themselves together, she smiled up at him through eyes blurry with tears. ‘I love you, too. And I just know Drew’s going to feel the same way about you that I do.’
He studied her as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard right. Then, as understanding dawned, relief flooded his features and he let out a loud whoop. He reached out, grabbed her around the waist and snatched her to him. Then his head bent down and his warm lips closed over hers. Soft and gentle at first, the kisses gradually quickened into an intoxicating dance that stole all her breath.
They stumbled backwards, collapsing side by side onto the bed, still kissing and clinging to one another, as if afraid the moment might vanish. It didn’t, and it wasn’t long before Jamie’s expert ministrations sent a flood of desire roaring through her; a desire that became an uncontrollable maelstrom that whirled and eddied, and in the end, to Gemma’s complete pleasure, consumed them both.
Falling In Love Again Page 21
