Dearest Cowboys Box Set

by Mia Brown

  “Here,” she said, giving me a plate of sandwiches.

  “I’m not hungry,” I said.

  “Eat anyway. It’s been a long day. Sit down.”

  She was gentle and assertive, and I did as I was told. I sat down at the table and ate the sandwiches she’d made me. I hadn’t eaten yet since I’d woken up, and I realized how hungry I was. If it weren’t for this, I wouldn’t have eaten at all.

  I looked at Alana, who had sat down with me. She wasn’t watching me eat, exactly, but she was making sure I was taking care of myself. Or rather, she was taking care of me.

  I realized how many times in my life she’d tried to do that, how much she cared about me. She had told me in the feeding room the other day—it felt like a different lifetime, now—that she cared for me, that she wished I would have noticed her. I had shrugged it all off, but I realized how good she had been to me all these years, even when I had given her nothing in return.

  Alana had been an angel, and I hadn’t given her the time of day for anything. Ever.

  “Thank you for this,” I said. “And for everything you do.”

  Alana nodded. “Of course.”

  “I mean it,” I said. “You’ve always been there for me. You do so much. You deserve more than me acting like it’s normal.”

  She blinked at me, waiting for me to carry on.

  “I’m sorry,” I added.

  “For what?”

  “For being a selfish son of a bitch. You deserve so much more from me. And I’ll try. I’ll try to be the friend you deserve.”

  Alana nodded and looked down at her hand. “Friend,” she said softly.

  “I’m sorry about that, too.” I sighed. “I can’t love you the way that you deserve to be loved. I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you what you want, but I can’t.”

  Alana shook her head. “Don’t be sorry,” she said. “It means a lot to me that you said all those things.”

  I leaned over and hugged her. “You know how important you are to me, right?” I asked. “You’re like a sister to me. And now that Mom is gone.” I swallowed, struggling to verbalize it. “You and Andrew and Lance are the only family I have left.”

  Alana’s eyes had welled up with tears, and she hugged me again.

  “You know we’ll always be here,” she said, and I nodded.

  When the guests finally left, it felt like I’d been run over by a train. The sun was setting, and the workers were out in the fields, taking care of the ranch for the night. The five of us—me, Andrew, Alana, Lance, and Vanessa—stood on the porch with a bottle of tequila. The day had been long and tiring, and alcohol was the best way to end it, to forget. It was a bottle of Herradura, expensive, imported, exactly what the final drink to my mother ought to have been.

  “To Jaclyn Roper and all the lives she touched,” Andrew said, holding his glass up.

  “To a friend and a mentor,” Alana said.

  “To a role model and a friend,” Lance added.

  “To a woman who taught me about family,” Vanessa said.

  “To a mother,” I added last.

  The sun set over the ranch, casting a glow over the land, touching all my mom’s favorite places with a finger of gold.

  “She will be missed as much as she was loved,” Andrew said, and we all agreed.

  Because that was a hell of a lot.

  Twenty-Six

  Vanessa

  I had fallen in love with ranch life, and every day I spent doing the chores I was meant to do, I loved it even more.

  After Jaclyn’s death, I had taken on a few more chores without anyone telling me so. Everyone seemed to have done that. The days were long and hard. I was exhausted from it all, and slowly but surely my picture-perfect image disappeared.

  And I’d never been happier. I used the boots I’d bought before I came, every day. They had hurt my feet then, but I’d since broken them in, and even though they weren’t cut out for ranch life—rather, a photo shoot—they did their job well enough. They didn’t look anything like what they did when I’d bought them. They were destroyed—scratched with rips breaking up the pattern around my calves and the bottoms full of mud. But I didn’t care.

  I really enjoyed ranch life, enjoyed being part of something bigger, and for the first time ever, I felt like I belonged.

  Lance had stuck around. He’d mentioned leaving his job in California behind to come and do what he loved best, and I could relate to that. How anyone could leave this place after growing up here was beyond me. I didn’t know if I would be able to leave it all behind, and I hadn’t been here nearly as long as everyone else.

  I had been busy around here the last while, and I loved it. Cookie and the kittens—who were all growing up faster than I liked—kept me entertained. The men with me in the bunkhouse had really made me feel like one of them, and everyone else had accepted me being around as a given. I felt like part of the little family here, and they all treated me as such. It was the first place I could truly call home.

  Which meant that I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay here as long as I could. Forever, if it was an option. I had started thinking about asking for a permanent position here. I didn’t know how they would feel about it, but I wanted to try. Lately, I had been thinking about my business degree and if I could apply it here. If I could somehow use it to help Andrew and Ace out on the ranch.

  Perhaps I could look at the finances, or I could take over the little jobs Jaclyn had done around the ranch, like managing the feed orders and checking the quantities. There were a couple of other things too that I could do with my degree.

  But I didn’t want to be presumptuous. I didn’t want to overstep, to worm my way into something that the brothers might have felt belonged to them. I wasn’t sure if it was my place to ask for Jaclyn’s chores, not so soon after her death. I didn’t want to offend by asking for something that no one had intended to give to me.

  Lance walked over from the main house, and I turned, waiting for him. The sun was hot, and I wished I’d brought the hat I’d been using. Jose was on his horse a little further away, checking the crops.

  “Are you guys managing out here?” Lance asked.

  I nodded. “Jose is explaining the upcoming harvest to me. I know it’s still a while, but you can never learn too much.”

  Lance grinned. “That’s all you’ve been doing since I arrived—sucking up information like it might run out.”

  I laughed and shrugged. Lance, like everyone else, had noticed how passionate I’d become about ranching.

  “Have you seen Ace?” he asked after we’d chatted a bit about the other things that needed to be done.

  “He’s still at the house, I think,” I said. The last while Ace had taken to sleeping late and being on autopilot. I was a little worried about it, and I knew the others were, too. I couldn’t blame him, though. Everyone handled grief differently. Andrew had become a machine, working so hard it wasn’t good for him, either. Eventually, the balance would be restored.

  “If you see him, send him my way, will you?” Lance asked.

  I nodded. Lance walked away, and Jose rode up to me. I took a step back, away from the horse. I was comfortable with a lot around the ranch—I’d learned that I loved animals, and I’d spent time around the heifers and the weaners, but I was still wary about the horses. They scared me.

  Everyone else used the horses to ride out on the ranch. If it was far, I took the truck, but most of the time I was on foot. The upside was that I’d become very fit.

  “You should really try to get on a horse,” Jose said when he jumped down from his mount. “It makes life so much easier.”

  “I don’t think I’m ready for that, yet,” I said. I looked at the animal and shook my head.

  “But you’re fine with the cows.”

  “Well, I don’t see anyone riding the cows,” I retorted. “You’re just as much on the ground next to them as I am.”

  Jose laughed. “That’s true,” he said. H
e stroked his horse’s neck. I eyed the saddle. Maybe one day I would do it; I would take that final step and become a cowboy like the rest of them. But that wasn’t now, and I was happy with both my feet planted firmly on the ground.

  “Let’s focus on the harvest, for now,” I said. “We can think about horses later.”

  Jose laughed and shook his head. He carried on explaining the harvest to me, going through the process they went through to get the crops from the fields into the silos and ready to sell.

  “Here’s the man himself,” Jose said, nodding in the direction of the house, and I noticed Ace, riding toward us on a horse. He looked laid-back and comfortable on horseback, fully in control of the animal and sure of himself. He wore his faded jeans and a sleeveless shirt that showed off tanned skin and muscular arms. His dark hair was messy, and he had shaven the four-day stubble he’d had going for a while. He was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome, the kind of guy that made any girl’s heart flutter.

  “Morning,” he said, stopping close to me and sliding off. He pulled me closer to him and planted a kiss full on my mouth, catching me off guard.

  Jose whistled when he let me go, and I was left reeling.

  “Looks like a great morning,” Jose said, and I blushed when he joked about it. Ace winked at me, and it made me blush even more. It was good to see him like this—getting back to his old self. I was glad that he had what it took to pick himself up. I knew he’d managed before when his dad died so I’d had faith that he could do it again. Ace was a strong person.

  “What are you guys doing?” Ace asked.

  “Jose is teaching me about the harvest,” I said. I was a little breathless, still reeling from the kiss he had so casually planted on my lips. Ace nodded and looked out over the field. I studied him carefully. He looked better than he had the last couple of days. He didn’t seem so listless anymore, the spark in his eyes was back, and when he looked at me, he flashed me that easy grin of his. I hadn’t seen that smile in a while.

  “I should get cracking,” he said.

  “Oh, Lance was looking for you,” I said, remembering. “He asked you to find him when you came out.”

  Ace nodded. “I’m on it.”

  He got onto his horse again and clicked his tongue, riding off.

  “Getting it on with the boss, eh?” Jose asked, and I laughed, shaking my head.

  “I’m glad he’s in a better place.”

  Jose nodded. “It’s been hard around here,” he said. “I’ve been working with them for the past 15 years. It’s not easy to lose friends and family. But one thing I’ll say about the Ropers. They always pull through, Chica. It’s a good family to stick to.”

  I nodded. That, I had to agree with. They were a good family to stick with, and I wanted to do that for as long as I could.

  Jose carried on his talk about the harvest, and I forced myself to pay attention, but it was getting harder. My mind traveled to Ace every now and then, wondering what he was doing and why he had reacted to me that way. I loved it, but I didn’t know what to make of it.

  I didn’t know where we stood. I didn’t want to ask, either. Not now. I didn’t want to put any pressure on Ace to decide which way we were headed with everything else going on. I would wait until things had settled again.

  But I wanted this to go somewhere. Even if it meant that I stayed on the ranch in a working relationship. Of course, that would be hard. I was wildly attracted to Ace, especially after we’d spent time together so often and slept together. But I would do what I needed to do. If Ace wanted nothing more, that was something I would have to expect. All I wanted was to be around the ranch, to follow the passion I had recently unearthed, to stay somewhere I felt I belonged.

  I couldn’t get any answers from Ace right now, and that was the part that bothered me the most. I didn’t know if I could stay here at the ranch and build a life for myself, a life that I really wanted. I didn’t know where we stood as a couple or as friends, or where we would go in the future. My future right now was a big question mark.

  It was ironic because I had known what my future would hold my whole life. I had known the path that had been set out for me, but I hadn’t been passionate about the idea at all. Now, it was the opposite. I was passionate about my future, and I knew what I wanted, but it wasn’t sure at all. The tables had turned completely, but along with all the uncertainty in my life, I was happier than I’d ever been before.

  In fact, compared to what I felt now, I hadn’t ever been happy.

  I did wish that I had some answers, though. But I wouldn’t get any of them for a while.

  “I’m headed to the barn,” I said to Jose when we finished up.

  “Next time you head out this way from the barn, bring a horse with you,” he said and winked at me. I laughed, shaking my head before I walked away.

  In the barn, I checked on Cookie. She had already been fed by one of the ranch hands, and she was lazy, but I got recognition from her. I was happy someone else was feeding her most of the time now. It gave me time to do more important things, and I could become less attached. The last thing I needed was another loss.

  The three kittens appeared and ran to me.

  “My little Mexicats,” I said, kneeling. Since the guys at the bunkhouse had named them, we had started referring to them as the Mexicats, and the term had caught on. They were stable cats, hunting for mice around the feed room, but we loved them like pets.

  The small things were what kept me here, what made me want to stay. The concept of needing and being needed, loving and being loved.

  Twenty-Seven

  Ace

  I didn’t think things would go as smoothly as they were in such a short time after my mom’s death, but by some miracle, life carried on.

  It always felt that way. When my dad had passed away, it had been the same thing. I hadn’t been able to believe how the world could keep on turning as if the man who had been the center of my world hadn’t even existed at all.

  Maybe the people who lost loved ones always felt this way. Your whole world shatters, but no one else seems to notice.

  I was lucky that I had people around me who not only felt the same but understood that I was going through a hard time. They made life easier for me. They didn’t complain that I wasn’t working hard, either. And before I knew it, things were getting easier to handle.

  The ranch work was a distraction. It took me a moment to realize it, but as soon as I felt the burden lift when I worked, I started working hard.

  And building something my parents had started, taking it even further, suddenly gave me a purpose again. I could see my friends relax as they realized I was going to be alright. I knew they’d been worried about me.

  So, I decided to book myself—and everyone around me—a night off. We all needed it. It had been a rough couple of weeks, at first with my mom’s illness and her death, and then with taking care of the ranch. Now, it was time to let loose a little and celebrate what was left of life. It would be wrong to look back and see only the bad instead of looking ahead at what was to come.

  “Are you coming out with me?” I asked Lance when I found him in the barn. “I want to go to Ultra Bar again. They have a karaoke night tonight.”

  “Jaclyn used to love it when we did that,” Lance said. “We can’t pass that up.”

  “Exactly,” I said.

  It was what I’d been thinking. My mom had loved it when we’d all gone out and done karaoke. Of course, she wouldn’t ever join in, but she liked to watch and insisted on joining us when any of the bars around town did it.

  “I’m in,” Lance said. “Are you asking Andrew and Alana?”

  “Of course, it wouldn’t be the same without them.”

  Lance grinned. “Alana still can’t sing.”

  “And she never will,” I said, and we both laughed. But she had to come with us; it was part of what we did. I left Lance in the barn to find Andrew. He was in the kitchen drinking a beer. When I told hi
m, he agreed to join us right away.

  “I think this is what Mom would have wanted,” he said. “We should go.”

  I nodded. She would have wanted us to go out and enjoy ourselves, and what better way to celebrate my mom’s life by doing something that she would have loved. After I spoke to Andrew, I asked Vanessa, too. She said yes to joining us. She was as much a part of our little gang as the rest of us now. I called Alana, and she agreed to join us later. She had to finish work first.

  Ultra Bar was fuller than usual with their karaoke night, and we found a table at the back. Andrew was the first on the stage, and we rotated through our group, having a round of shots between every set.

  When Alana joined us, we were sufficiently drunk already. We had had so many shots, and beer and cider, too. My head was light and airy, and I was convinced I was the best singer of the lot.

  “You guys are drunk already,” Alana said.

  “We’re not drunk, just really jolly,” Lance said, but he looked the drunkest of us all, and Alana laughed.

  “I guess I won’t have a choice, then. I’ll drive you guys home.”

  I turned to Alana and hugged her. “You’re a star of a friend. Have I ever told you that? You’ve always been so good to all of us. If there were a person to define friendship for the world, it would be you.”

  Alana laughed. “You’re so drunk, Ace,” she said.

  I nodded. “I can admit it. But you know how honest I get when I drink. And I honestly appreciate you as my friend.”

  Alana was still laughing. “How long have you guys been here? I thought you guys might be a little tipsy by now, but gosh, this is something else.”

  “We’re singing Mom’s songs,” Andrew said. Alana nodded, understanding now.

  “It makes sense,” she said. She would have been drunk if she’d been here, too. She would have needed as much to drink to handle this bittersweet night.

  “But enough about us,” I said. “Let’s talk about you. You know, it’s a crime for someone with a heart the size of yours to be single.’