by Mia Brown
I hated that phrase anyway, it really pissed me off. No one ever knew what was going on inside anyone else’s life, so there was no telling what had or might be about to happen. How could you say that to someone without any inside knowledge? It baffled me. What if I burst in to hysterical tears at that remark? What would he do then?
“Hey, mate,” he laughed while drunkenly going for his car keys on the bar. “I’m talking to you.”
“Please tell me you aren’t about to drive somewhere,” I shot back coldly. “In that state.”
“Who the fuck are you? The cops?” he sneered. “I’ve been on TV, you know. I was on that show about dating on the beach. You know the one? Of course you do. Everyone has seen it. So, I can do what I want.”
I knocked his keys out of his way, shooting them behind the bar where he couldn’t reach them. “Just because you have had your fifteen minutes of fame, doesn’t mean you can put other lives in danger.”
“I drive better when I’m drunk, asshole. You don’t know me at all.”
“No, I don’t. And I don’t want to either. But don’t you dare think that you can get behind the wheel of a car because it might not be you who ends up dead. You really want murder on your conscious forever?”
With that, while he was in shock, I stalked off. The anger hung over me like a dark cloud, sticking to me like glue. I wasn’t sure that I would be able to shake it off now, even with the bright flashing fireworks shooting off above and Emily in my arms. I would have to act like all was okay for her benefit because I knew how much she was looking forward to this. I knew how much she needed me to be on top form for it. I had to be happy.
“Get it together, Alex,” I warned myself. “Don’t be a dick. Hold it together for a little while longer.”
Luckily, by the time I reached Emily, the fireworks had begun, so there wasn’t any time to talk, which was a good thing because the red hot rage than man made me feel had transformed in to a subdued blue. Each explosion only sunk me lower, and I couldn’t climb back out again, even for Emily’s sake.
Eighteen
Emily (the next morning, early July)
The melodic sound of someone crooning country music from the kitchen wasn’t what I usually woke up to, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I actually didn’t want to open my eyes, I wanted to remain where I was just enjoying it. If I thought about it hard enough, it felt like it was coming from beside me. Like I was being serenaded.
But the smell of food dragged me to my feet. I had a little bit to drink last night and not a lot to eat so I was absolutely starving. My grumbling stomach dragged me to my feet and in to the kitchen to see what the hell was going on. There, I found Alex singing, surprisingly in tune, and cooking something on the oven.
“I didn’t know that you were a chef,” I teased. “Another super power of yours, huh?
“Well, it’s only an omelet,” he chuckled. “My specialty. Aside from grilling. I’m pretty good at that too.”
I wrapped my robe tighter around myself and grinned. Yep, I could just imagine him out in some country back yard, cooking up a storm while surrounded by his family. I had to admit, I was in the images as well which was strange because I wasn’t going to the country with him. After six months, we would be done… right?
Right? Although, the more time that we spent together, the ore obvious it seemed that we would have to maintain something after those six months. A friendship at least. Perhaps I would be there in his back yard, watching him with the latest girl on his arm, wondering when he was ever going to find the one that he would commit to… hoping that he wouldn’t really find the one because it would make me stupidly jealous. Not that I had any right to jealousy.
“What’s your specialty?” he asked as he plated up the food. “Are you a good cook?”
“I’m not going to tell you.” I smiled playfully. “If you’re lucky enough, one day you will find out.”
I took a seat and waited for Alex to bring the plates over to the table, which he did with a steaming mug of coffee as well, just to add to it. There was something seriously perfect about him, making it harder to let him go.
“Mmm, you really do make a good omelet, Alex,” I groaned as I took my first bite. “If this isn’t your specialty, then I would love to taste your grilled food. I bet it’s incredible. I bet it tastes like nothing else… like home.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, well maybe one day, if you’re lucky enough, you will get to.”
“Touché.” I could almost feel my eyes sparkling with glee. “I can’t argue with that.”
We sat in silence for a few moments just eating, and it was surprisingly comfortable. I didn’t feel the need to fill it and it seemed that neither did he. We were a bit like an old married couple, happy to be together.
“So, the party last night?” I let out as little laugh as I remembered the night. “That was something else. That Hollywood director… he really had a thing for you, didn’t he?”
I expected Alex to laugh but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes darted downwards, and that strange sadness overcame him again. It kept happening and seemingly random times and I didn’t know what to think. It couldn’t be the director who pissed him off because as far as I was aware, he just thought that it was funny last night.
“Are you okay? I asked quietly, not expecting an answer. “Is everything alright, Alex? I know that things are a little weird here between us because our relationship is a little… well, it’s odd, isn’t it? But I hope that you consider me a friend enough to talk to me. If you need to that is… no pressure or anything.”
“I am being odd, aren’t I?” he said with a deep sigh. “Sorry about that. I don’t mean to be. It’s a hard time of year for me which is why… well, why I have been a little quiet.”
“July?” I asked curiously. “The summer? Or specifically the Fourth of July?”
“The… the Fourth.” He wasn’t looking at me but that didn’t mean I couldn’t see the wetness in his gaze. “I always try to have a god time on that day, but it isn’t easy because… because ten years ago, my… my sister was killed by a drunk driver.” I froze, everything ran ice cold. “She was in an accident with my parents when they were hit, and she died. Everyone always says that it’s better she died instantly because she didn’t feel any pain, but to me it’s sad because one moment she was alive and everything was all fine, and the next… lights out. No warning, no knowledge, no chance to say goodbye to anyone. It just breaks my heart every single day.”
I wanted to find the right words to reply to that, but I honestly didn’t know what to say.
“And to make it worse, there wasn’t even any justice either because the drunk died too at the scene. I know that sounds cruel, but he didn’t get to go to jail for acting so selfishly and recklessly. He was just gone. He was old as well, not like my sister. He got to live a decent length of life and she didn’t. It isn’t right.”
I was starting to see why he was so sad in the children’s hospital as well. Those children struggling, their lives possibly be about to cut short. He lost his sister and he could see the cycle happening again. I couldn’t believe it. A vivacious, charismatic man like Alex didn’t seem like he had been through tragedy. He didn’t seem like he had suffered at all, he was a happy go lucky man who lived life to the fullest… how little I knew.
“You must be so strong,” I whispered. “To keep on going like you do.”
“Well, I have to, don’t I?” He shrugged and smiled. “I have to keep going to live my life for her. I didn’t always see it that way, I struggled for a long time afterwards, but now I know that she had her life cut short so I should make sure that I live every day like it’s my last… just in case it is. You never know when it will happen.”
Tears filled my eyes, I felt myself crumbling and falling apart. Poor Alex, I felt so sorry for him and his family, his sister too. How could they remain so tall and strong after going through that? I really didn’t think that I could do the same thing. I wasn
’t sure what I could survive… but I guess that was because I hadn’t faced it.
“Don’t get upset,” he cooed while coming to meet me, throwing his arms around me. I” know that it’s a sad story and that I have been sad myself, but it’s been a long time. All I can do is keep being strong.”
I rose to my feet and hugged him hard. “You are such an inspiration, you know that? Everyone must be so proud.”
“Not many people know, to be honest. The people who were around when I was younger, obviously, but no one else. I don’t talk about it much. I don’t even talk to people who know me about Cassie, she…”
He got choked up. The mention of his sister’s name a little too much. I wished that I could do anything to take away his pain. Seeing that sad look on his face was absolutely devastating.
“I’m so sorry. I never would have taken you to that party if I’d known…” That was dumb. Just a press opportunity. I didn’t want anything to come of it. “I feel really awful, I never wanted to…”
“No, it’s fine. If I didn’t want to go, I would have said something. It’s fine. I have to have fun, you know?”
“I just wish that I had known so I could be more sensitive about it.”
“You couldn’t be more sensitive when I hadn’t told you. I honestly don’t expect anything from you.”
“That isn’t the point, I should be better. I should be… I don’t know.”
“Honestly, Emily, I’m doing fine. I’m alright. It was just a little wobble, that’s all.”
I rested my hand on his and he didn’t move it away. I felt the fizzle of excitement that always over came me, the moment I touched him no matter what happened. But I pushed it down and ignored it, because it wasn’t the right thing to focus on. Not when he was in this much pain. Not ever actually.
“Well, I know that this thing between us is… well, it is what it is, but I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything, right? I can be here for you if need me to be. I have a good ear.”
“I know you do.” He smiled. “And you have a good heart as well. That’s one of my favorite things about you.”
I couldn’t stop myself from beaming like I had a coat hanger between my lips. Hearing him talk about me like that made me soar high with excitement. “Thank you, and of course you know I think that of you as well.”
“You do?” He stared at me with disbelief. “Well, you must be the only person in the world who does.”
“No way.” I pinched hi playfully in the side. “There’s a good person in there somewhere.”
His spirits seemed to be lifted by me teasing him and he was returning to his old self which was a massive relief to me. The last thing I wanted was to lose him along the way because I didn’t know him well enough. This was exactly why I needed to get to know him more, so we wouldn’t make these mistakes.
“Does that make you my BFF then?” he chuckled. “My best friend forever.”
“Oh, of course! We will need a special hand shake though or it doesn’t count.”
“A hand shake and friendship bracelets. You can’t forget those.”
“Maybe even our own language… although that will have to come with time. Those things take forever to come up with and even longer to actually remember and understand one another.”
“Sounds like the voice of experience.” He nodded, satisfied. “I’m glad to have you on board. This whole BFF thing is a bit of a minefield for me.”
As we laughed together, the whole mood of the room lightning up around us, I wondered what it was going to be like when he went back home. I had gotten used to having him in my apartment, it felt much more like home when he was here. I wasn’t sure if the silence would comfort me in the way that it used to.
Damn it, I had almost forgotten about my need to make it as a model, that wasn’t the sole focus behind this anymore, and that was a big problem. Perhaps the separation would be good so I could keep my eyes on the prize. Having him around was clouding me up and making me confused.
“Well, if we’re going to be best friends,” Alex continued, not sensing my inner turmoil at all. “Then you can always talk to me as well. I don’t know if my ears are as good as yours, but I can try.”
The only real issue I had at the moment was my confusing feelings for him, and I couldn’t exactly talk to him about it, could I? Not unless I wanted to unlock a very awkward conversation that neither of us needed to have. We could just keep blowing passed it like we had been doing. It was working out for us so far.
Nineteen
Alex (a few days later, early July)
I inhaled the deep familiar sense of home as Kenzie sorted me out some pancakes. I had missed this dinner since I had been away, and I truly was glad to be back… even if it was only for a short while before I got back out on the road again. Back to my second home on the back of a bull to keep moving my career forwards.
“Honestly, Alex, you made out like you were going to be gone for the whole six months,” Jeff teased. “I think that I probably see you more now than I did before. I can’t seem to get rid of you.”
I rolled my eyes and snorted with laughter. “You should be so lucky!”
“Although, you were right about one thing… you have got yourself a super hot girlfriend. That is something I never thought I would see. You being tamed… although by a gorgeous model, which is less surprising.”
Even though me and Emily weren’t exactly kosher, these words made me grin. I kinda liked the idea of my friends assuming that we were the real deal and that we were going to go far. If we could fool Jeff and Kenzie, then we could fool anyone. The whole world had to believe that we were a couple by now.
“I don’t know about tamed,” I laughed. “I’m not exactly under the thumb or anything.”
“It’s a miracle that you have been faithful,” Kenzie called as she brought our food out to us. Lovely greasy diner food! “That’s what has shocked me. I never thought that you would be able to do it.”
“Hang on a moment!” I needed to defend myself against that one. “I haven’t ever cheated on anyone…”
“Only because you haven’t committed to anyone enough to do so. I always thought you would.”
“Wow, is that your opinion of me?” I held my hand to my chest. “I’m hurt, Kenzie. Truly hurt.”
She stared at me for a moment before we both burst out laughing. There wasn’t really anything that my friends could say to me that would hurt me. We just had that kind of friendship where we could say anything.
“So, this beautiful model…” She sat across from me. “Is she exotic or anything? Does she have an accent? I always kind of imagining you ending up with someone Swedish or something, and she kinda has that look?”
“Because she’s blonde?” I laughed, finding that hysterical. “No, actually she isn’t exotic at all.”
“A city slicker then,” Kenzie continued to guess. “Posh, smart, a little stuck up…”
“Definitely not.” I shook my head hard. “You couldn’t be more off the mark with that one, Kenzie. She’s actually from a small town in Texas. She’s Southern and charming as hell. You would love her.”
I watched Jeff and Kenzie exchange an impressed look. It made me wonder what kind of impression they had talked themselves in to when it came to Emily. Clearly, they had been talking a lot.
“So, when do we get to meet this Southern Belle?” Jeff demanded. “I want to know if you’re good enough.”
“You are my friends. Aren’t you supposed to see if she is good enough for me?”
“Nah!” Jeff laughed. “It doesn’t work like that and you know it. I need to see if you match up to her!”
I half wanted to silence him by telling him the truth. I actually felt quite bad for lying to my friends and allowing them to believe that me and Emily were the real deal… but it was complicated enough, and I didn’t want to make it worse. The more we behaved like we were the real deal, the longer this could go on for. Sure, we initially mentione
d a six month dead line, but that didn’t mean we had to stop at that moment. We could keep it going for longer, to keep our reputations building in the right direction, to help with our careers. More sponsorship, more modeling…
Oh God, what was I even thinking about this for? It was crazy. Absolutely insane. Of course we had to end things after six months otherwise we would end up living out the lie forever. Plus, the whole no sex thing… could I really keep that up for even longer? No, it was already killing me. My balls were already about to explode.
“I like this picture of you guys,” Kenzie suddenly announced while staring at her cell phone. “You have a real chemistry there. I can tell. You and her must have a really hot sex life. That’s why you stick around.”
Fucking hell, we would have an incredible sex life, if she would let that happen, I could just tell. Plus, all of my fantasies told me as much. I would have to use them to keep up the lie, but I could continue to be vague, so I nodded. Out of respect for Emily, my ‘girlfriend’, I wouldn’t want to share too many details ether. Plus, out of respect for Kenzie and the crush that she had on me once upon a time, the nod was enough. No more needed.
“Hmm, but this has to be more than just a sex thing if she’s your girlfriend.” Her eyebrows furrowed.
“You’re right. It is. So much more.” At least that part was the whole truth. “I wouldn’t stick around otherwise.”
“Right,” she drawled, untrustingly. “Well, I guess that’s true. So, if you are this amazing boyfriend now, then you won’t mind me asking just a few questions about the Emily Mason. To see how well you’re listening.”
I bristled with confidence. Since me and Emily weren’t having sex, I had done a lot of listening. Plus, I found everything that she said fascinating, so it wasn’t difficult to hear what she had to say. Every part of her that she revealed to me over time just helped me to see her that little bit more of how beautiful she was.
