by Dee J. Stone
Mom must realize what she just said because she says, “I’m sorry, Lex.”
“It’s fine,” I say. The truth is, having my license would come in handy. But I can’t bring myself to do it. Not yet. It’s too soon.
I walk over to Rosie and get down on my knees in front of her, taking her hands. “What’s wrong with your bus? Is it because Jamie won’t be with you?”
“Everyone always stares at me! It’s not fair!”
I rub her hands. “What do you mean they stare?”
“When the stupid van lowers me to the street! They all stare and point and laugh and I don’t want to go on the van!”
“I don’t understand, Rosie. They don’t stare when Mom drops you off?”
“No! She just helps me onto the wheelchair and it’s not such a big deal. Some people stare, but not everyone. But the bus makes such a big show! I’m not going to school! You can’t make me! No one can make me.”
I raise myself off the floor and envelop her in my arms. She fights me, trying to push me away, but I tighten my hold. After a few seconds, she relaxes and her arms come around me. She weeps on my shoulder. My own tears roll down my cheeks. Poor Rosie. I can’t take all of this, how much she’s suffering, all because of me. No kid should go through this. I suck. I really do. I would do anything to go back in time, to the night of the accident, and prevent it. Anything.
I stand up, wiping my eyes. “I’ll get her to school, Mom.”
“How exactly will you do that?”
“I’ll ask Dani or Holly if they mind dropping her off. Go to work, okay? Don’t stress.”
She faces my little sister. “Rosie, you need to learn to live with this. Not everything in life is easy.”
“Mom, I’ll get her to school.”
“We can’t treat her like a princess, Lex. This is only the beginning. She will encounter many obstacles in her life. We need to teach her how to be strong.”
“I don’t want to be strong!” Rosie cries. “I want my stupid legs to work!”
“Rosie—” we both start.
“I’m going to my room.” She wheels away.
Mom collapses on a chair and buries her face in her hands. I sit down near her. “Go to work. I’ll get her to school.”
“Don’t you have to be at dance practice soon?”
“I’ll miss it. It’s no big deal.”
She lifts her head. “Of course it’s a big deal, honey. Coach Lewis spoke to me after your meet. I didn’t realize the scholarship was between you and one other student.”
I shrug. I don’t care about the scholarship right now. I mean, I sort of do because I want to fulfill my dream of going to Juilliard, but Rosie’s more important.
“You can’t afford to miss practice,” Mom says.
“Rosie needs us, Mom.”
“She needs to grow thick skin.”
“She’s only a kid!”
“Unfortunately, she’ll never be a regular kid.”
I’m about to tell her how untrue that is, but she puts her hand on my arm. “I know you want her to have as normal life as possible, but it can never be like that. You need to understand that. And you need to stop your guilt from clouding your judgment.”
“Stop talking about me!” Rosie yells from her room.
I stand. “I’ll get her to school.”
It looks like Mom has no energy to argue. She nods, then kisses my forehead. “I’ll call the school and tell them not to send the bus.” She goes to Rosie’s room to wish her a good day at school before walking out. I head to Rosie and find her sitting in her chair, staring at the walls.
“Hey, Rosie,” I say.
She looks at me, her eyes still wet from her tears, but I also see relief in them. “Will you really take me to school?”
“I will.”
“I won’t have to go on the bus anymore?”
“We’ll think of something, okay? If you don’t want to take the bus, I won’t force you.” Maybe I am being too soft on her, but I can’t help it. I wouldn’t be able to stand forcing her to do something that makes her so unhappy.
“Thanks, Lexi.”
I kiss the top of her head. Then I text Dani, asking her if she’s cool with driving Rosie to school. After a few minutes, she responds. I sigh in relief. She agrees to drive her, but she won’t be here earlier than twenty minutes. We’ll probably be late, and I will most likely miss practice, but I want to do this for Rosie. I need to make her life as easy as possible.
While we wait, I sit down on Rosie’s bed and pull her chair closer to me. She’s not crying heavily anymore, just sniffing and sweeping her arm across her eyes and nose. “You okay?” I ask.
She nods.
“It will be okay.”
She shakes her head. “Jamie’s gonna walk. I’ll be the only wheelchair kid in school.”
“Sweetie, I know it’s hard, but you have to accept it. There’s nothing you can do about it, so there’s no point in getting upset. You’re just making yourself unhappy.”
“I don’t have friends.”
“That’s because you don’t give the other kids a chance. Whatever happened to that sleepover you wanted to have with your old friends?”
She keeps her eyes on the floor.
“I’m sure they want to come over.”
“No, they don’t! They don’t want to be friends with the weird wheelchair girl.”
I reach for her hands, but she places them on her lap. “You need to open your heart, Rosie.”
“I don’t want to!” A new batch of tears well up in her eyes. “I want Jamie to be in a wheelchair and for us to be best friends. Forever.”
“That’s selfish.”
“It’s not selfish that he gets to walk and I have to stay in this thing?” She slaps her hands on the wheels, then winces.
“Don’t hurt yourself. Please.”
She continues to cry.
“Rosie, try to focus on the good things in your life instead of the bad.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that you have a loving family. Like the fact that you are alive.”
She shrugs.
“You’ll get through this, okay? You have me, and Mom and Dad, and you have Cruiser. And you have Jamie, too. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
She doesn’t say anything, but her expression softens a bit. I hope I’m getting through to her. She’s the only one who can help herself. She sees a therapist once a week, but I’m not sure how helpful that is.
My phone beeps. Dani’s here. I wrap my hands around the wheelchair handles and roll Rosie out the door, down the ramp, and to the car. Dani pops open the trunk and helps me get Rosie in the backseat. “Thanks so much for doing this,” I tell her.
“No problem.” She smiles to Rosie, who returns a hesitant one.
I get in the back with Rosie, putting my arm around her. Dani starts the car and heads to the elementary school. Rosie’s eyes are downcast and she sniffs every so often. I squeeze her closer to me.
The ride is quiet. We reach the school in twenty minutes and settle Rosie in her chair. The place is empty, so I guess class has already started.
“Wow, I haven’t been here in forever,” Dani says as I wheel Rosie toward the entrance.
“Miss it?” I ask.
“Hell yeah. I had my best memories here.”
“To be a kid again,” I say, my voice laced with longing.
“Yeah. But I don’t want to go through all that shi—I mean, crap again. You know, Jimmy and everything.”
And I don’t want to go through the accident again, and the months that followed.
“We should come late all the time,” Rosie says, her tone more cheerful.
“I doubt your teachers will appreciate that,” I tell her.
Dani opens the door for us, and I roll Rosie inside. A woman who’s been sitting on one of the chairs in the hall runs over. Her name is Jess, and she’s the woman the school hired to assist Rosie. Whether helping her get
to class, carrying her books, getting her lunch, or anything else she might need.
“Hey. I called your mom but she didn’t answer,” she says. “I wasn’t sure if Rosie was coming in today.” She smiles down at her. “Hi, Rosie.”
“Hi.”
Despite how Rosie feels about her wheelchair, she adores Jess.
“Sorry, we had a slow morning.” I step aside and let Jess take hold of the handles. “Bye, Rosie. Have a good day.”
She gives me a face like “Suuuuure.”
I nod to Jess, and she gives me a smile. “I’ll make sure she has a good day. Bye.”
I watch her wheel her away, to the elevator. Rosie looks back at me. She has an expression in her eyes, one I can’t pinpoint exactly. It’s a mixture of sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness. Every part of me hurts and I bite down hard on my lower lip to keep myself from crying. Once the doors close and they’re out of sight, I blink, letting the tears fall.
Dani hesitantly touches my back. She’s not one to be mushy. “You okay?” she asks.
I nod. “I will be.” I glance at the time. “Maybe not. Coach Lewis is going to fry my butt.”
Dani nods. “That, she will.”
Chapter Thirteen
Cruiser
Bored as hell.
I throw a ball to the ceiling. Watch as it bounces off it and lands on my stomach. Then I do it again. And again. Like this is the best game in the world.
Maybe I should have gone to school today. My arm was hurting like hell and Dad said I should sit this one out. I figured there was no point in wasting my time there anyway because Rey and I will be moving back in with Mom. ‘Least, I hope so. Rey could chicken out. I hope he doesn’t. Living here sucks.
I pull myself off my bed and get down on my knees in front of the dresser. Might as well start packing. Maybe if Rey has doubts and sees our stuff packed, he won’t back out. Except, it’s not so easy doing this with one arm. All I’m doing is making a mess of everything as I try to lay them in the suitcase.
Screw this.
I get up and leave the apartment. I walk. I don’t know where, but I just continue on. I haven’t explored the area. Rey was right—there isn’t anything here.
My legs stop. Damn. What the hell am I doing here? This is where those assholes attacked me.
I bet the guidance counselor—Carter or whatever—would say my subconscious or some crap brought me here. Because I need closure or something. I can’t lie and say I haven’t been having more nightmares. I don’t want to think about them, though.
I should leave. Am about to. But something makes me stay. I look at the street. I wonder if my blood is there. Did people come and clean it up? Or did they let the rain wash it away?
My eyes move farther down. Yeah, that’s where I got knocked off my bike. I didn’t know back then, but the thing crashed into the wall. Got totaled. Rey told me it’s sitting in the shop. I haven’t gone to look at it. Can’t bear to see the damage. It was given as a gift to me from Gran and Gramps because I made such good progress when I lived with them. Now it’s gone. No, maybe not gone, but I’m too scared to find out.
Though random cars pass, I sit down on the ground. Where my bike crashed. I touch the ground, feel the heat beneath my hand. I wonder how long I was lying here until someone found me. Could I have bled to death?
The image of me sprawled on the street runs across my eyes. Hell, I must have looked pretty screwed up. I don’t want to live in this neighborhood. Don’t want to pass this area every day and get hit with the memories. They’re gone. Over. Done. I don’t want to think about them anymore. Rey better not change his mind. Or else I’m gonna kick his ass. With one arm.
It’s moments like this where I got no choice but to think. About life, the future. Every damn thing. Will Rey finally return to the guy he was? What’s going to happen to my parents? Part of me is in denial that they’re separated. Thinks Dad’ll realize he really does love Mom and will move in. How will Jamie’s procedure affect Rosie? What future do I want with Lex? One where we both can live our dreams and live happily ever after. But I know that’s not possible. I’d give up the Navy in a heartbeat. Let her live her dream because I don’t need any life other than the one where she’s in it. But I know she won’t be cool with that. I know I’ll disappoint Gran and Gramps. And if I choose not to go to the Navy, what the hell will I do with my life? Go to college? Have a career? I can’t see myself having any sort of career other than the Navy.
Damn these thoughts. I don’t want to think about this stuff. Don’t want to stress. I just want to live in the present and be happy. I want to think about my T. Rex, of what she has planned after school. I don’t really care what, as long as we’re together.
I stand up and get on the sidewalk. Keep my eyes on this spot for a few minutes. This area is part of my past. I hope I won’t have to look at it ever again.
When I get back home, I drop down on the couch and turn on the TV. There’s nothing good on. I lie down and stare at the celling.
I guess I must have dozed off, because the next thing I feel is someone shaking me. Smells like Rey. I push him away. “Sleeping.”
“Cruise, get up!”
“Let me sleep.”
“You’ve been sleeping all day! I need to take you somewhere. Lex’s orders.”
My eyes shoot open. “Lex?”
He’s got this jealous-yet-happy-for-me look.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
He tugs my arm. “Let’s go!”
He hauls me off the couch and out the door.
Chapter Fourteen
Lex
“Hurry up,” I tell Dani, my heart racing. “Rey told me he just picked Cruiser up.”
She tightens her hands on the steering wheel. “I’m not risking a ticket for you and your boyfriend.” Her tone is light.
I bounce in my seat. “I don’t want anything to go wrong.”
“We’ll get there,” she assures me. “Just relax.”
I can’t. I need this date to go perfect. I want it to be special for both Cruiser and me. Romantic and memorable. The last time we did something like this was at our one-month anniversary. Cruiser gave me such an amazing evening. I know what I have planned won’t top his, but I hope he’ll appreciate it as much as I appreciated what he did for me.
Dani slows down when we reach the beach and parks the car. I scramble out and hurry to the trunk for the picnic basket. As soon as we left school, she and I raced to the grocery store next door to buy the food and drinks. I spoke to Coach Lewis during my lunch break and told her the truth—that I wanted to do something special for my boyfriend. I could have lied and told her I wasn’t feeling well, but I know how much the squad means to her and I didn’t want to lie to her like that. I hoped she’d understand how important this was for me, and I was so shocked when she smiled and told me to have a good time. Maybe she doesn’t feel as stressed because our next meet isn’t for another few weeks. Or maybe she knows what it’s like to be in love. I promised her I’d be committed to every single practice after today. She seemed satisfied with that.
I just hope everything goes well. I want it to be perfect. Cruiser took me on a picnic on our first date, and I thought it would be perfect to take him on one. Because this is a new beginning for us, just like it was the last time. Putting our pasts behind us and starting fresh.
Dani and I walk around the beach, searching for the best location. Away from the kids building sandcastles or chasing each other, away from the surfers, away from the people who are sunbathing. I dig into the basket and pull out the blanket we bought at a cheap store a few blocks away from the grocery store. We bought the basket there, too, and it looks pretty cheap, but I couldn’t find anything better. I place it in the center of the blanket.
“Looks all set,” Dani says. “I need to get to karate. Let me know if you need a ride back.”
I hug her. “Thanks for all of this.”
“No problem. Have a great time.”
Once she leaves the beach, I sit down and cross my legs. Rey texted me fifteen minutes ago. They should be here any minute. I yank off my ponytail holder and comb my fingers through my hair, hoping to make it look somewhat good. I didn’t have a chance to style it this morning because of what happened with Rosie. I texted Mom earlier and asked her if she’d pick up Rosie. She told me she would. I have a feeling she wasn’t so thrilled about it because she wants Rosie to get used to taking the bus, but I’m glad she agreed.
My whole body perks up when I see two guys walking in the distance. The same height and hair color, though one is cut short and the other sweeps his shoulders. And one has an arm in a sling. Cruiser and Rey. My heart thumps in anticipation.
As soon as Cruiser sees me, he sprints toward me. I get up and run toward him. When we’re only a few feet away from each other, he stops and holds out his good arm. I throw myself at him and hug him tight. He buries his nose in my hair. I can’t help but laugh. We’re acting as though we haven’t seen each other in months.
“Missed you,” he says.
“Missed you more.”
“Never in a million years.”
We pull apart and kiss. Then I look at Rey, who is standing behind us. “Thanks for bringing him here, Rey.” I walk over and hug him. He’s stiff at first, like he’s not used to my touch. Then his arms slowly come around me.
“No problem,” he says. “You two lovebirds have fun.”
“I started packing,” Cruiser tells Rey. “Might want to continue.”
He nods before walking off.
“Packing?” I ask Cruiser.
He takes my hand. “I’ll tell you about it soon.” He looks around. “Why are we meeting here?”
“Because I have a surprise for you.”
His eyes fill with curiosity and delight. “A surprise for me?”
I nod and lead him to the basket. Cruiser stops dead in his tracks and stares at it. “A picnic?”
“To symbolize our new relationship,” I tell him. “Our first date was the beginning of our relationship. I want this to be a new beginning, too.”
