by Dee J. Stone
“Why not?” Cruiser says. “Best friends make the best boyfriends and girlfriends.”
“You know why,” she mutters, her eyes on her cone. “Maybe…maybe if we were both the same…you know, in a wheelchair, we’d be together. But he’s gonna be walking and he’s gonna have all these girlfriends.”
I raise an eyebrow. “He’s going to have all these girlfriends?”
“Hello, have you seen him? He’s like the cutest boy in my whole school. Girls are already all over him. But he…” She lowers her eyes again. “He’s always only looked at me. It won’t be like that anymore.”
My hand tightens on Cruiser’s. Then I get up and walk over to Rosie, lowering myself down on my knees. “I already told you, sweetie—you have your whole life ahead of you. Who knows what will happen? Maybe Jamie will walk, maybe he won’t. Maybe the two of you will end up together, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll meet another guy. Maybe you and Jamie will just be best friends. You can’t worry about the future like this, because then you’ll never enjoy the present.”
“Listen to your sister,” Cruiser says. “She’s right.”
Her eyes trek from me to Cruiser. “But I want to be like you when I’m your age. And I want it to be with Jamie.”
Cruiser gets up and lowers himself next to Rosie on the other side. He gently rubs her head. “Just be yourself and everything will fall into place. No one knows what lies in store for them in the next year, the next five years, or even the next ten years. I didn’t know I’d end up being with your sister. Hell, there was a time in my life when I thought she and I would never talk again. But you’ll end up with whoever you’re meant to end up with. Be it Jaime or some other guy. But you gotta be yourself. You gotta let people in and let them get to know the real you. The real brat inside.” He gently grabs her nose and pulls it.
“Hey!”
He strokes her head. “Okay?”
She looks at him for a few seconds before nodding.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cruiser
Weird. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been in the auditorium.
Kids are all over the place. On stage, in the audience seats, backstage. It’s weird to see them having fun. To me, school’s always been about classes and teachers. Nothing more.
I look at Rey. He looks like I’m pulling him on a leash.
This guy stands up and rushes over. “Elvis and Reagan Dalton, right? For backstage?”
“Yeah,” I say. “And it’s Cruiser.”
His eyebrows furrow. “What’s a cruiser?”
Either this kid is new or lives in his own bubble, because practically the whole school should know my name by now.
Rey snickers. “His name is Cruiser.”
The guy’s eyes flash to mine. “Seriously? Your parents named you Cruiser? That’s so badass.”
Rey snickers again. I whack the back of his head. The guy’s eyes dip to my hand. “Oh, you’re the guy who…”
So he has heard about me. “Yep.”
He whistles. “Totally badass.”
This kid thinks it’s cool that I got my ass kicked?
His whole face suddenly lights up like he got struck with lightning. “It’s perfect.”
“What is?”
“Well, the script is still in the middle of being tweaked. Principal Cameron didn’t like my first idea, so I had to start from scratch. I was thinking of the theme being teenage violence.”
“Cool,” I say. Not sure why he’s telling me this.
“And your arm is broken! It’s perfect.”
“I’m not liking where this is headed,” I mutter.
“Please? You’ll be perfect for the role.”
“You must be shitting yourself if you think I’m gonna go on stage in front of people.”
He gets on his knees and grabs my legs. “Please, please!”
“Can’t you find someone else to wear a fake cast?”
“You don’t get it. You’ve been through it. I need that kind of emotion.”
“Get off my legs.”
“No.” He tightens his hold. “I won’t let go until you promise you’ll be the lead role.”
“You don’t even know if I can act.”
“Just from talking to you, I know how perfect you are for the role. Please, please, please!”
Rey’s having the time of his life standing there and watching the show. Damn me for coming up with the ridiculous idea of joining theater. I should have chosen the chess club. At least there, I wouldn’t have someone begging me to do something I don’t want to do.
I try to shake the guy off my legs. “Can you please get off?”
“No! I’m desperate. This play is on my shoulders. You need to understand that.”
“I feel for you. Really, I do. But I’m here to work backstage. That’s it.”
He won’t let go.
“Dude, you need to get off me. My balance is still a little off.”
The guy reluctantly frees me and stands. “Just think it over. Please? We can send such a good message to everyone out there.”
“I already told you my answer.” I head backstage. The last thing I need is the entire world knowing my story. Knowing what lies in my heart.
Someone chases after me. Rey. He throws his hand on my shoulder. “I think you should seriously consider it.” There’s nothing but humor in his tone. I shrug his hand off.
We get introduced to everyone backstage and start helping out. Who knew how much work needs to be done behind the scenes? The play is set to take place in three months. We’ve got our work cut out for us.
Most of it is boring, but it’s somewhat fun, too. All that matters is that this will count toward my extra-curricular activity.
When we’re done for the day, I grab my bag off the floor and fling it over my shoulder. “Let’s roll,” I tell Rey.
“Hey, I never asked about Juice Me.”
I wave my hand. “Jackie said she’d rather wait until my arm heals. It doesn’t matter anyway, since I got this theater stuff to do.”
“Damn, I forgot my science book upstairs.”
“The old Rey would never forget a precious textbook.”
“Shut up. Just wait outside.” He dashes away.
I find his car in the lot and lean against it. I wait.
Five minute pass.
Ten minutes pass. Geez, I didn’t know it takes so long to get a damn textbook.
Fifteen minutes pass.
Twenty minutes pass. Did Rey get lost or something?
When thirty minutes have gone by, I get all worked up. Fear speeds through me. What could be taking him so long? Then it hits me. This image of Jake and his jackass crew beating the living crap out of him. I bolt into the building. Take the stairs two at a time and sprint toward his locker. He’s not there. Damn. Damn. Damn. I push my hand through my hair. Where the hell is he?
I stick my hand in my back pocket for my phone. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. I send him a text. He doesn’t respond.
“Rey!” I call.
I run through the hallway, poking my head into classrooms, only to find them empty. Images continue flitting in my head. Of Rey all bloody and broken on the floor. Immobile. Or crying out in pain.
“Dammit!”
I come to a stop when I hear something. Music. From a violin. Holy shit…it can’t be. When I look to my left, I realize I’m standing right next to the music room. I push the door open. Rey stands there in the middle of the room, a violin pressed to his neck. He clutches the bow so tightly that his knuckles are white. And the expression on his face? I’ve never seen it before. He looks at peace, like he died and went to heaven and no harm can befall him.
Holy shit, Rey’s playing the violin.
His head jerks up. He sees me and immediately drops his hands. The bow crashes to the floor. “Cruiser.” He sounds shocked and confused and like he lost his mind for the past half hour.
“I’ve been waiting for thir
ty minutes,” I say.
He blinks. “Thirty minutes?” He stares down at the violin like some demon possessed him to play it. “Someone left their violin here.”
I’ve got so many things to ask him. Why did he walk in here to begin with? This is where the orchestra club meets twice a week. Does he want to rejoin? How did he feel playing the violin again? Because from where I stand, it looks like he got laid. Does this mean he’ll start playing again?
“Let’s blow this joint,” Rey says, walking past me.
I hold out my arm, blocking him. “Rey.”
“Don’t get all mushy.”
“You were playing the violin.”
“Wow, you have eyes. Who knew?” He marches out the door.
I follow. “I’m just shocked.”
He walks over to his locker and opens it. Sticks his head inside, then pulls out his textbook.
“It was nice,” I say. “Kind of beautiful. Seeing you play like that.”
He snorts. “Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m serious, bro.”
He marches outside. I follow him. “Rey.”
He gets into the car.
I stand by the driver’s side. “Why won’t you talk about it?”
He motions to his ear and shrugs, saying he can’t hear me. I open the passenger side and climb in. “Admit you liked playing.”
“Admit I’m better looking than you.”
“Can you be serious for a minute?”
“I don’t want to talk.” He turns on the radio. Pulls out of the parking lot.
“I miss it,” I say over the music.
“Poor baby.”
“Look. The years after I quit, I didn’t think much about the violin. I was relieved to be done with it and disgusted with the way Mom fawned over you. Okay, I was jealous, too. But I didn’t think twice about it. Then a few months ago, I realized I missed it. I wish I could play it now.”
“Poor baby.”
“My point, Rey, is that I know you miss it. I don’t get why you’re denying yourself the chance to play.”
“That’s the thing. You don’t get it. No one does.”
“I thought I did. I don’t know how I can help.”
“Stop trying to fix me. You’re the messed-up one, remember?”
“I think you’re the one who needs to remember.”
That seems to shut him up. After forty seconds, he says, “I want to…talk to Mom. About, you know, Kelman’s.”
I feel both my eyebrows shoot up to the moon.
His gaze is on the road. “I just want her to stop nagging me about it.”
“You mean you want her to understand what you’re going through.”
“Whatever.”
“So tell her.”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I will, okay? When I’m ready.”
I nod. It feels like I want to dance on the roof of the car. Maybe once Rey talks to Mom about it, he won’t be filled with so much pain and anger. Maybe he’ll go back to who he used to be and be normal again. Maybe he’ll play the damn violin again and will live happily ever after. Except, he needs a girl. Damn, I forgot to ask Lex if she spoke to Melody.
“Is it weird for me to hope that one day when I walk into the house, I’ll find Dad there?” Rey asks as he parks in the garage.
I unfasten my seatbelt. “I feel the same. But it’s no use hoping. It’s over between them.”
Rey frowns. “Yeah.” He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. We’ll soon be out of there.”
“Yeah, with you at some lame music school.”
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay? It’s still my dream to go to a good music school and be a famous violin player.”
I feel myself light up like someone set me on fire.
Rey holds out his hands. “Relax. I have some time to figure things out and get back into, you know, stuff. I don’t need you hovering around, okay?”
“Got it.”
“And what about you, anyway? You gonna join the Navy?”
I force out some air. “Dunno.”
“You can’t not go because of Lex. She’ll never forgive you.”
“I know.” My voice is barely a whisper.
He pats my shoulder. “Good thing I got no girl holding me back.”
“Melody Hewitt,” I say.
He waves his hand before walking into the house.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lex
I roll onto my back on Cruiser’s bed and stretch my arms. “I feel like my brain is going to explode.”
We’ve been studying for the history test tomorrow for three hours. I’m amazed that Cruiser lasted this long. I’m the one going insane.
He scoots over, gets on his knees, and looks at me. “We can’t have that happening, can we?” He lowers his head to lightly brush his lips against mine. My body arches, dying to feel more of him. It feels like forever since we’ve made out. When I reach out toward his chest, he backs away. “Uh uh. I won’t have my tutor getting lazy on my watch.” He moves further and further away at a very slow pace, his lips twisted in a smug smile.
“Come here,” I demand, stretching for him.
He shakes his head.
“I’m going to die if I don’t touch you.”
He shakes his head again.
“You’re really going to let me die?”
He swoops forward, sliding his good arm underneath my back. But he loses his balance and topples over me. For a few seconds I can’t breathe because his body is so heavy, but he quickly rolls off me. I start laughing. Then I reach for him and yank him closer. “I’m alive.” I sigh contently against his chest.
“You’re so damn cute.” He kisses my eyes, then my nose. “Such a cutie.”
“You’re the cutie,” I say.
“No, I’m sexy, remember?” He flexes a muscle.
I laugh. “You are totally sexy.”
“Thank you.” He kisses me. Then he lies down and tucks me against his body. “Did you speak to Melody today?”
“Oh yeah! I totally forgot. She said she really wants to meet Rey. She told me she was a little upset when you guys transferred out because she was looking forward to hanging out with Rey. She’s so excited he’s back.”
Relief and hope washes over Cruiser’s face. “Maybe once Rey hears a girl is excited about him, he’ll get back to his old self.” He leans forward to kiss my forehead. “I caught him playing the violin in the music room after theater.”
I feel my eyes bug out. “Really? That’s awesome.”
“Yeah. He was all embarrassed and trying to brush it off like it was no big deal. But it sure as hell is a big deal. I was hoping I’d hear him play at home, but so far nothing.”
“Maybe he wants privacy.”
“Yeah.”
I jump to my knees. “I have the perfect idea! Let’s double date with Rey and Melody.”
Cruiser’s eyes move around his room like he’s mulling over my words. “It’ll definitely make Rey feel more comfortable.”
“I really want them to hit it off. I want Rey to be happy.”
He puts his arm around me and hauls me back to his chest. “Me, too.”
We lie like this for a few minutes. My eyes travel around his room. It still feels empty without his ship. I wish I could do something. I just don’t know what.
“You know something?” I say to him.
“What?”
“I still never saw you in your grandpa’s captain uniform.”
He looks at his closet. “Never tried it on.”
“Don’t you want to see how you’ll look? You know, many years from now when you make captain—”
“Lex…”
I get up and open the door to his closet. The shoebox catches my attention and causes my throat to feel dry, but I force myself to ignore it and push his shirts aside until I find the garment bags. I turn back to Cruiser. “Can you put one on? Please? I want to see you in it.”
He has uncertainty in
his eyes. I know we still need to discuss the future. It’s been Cruiser’s dream to join the Navy ever since he was ten years old, but he feels guilty that he’ll be constantly away from me. The last thing I want to do is take his dream away from him. I’m willing to be apart from him, as hard as it’ll be. Because I love him to death and just want to make him happy.
I don’t want to talk about the future right now. I’m scared it’ll cause a rift between us, and I really love when things are going smoothly. “Just try one on, please,” I say. “It doesn’t mean you have to commit to anything. We’ll talk about it another time.”
Cruiser gets up. “I’m worried you’ll find me so hot you’ll demand I make captain right this second.”
That causes me to burst out laughing. “You’re so full of yourself, you jerk,” I joke. “Besides, I’d like to see you in a sailor’s uniform, too. So hold off on making captain right away.”
“Lame Halloween costume,” he says as he moves closer and touches the garment bag.
“Nope. You’ll look really good in a sailor’s uniform. Sexy, remember?” I flex my muscle.
He laughs before kissing me. “Let’s get this thing on me.”
Since Cruiser only has one working arm, I need to help him get dressed. “How do you do this every morning?” I ask as I help him out of his jeans. A large swallow makes its way down my throat when he’s left with nothing on but his boxers. I’ve never seen him…we haven’t…
I try to look nonchalant. It’s no big deal that I’m seeing him in his underpants. Nope.
Cruiser must not realize I’m having a small freak out session, because he says, “With a lot of patience.”
Once the pants are on—and the bottom half of his body is, thankfully, covered—I help him with the jacket. Only his good arm goes through one of the sleeves, though. As I’m buttoning it up, Cruiser dips his head to plant as kiss on my neck. I look into his eyes and he looks into mine. It’s as though we’re getting lost in each other. There’s something very intimate about closing his buttons. It feels very…homey. Like we’re married and he’s really in the Navy and I’m helping him into his uniform because he’s set to leave any minute. A lump forms in my throat as I get a taste of what it would be like if this was real life and he was actually going overseas.
