Endure

by M. R. Merrick

  “You already hate me, I don’t want to give you more reason to.”

  “Did you kill him?” White mist pooled from her lips and I had only just realized how chilly the air had become.

  “I—”

  “Did you pull a blade across his neck?”

  “No.”

  “Then don’t talk like that. I’m not angry with you, but I need to hear it from you. I need to know what happened. You can give me that closure.” The awkward tension closed in around me. When she spoke again, her voice was somber. “Did he feel much pain?”

  I stopped trying to move away. Grams’s frayed hair fluttered in the wind that cut around us. It was cold coming off the lake and it settled in my bones. The relief I’d felt from freshly laundered clothes was gone. She deserved closure, didn’t she?

  “It was quick…for him,” I said. My voice was just above a whisper and my eyes focused on the rocks beneath me.

  “What else?”

  My chest tightened and I looked out over the lake, as though it could help me. The water trickled onto the shore close to my feet, and then it was sucked back. The air was wet, tasting like moist dirt and leaves. The sky was cloudless and as much as I tried to let my mind wander, Grams’s gaze was strong and focused. It became a physical presence, bearing down on me with intense gravity. I couldn’t avoid it any longer. She deserved to know.

  “A portal had opened in the middle of the street, and Riley walked out with the Dark Brothers. I had the power of the soul piece, but I was scared, so I told Willy to go.”

  “Why?”

  “I knew Riley couldn’t kill me. I was safe, but Willy wasn’t. He was my best friend, but he didn’t deserve to be in that fight. I wanted him to go. I didn’t want to drag him into more of my problems. I’d done that enough already.”

  I couldn’t read the look on Grams’s face. I thought it was sympathy at first, but then she appeared angry.

  “For once, Willy actually did what I told him and I went on to face Riley, but even with the soul piece, I wasn’t fast enough. The Brothers and Riley caught me, and Willy...he came back and tried to save me.”

  “How’d he do it?”

  I shook my head.

  “How’d he do it gods dammit?” Grams anger snapped around me, her magic prickling against my skin.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

  The rain was falling hard and Riley stood behind Willy. Black tendrils drifted from his back, swaying from one side to the other. His blue eyes were gone, replaced by solid black orbs and flashes of light that flickered in the darkness. I ran forward, but I wasn’t fast enough. His fingers flexed, his arms twisted, and the snap echoed through the rain.

  “No!” I screamed, tearing my eyelids open and rejecting the image.

  Grams jumped back, her eyes open wide. We stared at each other for a long moment and I whispered, “He broke his neck.”

  A soft whimper came from Grams’s lips and she stumbled backward. She regained her footing and caught herself, walking over to a large rock and sitting down. Her hand trembled over her lips and her eyes welled up with tears, creating a milky blue that stared out at the lake.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “Gods, I’m so sorry.”

  Silence filled the air and the image of Riley breaking Willy’s neck replayed through my mind. I didn’t want to do this again. I tried to occupy my thoughts with something else, anything else. Voices began to whisper in my ear.

  Why didn’t you stop him?

  Ithreal will be freed because of your failure.

  We’re running out of time. Help us!

  He is a fool; do not encourage his weakness.

  I started pacing. My eyes darted from the rocky beach, to the forest, and then the lake, trying to stay away from the images and voices that clawed through my mind.

  “Chase,” Grams voice was soft, but I ignored it. I was focused. “Chase,” she said again.

  “Don’t say it,” I said, shaking my head.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  I stopped, fire filling my eyes. The forest, the lake, and the rocks beneath my feet all became red. Fire spilled out over my soul like a volcanic eruption, molten lava filling my veins and rushing through my body, but it had nowhere to go. I was in complete control now. The magic wasn’t tearing itself out of me and I wasn’t releasing it. It cycled through me, forcing sweat to form in my palms and searing my body from the inside out. I didn’t wince, I welcomed the pain and the distraction it brought.

  “The hell it’s not. I know it, you know it, and the gods know it. I wasn’t fast enough, I wasn’t strong enough, and I wasn’t smart enough. If I had been smart, I’d have left all of you behind and done this on my own. Then Riley would have had nothing left to take from me.”

  “You’re a stupid son of a bitch, you know that?”

  The red that tainted my vision washed away in a wave of surprise, and the first color to return was the blue of her eyes.

  Grams sauntered toward me, streaks of tears staining her pale skin. “You’re a stupid kid, so let me impart some wisdom on you. Sometimes in life we have to bear a weight, one that’s heavier than anything we should be able to manage. In your case, the weight of the worlds. But you’re lucky, Chase—you have people determined to help you carry it. They’re the pillars that hold up things around you. Don’t disregard their efforts because someone got hurt. We all knew what we were getting into and Willy is no exception. So don’t stand there and give me this self-loathing, down-on-his-luck bullshit.”

  “What the hell am I supposed to feel? My best friend just died, and—”

  “And so did my son!” A glimmer of power washed over her and carried in her voice. It snapped against my skin, sending tingles down my arms. The power made the magic inside me pulse and I shuddered. The magic retreated as Grams took a breath. “He was like my son. He’s dead now and it hurts, I know. Hell, I don’t even think it’s quite sunk in through this old skin yet, but there isn’t time to be sad right now. There’s a damn powerful son of a bitch out there that we need to stop. We, Chase. Don’t forget, you ain’t the only one lifting.”

  I couldn’t respond with words. What was there to say? I’d lost my best friend, but Grams had lost Willy too. We all had. I wasn’t the only the one hurting. She was right; Riley was still out there and it was up to us to stop him.

  “Now enough of this sad crap. Get up and show me what you got.”

  “What?”

  “You can use your elements now, yes?”

  “I…I don’t know. I haven’t tried yet.”

  “Well, now’s the time to find out, so show me.”

  “You want to spar with me?” I asked, walking hesitantly across the rocks and taking up a spot across from her. “Are you sure?”

  “Don’t be an idiot. I want to see what you can do, not feel it. Now that you have…whatever the hell those things are inside you, it’s time to see what the Protector is capable of. Call your element.”

  “Which one?”

  “I don’t remember saying.” Grams’s gaze had hardened and her steely gaze narrowed. The sadness had been pulled back, hidden behind a greying and wrinkled exterior. “Now.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Although it hadn’t been possible all the time, I had avoided using my elements as much as possible. They had made me feel pain I never thought a person could bear. Even now as I prepared to channel them I braced for the hurt.

  The fire came slow. I had expected it to explode in one massive rush of liquid heat, but it didn’t. It filled my chest and slid down my arms with control. Moisture gathered in my palms as the warmth reached my hands and a small ball of magic pooled inside. Red energy hovered over my skin and as I pushed, the power built, forming a ball of elemental heat. I’d harnessed the power of fire and it hadn’t hurt one bit.

  “Now what are you going to do with it?” Grams looked unimpressed.

  I pressed forward, more magic spilling into my palm. I focused on
the temperature. The red flames turned blue, fading to orange, and then finally white. Flames engulfed my wrist and the heat caused sweat to form on my brow. Fire leapt from my right hand to my left in an arc of fury until both were wrapped in flame. The arc linked my hands together and energy built inside until a massive white fireball had formed. I didn’t have to arch my arms back and throw it. I was in control. With a small push, the flame hurled forward.

  The fire crackled through the air as it tore across the lake. The element turned end over end, moving to quickly to follow, and then it crashed into a wall of trees on the other side of the lake. Flames crawled up the trunk and smoke billowed into the sky. I panicked, thinking I’d just thrown the beginnings of a raging forest fire across the water. Magic pulsed inside me and I reached outward, calling my element back. I envisioned the fire fading to nothing and as the smoke began to thin, my heart rate slowed.

  “Impressive,” Grams said. “For a seasoned hunter.”

  “Thanks?” I said.

  “But you’re not. I don’t know what you are now, but it ain’t a hunter—you’re something else. What you did would be impressive for a top-ranking member of the Circle, but a hunter isn’t going to stop Riley—the Protector is. The Protector is something more, isn’t it? Something bigger?”

  “I…I don’t know.”

  “My point is, the biggest battle any of us has ever seen is coming, and it isn’t going to be won with hunters, and witches, and werecats. Dare I add, ‘oh my?’” Grams feigned a grin and lit a cigarette. “It’s going to be won by bigger and better powers. You can’t win the fight against Riley unless you know what you can do. Stretch your abilities and discover what you’re capable of. There’s no handbook on being the Protector, so write one. Try things that seem unreachable, get imaginative, push yourself. Think bigger—” Grams lips sputtered as she tried to contain a cough that refused to be withheld. She gagged and hunched over, a sharp sound ejecting something from her throat with a pool of smoke. When she spit it on the ground, the water washed it away. She cleared her throat and laid her hand on my shoulder. “A fireball isn’t going to win this fight, Chase, so figure out what will.”

  Her words echoed inside my head, swirling around as though waiting to be absorbed. Grams coughed again and waved me away. She turned back toward the forest and disappeared into the woods.

  Water rode up on the stones and rippled around my shoes, but I didn’t move. I tried to consume everything she’d said to me, while adjusting to the fact that I’d used my elements with a control I’d never had. And to top it all off, it hadn’t hurt me.

  My other elements breathed deep inside, waiting for their chance to come out and play, but there were other things alongside them—the souls of fallen gods. Their voices vibrated beneath my skin and occasionally, their words seeped into my mind.

  What are we doing here?

  This is the Protector? This is the one who is supposed to save us?

  Can’t you feel his power? It is great and ever-expanding. He will win.

  We should kill him.

  We should kill all of them!

  He was chosen by Serephina. She would not lead us astray.

  More voices came and with them, a pain pierced my skull—a high-pitched ringing that dropped me to my knees. I covered my ears and rocked back and forth, using the motion as a distraction. I tried to block them out and focus on the water that seeped into my jeans and after a few seconds, they subsided.

  As the pain disappeared, I caught my breath and a cold trickle ran down the side of my face. When I pulled my hand away, there was a streak of blood that had oozed from my ear. I washed it away in the water and as the cold fluid slid over my fingers, the water element inside me gained a voice of its own. I looked over the lake and Grams’s words were echoed in my mind. Think bigger.

  Water magic splashed through my body hard and fast. I pushed it over the lake, letting it sink into the water, past the weeds, and into the sandy bottom. The element pulsed and the water swelled in response. Tiny ripples started around my hand, growing bigger as they moved into the lake. Small wakes turned into rolling waves that rose into the air, crashing against the surface. As the waves settled, the water churned and within a few seconds, a massive whirlpool spun in the center of the lake. I focused the power, forcing it down my arms faster than it wanted to travel. Silence wafted around me, but the power shook in my veins. It rolled along the bottom of the lake, coasting through the greenery below. It made the water spin, building into something more. I squeezed that invisible hand around my elements and pushed outward. A huge crash boomed from the center of the lake and a cyclone of water exploded upward. It rotated into the sky with unmatched force and droplets fired outward like a small storm assaulting the lake.

  The world seemed to stop. The air stilled, the forest became silent, and with the exception of the behemoth typhoon coiling over the lake, the world calmed. I moved the magic, and the cyclone swirled across the lake.

  “Wow…” Rayna said.

  I stumbled back and the typhoon collapsed. A loud crash sounded as it slammed onto the surface of the lake. Waves roared across the water, disappearing as they collided into the surrounding shores. Water splashed over my ankles and I jumped back, my heart racing in my chest.

  “Ummm, hi,” I said.

  Rayna stood in front of the forest’s backdrop and her eyes looked more vibrant than ever. “Impressive,” she said. “Looks like summoning those spirits worked. Even if you did almost kill yourself when we did it.”

  “Sorry about that…” Power still throbbed beneath my fingertips, begging to come back out. Rayna’s magic had allowed me to harness the elements within and the result was impressive. With some effort, what I could do with this new power was still an open-ended question. “I wished we’d known to do this a long time ago. Maybe things would have turned out differently.”

  “You can’t think like that. It’s here now and that’s what’s important.” Rayna looked out over the lake as smaller waves rushed to the shore. “What were you doing anyway? Just testing yourself?”

  “Grams brought me out here. She wanted to know what happened.”

  “Oh.”

  “It went better than I’d expected. And I know I can’t stop fighting now.”

  “And we won’t.” Her fingers wrapped around mine and she pulled my hands toward her. I hadn’t noticed her close the distance, but the warmth of her skin was a welcome calm in the never-ending storm inside me. “We’ll never stop.”

  I leaned down and pressed my lips against her forehead. “Thank you for being here…and for saving me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Probably something stupid.” Rayna smirked, and I couldn’t help but laugh. It was the first moment I’d had in what seemed like forever that I didn’t feel beaten. Rayna had the ability to make me feel that way. She was one of the pillars Grams had spoken about, always there holding me up and carrying me when I didn’t feel I could walk.

  “Marcus is putting together what food we have. He wanted me to come get you.”

  “I can’t think about food right now. There’s too much to do.” I looked out over the lake. The water had gone still, but I could feel the wetness between my toes. It had soaked through my shoes and my socks were now damp. I hated that feeling.

  “You need to eat.”

  I didn’t respond. My eyes were lost in the stillness of the water and Willy’s face seemed to be looking back at me from the reflection. Rayna pulled my hands forward and the trance was broken.

  “Sorry,” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “It’s like I see him everywhere. His face is in the water and in the bark of the trees. I see it when I close my eyes. He’s screaming for me to help him and I can’t. I thought seeing him would make things better, but it didn’t. Now all I can think is ‘what if I could just talk to him?’”

  “You weren’t supposed to see him, Chase. That’s not the way things work. We’re all sad that he’s gone, but w
e have to focus on all the good things Willy gave us. His death is not something only to be mourned; it’s a life worth celebrating too.”

  “Celebrating? He’s dead, Rayna. Gone. I can’t celebrate that.” And just like that, the moment of bliss was gone. “I never should have forced him to go anywhere. I should have left his condo the day he saved me and never looked back. He had no business in this fight. He wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t a soldier.”

  I’d never seen Rayna move so fast. I heard the crack of her hand before I felt it. The slap seared my skin and sound almost amplified the pain. I cringed; the sting resonated instantly, intensifying with each passing second. I was too shocked to be angry, but when I looked at Rayna, anger stared back at me.

  “How dare you!” Rayna snapped, and a primal force rubbed along my skin. Her beast snapped in the air, the green of her eyes became more intense, and the power was nearly suffocating. “Do you think everything is about you? We’re all hurting. It’s a knife stuck in our hearts and the blade doesn’t stop turning. Every second is a fight not to break down because we’re trying to stay strong. You can be sad, Chase. You can even cry. But don’t you dare betray his memory by saying he wasn’t a fighter—that he wasn’t strong.”

  Both her hands hit my chest and I felt the pressure of her beast pushing outward. Bones began to crack, but instead of crying out in pain, a growl resonated through her lips. I stumbled back, barely keeping my balance.

  “Willy was our friend—our family. He had more loyalty than any person we’ll ever meet.” She stormed forward, pushing me again. Even though I was prepared for it, I still stumbled. “When it went against what he wanted, he fought. When he was hurt or felt weak, he fought. When he was scared, he fought. Willy was brave, he was strong, and right now, you’re tearing down everything that he was. Willy died so that you might succeed. He wasn’t a soldier? Willy died as more than a soldier. He died a hero. How dare you try to take that away from him!” Rayna gave me a final shove and a primal power burst between us. I hit the beach hard, slamming into the stones like a Mack truck had driven me into a wall. By the time I’d recovered enough to lift my head, all I could see was her back walking into the woods.