Guarding Gaby

by Jean Brashear

  She assumed they were headed to the cave, but in the moonless dark, she had to depend on Eli’s guidance as he used his night vision goggles to navigate. After what felt like hours, she was shocked to find her house in sight.

  At the back door, he halted. “Where are the papers?”

  “Behind the seat in Papa’s pickup at the grocery store in Alpine.”

  His jaw flexed. “They hurt you.”

  “I’m fine. Just a few blisters and some sore muscles.”

  He glanced at her shoes and swore. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “What were you going to do, carry me when you’re injured much worse? Come inside, Eli. Let me check your dressings.”

  He shook his head. “I have to go.”

  “Where?”

  “To—” He glanced to the side. “I don’t know. I’ve got to think.” He looked at her. “Lock up. Don’t open for anyone until you hear from me. If someone calls you with the news about Chad, pretend it’s a surprise. I’ll get the pickup back to you as soon as I can.” He turned away.

  “Are you crazy?” She grasped his good arm. “Wherever you go, I’m right behind you.” She gentled her voice as the anguish on his face registered. “Eli, you need food and sleep. We have to talk about this.”

  “I can’t—” He stood stiff as a statue. “I don’t—”

  “I love you.”

  His head jerked up. In his eyes was both yearning and rage. “When I might have that murdering bastard’s blood in my veins? When you understand what evil I come from? That I have absolutely nothing to offer you?” His voice rose to a roar. “How can you possibly love me when I’m—when I’m—”

  He was strung so tight he was shaking.

  Gaby wrapped her arms around him and held on. “Blood doesn’t matter. I know who you are, Eli Wolverton. I’ve seen into your soul. You’re a valiant man who has triumphed over—”

  “You know nothing—” He whirled to pace, raking his fingers through his hair. “Go back to New York. You have a life there. A future. Dreams you’ve wanted since you were a kid. With me, you’ll have none of them.”

  His insistence was knotting her stomach. “I was a girl when I had those dreams. Then I was a lonely woman who had nothing else. Is there no compromise in you, Eli? Do you want to be forever the lone wolf standing outside the glow of the campfire?”

  His silence filled her with dread. “I’m tainted, Gaby. I hope to heaven Chad was wrong, because I don’t think I can bear it if that man is my father. I used to long to have a family, but—” His voice went hoarse as he gazed at her with yearning. “How can I smear an innocent child with the blood of a man who beat me, who murdered my mother, who trafficked in human suffering?”

  “You aren’t him. What he was has nothing to do with you.” She approached him again, and when he tried to back away, she crowded him. “You are a good person, despite all the odds that were stacked against you. Chad had everything given to him and didn’t do half as much with his life as you’ve managed when granted not even the minimum of resources or hope or love. When you were abused and abandoned as no child should be.”

  She raised her hand to his cheek, desperate for contact. “I have only one dream that matters, Eli.”

  “What is it?” His voice was rusty with longing.

  “Your love. For the rest of my life.”

  “I will love you until the day I die.” He was so terribly solemn. “But that changes nothing.”

  Though her heart was aching, she persisted. “You’re wrong.”

  “We’re different. Too different. I don’t like cities, and you love them. You’re gold and I’m…dirt. You have ambition and possibilities. I have…” He spread his hands, helpless. “Not one thing to bring to you.”

  “There’s your heart.”

  He shook his head. “Not good enough.”

  She had the sense that if she pushed him now, he would vanish, and she would never find him again. She watched the war within him and understood that all her words might not be sufficient to overcome what haunted him. That she could still lose him and spend the rest of her life without the love that was her heart’s reason for being. Without the other half of her soul.

  Balanced on the razor’s edge, she realized just how exhausted she was.

  How much more drained he must be.

  Though she was terrified of a misstep, she took a chance and backed off. “At least let me check your injuries.”

  “I need to get the rest of this settled first. I’m a wanted man, and I have to turn myself in.”

  “But—”

  “Yes,” he said firmly. “It all begins with that. I want a clean slate. A new chapter.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “No.”

  “Don’t vanish again, Eli,” she pleaded, caring little for dignity now. “Come back to me when you’re done, and let’s talk. Please.”

  “There’s no point.”

  “You could give this up, what’s between us? Just…walk away once more?”

  Torment flickered. “Gaby, you’re refusing to see the truth.”

  “What truth?” Heartache flipped to fury. “That you’re running away again?”

  “As you’ve done for all these years?” he thundered. “There are people right here in Chamizal who need that brain of yours, that heart and courage. I’ve seen more suffering than you can imagine, and I know I can’t stop all of it, but at least I’m doing something, bringing attention to their plights. You’re doing articles on how to get botoxed and highlighted when there are women being sold into slavery or beaten by bastards like—”

  He halted, breathing hard. “I’m sorry. Forget it. You’re not to blame, I’m just—” He stared into the distance.

  Stricken, she couldn’t summon a response. What he’d said put her own recent doubts into focus. Shed light on the unease that had gnawed at her for some time.

  He stirred. “You didn’t deserve that. You haven’t been where I’ve gone, haven’t seen—”

  “But you’re right. I have some decisions to make, about this place, my career…” She bit her lip to keep from saying you. She straightened her shoulders. “I’ll be here for three more days. Eli, please—” She stared into his eyes, hoping to glimpse even a trace of what they’d shared. “What we have is something most people only dream of. Maybe you’re right, and it’s not enough. But you’re not a coward, so I dare you to grant us a chance.”

  His expression was both fond and desperately sad. “You could do much better than me, Gaby. The world is full of men who would fight like hell to have a woman like you.”

  “What about you?” Defeat crept over her, but she couldn’t seem to stop trying. “Will you give me up so easily?”

  “There’s nothing easy about it, honey.” His hand reached out for her, but he retracted it before he could touch. “I have to leave,” he said softly. “Goodbye, Gaby.”

  And he began walking in the direction of his cave.

  “I’ll wait for you, Eli,” she called after him.

  But if he heard, he gave no sign of it. She watched him until his form vanished into the darkness.

  Stood there until the chill air invaded her bones.

  A whimper at her feet roused her. “Hey, Buddy.” She dropped to her knees and buried her face in his fur. “He left you, too, huh?”

  It was then that she was certain he would not be back.

  Regardless, she lingered an extra day, but he didn’t show. She was busy during that time, cleaning and packing the house. She decided to allow herself some time to figure out what to do with the ranch and made arrangements for Ramon’s grandson to move some livestock onto the land in exchange for taking care of the property. With her new raise, she could afford to pay the taxes on the place for a while and not dip into her father’s modest savings, if she didn’t get that new, bigger apartment.

  She debated about taking Buddy with her, craving to hold onto that one last link to Eli, but in the end, sh
e left him with Ramon. Cooping him up in the city wasn’t fair to the dog, any more than it would have been to Eli. In that, Eli was right about the differences between her and him.

  But she wasn’t ready to give up on Eli. Or to sever her last tie with the place of her birth. She left her address and phone numbers with Juanita, just in case he changed his mind. The old woman’s sympathy had both wounded and touched her.

  “I don’t know what he will do, child. This new information has hit him hard, and he’s struggling.”

  Gaby managed to resist, only barely, asking Juanita to tell her where he was.

  But the next move was up to him. And she had her own thinking to do.

  So it was that, with fall crisp in the air, she arrived back in New York just over a week after she’d left, though the interim felt like a lifetime. She heard the constant din that had once seemed so exciting and couldn’t help contrasting it with the deep silence of a West Texas night. She looked around the tiny apartment and felt the walls pressing in. The impulse to turn around and run back out.

  But she had nowhere else to go.

  The phone rang, and for an instant her heart lifted. Maybe it was—

  She picked up the receiver, breathless with hope. “Hello?”

  “Hey, girl, welcome home!” Beth said. “How are you, my friend?”

  Tears nearly blinded her. “I’m—” Okay, she meant to say. But she couldn’t.

  And Beth seemed to hear. “I’m on my way.”

  “Thank you.” Gaby dropped her head into her hands as despair swamped her. Fought the urge to curl up in a corner.

  Then she forced herself to take off her coat, hang it up and begin unpacking.

  Time to go on with the life she’d worked so hard to create.

  An endless, dreary week of sleepless nights later, she sat in her first editorial board meeting, where she’d dreamed of being for so long. Across the table, discussion raged over whether to feature a botox article or one on a newer type of non-surgical facelift.

  And all Gaby could hear was Eli’s challenge in her head. “What about an article on the sex trade?”

  Heads swiveled toward her, eyebrows raised high. A ponderous silence descended, but she forged onward. “There are women being brought into this country as sex slaves. Isn’t that more important than plastic surgery?”

  Beth’s expression was filled with sympathy. The others ranged from polite cynicism to outright astonishment. The features editor looked down her nose at Gaby as though she’d smelled something bad.

  Someone behind Gaby snickered.

  “Botox has been done to death,” the features editor continued as if Gaby had never spoken. “Let’s go with this new laser technique.”

  Every gaze shifted instantly from Gaby’s. Instant pariah. Beth bit her lip and conveyed an unspoken message of support, but Gaby was clear that she’d made a serious faux pas. She was a member of this group in name only; she hadn’t earned her stripes yet. She could be replaced in a heartbeat with any number of bright young things teeming on the small island of Manhattan. No one would remember her for long.

  She could, of course, recover from this gaffe by working very hard. She might still one day replace her boss as she’d meant to.

  But, she wondered, how much of herself would she give up to do so?

  There are people right here in Chamizal who need that brain of yours, that heart and courage.

  Something within her stirred. Stretched. Scented the tang of creosote bushes, remembered the wind blowing over her skin, the sun painting her face. Drawing in a breath, so clean, so deep in her blood—

  It was then that she understood what she had to do.

  She had fled Chamizal and its people because she believed she was missing out, that around the next corner there would be excitement and glitter and accolades. Treasures to be unearthed. She’d considered Chamizal and her life there a trap, her past a prison.

  But she’d been free for years, and what had it gained her? Loneliness, isolation in the middle of millions, absurd attempts to remake herself in someone else’s image? To leave behind her heritage and all that had made her strong enough to tackle Manhattan.

  Back in West Texas were her people. Her roots. Yes, she was intelligent and capable and ambitious, but why must those attributes be used only in a city? Why should they serve only her?

  You could flee or you could stand your ground. You could fight your way to the top, or you could battle to help others make it. What she’d learned in the nine years after she’d left Chamizal, about life, about the system and how to work it, about failure and success and believing in yourself—these things she could pass along to children such as Linda’s…or even, her own. However far away the prospect of having children with anyone but Eli seemed.

  “Gaby?” Her boss’s sharp voice intruded.

  “What?”

  “I asked you a question about the April issue.”

  Automatically, Gaby began to shuffle through her files to retrieve her notes—

  Then she halted. What was the point?

  But inside, she shivered. Could she really give this up? Was she insane? The moment strung out on a filament so fine, a wayward breath could snap it.

  “Gaby? Are you prepared?”

  The question was more far-reaching than her boss could have imagined.

  You’re not a coward, she’d told Eli. But what of herself?

  Slowly, she stood. Exchanged one quick glance with a bewildered Beth, then proceeded to outline what would have seemed a brilliant layout only weeks before.

  The board, for the most part, seemed impressed with her ideas, though some refinements were suggested. As she listened and discussed, a part of her stood separate, observing the scene with more than a little regret over what she was about to do. What would never be.

  But already, remorse was being replaced by a lighter heart. The inner click that tells you you’re on the right path.

  When the meeting adjourned, before she could lose her nerve, she asked her boss for a minute alone.

  “I want to thank you for giving me a chance. This has been an exciting time in my life, and I’m so grateful for your encouragement.” She paused. Sucked in her breath. “But I’ve decided to return to West Texas. I don’t expect you to understand my choice.”

  “You’re right about that. How can you leave all this? What will you do?”

  She laughed. “Not exactly sure. I have a degree in communications with a minor in business. There are people out there who need their voices to be heard on a variety of topics, but in truth…I’m going to have to wing it.” Thank goodness she would at least have a roof over her head and a little money her father had tucked away.

  “You’re bright and energetic, Gaby, and you’re ambitious. You’ll miss this.”

  “Likely, I will. But New York’s not going anywhere, and planes fly both ways. I know young girls who need a sense of the wider world, and boys who deserve to have someone show them the ropes. To give them confidence that they’re as good as anyone educated in an Ivy League school.”

  She spread her hands and shook her head. “I’m sure it sounds like I’m off my rocker, but when I left Chamizal, I realized that I’m needed there in a way I never will be here. I wish you all well, and I will never forget any of this, but—” Her heart was racing, and she was caught between delight and disbelief that she was actually taking this step.

  “—It’s time for me to go home.”

  As Gaby walked back to her office, musing over the look on her boss’s face, she laid a hand over her jittery stomach. As excited as she was, she was also terrified of the risk she was taking.

  “What was that about?” Beth came up from behind her. “You okay?”

  “I am.” Gaby smiled. “I quit.”

  Beth’s eyes popped. “You…what? Have you lost your mind?”

  “Maybe. Probably.” Giddy and breathless, she grasped her friend’s shoulders and waltzed Beth into her office, talking too fa
st to outrun her terror. “I don’t know how to explain to you, but it feels right.” Then reality hit her. “Oh, Beth, I will miss you so much. I’ll never see you again, will I?”

  They stared at each other for a moment. They’d been each other’s lifeline in a pressure-packed situation. Gaby wasn’t sure how she’d manage without her friend, or vice versa.

  Then Beth shook her head and exhaled hard. “Scorpions, right? Tarantulas, snakes?”

  “But there’s also—”

  A peal of laughter issued. “Never mind the sales job. Of course I’ll visit.” She paused. “At least once.” She winked. “Throw in a hot cowboy or two, I could be a regular.” She threw her arms around Gaby and hugged her hard.

  Gaby heard her sniffing and was close to tears herself. “I could tell when you came back,” Beth murmured. “So are you going after the loner?”

  Eli. Gaby was too raw to think about him, yet suddenly he filled her mind. “No,” she said. “It’s up to him now. He has to take that first step.”

  “If not, he doesn’t deserve you.” Beth hugged her fiercely, then stepped away. “Okay, how long do I have to plan the going-away bash of the century?”

  “Two weeks.” At the words, her stomach did a flip. “Oh, lordy.”

  But Beth was already halfway out the door, muttering party details to herself.

  For the next few hours, Gaby made lists and phone calls to cover the million details of relocation. She had her hair grasped in one hand while she scribbled yet another to-do item—

  “Gaby?” The receptionist. “You have a visitor.”

  Gaby held up one hand and kept writing. “I don’t have any appointments.”

  “I didn’t call ahead.” The voice was deep and as familiar to Gaby as her own.

  She glanced up. The pen dropped from her fingers. “Eli—” She fell speechless. Was she hallucinating?

  They stared at one another.

  “You are so beautiful.” He leaned against the door frame, no apparent discomfort from his injured shoulder.

  She barely noticed the receptionist leaving. “Your arm is better?”

  “Yeah. I had a good surgeon.”