“You’re gonna get hurt!” I called down to her, following, my bare feet trudging through the sand and kicking up a dusting behind me as I went. But Kelsie was just laughing. The dune was pretty small, ultimately, nothing like Sleeping Bear up north or anything like that, so Kelsie soon reached the bottom. She popped back up onto her feet and spread her arms out, giggling, waiting for me.
“Tada!” she said as I closed in on her, my run slowing to a walk and then stopping. Kelsie then wiped furiously at her mouth and spit a little bit. “Sand,” she mused.
“Yeah, you think?” I said. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.
“This is freaking beautiful,” said Kelsie, turning around now and looking out into the Lake with the sun nearing the horizon. “And there’s nobody around!”
“Yeah, it’s private property,” I said. “I know the owners. This whole beach area is their private land.”
“I’d love to come back here during the day sometime and swim,” she said. Kelsie then began walking closer to the water and I eagerly followed her. The waves rocked up against the shore with a familiar rollicking sound, ebb and flow, back and forth. It was calming and meditative and perfect. Romantic feeling.
We approached the Lake now, that tide lapping up onto the beach and grazing our bare toes. I could only watch Kelsie take it all in. It was like I was introducing her to my best friend. She looked down and watched the water hit her toes and then recede, only to maintain her focus and watch it again. Kelsie smiled, like she had been told a juicy secret, and then she looked back out into the Lake and stretched her arms out. She was such a beautiful woman, standing there in a pair of army green shorts and a loose-fitting white t-shirt that rippled in the wind from the breeze off the Lake. Her wonderful red hair blew back from her face.
After a few moments of reverie with the water, Kelsie stepped back and lowered herself, sitting cross-legged into the fine dry sand, beckoning me to sit down next to her. I dutifully did, taking a few slow steps toward her, watching my feet as I moved, and then sitting down with her, similarly cross-legged. I looked over to her and smiled happily. Kelsie didn’t act like I thought a movie star might act. She just sort of seemed like a normal girl, someone looking to have a little bit of fun, searching for authentic experiences like this.
“Thanks for bringing me here, Audra,” she said, reaching over and giving my hand a quick squeeze. “I really can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of Lake Michigan. I mean, I’ve been to Chicago and I’m seen the Lake there. But it’s definitely not the same. The beach here is just incredible.”
“No problem,” I demurred. “This might be one of my favorite spots to come to in the entire world. Well, I haven’t explored the world much… but I think it’s pretty neat.”
“I could definitely see having this…” said Kelsie, motioning out toward the Lake with her arms wide. “Could really keep a person in the area. It’s not that surprising that you haven’t left.”
“Well, I don’t know,” I said, looking away. “I kinda feel like I’ve done myself a disservice by not leaving. Like I’ve missed out on a lot.”
“Life is nowhere near over,” said Kelsie with a knowing smile, her eyes probing into mine. “You’re not even in your 30s yet. Both of us still have a lot of life to live.”
“I suppose so,” I said.
“Suppose so,” said Kelsie in teasing tone. “C’mon, don’t be so morbid. Life is wonderful.”
“Well, I know your life is wonderful,” I said. “But not everybody gets to live in that glamorous world.”
“I guess that’s true,” she said evenly. “But I could take it or leave it. I mean, if my star rapidly descended and I was no longer getting work, I’d still be just fine. It’s an attitude you’ve got to cultivate. Like, I could happily live in a mansion, snuggling down into expensive satin sheets, or I could yank a dirty sleeping bag over me that’s a bit too small and fall asleep right here on the beach.”
“You say that,” I said. “But…”
“But nothing!” she said, letting out a short laugh. “What do you even know about me,” she continued. “Just what the tabloids say or what the movie marketing machine wants you to think?”
“Maybe,” I said.
“I thought you didn’t much like movies or Hollywood types,” said Kelsie, grinning, lifting up a single eyebrow in my direction. “Huh? Audra doesn’t watch movies.”
“I admit,” I said. “I looked you up on the internet.”
“Ha!” she said, pointing at me sharply, like she was rubbing my face in it. “Busted!”
“Back off,” I said, reaching out and wrapping my hand around her finger, lowering her arm. “I’m not proud of it. It was a compulsion to figure out more about you. And seeing as you’re in the public eye, it wasn’t hard to search you out.”
“Yeah, my life isn’t very private,” she said, like she was slightly annoyed by it. “But it’s a trade off, you know? It’s what you’ve got to endure if you want this life.”
“I have to say,” I said slowly. “That I am, like… impressed.”
“Impressed?” she said. “All right. How so?”
“I’m impressed that the world knows you’re a lesbian,” I said. “That you’re not hiding it. I thought that maybe it would be hard to do in Hollywood.”
“Well,” she said, looking off, searching for her words. “I think it’s easier for our generation. It’s more accepted. A lot of my fans are around our age or younger and to them it’s not a big deal. You’ve got kids who have gay friends that are barely teenagers yet. It was much harder for the generations of lesbian actresses that came before me.”
“That’s interesting,” I said. “I guess I hadn’t thought of that.”
“I know some really famous actresses,” said Kelsie, evenly nodding. “Ladies in their 50s and 60s, that are still not public about being a lesbian. I mean, I get it,” she said. “It’s absurdly hard for women to get good roles at that age, stupidly hard, and it seems like the only way to do it is to maintain your sexuality. To them, I guess, their heterosexuality.”
“That’s just crap,” I said.
“Total crap,” she confirmed. “But I’m taking a different road. I have different opportunities, which I’m so grateful for, and I’m going to make the best of it. If I fail, I fail. I already have money,” she said with a devilish grin. “Like I said, I could live in a sleeping bag on a beach. I don’t have the kind of expensive tastes you might think someone in my position would have.”
“You are different than I expected, really,” I said, then almost interrupting myself to correct. “I mean, I didn’t really have any expectations, to be honest, because I didn’t know who you were as a person. But I admit that I did expect something from the whole movie cast and crew hubbub in the hotel.”
“And you’re pleasantly surprised?” said Kelsie with an innocent smile.
“Pleasantly surprised,” I said.
“So you know — what? — everything about me now?” she said, releasing a little laugh. “What’s up with Audra? Who are you?”
“Wow, tough question,” I said. I raised a hand up and pushed it through my hair. “I mean, I feel way different than you, like worlds away.”
“C’mon,” she said. “No way.”
“Yes way,” I said. “I live at home with my father who, I don’t know, drinks too much. My mother ran away from us almost a decade ago. I work at the hotel and… I mean, that’s it.”
“That’s not it,” Kelsie intoned. “There’s more to you than that.”
“I dream of writing,” I said. “I told you that, I said I was a writer but really I just sort of dream of doing it. And I dream of… I guess I dream of getting out of Champlain… somehow.”
“Hey,” she cooed, looking at me in the eyes. Kelsie raised her hand to my face and tenderly ran her thumb over a tear that had worked itself out. “It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I said in a low voice. “I’m embarrassed now.
”
“Don’t,” she said softly. “You’re fine, Audra. Everything’s fine.”
“I… I feel trapped, Kelsie,” I said. “Like, stuck. Stuck here.”
“You work at the Hotel Champlain,” she said with a little glimmer in her eye. “Not the Hotel California.”
“Huh?” I said, looking at her absently. “Is that a hotel in LA or something?”
“It’s a song,” Kelsie said, unable to suppress her amusement at my ignorance. “C’mon, it’s the Eagles. It’s a super famous song.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, finally remembering. “Yeah, I know that song. I guess I don’t get the reference.”
“Forget it,” she said. “What I’m saying is that you’re not trapped. You can leave whenever you want. You just need a little bit of money. Not much.”
“I have a little bit of money saved,” I admitted.
“How much?” said Kelsie.
“I’ve got, like, three thousand,” I said. “Just stuffed in an envelope under my mattress.” I let off a nervous laugh. I felt kind of stupid admitting that my life savings was so meager, and so poorly hidden away, when I was talking to someone who was obviously very wealthy.
“That’ll get you out,” Kelsie said, smiling at me reassuringly. “You’re not trapped, Audra. You’re free.”
“I guess I don’t really think about it like that,” I said. “You’re right, but it still seems… nebulous.”
“Okay,” she said gently. Her lips were turned up in an irrepressible smile and I was grateful for her understanding. “Don’t worry about it right now. You can talk to me about it whenever you like.”
I nodded slowly, thoughtfully, as this line of conversation dwindled and the two of us retrained our gaze on the Lake.
After a few moments of pregnant possibility, Kelsie reached over and took my hand in hers, holding on adoringly. Her fingers threaded through mine and we both eagerly gripped. I wiggled my butt into the sand and scooted closer to her.
“Is this a date?” I asked naively after a few more beats of silence. Kelsie laughed, bent to the side and rested her head on my shoulder. She then lifted it back up, shaking it slowly back and forth.
“You’re so funny, Audra,” she said. “It can be a date.”
“Okay,” I said. “I want to think of it like it’s a date.”
“Okay,” Kelsie repeated. “How about like this?” She slowly moved in toward me, I felt the heat between us rising, Kelsie’s lips pursing, my eyes beamed wide open as I watched. Before I knew it, Kelsie had pressed her lips to mine and we were kissing. At first I imagine, to Kelsie, it was like kissing the back of her hand. But as my brain finally got wind of what was happening, my body reacted and returned the kiss. I melted. My heart shook inside. My eyelids lowered and I relaxed into the luxurious kiss.
Soon it became familiar. Like riding a bicycle. Although I hadn’t kissed anybody in a while, it all came back to me and I reveled in it. I felt Kelsie drape an arm around my side, her hand pressing against my back, and we continued our kiss amid the subtle, sweet, light smacking of moist lips and the tide rolling against the beach.
And then, just as suddenly as it began, the kiss ended. Kelsie drifted back and we opened our eyes together. She was smiling me at me lovingly and I probably just had a surprised visage smeared on my face. I was surprised. I mean, it was exactly what I had wanted, exactly what the desires inside of me had been hurting for, but it was still a shock. It was still crazy that I had just kissed a well-known Hollywood actress.
“Are you okay?” she tenderly cooed, emitting a soft giggle as she looked into my eyes to try to figure out what I was thinking. “Everything all right inside there?”
“Yeah,” I said absently, slowly wiping some spittle from the corner of my lip. “That was… just… yeah.”
“So we got that out of the way,” said Kelsie. “It’s a date. You can accept that. Right?”
“Right,” I said.
It was like I had been knocked upside the head, brained by a wooden club filled with thirst and emotion. And although I totally loved it, a supplicant to the power of desire, it took me a while to come back down to Earth. But once I did, once I got a handle on myself again, the evening continued in its magic. We sat out there on the beach until the breeze from the Lake got just a bit too chilly for our summer outfits. Kelsie and I got to know each other even better, though I tried to keep the conversation in her court. I was eager to know where she came from, how it all happened for her, and where she expected things to go.
I was fascinated by her. I was so totally stricken.
Later on that night, after Kelsie and I left the beach, after I dropped her back at the hotel, and after I quietly snuck into my house, I laid alone in my bedroom, half-covered by a sheet, naked but for my panties with my hand plunged inside of them. I was breathing heavily, panting but trying to remain quiet, feeling the last bits of orgasmic energy move through me and make themselves known with little sudden kicks of my left foot. My hand was wet and humid, pressed up against myself under the tensile fabric of my underwear, lightly sticky. A musky aroma wafted up. Everything was quiet but for my meditative breathing.
I couldn’t help myself. After that evening with Kelsie, my pent up sexuality needed to be expressed. And although I would have preferred to be present with Kelsie in working out my knots, pleasuring myself was the next best option. I thought about her the whole time. I thought about what it would be like to be wrapped up naked with her, our sweaty flesh pressed together with a desirous warmth, I thought about our kiss. We had broke from conversation a couple of times to kiss and each one was so special to me. It made me feel just… good. Like I was wanted. Like I wasn’t the loser I’d built myself up to be.
Stretching out in my bed, I moved my feet back and forth and felt a light coating of sand on them. My panties, too, felt like they had brought a little sand back from the beach so I removed my hand and then took hold of the elastic band at my hips and deftly pushed them down my thighs. Once I navigated the fabric to my feet, I gingerly kicked them off and let them fall to the carpet below.
I turned over and laid on my stomach, my bare butt poking out from the sheets, the wetness between my legs slowly evaporating with the help of the loose bedsheets underneath me. I sighed happily and stretched my arms up into my pillows. I just felt freaking grand. You know? I felt peachy. I felt those kind of positive words that harkened back to another time, an easier time, a time that felt, I don’t know, less complicated.
I didn’t know what would happen with Kelsie, that much was uncertain. I knew that the movie was only in town for a short window before they were to head back to LA to complete the production at a soundstage. My time with Kelsie, much like this summer, was waning and I had to make the most of it. I didn’t want to be too cautious, too shy. I had a tendency to be like that, to be the bored looking standoffish girl who was really just hiding from a mild case of social anxiety. Nothing crippling, thankfully, but more of an internal problem of lack of confidence that kept me from being as outgoing and surefooted as, say, someone like Kelsie Kent.
But I saw in Kelsie an opportunity to help me change my ways, come out of my shell, and maybe develop into the person I always wanted to be. To thrive. I mean, she was sort of this laid back hippie girl — maybe not really a hippie, but a similar attitude. What she represented to me was special. She made me think of laying out on a beautiful beach in California, or running toward the water with a surfboard under my arm. I guess that’s kind of silly. But then again, it was a possibility. It was something that I could have if I just wanted it bad enough.
It was warm in my room, as we didn’t have air conditioning in the house. With my window open, I could hear the crickets chirping outside, singing together in a cacophony of syncopated chirrups. It was familiar and pleasant. I thought about how amazing it would be if Kelsie was laying there next to me, the two of us stretched out in the buff, post-coital, she already dozing as I listened to the crickets ser
enade us. How sweet would that be? It was the companionship I longed for, the closeness, the very closeness I had felt earlier at the beach with Kelsie and the same closeness I dreamed of most nights. I was a young woman, in my prime, eager to figure out the world. And having a partner alongside me, someone to laugh with, someone to knowingly smile at, that was the image that rounded out the dream.
I buried my face deeper into my pillow and relaxed my body. My heart had slowed back to normal, the energetic shivers had left me. With a smile on my face, I began to drift, imagining what it would be like the following morning, seeing Kelsie at the hotel, reliving our night in the glow of her beautiful face.
Two
Back at the reception desk, I was feeling a bit cooped up, scribbling down little doodles into a notebook. It was the morning after my and Kelsie’s date. I guess it’s fine to call it that, right? She said it was a date. We kissed. It was a date. That’s what happens on a date. It had been a little while for me but the basic formula of a date was coming back. And what we had was most certainly a date.
But I just felt, I don’t know, a little bit confused. It didn’t really make sense to me that Kelsie would be interested in a girl like me. I felt like I had nothing to offer. I was so normal even though in my own mind, wrapped up a bit in my own ego, there was something different or special about me. She was used to living in that Hollywood world, going to award ceremonies, hobnobbing with other celebrities, spending tons of cash. I guess I’m just glamorizing it. I really have no idea what it’s like. From the hours Kelsie and the others were working on this movie here in Champlain, I suppose they did put in a lot of work to enjoy these other benefits that I’m romanticizing.
So why me? Was she just looking for a new girl to mess around with in this little town she had to inhabit for a few weeks? That could be it. There really weren’t many women our age here in Champlain, and the ones who were had been married to their high school boyfriend for a decade already. And forget about lesbians. As far as I knew, I was the only one in town. The only one who wasn’t hiding it, that is. Perhaps Kelsie honed in on me the moment she met me, knew right away that we were on the same page, and wooed me with her beauty and free-spiritedness. That’s not far fetched. I’m skeptical of celebrities. They’re just used to having everything they want.
Hotel Hollywood: A Lesbian Romance Page 5
