But then again, our date felt very real. Like there was a connection. What I felt with Kelsie wasn’t a feeling I often had. What I mean by that is that it was special, it was different yet familiar, something I had experienced in the past but infrequently. It was a connection that I truly longed for. Imagine living in a place that gave you very few options and then suddenly your best case scenario walks through the front door. That’s what this was feeling like. Like maybe some sort of weird kismet, some sort of alignment of the planets finally brought the kind of girl I totally pine after and put her right in front me. “Your move, Audra,” says the universe.
I just had to be sure that Kelsie actually felt the same way. I didn’t want to be played. That could be the final blow for me. I already felt like I was walking a fine line between staying upright and just collapsing, and if Kelsie was taking me for a ride then I wasn’t sure that I would make it out of this. I’d put on a strong face for too long when really I was kind of a mess inside. I just didn’t have the confidence I knew that I should have. I didn’t have the gumption to take the type of risks that would set me apart from everybody else. It sort of felt like Kelsie was that beacon, the person that my confidence might hinge on. Which way am I going to go? I didn’t know.
But I also knew that I couldn’t base my happiness on the fancy of a single person. That’s a road to ruin. I knew this logically but emotions are a different story. Can I be honest with you? I wanted so bad to be someone like Kelsie. To be someone notable, somebody famous, somebody that people adored or looked up to. I didn’t want to be an actress, but I always wanted to be a writer. Like a famous writer, maybe a professor at some small liberal arts college in New England. Some ideal. Maybe someone like Virginia Woolf or, if you want to get modern, someone like Joyce Carol Oates or Margaret Atwood.
Audra Durand, famous literary author, professor, mentor, perpetually able to hit that best seller list. And did you know she’s married to actress Kelsie Kent? Yes, they happened to meet when they were younger and Audra was working at this hotel…
Married? C’mon. I needed to get out of my head. I was already daydreaming about marrying this girl? How silly, how juvenile. But I guess it’s okay to dream, it’s okay to allow for any scenario in your head even if it’s not something that could materialize in real life. Like my writer dream. I don’t know if I’d ever achieve that. Heck, I didn’t even write anymore. I hadn’t in so long. And to be a writer you have to actually, you know, write something.
All I knew from this prolonged reverie was that I had it bad for Kelsie. She was pretty and sweet and smart and with it. She didn’t seem like some ultra famous celebrity, rather she seemed like she was down to earth. Someone I could relate to. Someone I could tell my troubles to and she wouldn’t judge me. That’s important. If you find yourself shacked up with someone who judges you for your thoughts and feelings, you need to run away from that. But Kelsie wasn’t like that at all. She was bright and accepting and that was the kind of light I desperately needed in my life.
Kelsie represented everything that it felt like Champlain was holding down in me.
As though I’d been bombarded with a bright flashing bulb, I broke from my fantasy and saw Jake standing there in front of the desk, eyebrows raised, looking as though he were waiting for me to respond. I quickly minimized the picture I had on my computer screen, which was an image of Kelsie I’d found on the internet, and I looked up to Jake with an expectant look on my face.
“So?” he said.
“Sorry,” I peeped. “Say that again?”
“Where are you lately, Audra?” he said. “You’ve been acting kind of funny ever since the movie came to town.”
“The whole town is acting funny since the movie came to town,” I said. “I’ve never seen Main Street this bustling.”
“Yeah,” admitted Jake. “I mean, we’re actually getting people stopping in and eating at the restaurant, hoping to catch a glimpse of a celebrity. Lucky for us we’re only competing with the Patty Melt Diner down the street. I don’t think I’ve seen these kind of numbers in the books for a long time.”
“That’s great, Jake,” I hummed.
“So anyway,” he went on. “Do we have another room?”
“Why?” I asked.
“Did you not listen to me?” he said. “Apparently another producer of the movie is on his way out here to oversee the last couple weeks of filming.”
“Oh,” I said. I took hold of the mouse and started clicking around on the computer. “Uh, yeah,” I said, nodding slowly as I stared into the screen. “We have a room for him up top.”
“Perfect,” said Jake, giving the desktop a quick rattle with his knuckles. “Will you coordinate with that woman Jennifer so she knows where to put this guy?”
“Can do, boss,” I said.
“And, you know, focus up,” he said. “I feel like every time we talk your mind is elsewhere. This is our big shot,” he said. “This movie could put our town on the map and if that happens, the hotel could really thrive.”
“Right,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” said Jake with a smile. “Thanks Audra.” Jake scurried off, again leaving me with the empty lobby. As soon as he was gone, my mind wandered back to thoughts of Kelsie. I couldn’t help it. I felt embarrassed that I was becoming so obsessed with her but, to be truthful, it made me feel good and I liked that feeling.
Just after 5PM I stepped outside of the hotel and slipped my sunglasses over my eyes. I had just handed the reins of the front desk over to Meredith, a woman who Jake had recently hired temporarily to work the evening shift so neither he or I had to pull a double. The sun was still out, shining and bright, and the air was humid. Summertime was my favorite time. I’m sure you’ve already got a pretty good picture of how claustrophobic I’ve felt in Champlain. In winter that feeling is definitely multiplied. But in summer, I felt free, I felt like it wasn’t so bad, I felt like the outdoors was my home. As I stood outside the hotel, I contemplated on how I should spend my evening. I didn’t want to go home, that was always a depressing proposition, but I didn’t really know what else to do.
As my brain tried to come up with options, one of the fancy-looking white busses from the movie production eased up in front of the hotel and a smile began to curl across my lips. Looking around, I saw some of the other townies wandering about. This was exactly what they were waiting for. There might only be crew members on this bus, but there very well could be actors. I must say, most people were generally good about giving the actors some space. They only wanted to see them. Some stepped forward and asked for an autograph or a picture, but the bulk of them were cordial and polite and were probably just a little too scared to talk to the famous people.
The bus door opened up with that familiar sound of air pressure being released, or whatever that sound is, and people began filing off the bus. I leaned against the brick of the hotel, putting one foot up against the wall, trying to look cool. Yeah, that’s silly, I know, but if Kelsie happened to be on the bus I wanted her to see me looking cool. I wanted to feel different than the rest of the town. I wanted to stick out. I watched as everyone walked through that bus door and made their way up to the hotel. Some of them greeted me with a “Hi Audra,” or a smile and wave. I smiled and waved back.
And then there she was. Kelsie came off the bus wearing her oversized black sunglasses, a big straw hat with her red tressed falling out from under it, dressed down in athletic shorts and a tank top. She was trying to hide her face slightly with the glasses and hat, but that didn’t stop a few of the people hanging around from taking pictures. She held a small smile on her face. You could tell she enjoyed the attention.
I watched intently as Kelsie sashayed toward the hotel door, hoping she’d see me before she went inside. Then I saw her face lighten up and even though we were both wearing sunglasses, I knew our eyes had locked from behind the shades.
Kelsie got this look of pleasant surprise on her face, a moc
k-skeptical joy. She broke from her path toward the hotel door and stepped over to me.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this greeting?” she said in a teasing manner. “Out here waiting for me?”
“I just wanted to snap a picture,” I said. “Can we get a selfie together? Maybe you could sign my autograph book?” Kelsie giggled and lightly placed her hand on my arm.
“Anything for my fans,” she said. “I would be nothing without the adoration of the public.” She delicately lifted her nose into the air and shook her head, feigning like she was simply above it all. Kelsie then laughed and smiled at me. “What are you doing out here? Trying to look cool?”
“No,” I protested like I’d been caught. “I’m not trying to look cool.” But as you know, I was.
“Well, I think you’re looking pretty cool,” said Kelsie, giving me the once over. “Just chilling out in the sun.”
“Thanks,” I said with a demure grin. I looked off from her.
“Hey,” she said, her voice lowering in volume as she leaned in closer to me. “I had fun last night.”
“Me too,” I admitted.
“Let’s do it again.”
“What?” I said. “When?”
“Tonight,” she said eagerly. Her joy was infectious, her grin causing me to build a grin on my face in anticipation. I was enthralled by her attention, it made me feel so wanted. So desired. It was a foreign feeling to me, but I was loving it.
“I mean, we could,” I said.
“What else is there to do?” said Kelsie with a laugh. “C’mon, we both worked all day, let’s just grab some fruit and cheese or something and head back to the beach. Being out there really made me miss California,” she said. “And I liked spending a little time with you.”
She was right. There really wasn’t much else to do in town. I had no plans. I wasn’t interested in heading home, I didn’t really want to hang around the hotel. It’s a simple life here in Champlain.
“All right!” I said, changing my tune from uncertainty to excitement. “Let’s do it.”
“Perfect,” said Kelsie. “Let me run up to my room and take care of a few things, then I’ll be back down. Will you stay here?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Then we can head out to the grocery store and pick up some stuff,” she said with an eager smile. “Then… back to the dunes!” Kelsie lifted a finger up into the air as though she were inspiring a spectacular new adventure.
“Stop,” I said, reaching out and grabbing at her arm, trying to pull it back down. I couldn’t suppress my own laughter, my own happiness.
“Don’t move,” said Kelsie, holding out her palms. “Seriously, I’ll be right back.”
Kelsie quickly skipped off from me and went into the hotel. I watched as she moved, her nice little rear shifting back and forth underneath the thin fabric of her athletic shorts. I felt my heart flutter and my stomach get all knotty. I couldn’t believe we were doing it again, heading out together for some private time. It was like I was in the club. I was accepted. Not only was Kelsie stoking a much needed romance inside me, she also made me feel like I had a friend.
I felt like I could give up everything I knew in this town, everything I had grown up with, all the people, the hotel, even Lake Michigan. I could give it all up for Kelsie. I was starting to feel like I was thawing, like I could move again, like I could breathe. It was an addicting feeling.
Kelsie and I sat together in the backseat of my open-air Jeep, in a similar scene as the previous evening, the sun setting, the waves from the Lake crashing up onto the shore. We were locked in an embrace, slowly but passionately making out. I loved the feeling of having my hands on her and I even got so adventurous as to slither my fingers up the back of her tank top, touching the warmth of her soft skin. My heart beat fast and I felt myself growing hot between my legs. It had been so difficult up until this point, but something had irrevocably flipped in the narrative and life was coming together for me.
I felt Kelsie’s chest push tighter against mine, our mouths hungrily pressing together, opening so that our tongues could touch, heads almost perpendicular to get the best angle for our lusty connection. In an automatic moment of passion, I released an avid groan into Kelsie’s mouth, causing her to grip even tighter to me.
After a few more moments of this, Kelsie slowly eased back from me with a longing sigh. We opened our eyes together and smiled at one another. I caught Kelsie opening her mouth wide and lightly wiping at the corner of her lip. My heart was shaking my entire body.
“I really like kissing you,” I squeaked, feeling slightly embarrassed by this admission but wanting her to know how I felt.
“I like you,” she said, lightly allowing her hand to drop to my bare thigh. Kelsie casually caressed me back and forth.
“Do you?”
“Mm hmm,” she said through a close-lipped smile, nodding her head.
“Why?” I asked.
“Why?” she replied, that smile still on her face. It was almost as though she thought the question was silly, like I wasn’t seriously asking.
“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, why do you like me? I guess I don’t get it.”
“You’re nuts,” said Kelsie with a laugh. She gave my thigh a squeeze causing me to squeal.
“Hey!” I said, lightly smacking her hand. Kelsie pulled her hand back with a chuckle. “I’m serious,” I continued. “You know, you’re this famous actress and here you are in the back of this Jeep making out with a nobody.”
“C’mon,” said Kelsie, getting a little stern with me. “You should give yourself more credit.”
“Well, why do you like me?” I asked again. “Help put my overactive mind at ease.”
“Okay,” said Kelsie, slowly nodding as she considered. “So I was first really drawn to you because you’re, like, super cute. Superficial, I know,” she said, rolling her eyes back. “But I’m just being honest. I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t the first thing I noticed about you.”
“That makes me feel better,” I said, trying to hide the smile on my face.
“I find you attractive,” said Kelsie dramatically, raising her hands to sky. “There I said it.”
“Okay!” I said, now giggling. I reached out and grabbed her hand, threading my fingers into hers. “I get it, I get it.”
“I mean, why does anybody like anybody?” Kelsie went on. “You just find yourself drawn to someone and you go for it. I don’t pretend to understand the universe, I just relinquish myself to synchronicity. If you’re open to the universe, it gives you stuff.”
“I don’t know if I understand that,” I said cautiously. “Synchronicity?”
“It’s like fate,” she said. “Sometimes we fight against things, fight against life because we don’t like this or that or we don’t think it should be a certain way. But if you just accept whatever it is that happens, if you just let life play out, magical things happen. But, like I said, you’ve got to be open-minded to it. I’m open-minded to it,” Kelsie said matter-of-factly, punctuating her point with a knowing smile.
“All right,” I said, giving her a nod, going along with her.
“Plus it’s a really great album by the Police,” Kelsie said, putting her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing.
“I can see a lot of your references are music-related,” I mused.
“Just 70s and 80s,” she said. “That’s pretty much my favorite era of music.”
“Okay, back to me,” I said with a bit of fire in me, staring deeply and happily into Kelsie’s green eyes. I gave her hand a pressured squeeze, then released, doing this little excited motion a few times before Kelsie shook her head and peered over at me with raised eyebrows.
“Well, you’re just… regular,” said Kelsie with a quick shrug of her shoulders. “You’re not a phony. Not a Hollywood type,” she said. “You know, a lot of times people in my position end up with someone else just like them. You know, like, at a similar fame level?”
“Sure,” I said. “Or, well… I don’t know anything about it, really,” I went on. “I don’t follow celebrity relationships or anything like that.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” said Kelsie. “That’s what I like about you. You’re a regular person. You’re not another actress trying to hitch her wagon to my star — which has happened to me — and on the other hand you’re not, like, intimidated sitting here with me.”
“I am a little,” I shyly admitted.
“You hide it well,” laughed Kelsie.
“Thanks,” I intoned quietly.
“I just want a normal thing,” Kelsie said finally. “I want my dating life from before I was famous. I don’t want this whole complicated thing, you know? I want to feel easy and good.”
“Okay,” I said. I then leaned forward and adoringly pressed my lips to hers, inciting the two of us to succumb to even more kisses. A light breeze came in from the Lake, the rolling sound of the waves instilling in us a wonderful comfort.
“Mmm!” hummed Kelsie after a kiss, indicating that she was remembering something. “I have a surprise.”
“Yeah?” I said, watching as Kelsie stood up from the backseat and leaned over to the front seat. She grabbed for her purse, which was a worn out and somewhat droopy knit bag with some sort of hippie-ish design on the side. Kelsie started fishing through her bag, searching for this surprise she had for me.
“Here we go,” she said. Kelsie pulled a small plastic baggie from her purse and held it up to show me. Inside was a small blue lighter and a little hand-rolled cigarette. “It’s a joint!” she said, plopping back down into the backseat.
Kelsie deftly opened up the baggie and removed the joint and lighter, holding it out to me.
Hotel Hollywood: A Lesbian Romance Page 6
