He sees my frustration. “Calm down man, look none of us are stupid, Vin. It wasn’t hard to find out who your mother is to this state. What we’re looking for is a meet and greet with her.”
Now I’m starting to get the picture. “Why, what are you guys up to?”
Troy downs his drink while I notice that Steve and Terry tense up.
“Alright Vin, I’m going to level with you. We have some clients that are depending on us to make a shipment of supplies to them by certain dates. This will be something ongoing. We’ve learned that your mother’s approval or permission is something that we seem to need.”
There’s no reason to try to conceal my mom’s standing in this state, they seem to know already.
“What type of shipment are we talking about?”
“I’d rather not say too much right now. All will be revealed when we get a meeting with her.”
Fuck him, I stay quiet for a minute, but then see how Steve is becoming real antsy in his chair.
“My mother doesn’t meet with outsiders.”
“Outsiders? Really man? I thought we were family.”
“Not my blood family. She won’t see you.” I stand, knowing this conversation isn’t going anywhere.
Troy gets my attention mid stand, “Vin, you forget who we are, what we have all been through together. I know you will assure that your mother will see us.”
I finish standing and smile down at all of them, letting them know I understood the underlying message. I’m being used, and that shit does not work for me. “Goodnight gentlemen.” I turn to walk away, but Troy jumps up, grabbing my shoulder. “Man, this is something we need, it can be very beneficial for you too. Don’t forget brother, you owe me.”
I know what he’s referring to. Our last day on the mission.
We were sent out to recon a small area of the city. Everything seemed nice and quiet, but we weren’t stupid. We knew they were there. Someone is always there watching, waiting for you to fuck up. And I did. It was at the end of my last tour and I stumbled on to a young man. So young, he still had his whole life to live. He shouldn’t have been there, but then again, none of us should have been. We stared at each other. I didn’t want to hurt him, and he looked innocent enough. I found myself letting my guard down as we stared at each other in silence. I remember the whole time, thinking about myself at that age. Thinking how my life could have been different. I don’t know why, but with him standing in front of me, it reminded me of every single thing I had ever been through. As I stared into his brown eyes I saw some stupid hope he still had. I never saw that in my eyes. Not once.
It was like I was dreaming; everything played out in slow motion. The young man raised his gun to me slowly. I knew. I knew what to expect, but for a moment, I was hypnotized by the innocence and hope I saw in him. I still couldn’t move, yet I also knew if I didn’t do something, he would kill me. But in that moment, I didn’t care. I saw in his eyes things I’d never seen in mine, and I didn’t want to be the one to destroy it. So, I stood there not saying a word or making a single movement. This was it, what I had always planned my outcome to be. He raised his weapon higher. I had already come to terms that this was my end, and I was actually fine with it. Him or me, and I was willing it to be me.
I closed my eyes, making it easier for him because I saw the hesitance in his face and his shaking body. I knew that looking into a man’s eyes and killing him, is one of the hardest things to do. I wanted it to be easy. It’s pathetic and I’ve never admitted it to anyone but at that very moment, I wanted it all to end. So, I made it simple for him. I stood there, eyes closed, and bare to him to end all my suffering.
I only opened my eyes when I heard the gunshot. I was stupid, I knew my guys, especially Troy, wouldn’t be far. We were trained to stay close together, but I had forgotten the second I saw the young man. I forgot about everything going on around us and just concentrated on him. The gunshot rang through my ears as I opened my eyes to see the young man, who was really nothing more than a boy, with his head exploded. His blood splattered, hitting my face and jolting me out of my stance. Troy was yelling at me but all I heard was the ringing in my ears and again, it all played out in slow motion. I might not have been able to hear him, but I could tell what he was yelling. He wanted to know what the fuck I was doing or thinking.
He yelled, “What the fuck is wrong with you man, you got a death wish?!”
Then I glanced at him as he stared at me. I didn’t say anything. I knew the second he realized the truth. The truth that I wanted it all to be over. His look of disapproval is something I will never forget. It still haunts me today.
The next thing I remember is all the gunfire. That one single shot through the boy’s head caused a chain reaction. Gunfire blazed all around us. I was still in a daze when the bullets hit me, knocking me down. Troy even fell on top of me, injured too but we both fought off anything that came near us until I noticed Troy had passed out on top of me. I had time to check his breathing and once I knew he was still alive, it knocked me out of my death wish. No matter how much I might have wanted to die, I couldn’t let Troy’s life end. I knew he had a wife waiting back home for him. He had someone waiting and wanting to love him. I laid there for what seemed like hours with Troy laying half over my body. I couldn’t lift him; my body was too weak, and my injuries were too severe. I wasn’t even sure if we were going to make it out of there alive, but I had to try. Not for me but for him. I laid there and stayed on guard, and every time someone came into range, I fired. I don’t know how many men I killed that day. But if they wanted to kill us, they had to go through me and I was an excellent shot. When my weapon emptied, I switched to Troy’s weapon. There were minutes that passed of stillness that gave me a moment to think over my actions that caused all this.
Images of my brothers and of Catherine flowed through my mind. Catherine, fuck, how could I do this to her? My mom, the only woman who ever showed me any kind of love or strength. She was finally free and finding peace. Why and how could I be so selfish to do this to her, again? It would only cause her more pain and suffering and I had witnessed enough of that for a lifetime. At that very moment, I allowed myself for the first time since I was a child, to cry. I screamed out all my pain and kept firing the weapon, knowing I had to make it out of there. I wouldn’t allow her to suffer because of me, not anymore. I screamed and fired until I had nothing left. No bullets and no more tears.
It wasn’t but a few minutes that had passed since I shot my last round when I saw our boys coming for us. The cavalry was here to save us. With knowing Troy and me were safe, I allowed the pain of my injuries to take me under. The next time I woke, they were about to do surgery on me. They quickly told me what was going on, but I didn’t hear any of it. I was so out of it, confused about what and where I was, all I knew was that I was in pain. So much pain. When all was said in done, I was flown to Germany for another surgery and rehab.
I still remember the first time I saw mom again. She had flown to be at my bedside. When I woke she was crying. My eyes opened fully, she held me so tight she was practically smothering me. The doctors informed her I barely made it, but she told them she knew I would. Her son was stronger than that. It was in that moment I thanked God for my survival. I swore to never hurt her again. We were each other’s strength. She needed me like I had needed her.
I looked at Troy’s hand on my shoulder then looked back at him. Yes, he saved me, but he never knew the rest; how I saved the both of us. I never told him about the events after he passed out. I was ashamed, and still am. I’d allowed myself to feel and cry for the first time in a long time with his body lying over mine. Some things a man should never have to explain to another. All he remembers is the look I had on my face, showing I wanted to die. He doesn’t know what it took for us to survive that day. And here the motherfucker is trying to shame me into doing something I don’t want to do.
I look down at his hand then back up to him. With all the rage in
me, I growl out, “Get your fucking hand off me!”
Troy looks at me, smiles and removes his hand. “Now that’s the Vin I was hoping to see.”
As I turn my back and walk away, he yells out to me, “I will be seeing you soon brother. Real soon. There are things we need to discuss.”
19
Brittany
Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door to Catherine’s mansion. Jeffery answers the door and walks me upstairs to where all the girls are getting dressed. I walk in the room with apprehension, my anxiety level is high. Avery spots me first. “Britt, you’re here!” She practically runs to me and throws me into a bear hug.
“Okay, Avery I can’t breathe.”
“Sorry babe, I’m just so glad to see you.”
Before I can respond, Fallon runs up, hugging me too. She feels my body shaking so she tells me, “Don’t be nervous Brittany, it’s all worked out. Everything will be fine.”
“I know, you all keep telling me. Look, I’m fine. Where’s Murphy?”
“She’s in the adjacent room. Go on, go see her. She’ll be so glad you made it. We were all kinda scared you would chicken out.”
I can’t help but let out a small laugh. If they only knew how bad I wanted to do just that. But, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt Murphy like that on her wedding day. I just pray I’m not hurting any of them by not staying away.
“Yeah, I’m going check on her. Here, can you grab my dress and hang it somewhere?”
Fallon takes my dress as I walk into the adjacent room. I see Murphy looking gorgeous even without her dress on yet. I also see Catherine and Murphy’s mother all standing there. I haven’t said a word yet when Murphy jumps up seeing me through her mirror and runs, hugging me too.
“Geez, what is it with all you Stern women today? I’ve had enough hugs to last a lifetime and I haven’t done anything yet.”
Murphy releases me and says, “But you’re here and that’s all that counts.”
Man, they really have me pegged, knowing that I might not have shown up.
Murphy starts walking me back towards the women. “Brittany, you remember my mother, Cherry, from the bachelorette party?”
I shake Cherry’s hand and jokingly say, “How could I forget? I still feel the sting of you whacking that rubber dick into my leg.” They all laugh and then Cherry says,
“Sorry about that darling, I guess I got carried away. It’s been awhile since I handled that much weight between my legs. Not the best introduction, was it?”
I smile at her and tell her, “It was the perfect introduction. I like any woman who can swing a dick like that.”
The room breaks out again in laughter.
When Murphy sits down back in front of her mirror I see Catherine watching me with almost what I would call, pride. She finally breaks her silence.
“I told them you wouldn’t let them down. I never questioned it for a second that you wouldn’t be here.”
“But should I be, is the question. Are you sure about this Catherine? I don’t want to do anything that will hurt you or any of them.”
She walks up to me in the only way that she can, with her head held high and such class and grace. She is such a walking contradiction. From the outside world you see Ms. Fancy pants, Ms. Prim and Proper, but the people that know her or of her, knows what lies beneath. She’s a walking weapon and can take anyone down without breaking a nail. One has to admire her not only for her beauty but for her power and strength.
I met Catherine so long ago; she helped me in more ways than I ever thought someone could. She has been my mentor, and so much more than just that. I love her, and I know she loves me too. I have never questioned that. But, I also understand I’m not her blood, she has no reason if I ever gave her cause to think twice about ending me. So the love is there, but I know my limits. She never has to worry though, I would never betray her.
She comes to me and grabs my hand and whispers to me, “You are always welcome here Brittany, always have been. You choose to keep your distance not me, not my family. You made that choice a long time ago, don’t forget. If anyone dares to say anything or question it, it will be the last thing they do.”
She kisses my cheek and returns to Murphy’s side. I know she means everything she said and I’m not stupid, any normal person would and should be scared of what she just told me. But I’m not. Catherine has always looked out for me and that gives me more comfort than anyone can ever know.
“Well then ladies, I will go get dressed. See you all in a little while.”
With that said, I return to the room with the other girls and see the happiness in all of them. I wish my nerves would settle enough so I could truly enjoy the experience. No matter how much I portray confidence on the outside, I’ve always been a little insecure on the inside. On a day like today, I am downright scared. I haven’t been scared in a long time. But today puts me on display, front and center. I’m not saying I will take anything away from the bride, but it puts me out there for all of them to see me as more than just a date or a prostitute. It will allow them all to see me as a person. A person that has to shield herself from the shameful stares.
The ones that look at me and know what I do for a living. The ones that try to make me feel shame or guilt for my life choices. It has been easy over the years to keep them at bay, but today that can all change. I don’t want to stand up there beside Murphy and the girls and be working Brittany. I want to be the Brittany that is their friend. The Brittany that loves them all. That means my shields will have to come down. I will be up front and center for all the staring eyes and their scrutiny. Now don’t get me wrong, I made my choice. Even though I felt I had no options, I did make the choice to live this life. I could have accepted help, but I was always taught to not take handouts; to work for everything you have. So that’s what I did, and I don’t regret any of it. It has given me everything I have ever wanted and needed. It has allowed me to take care of myself and the people I care about. And if I’m honest, I have enjoyed most of it. The money and the sex can be addictive. Fuck all of them and their stares. I just need to find a middle ground between having my wall up and being free of it.
Once my makeup and hair are done, I slip into my dress. Admiring myself in the mirror, I look beautiful, if I may say so. My hair has been pulled up into old fashion looking curls and finger waves, and the makeup team has my face looking flawless. They gave me a dark shadow eye that makes the coloring of my eyes pop. Now to work on the inside.
I sneak out of the room without anyone seeing me. Creeping down the hall, I find a deserted bathroom on the other end where it’s private and quiet. I close the door and open my purse, finding my stash of two joints. I take one out, open a window, turn on the exhaust fan and light up. Damn, the first hit is always the best. I take a deep inhale and hold as long as I can, waiting for the weed to calm my nerves. I’m on my third inhale when I hear someone knocking on the door. “Hey, who’s in there?”
“Shit!” I don’t know what to do. I start turning looking for a place to hide my joint when the door opens. Fuck! I forgot to lock it! I stand frozen with my lit joint behind my back when Vin walks in. Double shit!
He looks at me surprised, “Brittany?”
He closes the door and leans against it crossing his arms over his chest with a fucking smirk on his face. “Is that what I think it is?”
“What?”
“The smell Brittany. Someone’s being bad. Come on, hand it over.”
“You going to bust me with Catherine?”
He looks at me as his smirk gets bigger, then he pushes himself off the wall and takes the three strides toward me. When he’s standing right in front of me I look up into his amber eyes and see desire that instantly has my panties soaked. How can one man do that to me with just a look? He is so tall, dark, and dangerous that I can’t help but desire him more than any other.
With our eyes locked on each other, I feel him lean down towards me as his hand lands on my s
houlder sliding down my arm. I’m starting to forget how to breathe. He just prowled over here and took action. It’s easily one of the sexiest things I’ve experienced. His eyes are looking deep into mine and his lips are so close that in one move we would be touching and kissing. God, make a move. My mouth opens with anticipation, waiting to feel his lips on mine again. I hear myself letting out a small moan, as he continues to move but stops a hairbreadth away from kissing me. His hand keeps caressing and traveling down my arm until he reaches my hand and pulls the joint out from between my fingers. He stands abruptly and backs away. He moves back to the door, and takes a hit, inhaling deep. I close my mouth and eyes and straighten my wobbly knees. Once I regain my composure I open my eyes.
“Did you just seduce me to steal my joint?”
He lets the smoke slowly come out of his mouth, looking sexy as hell, then says, “Did I? Is that all it takes to seduce you?”
I clear my throat and try not to show any reaction because I know he’s enjoying this way too much.
“You asshole, give me back my joint.”
“What, this joint, don’t you mean our joint?”
“No, I mean mine!”
“You see sweetheart, the way I look at it. It’s my house, my rules. You come in here with anything, you have to share it. This little so-so joint is now ours.”
He takes another hit before passing it back to me. I hesitate to take it but shit it’s mine and I had it for a purpose. I take my hit and try to remain calm. He’s screwing with my relaxation.
I tell him, “I didn’t know you partake in anything other than booze.”
“You’d be surprised to learn what I’ve partaken in.” He shrugs then says, “I smoke weed pretty often. It helps settle me.”
“Tell me, Mr. Stern, what else have you partaken in then?”
For a minute he watches me in silence, I think he’s going to tell me but then he changes the subject.
Art of Loyalty (A Stern Family Saga Book 4) Page 12
