The Perfect Emotion (Book Two of The Perfect Series)

by Rolka, Melissa

  “Oh,” I said as I contemplated my next words. I didn’t want Reed to ever worry about me bringing Kyle into our relationship in that kind of way. Instead of shying away from telling him this I turned my head to his and said, “You don’t ever need to worry about me doing that. This is our relationship. Ours alone.”

  “Good because I like it and want it to be ours… well, other than you with your dad,” he chuckled out. Kissing lightly I suddenly realized that we had been alone for well over an hour now. Maggie definitely should have been back.

  I reached over to grab my cell phone and saw that almost three hours had past. Shit. Maggie had sent a text hours ago.

  I’ll be back after eleven. I put a do not disturb sign on door. ;) Mags

  I felt a burn rising in my chest up to my cheeks knowing Maggie probably did try to come back, but heard us. Giggling I buried myself into my pillow.

  “What?” Reed asked. I handed him the phone and he started cracking up.

  “Well, I’m sure she’s been in worse compromising positions. Good though this gives me more time with you alone,” he said as he tickled my side and pulled me into his bare chest. The smell of masculinity and a little bit of pine filled me. The smell was light, but all Reed. “Now we can shower before she comes back.”

  “Wait, I want to have you listen to something.” I reached back for my phone and searched through my iTunes. Once I found the song I hesitated before I hit play. “This song reminds me of you. Well, us. I listened to it when I was back at home last semester all the time. Do you know the song Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson?” He shook his head knowingly. “This version is by Sugarland. I know you like country music. I still don’t know a lot of country music, but I really like Sugarland.” He agreed with me and I hit play. Our fingers interlocked together and soon his thumb gently stroked my thumb. The words clearly vibrated from my phone saying things that I had difficulty saying. This song expresses how I felt during our time separated. Even right here and now it speaks volumes to my feelings.

  The song came to an end and I ran my fingers through Reed’s hair. Swallowing over the lump that had formed during the song I kissed him on the forehead. “What did you think?” I asked nervously.

  “I think it’s my new favorite song.” My heart skipped a beat and my mind swirled with thoughts of new emotions… hope, desire, and olive juice.

  CHAPTER 23

  Maggie did eventually come back to the room and the three of us talked. She was very comfortable and open in front of Reed. They really have become close with each other. She talked about how she felt like a brick had been lifted from her chest since she broke things off with Brandon and that she told Marco she wants to take things slow, really slow. I envied the way she presented everything so levelheaded. She always has a way of keeping things real and practical. For Maggie facing things right away and making firm decisions brings clarity in her life. She explained that Marco wanted to fly out this coming weekend, but she firmly told him she needed to give this a little time and would see him when he was here in a couple weeks. It sounded like if Marco had his way things would be different.

  Reed stayed the night and while I loved having him secured tightly next to me in my small twin sized bed I liked the size of his bed and the privacy of his room much more. He left early in the morning to get ready and head off to his classes. I found myself unfocused and daydreaming throughout the day. Words Reed whispered to me flitted through my head all day making me feel electric and wired. I’d twirl my tennis bracelet around my wrist remembering when he gave it to me. Our schedules conflicted today and I knew I wouldn’t get to see him during the day plus I have a night class.

  As my night class ended I saw thick heavy raindrops pelt against the windows of the room. I regretted not bringing my umbrella instantly. There is no way that the hood on my coat would protect me from this storm. The building I’m in is old and faces out onto the main street on campus. Slowly with dread I head down the three levels of stairs to stand in the entryway with a group of students waiting to see if the rain would slow. I’m scrunched up in the back of the group and can only see from the top of the doors how fast and heavy the rain is coming down. Leaning against the wall I pull out my phone. Reed’s text pops up.

  Come out. Reed

  I shift around to see if I see him. In front of me I hear a couple students commenting on a sports car out front. One guy saying that it’s probably one of the most expensive Porsche’s available. Smirking I push through the group and smile when I see Reed standing there with an umbrella. He winks and gives me my favorite sexy smile. Behind Reed I see a familiar black sports car with flashing lights. Opening the doors I walk out under the umbrella and crash myself into his firmly planted body. I kiss his lips and slip my tongue just past his before retreating.

  “Thank you,” I say loud enough for him to hear over the beating rain.

  “Come on, get in.” He walks me to the passenger door and I get in almost completely dry. Reed gets in a little more wet though, but considering not too bad. I wipe some drops off his face and he grabs my hand to kiss it. Then we take off into traffic.

  “Did you eat yet?” He asks as he shifts gears.

  “No, I was going to pick something up at the cafeteria, but now I’ll just eat a can of soup or something in my room.” I ramble on carelessly when he interrupts me from continuing.

  “I’d like to take you out for dinner instead.” I look down at my casual attire wondering where he has in mind. “You look great, like always. Actually, my dad is an investor in the restaurant I’m taking you to. Plus, look at how I’m dressed.” I glance over at his worn jeans, gym shoes and casual light coat only feeling slightly more secure. I suppress rolling my eyes because he’d look good in a cardboard box.

  “Are you sure? What kind of restaurant is it?” I inquire further.

  “Yes, I’m positive. It’s a steak house and they have really great baked potatoes.” He raises his eyebrows at me alluring me in even more.

  “Hey, you remember!” I say as I tickle his side.

  “Of course, I remember everything you like,” he says and winks at me quickly before focusing on pulling up to the restaurant valet.

  We make our way out of the rain and into the darkly lit restaurant. Before reaching the hostess stand Reed pulls me close and pecks me sweetly on my cheek. Brushing my hair away from my face and then running the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip as if anticipating me to bite at it he moves us towards the hostess stand.

  “Hi, welcome, do you have a reservation with us tonight?” I can tell the moment she really gets a good glance at Reed because her voice changes an octave and her cheeks begin to flush. She looks to be about Reed’s age or a little older and is heavier set.

  “No, just the two of us, we’ll take-,” Reed says as another girl in the same attire approaches. She’s tall, thin and looks to be more in her thirties.

  “This is Grant Harper, Alicia. I’ll take care of him,” she politely tells Alicia.

  “Oh sorry, I didn’t realize,” Alicia speaks softly, but we hear her and it feels a little awkward. I of course have to do a double take when Reed is called Grant.

  “Grant, honey, how are you? This is a pleasant surprise.”

  “I’m good, Bonnie. We just finished classes for the day and I thought I’d bring my girlfriend here for a steak dinner instead of dorm food. This is Kate.” She smiles and holds out her dainty hand, which I shake graciously.

  “Nice to meet you, Kate. You will love our steaks they are the best in the city. Follow me, I’ll put you in the corner table in the back.” Her friendly voice carried through the entryway and as we made our way through the restaurant over the free flowing conversation throughout. Reed holds my hand tightly and rubs at my pinky finger as we weave through the back. The restaurant had dark wood throughout and a golden glow from the lighting. The front part is busy, but as we continue to walk through I can see that the back section is closed off. Bonnie strides throu
gh saying hello to a few customers along the way and then takes off a fancy rope to escort us in the back. The quietness contrasts the even and steady hum of voices up front.

  “Okay, I’ll send one of the servers out to in just a minute. Nice to meet you, Kate. And looks like I’ll be seeing you on Saturday night, Grant. Enjoy,” Bonnie said subtly before heading off back to the kitchen area. Curiosity, hummed through me about why Reed would be here Saturday night and the use of his name Grant. Reed or maybe its Grant, pulled my chair out for me and I sat taking in the atmosphere.

  The restaurant decor held an upscale sophistication to it. When I looked at the customers in the main dining room though I could see some dressed up and other who looked really nice, but in jeans. Running my hands over my jean threaded thighs I felt underdressed like I thought I would. Reed reaches under the table and catches one of my hands in mid-motion.

  “You look beautiful. Stop worrying,” he smiled reassuringly at me and I exhaled. His fingers stroked over my pink and I relaxed even more.

  “Wow, this is really nice. How long ago did it open?” I asked curiously.

  “Thanks, it’s only been open for a couple months now. It’s doing well, but my dad would never invest in something risky. The Chef is extremely well known and the other investor’s background is really successful, as well. It’s already been rated as one of Milwaukee’s Top Restaurants. He doesn’t really have too much to do with it in terms of business now though, but he has a lot of his business and family meetings here,” Reed explained in a very matter of fact way. The way his tongue hung onto the word family struck me as off key. The lights turned brighter, but his eyes darkened as they shifted over my face. The blue in them was deep and sapphire looking. As he swallowed, I could see a hesitation over a lump in his throat.

  “Are you close with your dad?” I asked him boldly knowing that he rarely mentioned his family.

  “Ummm, hmmm,” he paused and pursed his lips together. His hand started to release mine, but I turned my hand over to hold his in place. This time I stroked his pinky finger. He smiled knowingly at me. “We used to be. Now everything has become… formal and forced. It’s a complicated situation and I don’t want to bore you with the details.” He used his free hand to pull out his menu indicating he didn’t want to open up about it any further. “So, what are you in the mood for? I think you could use some meat,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me and I couldn’t stop myself from giggling.

  “Well, I agree, I think I’ll get a steak. This definitely beats eating in my room.” Our server took our order and when I our dinners come out I gasped at the size of my bake potato. It was the size of my head. My steak was tender and delicious. Reed ordered leg of lamb that was a special for the night. He attempted to get me to try it, but I refused. Our conversation flowed about school and the week ahead of us, which brought us to discussing the weekend.

  “I texted with my dad earlier and he and my mom want to come up on Sunday. He asked if you could come to dinner with us,” I said a little nervous and unsure.

  “Yes, of course. And I want to be with you on Friday night too.” I desperately wanted to know what he was doing here on Saturday night, but hated to sound to pushy. Before I thought too much more I asked knowing he said he would never lie to me.

  “You’ll be here Saturday night?” I asked and then put my fork full of potato in my mouth.

  “Yes, but I don’t want to and I’d rather be with you.” He said after he finished chewing. Watching him intently his jaw ticked in frustration. “My dad is requiring me to come. I’m sorry.” My chest tightened and hurt grabbed at me. I wonder why he doesn’t ask me to come with him and then I worried maybe he’s ashamed of me. I bite at the corner of my bottom lip and then it occurs to me that his ex-girlfriend might be at the dinner. I look down into my plate swirling my fork through the juices of the steak. He breathes in heavily, clearly frustrated.

  “What’s her name?” I ask bravely.

  “Who?” He looks around the room trying to gather whom I’m referring to.

  “Your ex-girlfriend?” My voice became small and I continued to stare into my plate.

  “Katherine, look at me,” he says firmly. My eyes leave the plate and gaze into Reed’s eyes. “Jessica.” Her name rolls off his tongue in dis-taste as if he just ate something foul and potent.

  “Will she be there?” He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back breathing out roughly. When our eyes meet again he looks almost sad.

  “Yes, she will.”

  “Oh,” I say meekly. “I’m worried. Does she still like you?”

  “You have absolutely nothing to be worried about. I promise you, Kate, the only reason I’m not bringing you is because part of this dinner is business and I’m not ready to unleash the wrath of my father on you. If I didn’t have to go I wouldn’t, but… my dad is not like yours or most dad’s probably. My history with him is rough. Some of it stems from when my parents were together.” He runs his hand through his hair and the air coming in and out of his mouth seems thin and strained. “I just, I just don’t want to drag all this shit out right now. I’m sorry. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I concede, but then press him further. “I understand, but you didn’t answer my question.” He looks at me in confusion and then I ask him again, “Does she still like you?”

  He sits back rolling his tongue over his teeth. Our eyes lock on each other. “Yes, she still does.”

  “I have to go to the restroom.” I get up briskly and storm off in the direction I think the bathrooms are. I hear Reed’s chair skid across the floor and my name whispered from him, but I don’t stop or turn around. I don’t have time because I know heavy fat tears are on the brink of my eyelids.

  Once I’m in a stall I let the tears fall down my cheeks. My breathing escalates and I start to count. Chanting in my head… breath in, breath out as I lean against the door I ball up my hands and press them into my eyes. I search my mind for something calming and think of how I feel when I run along the lake. Determined not to go into a complete panic I begin to get in deeper breaths slowly. After a few moments my body calms and I hear the door open and then lock.

  “Kate, it’s me,” Reeds voice echoes across the long line of stalls. “Please come out.” I move my hands to my cheeks and pace my breathing. I try to get a grasp on my emotions. I’m not sure if this is about Jessica or something more. My tears have dried and I beg them to give me a break. I can do this. Open the door and face him. Tell him what is going on in your head. Maybe if you tell him he will open up more too.

  With a shaky hand I unlatch the plantain-shuttered door. My eyes focus on my feet urging them to move forward. I take one step and then I feel Reed’s hands secure around my shoulders pulling me out. Comfort and fear for what I need to do consume me all at once. It still shocks me how comforted I always feel in Reed’s arms. While his grasp on me is sharp and purposeful I’ve never questioned his intent, which is drastically different from Kyle’s approach when we’d have a challenging conversation. Challenging conversation, that’s all this is, it doesn’t mean a fight, it doesn’t mean I have to cave into anything, it doesn’t mean I have to shy away from saying what I’m really feeling.

  “I’ve got you. I’m sorry, so sorry,” he whispers into my ear as he hugs me to him closely. “Please don’t run from me though.” My hands make their way under his shirt and lightly strum across his lower back. He kisses the top of my head tenderly.

  “I’m not r-running. I-I just couldn’t breath and needed to take a moment.”

  “Away from me though. You left to get away from me. I hate that. I hate that I upset you and then you turned away from me.” The hurt in his voice resonates in my gut. I swallow past the tightness and nerves that have sparked in my chest.

  “I’m sorry. You’re right I shouldn’t have done that. I-I… I feel hurt that you haven’t shared with me very much about Jessica. Of course, I feel threatened that she will be there and that she seems to be a big part of y
our life. I wish you had told me this. And earlier when I asked about your dad you shut me out. I’m scared you’re ashamed to bring around your family or that maybe you don’t really feel the same about me or that there is still something going on with you and Jessica,” I ramble out as quickly as I can without taking a breath for fear I’ll chicken out and keep it all in.

  He tightens his hold on me and let’s out a quiet short chuckle. I squirm against him unsure of what he could possible find amusing. “Thank you, I know that is not easy for you. While it’s a lot to address I wish you would say all this rather than turn from me. Remember, I am new at this too, Kate. I’ve never done this kind of relationship before. I’m trying not to screw up, but obviously I will. The reason I haven’t told you much about Jessica is because I didn’t think you wanted to hear about it and you didn’t seem ready for it. I was waiting for you,” he pauses taking in a deep breath. “I’m not intentionally ever going to keep anything from you, but I see you struggle to face things. Sometimes I worry I’ll scare you off, baby.”

  “I don’t want to get hurt,” I mumble shyly into his chest. It’s the truth. This is what a big part of my fear is about. If I open up and allow him in he could hurt me or leave me. It’s happened to me before. “I’m afraid that you’ll easily abandon me and if I continue to let you in and open myself up I’ll definitely get hurt.” As the words leave my lips I realize that I’ve heard very similar words from my therapist. I’ve never really told Reed about my mom, but it may help him understand that my struggles don’t just stem from Kyle. Just as I’m about to tell him the door to come into the bathroom rattles. I pull back from Reed and move to the counter.

  “It’s fine I told Bonnie I was locking it because you were sick. There are bathrooms in the front that customers can use,” he says as he props himself up on the marble counter. His hands reach for mine and I easily slide in between his legs. “Keep talking.” My nerve to continue has diminished I’d rather hear him talk.