A Home in the Sun

by Sue Moorcroft

  Shelley had hurt Adam, but maybe now she’d had time to get used to Adam’s altered physical appearance and realise what she’d lost. If so, and that’s what Adam wanted, good. He deserved to be happy.

  Judith turned in the narrow confines of the hall to give him a beaming smile and a brief kiss on the cheek to go with her enthusiastic, ‘What a surprise! Congratulations! I hope it works out for the best.’

  He touched his cheek, lounging against the wall as she felt for the light switch by the meagre light of the street lamps outside. ‘Oh, come on, Jude – we both know it’s not going to happen,’ he chided, softly. ‘She scuttled the ship, and it sank too deep to salvage. Obviously, her latest boyfriend has moved on to pastures new, making her temporarily insecure. I’m just an old habit she’s tempted to take up again, for comfort. You know how hard it can be to break habits like that.’

  He extended a hand to shut the door behind them but stopped abruptly and hesitated, swearing under his breath. Then he swung it open again with an exaggerated air of resignation so that Judith could see the large man slamming his way out of the pick-up truck slewed to a halt half on the opposite pavement. ‘It seems to be the night for exes. Here’s yours.’

  Surprised, Judith peered past him to see Tom barrelling across the road towards them, chest out and fists clenched. From ten feet away he began bellowing. ‘Judith, there you are! I’m going to part your bloody head from your shoulders, girl.’

  ‘Normally I’d offer to give you privacy but I can’t leave you alone with a man with murder written so clearly on his face,’ Adam murmured, squaring his shoulders.

  Judith groaned. ‘Thank you. He looks plenty angry. I’m not scared of him but he can be as unpleasant as a snapping pitbull.’

  Tom arrived with a clumsy jump up the two steps to the front door. ‘Bitch,’ he swore, slamming his two powerful fists either side of the doorframe. ‘I can’t believe what you’ve done.’

  Resignedly, Judith tried to usher Adam a step back. ‘Tom, you’d better come in.’ Adam stayed where he was.

  Tom was actually shaking with fury. His voice dropped to a malevolent hiss as he talked rudely over Judith’s courtesy. ‘This evening I’ve been harangued and insulted by that Sutherland bloke. He was trying to find Kieran. After blood, he is. Because Kieran, who got the man’s young daughter pregnant, a girl who subsequently suffered a stillbirth,’ he said with heavy emphasis, as if Judith needed these reminders, ‘has now run off with her.’ He face worked as he struggled for control. ‘And you knew. You knew, just like you knew about my grandchild and you didn’t tell me.’

  Pinpricks of sweat sprang out on Judith’s face. Kieran and Bethan had run off? ‘I didn’t.’ Then, seeing Tom’s glower, she amended hastily, ‘Yes, yes, I did know about the baby, but I know nothing about them going away together.’

  Punctuating his words with his fists against the doorframe, Tom blazed, ‘He’s my son! Not yours!’

  This inarguable truth made her stand very still. ‘I was in a difficult situation about the baby,’ she said shortly. She met Tom’s infuriated glare.

  His face was puce and his eyes bulging; he looked as if he might be flung to the floor by the giant hand of a heart attack at any moment. His eyes narrowed meanly. ‘And Aaron was my grandchild, not yours. You meddling, interfering mare.’ His breath bunched up and began to come in gasps between insults. ‘It was you who spoilt Kieran rotten.’ Gasp. ‘Made him so wishy-washy he was too scared of me to bring me his troubles.’ Gasp. ‘Well, I hope you’re happy now. Because they’re gone. Both of them. She’s disappeared from her home and Kieran’s room has been emptied. Neither of their phone numbers are working so they must have changed them. Her poor parents are out of their minds.’

  He paused, heaving for breath, spittle dotting his livid lips, teeth bared. ‘Be truthful. Do you know where they are?’

  Too stunned by what he’d said to take exception to the way he’d said it, she shook her head. ‘I haven’t seen either of them since the day of the funeral.’

  Snorting his scepticism, Tom actually shook his fist under her nose, making her jump. ‘If I ever find out you knew where they were and didn’t tell me, by Christ I’ll—’

  ‘Enough.’ Adam coolly put his arm between Tom and Judith. ‘You’re crossing boundaries. You need to calm down. You’re lucky Judith hasn’t called the police.’

  Tom crowed for breath. ‘Calm down? I could kill her—’

  ‘No, you couldn’t,’ Adam corrected softly. ‘Not while I’m here.’

  Tom glowered into his face. Then he lowered his head towards Judith like an animal considering a charge. ‘Who’s this joker? A new boyfriend?’

  ‘That doesn’t concern you.’ Adam didn’t back down. ‘Judith’s told you she doesn’t know where Kieran and Bethan have gone. If she doesn’t know, she doesn’t know.’

  Tom glared at Judith over Adam’s arm for several seconds. ‘Bloody bitch.’ Then he swung away, stumbling down the steps like an enraged rhino, slamming into his pick-up and roaring away.

  A silence enveloped them. Adam gently steered Judith away from the door, pushed it shut and bolted it. He turned to Judith, concern written on his face. ‘That was pretty awful. You OK?’

  She nodded, fearing to speak in case it let a sob out. She thought she’d seen Tom angry before but nothing like tonight. Though she’d maintained an outer calm, the violence of his outburst had shaken her. If she’d been alone, she truly thought he might have struck her.

  ‘You’re shaking.’ Adam slid his arms around her, giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

  She nodded again and let her head tip forward to rest against the warmth of his shoulder. Shock shook through her as she clung on to his mist-dampened jacket. Tom had been so venomous.

  In the unlit hall, the smell of the winter’s night rose from their clothes, mingling with the wedding fare of sherry, champagne and wine, and Adam’s aftershave. ‘You’re OK,’ he murmured, slipping his arms around her. ‘You’re OK. He was scary, but he’ll calm down.’

  Her head jerked up, recalling the reason for Tom’s fury. ‘But where can Kieran and Bethan have gone? What if something happens to them?’

  Adam tightened his embrace. ‘Try not to worry. They’re probably supremely happy in some love nest bedsit at this very moment, snug and safe from all the endless parental outrage, eating chips from the paper because they haven’t got plates, finally able to comfort each other over Aaron.’

  ‘He’s not very good with money.’ She let Adam’s warmth comfort her as she breathed him in. His good sense made the picture he painted reassuringly credible. Kieran was of the generation that thought: made a mess of things? Throw that life away, and begin another … Go on, mate, no one can stop you. You got rights, you know. The police won’t drag your girlfriend home at her age. You’re not doing anything against the law. And no one knows where you are, do they?

  Gradually she relaxed, her mind clearing. Tom was angry. Well, that was nothing new. Kieran had ‘done a moonlight’. Not altogether unexpected, she supposed – a bit underhand, not very brave, but he wasn’t good at confrontation. ‘I wonder whether Tom’s right, that I brought Kieran up too soft?’

  Adam stroked her hair. ‘If all his life he’s had to face uncontrolled rages like the one we’ve just witnessed, I don’t blame him for developing ways to avoid conflict. He’s not wishy-washy. He’s just gentle.’

  She sighed and lifted her head, slowly this time. She’d never got as far as pressing the light switch and illumination from the street shone through the fanlight of leaded glass above the door, highlighting the planes of Adam’s face, light then shadow on the taut cheekbones and angular jaw, creating gleaming lights in his eyes.

  His arms slackened, as if he expected that she meant to step away. But the prospect of putting the customary distance between them made her feel hollow and bereft and instead of letting her arms slacken, she tightened them. Without consulting her brain, her body softened agains
t his. He was solid and safe, but it wasn’t a search for security that made her nestle against his warmth.

  For several moments, Adam seemed to hold his breath.

  And then his embrace shifted subtly and, somehow, the way he was holding her was no longer that of a friend. And the contact between their bodies wasn’t incidental.

  ‘Jude?’ His whisper was a caress, holding a note of hope.

  She looked into his shadowed face. Their heads hovered closer together until their lips touched. Softly. The merest brush.

  Then he swooped, and pleasure prickled over her at the sensation of his tongue seeking hers while his urgent hands pressed her so close that she struggled for balance as the rhythm of his heartbeat gathered her up and made her head spin. No heart had beaten against hers since Giorgio’s. No one since Giorgio had taken pleasure from her mouth.

  But it didn’t feel like a betrayal. It felt … well, like a welcome home. One of Adam’s hands cradled her head and his hot, hard body lifted her clear of the floor as if she were a lightweight. She was being kissed – she was kissing him back. And her bones were melting.

  Suddenly unbearably hot and uncomfortably encumbered, she dropped her arms and shook off her coat. It made a scratchy, synthetic sound as it slithered down her arms to the tiled floor.

  It seemed to bring him up short. He paused, his breathing all over the place. Like hers.

  She could hear a smile in his voice as he steadied himself. ‘I didn’t mean to do that.’ Another pause. ‘At least, I didn’t mean to do that yet. Because Giorgio—’ Then, gently, ‘You’re not wearing his crucifix.’

  ‘It’s the first day I’ve left it off.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know … The letter made me feel different. It reminded me that he was gone.’

  His embrace began to slacken. ‘I leapt on you. If you want me to apologise, then I will. It’s been a long time, and I miss—’

  Her embrace tightened, her voice husky. ‘You miss human contact, the affection and pleasure of it. You miss being held. It’s typical of you to kindly take the blame. But I leapt on you, too.’

  Then he kissed her again, this time with extraordinary tenderness. ‘I’ve wanted you since you were a stroppy fifth-year. I’ve built up quite a yen.’

  Her face heated. ‘You hardly noticed me when we were at school together.’

  He laughed, stroking her hair, the back of his hand brushing her cheek. ‘I noticed all right. I noticed whether you wore a ponytail or a plait, black shoes or brown. I also noticed that after our riveting conversation about Polos, you looked away whenever I tried to catch your eye. And you were more than two years younger. They were pretty sinful thoughts I had – about a fifteen-year-old.’

  He flicked his tongue to the corner of her mouth and she heard a tiny groan that must’ve come from her. ‘I couldn’t look at you,’ she confessed. ‘I wanted you to talk to me again so much.’

  His lips moved to her eyelids, her temples, exploring her in the dark. ‘Tell me how you’re feeling.’

  ‘I’m attracted to you and tired of being in limbo,’ she whispered, giving in to the honesty of the moment. ‘And so weary. Of Tom’s fury and Kieran’s despair, Molly’s unhappiness. Mum’s defencelessness. I’m tired of being strong for them all. I want … to be comforted.’

  Adam was more frank. ‘I want to go to bed with you.’

  She hovered her mouth closer to his, feeling his breath against her skin. ‘I want to go to bed with you, too.’

  Adam made love to her with total concentration and all of his body … apart from his damaged hand, which was pretty much excluded from the party.

  In her bedroom that used to be his, he undressed her slowly beginning with forest-green ribbon lacing the bodice of her dress. ‘There’s a zip,’ she pointed out, trying to guide his hand. ‘You don’t have to struggle with the ribbon.’

  He smiled, easing her hand away. ‘But I’ve been fantasising about this all day.’ He plucked at the ribbon, pulling it slowly through each loop with a whisper of sound, fumbling sometimes with its slipperiness, pausing to kiss the swell of her breasts as each fresh millimetre was exposed. ‘Have you any idea how erotic it is, unwrapping you?’

  She shuddered, letting her head tip back. ‘Pretty much.’

  He laughed, pushing back her hair so he could kiss her hard then kiss her gently, continuing to unfasten every possible fastening that would reveal her – including a left-handed struggle with her cream satin bra – before sliding out of his own clothes until there was nothing left to prevent the delicious heat of flesh on flesh as he rolled her down to the lemon-yellow pillows.

  Judith gave herself up to pleasure of Adam. He was tender but not shy. At all. He absorbed himself, engaging all of her senses, his lips coasting around her body as if to compensate for the loss of sensation from the missing fingertips on the right hand that he held away from her.

  His body was all bones, hollows and sinewy muscles. She enjoyed the warmth of him beneath her palms and the tickle of his body hair against her skin.

  And when he poised himself above her, he looked down into her face as if checking that she wanted him to go on. Then he dipped his head to kiss her. And let his body sink into hers.

  It wasn’t really daylight until seven thirty at that time of year. When thin, pearly light stole around the curtain edges Judith had been awake and staring at the ceiling for an hour, the duvet pulled to her chin.

  Fingertips trickled across her ribcage, raising a swathe of goose-pimples in their wake. She turned her head on the cool cotton of the pillow to find Adam smiling at her, his hair falling in his eyes and the bedclothes dropping away to display whorls of chest hair. ‘You’re transparent,’ he observed. ‘I can read every thought rolling around your beautiful head: where do we go from here? What have we done? What have we changed or sacrificed? Did I want to wake up with him? What will he think this means – that he has some rights over me? Will he expect to make love again this morning?’ His smile twitched. ‘He’s nice and warm to put my feet on?’

  She hadn’t noticed that the soles of her feet had found a cosy home against his warm flesh. She flexed them, feeling the brush of his leg hair.

  He slid closer, smile fading. ‘Where do we go from here?’

  She looked away. And tried not to hear the tiny change in his breathing that wasn’t quite a sigh. ‘It was too soon for you,’ his tone was suddenly flat. ‘The cold light of day has made you wretched. You’re thinking of Giorgio. The guilt’s killing you.’

  She wriggled around to face him, trying to be honest with his grey-eyed gaze. ‘I’m not wretched, and I certainly don’t regret the lovemaking. In fact, I feel … at peace. It’s as if for months I’ve been wound up in elastic bands and now you’ve picked them all off. As to guilt …’ She drew a breath. ‘I think my only guilt is in not feeling guilty. I understand that Giorgio’s gone and that I’m still here. What about you?’ she challenged him. ‘Shelley was pretty possessive, yesterday.’

  His eyes smiled. ‘We’re over and there’s definitely no guilt,’ he declared firmly, his hand moving on to the roundness of her stomach and beginning to make tiny circles. ‘I feel strange. Special. As if I’m beginning a clean slate and that was my first time.’ His hand slid lower.

  She put her hand on his wrist, feeling the softness of the underside. ‘You didn’t perform like a first-timer.’ She smiled. ‘But what do you want? Because we might not want the same things. I’m afraid you might be more ready than I am for a normal relationship.’

  His hand continued to caress her. ‘There’s no rush to decide where we go next.’

  She groaned, seeing a yawning pit opening at her feet. She should have explained before this. She only hadn’t told him because she wanted to get her motives straightened out in her mind. She reached up to stroke his face, gently. ‘Adam … I’m going back to Malta.’

  His hand stilled.

  She hurried on, wanting to make him understand. ‘I want to speak to Giorgi
o’s daughter about the crucifix. It’s becoming a burden instead of a comfort. I owe it to him and her to do the right thing.’

  ‘Debatable.’ He rolled away from her, to his feet, and headed to the bathroom.

  ‘Then I owe it to myself,’ she murmured to his departing back.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  While Adam showered, Judith went downstairs to begin breakfast, more to occupy herself than because she was hungry. As she reached the hall she noticed a folded piece of paper on the floor. It was scuffed and dirty. They might have walked over it in the darkness last night.

  She opened it out as she turned towards the kitchen. Then halted at the sight of Kieran’s hurried handwriting.

  Mum, I came round to see you but forgot it’s Adam’s son’s wedding today. I wanted to tell you that me and Beth are going off before Beth’s mum and dad drag her away to some new place to try and make her forget me. She says the only way she can stop being a wimp with them is to leave them. We need to be together and don’t want any more hassle. I’m dead sorry I didn’t get to see you and will be in touch.

  Don’t worry about me. Love you.

  Kieran. x

  Sadness soaked through her, followed by a hot wave of fury. She continued to the kitchen and sliced bread and broke eggs mechanically, lips set, her heart banging angrily.

  Between Tom McAllister and the Sutherlands, they’d shoved Kieran away, and he’d gone without trusting her enough to tell her where. Did he and Bethan even have somewhere safe to go? Her eyes prickled threateningly, and she wiped the corners with the back of her hand. Guilt struck her that it was at her insistence they’d ‘done the right thing’ and told Bethan’s parents about the baby.

  And look what a mess her parents had made with the knowledge, forcing Bethan to choose between them and Kieran. If she could go back to that night when Kieran had come to her for help she would let him and Bethan move in and argue with Tom and the Sutherlands later. At least she’d know they were safe now.