Give Me Four Reasons

by Lizzie Wilcock

  When I get back to the van, I try to talk to Felicity. I want to tell her about the weird thing that happened when I rang Dad. She has her shampoo and stuff in her hands and is on her way out of the annexe flap.

  ‘I can’t talk now, Paige,’ she says. ‘I’ve got to go to the shower block. And then I’ve got to use the rear-view mirror in the car to put my make-up on. After that I’m meeting Jack down at the beach.’

  Mum is having red wine and lentil curry with Reuben and is engrossed in her psychometry lesson. I’d like to talk to her about the woman on Dad’s phone, but I feel uncomfortable bringing private family stuff up in front of Reuben.

  I decide to go out. Mum doesn’t look up as I leave. She seems to have forgotten that I am even here.

  I buy another chickpea burger for dinner and wander around the caravan park eating it.

  Normal holidaymakers in normal tents and caravans crowd the park now. Apart from us, only Claire, the Queen of Clairvoyance, Reuben, and the people in the Chickapee van have stayed on to enjoy the sunshine. I don’t think Mum wants to go home. When I remember those first awful days of the holidays, where we moved around the house like ghosts, I understand. Maybe she thinks we have nothing to go home to. I know that is true for me.

  I miss the bright lights and strange smells from the fair. I certainly learned a lot about psychics whilst they were here. I lost count of the number of different ways of reading a person’s future. Clairvoyance, tarot cards, crystal balls and jewellery reading are only some of them. Then there’s palm reading, numerology, astrology, crystal reading, pendulum reading, reading tea-leaves and coffee grounds, and reading the patterns in the dripping wax of a candle. One woman gazed into a fire to read her client’s fortune.

  Even Claire, the Queen of Clairvoyance, is not as scary as I first thought, or maybe I’ve just got used to her. ‘Would you like me to read your fortune, luvvie?’ she calls out to me as I walk past her van.

  I hesitate. I’ve never had my fortune read before. Mum has always refused to do it.

  ‘I can see a great sadness around you,’ Claire calls out. Her voice is soft. I step closer.

  ‘There has been much upheaval in your life,’ she continues. She stares at me with unblinking eyes. I wonder what she is reading. My face? My aura? Mum told me clairvoyants can sometimes communicate with your guardian angels. I wonder what mine is telling Claire right now.

  I glance behind me before stepping into the annexe attached to Claire’s caravan. It is dark and she lights some candles and incense. Embroidered wall-hangings of suns and moons and stars hide the aluminium sides of the caravan. She has a low circular table covered with a sparkly cloth.

  With a wave of her hand she indicates for me to sit on the large turquoise floor cushion.

  Claire asks me to place my hands on the table, and she grasps them with her own and closes her eyes. Her lids are painted purple and green. Suddenly, Claire opens her eyes wide and begins to talk.

  ‘You have suffered a great disappointment recently. People that you thought you knew well turned out to be different. Relationships that you thought were strong have crumbled like dust.’

  I gasp.

  Claire closes her eyes again, stroking my hands with hers. ‘There are big changes ahead in your life. New places, new people. If you are to survive the changes, you must change, too. You must not let others walk all over you any more. You must stand up for yourself and take what’s rightfully yours. This is who you really are. To deny this is to deny yourself true happiness.’

  My eyes fill with tears.

  ‘I see the number seven becoming important in your life,’ Claire goes on.

  Seven? I try to think what things have the number seven on them or in them.

  ‘And I see a girl called Cindy giving you good advice.’

  Cindy? I don’t know anyone called Cindy. ‘Do you mean Shelly?’ I ask.

  ‘No, Cindy!’ she insists. Then she continues, ‘I see another girl. A stylish, fair-haired girl. She will bring much happiness to your life.’

  ‘My sister?’

  Claire shakes her head. ‘Not your sister, a new friend. But be careful. Her misunderstandings will cause you and your loved ones much pain and sadness.’

  I wonder who this girl could be.

  Claire gasps. ‘I see danger in the colour orange,’ she says. ‘Stay away from it. If you encounter it three times in the one day, it will spell great trouble for you.’

  Claire’s shoulders slump and she exhales loudly, as though exhausted. She opens her eyes, blinks slowly and looks around.

  ‘Do you have any questions for Claire?’ she asks.

  I am about to ask why no one wrote in my Passport when I remember speaking to the strange woman on Dad’s phone. I decide to ask about that instead. ‘Um … my parents,’I say. ‘Are they … Will they …?’ I realise I am afraid to know the answer to my own question.

  Claire looks beyond me, over my shoulder. Her purple lips curl up at one side in a smile. I wonder if my guardian angel is sitting there, giving her messages. ‘I see a step-parent coming into your life,’ Claire says.

  I feel as though I’ve been punched in the stomach. I can’t breathe. I stand and stumble out of the annexe.

  I try not to cry as I vomit my chickpea burger onto the marigolds beside the power box.

  12

  ‘Hey, Read It and Weep!’ Shelly swims over and pulls herself up onto the mermaid rock where I am sitting. ‘Did you sleep out here? You must really be trying to make the most of your last full day at Bloodstone Beach!’

  Maybe I should have slept outside, I think. Then I wouldn’t have had to stifle my sobs all night. I had been dreading going back to Juniper Bay before I even spoke to Claire. I don’t want to leave Shelly.

  Although, part of me had been looking forward to seeing Dad. I’d decided that when I got home, I would apologise properly for ruining the pool party. I thought perhaps if I begged him, he might come home. But, thanks to Claire’s words last night, I know there is no chance of that. Dad is leaving us for good to marry someone else, and it is all my fault. So now I really don’t want to go home.

  But I can’t say any of this to Shelly. ‘No, I just came out early,’ I say instead. I move over and make room for her. We stare up at the sky. It is a bit cloudy today. Big white cauliflowers keep growing and growing against the blue, as though sprinkled with magic fertiliser.

  ‘So, what shall we do today?’ Shelly asks.

  ‘Have you ever snorkelled?’ I ask her, gazing into the clear waters around the rock.

  ‘Yeah, I got some gear for my birthday once. The flippers don’t fit me any more, but the mask is still good. Do you want to borrow it?’

  ‘That would be great,’ I say. I want to stay in this water all day, every day, until forever. ‘Hey, Shelly?’ I say.

  ‘Yes, Read It and Weep?’

  ‘Is your birthday on the seventh?’

  ‘The seventh of what?’

  ‘The seventh of anything?’

  ‘No,’ she answers. ‘Why?’

  I hesitate, wondering if I should tell Shelly at least some of what Claire said. But then I decide she’d probably laugh at me. ‘No reason,’ I say.

  Shelly meets me after breakfast with the snorkelling gear. ‘I borrowed some from the office for myself,’ she says. ‘You didn’t think you were going to search for buried treasure alone?’

  We spend the entire morning scouring the bottom of Bloodstone Beach. I’m surprised to discover how much I enjoy snorkelling. All the bodysurfing I have been doing must have been good practice for spending so long in the ocean. The heaving water gently lifts and lowers me in its huge arms. I find two bloodstones in among the rocks closer to the shore. I show them to Shelly.

  ‘Keep them by your heart,’ she says. ‘Even the non-freaks around here say that they’ll heal you.’

  ‘Heal me? I don’t need healing.’ I toss the stones back into the shallow water.

  When I return to t
he van, Mum hands me her mobile phone. ‘Off you go. Say hi to your dad for me.’

  I can see that she is putting on a brave face for me. She knows about Dad’s girlfriend. She would have seen it in her crystal ball. She must feel terrible. I hug her. ‘I don’t think I’ll talk to Dad today.’

  But a few hours later I climb the hill anyway. Shelly comes with me. I climb it faster now and I don’t huff and puff as much as I used to.

  ‘I’ve got a present for you,’ Shelly says when we get to the top. ‘Close your eyes.’

  I do as she says. I can hear her step behind me. Shelly places something around my neck. ‘Open your eyes,’ she commands.

  I look down. On a string of leather hangs one of the bloodstones I found this morning. A tiny hole has been drilled in the top and the leather threaded through. Shelly holds up a similar necklace and ties it around her own neck. ‘Dad showed me how to make these,’ she says. ‘Now we’re bloodstone sisters.’

  I finger the smooth bloodstone pendant and then suddenly my eyes mist up.

  ‘Turn it over,’ Shelly says.

  I flip the stone over. Some words are engraved on the back: True friends are as rare as bloodstone.

  ‘Dad did the engraving for me,’ Shelly says. Then she puts her arms around me and hugs me. It is not an awkward hug, even though we’ve known each other for only a few weeks. It’s a hug that just feels right.

  But I know that, although Shelly is a true friend, and someone who can really see me, I’ll go back to being invisible as soon as I get home.

  13

  I can’t believe how quickly the summer has gone. You don’t notice the passing of time when all you’re doing is swimming and snorkelling and bodysurfing and climbing hills and eating chickpeas. Every day is the same. But today is the first day of high school. We only got back last night. I guess Mum was delaying as long as possible our return to a house empty of Dad and her marriage.

  Yesterday was a teary farewell for all of us. Felicity cried as she said goodbye to Jack. Mum cried as she hugged and thanked Reuben. And of course I howled and howled and would not let Shelly go.

  Shelly ran after the hearse as we drove down the road. I watched her through the back window. She was tugging at her necklace.

  I turned my bloodstone necklace over and read the words for the thousandth time that day.

  True friends are as rare as bloodstone.

  I phoned Elfi, Rochelle and Jed last night. It felt really weird to be talking to them. They belong to another place and time. Last year. Before my parents broke up.

  I tried to tell them about Dad.

  ‘My parents … um … my parents … Dad didn’t come on holidays with us,’ I say to Elfi.

  ‘I didn’t think you were going anywhere these holidays,’ Elfi replies.

  ‘Well, we weren’t, but then Dad … Dad decided he didn’t want to … he left …’

  ‘He left you to go on holidays on your own?’ Elfi says. ‘My mum would love it if my dad did that. Then she wouldn’t have to go fishing with him for hours.’

  ‘No, I mean——’

  ‘I’ve got to go now, Paige,’ Elfi says. ‘We’re taking all the rellies to the airport. Finally. I can’t believe it’s the last day of the holidays. I haven’t had a single day to myself!’ She hangs up.

  Rochelle is also busy. ‘Do you know how hard it is to get six weeks’ worth of mud and cow poo and chicken feed out from under your toenails and fingernails? I’ve been scrubbing for days now, but I can still smell it. So how were your holidays?’

  ‘Not great,’ I say. ‘We went to a caravan park up north, but it wasn’t exactly a family holiday.’

  ‘Hold on, Paige,’ Rochelle says. ‘I’m going to put you on speakerphone. I can’t cut my nails and hold the phone at the same time.’

  There is a click and then Rochelle’s voice is faint and echoey. ‘So tell me all about it.’

  ‘Well, my dad, just before Christmas, he um … well … Felicity had a pool party and I … I said some things to people that I shouldn’t have said … and then everyone got really mad and a fight started … and Dad had to come out to stop it … and then he told us …’

  ‘Oww!’ Rochelle yelps. ‘I’ve just cut myself, Paige. My finger’s bleeding a bit. I’ve got to find some antiseptic lotion and a bandaid. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

  Jed is not too busy to talk. In fact, that’s all he wants to do.

  ‘The snow was amazing,’ he says when I call him. ‘Fresh powder every morning. I was up before the sun and even before the lifts opened. I was the first to carve my way down the mountain each day. You should have seen me, Paige. I started out doing the green runs, they’re for the beginners, but by the end of the month I was skiing the black diamonds!’

  ‘That’s great,’ I say. ‘Jed——’

  ‘I even went out the back a couple of times with one of the local guys, looking for fresh powder,’ Jed goes on. ‘The mountain out there was scary. The trees weren’t cleared and you never knew if there was a huge boulder under each mound of snow. But that’s what made it so awesome!’

  He finally stopped to draw breath, but I didn’t have the heart to spoil his good mood with my bad news. So I just said I was glad he’d had a great time, and that I was looking forward to seeing him at school tomorrow. Then we both said goodbye and hung up.

  Dad called us last night, too. I hadn’t spoken to him for a couple of days, since learning about his girlfriend. I haven’t mentioned the woman to Felicity or to Mum. I can’t bear to talk about it.

  ‘Hello, Possum,’ Dad had said.

  ‘Hi, Dad.’

  There was silence then. I didn’t know what to say and I suppose Dad didn’t either. I guess leaving us and getting a new girlfriend was the change he was talking about before Christmas. He didn’t sound very happy though.

  ‘So, did you have a good last few days of your holiday?’

  ‘Yes.’ Who’s your new girlfriend? I wanted to ask.

  ‘You didn’t call me in the last couple of days,’ he said.

  ‘I … I …’ I lost Mum’s phone charger. I hurt my ankle and couldn’t climb up to the hilltop. I am not very good at lying. I haven’t had much practice. ‘Shelly and I went snorkelling and swimming and exploring and——’

  ‘That’s great, love. I’m glad you had a good time.’ He sounded hurt, like I’d found a new best friend, and left him out. Well, maybe that’s how I felt too, since he got a girlfriend.

  ‘I’ll come around and see you tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘You can tell me all about your first day at high school.’

  I’d handed the phone to Felicity and she was soon telling him all about Jack.

  Mum spoke to Dad as well, but she went into the spare room to do it.

  It took me ages to fall asleep. My bedroom seemed huge after the tiny caravan. And it was too quiet. I missed the sound of Felicity’s breathing, the creaking of the van as one of us rolled over, and the flapping of the annexe walls in the wind. I kept thinking about Shelly, and how much I was going to miss her. As I drifted off to sleep I realised I had barely thought about my first day of high school.

  But now here it is. When my alarm sounds I jump out of bed and head for the bathroom. I had been too exhausted from the long drive and all the phone calls last night to shower. As the water pours over me, I realise I am washing the last remnants of Bloodstone Beach from my body.

  I turn the water off and step out of the shower. As I walk past the mirror, a strange figure leaps out at me. I stare at her. She is deeply tanned and her legs are toned. The strangest thing about this figure, aside from the fact that she’s missing rolls of puppy fat from around her waist, is that she’s me.

  I get my brand-new uniform out of my closet. I put the shirt on first and button it up. It feels roomier than I remember when Mum and I bought it at the end of last year.

  I then step into the skirt and zip it up. It drops to the floor.

  ‘Mum!’ I wail.

&nbs
p; Felicity pops her head through the door. She takes one look at me with my school skirt around my ankles and laughs. ‘Not to worry,’ she says. She goes back through our bathroom to her own bedroom and returns with a similar skirt, just a little faded and threadbare. ‘Lucky I’ve still got this one. It’s the one I wore on my first day of high school.’

  I fling my skirt onto my bed and step into Felicity’s. It fits around my waist and hips, but the length is wrong.

  ‘What happened to the rest of it?’ I say, staring at my knees in the mirror.

  Felicity steps back. ‘It’s a good length,’ she says. ‘Just remember to sit with your legs together.’

  I dry my hair with a towel and comb it. It’s grown and gone sun-bleached. I like it. I decide not to pull it back into its usual ponytail, but the front bits hang down and I get toothpaste in my hair. I rummage through the drawers until I find a pair of scissors. Snip, snip, snip. I cut a long, blunt fringe across my forehead.

  ‘Are you ready, Paige?’ my sister calls out.

  I stare at the girl in the mirror. ‘Ready,’ I call out.

  I’ve arranged to meet Jed, Rochelle and Elfi in the cockroach hole. It’s a place we discovered at Orientation at the end of last year. It’s a stairwell at the far end of the Science block whose balcony above looks out over the first-year students’ playground. It’s dark and gloomy and no one ever goes there, except the cockroaches we saw scuttling behind the garbage bins. It’s the perfect place to hide and look out at the world. At the moment, that is just what I need.

  But Felicity and I are late. The bell rings as we enter the gates. Mr Dekker, the school principal, frowns at us. ‘The Seniors’ Room for you, Felicity, and the assembly hall for your sister.’

  I’m amazed. No teacher has ever guessed we were sisters before.

  ‘Jeez,’ Felicity whispers behind her hand. ‘Even spending summer at juvie was better than this.’ She saunters off.

  I chew my bottom lip and gaze around. I can’t remember where the assembly hall is. I walk down the path, down the stairs, along the corridor and outside again to a large yellow dome squatting in the centre of the playground. It looks like a giant beehive. Kids push and jostle and buzz through the side doors. The building hums. This must be the assembly hall.