Give Me Four Reasons

by Lizzie Wilcock

  I go and see Mrs McKenna. She rants and raves and shows me the action plan for my rehabilitation. I nod and then walk out of her office. This time I kick the garbage bin outside the door really hard and hope that heaps of kids see me doing it.

  When I get outside, Elfi and Rochelle stare at me from across the quadrangle. But that’s all they do.

  The first kid who openly speaks to me is Flynn James from my home room. He sweeps his brown fringe off his face and smiles and nods at me. ‘Hey, Paige,’ he says.

  ‘Hi, Flynn,’ I answer. I have never spoken directly to this boy before. And he has never spoken to me. I’ll just have to get used to my new legendary status. ‘How’s Nick?’ I ask him.

  ‘He’s all right,’ Flynn says. ‘His nose took ages to stop bleeding but it’s not broken.’

  ‘Ooh.’ I grimace. I am still heading for our usual tree, hoping to find Sidney and Miff. Flynn suddenly steps in front of me and blocks my way.

  ‘What?’ I say, suddenly feeling uneasy.

  ‘We never did finish that game of Spin the Bottle,’ Flynn says. ‘If you want to come over to my place after school …’

  My eyes goggle. ‘I … I wasn’t really going to kiss Nick.’

  ‘Yeah, right.’ Flynn laughs. ‘You couldn’t get over there fast enough.’

  ‘No. I … I tripped. It was dark. I don’t like Nick.’ I push past him and run across the quadrangle to find Sidney and Miff and the others.

  But the reception I get from the group is a little chilly. ‘Hi, Paige,’ they all say, but then they go back to talking about their near-misses at archery and fencing.

  ‘So … um … how was the rest of camp?’ I ask.

  Sidney turns to me, her face tanned a golden colour from four days in the sun. ‘It was brilliant!’

  ‘Really?’ I can’t imagine the Starshine Girl rating a school camp so highly.

  ‘Yes, it was great,’ Miff says. ‘We really got to know everyone.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Sidney says. ‘Kids that we probably never would have spoken to were teamed up with us for drama night and trivia night and the final clean-up. They were a lot of fun.’

  ‘And kids we thought we knew,’ Miff says, ‘weren’t really like they seemed.’

  ‘Which goes to show,’ Mandi says, ‘that you can’t judge a book by its cover.’

  ‘Or a magazine, for that matter,’ Mia adds.

  Everyone is staring at me.

  ‘I wasn’t really going to kiss Nick,’ I say. ‘I’m not like that.’

  Miff comes over and stands with her hands on her hips in front of me. ‘Not like what, Paige? Not someone who kisses another boy when they’ve already got a boyfriend? Or not someone who kisses boys anyway?’

  I shake my head, confused. ‘Um, both.’

  ‘You can’t be both,’ Miff says.

  At that moment the bell clangs. It is like the end of a round in a boxing match. My head feels like it has taken a pounding. Punch-drunk, I follow the girls to English class.

  The first task of the morning is to write about our experiences at camp. I raise my hand. ‘Ah, Mr Reyne. I … I didn’t spend much time at camp.’

  ‘Well, you’ll just have to read our great stories and weep,’ Jay Stern says.

  The class laughs.

  ‘Or copy someone else’s story,’ Miff says. ‘I know you’re good at that.’

  I stare at her, puzzled. Sidney is scrawling something on Miff’s book and tapping it fiercely. She holds it at an angle so I can’t see it.

  ‘Miss Winfrey,’ Mr Reyne says, ‘you can write about what you did at home while your classmates were at camp. And as you’re doing so, you can reflect on your behaviour and decide if getting sent home from camp was really worth it.’

  I blush and start writing.

  The morning wears on, and my new friends continue to act strangely towards me all through Maths and Studies of Society and the Environment. I’m glad when lunch rolls around. I follow Sidney and Miff to our tree. When we get there, everyone is talking about the game of netball we’ll be playing in Sports Afternoon when lunch is over. The sly glances and giggles seem to have stopped and I relax as the girls include me again in the group.

  I remember enough about playing Wing Defence in school PE lessons to know where I’m allowed to go on the court, though that’s about it. But I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to bluff my way through.

  We make our way over to the Sports block and get changed. Everyone is talking about the teams they played on when they were little.

  ‘The Flowerpots,’ Miff says. ‘That was the name of my first team. I was six and the ball felt as heavy as a pumpkin, but I shot four goals that day.’

  ‘Mine was called the Chocolate Ice-creams,’ Sidney says. ‘That’s what my parents used to buy the whole team if we won.’

  ‘Holly and I started in the Purple Dragons,’ Mia says. ‘We thought the name would scare the other team and give us a head start, but the first team we played against was the Kittens, and they tore us to shreds.’

  ‘So what was the name of your first netball team, Paige?’ Sidney asks.

  I hesitate.

  ‘Yeah, Paige,’ Miff says, smirking at the other girls. ‘Tell us the name of your first netball team.’

  ‘Um … the Winners,’I say. ‘That’s what we were called. And we did. Every game.’

  ‘Ooh,’ Miff says. ‘Can you imagine turning up to your netball match, knowing that you were playing against the Winners. It would destroy you from the start.’

  ‘Or make you try harder,’ Brooke says.

  ‘It didn’t matter,’ I say. ‘We always won.’

  ‘That shows how important a name is,’ Miff says.

  ‘What are we called?’ I ask.

  ‘Read It and Weep,’ Sidney says. ‘Didn’t you know? We came up with the name on the first day of school. When we first all met, thanks to you, Paige. So we named the team after you.’

  ‘Oh,’ I gulp. Whenever I’ve named something it has turned out to be a disaster. Our group motto, ‘track three’ from the song, ‘Don’t Change’, the ‘I Don’t Care’ tent at camp. Well, it’s been a disaster for me, anyway.

  ‘Yeah, read it and weep is the reaction we hope the other teams will have when they read the draw and see they’re up against us,’ Miff explains.

  ‘Everyone will know you’re in the team, Paige,’ Sidney continues, ‘and that’ll give us a head start.’

  ‘What do you mean, a head start?’ I ask.

  ‘You’re kidding, right?’ Brooke says. ‘You’re a legend, Paige.’

  ‘People are scared of you,’ Mia explains. ‘Ever since the first day of school when you stood up to Mrs McKenna.’

  ‘You have this whole bad girl thing going on,’ Mandi adds. ‘This … attitude.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Holly joins in. ‘That’s got to work for us on the court. Your opponents will be scared stiff.’

  I don’t know what to say to all this, so I don’t say anything. We finish getting changed and make our way out to the netball courts.

  ‘Can you go and get the bibs, Paige?’ Sidney asks.

  I walk over to Miss Rowlands, the Art teacher who is refereeing our match this afternoon, and take the bundle of bibs from her. The girls are huddled in a circle when I return, whispering frantically. They stop when I thrust the bibs at Sidney.

  Sidney hands out the bibs and I pull on a red Wing Defence bib, with the letters ‘WD’ on it.

  Miff is playing Centre. Miss Rowlands has a whistle clamped between her teeth. She tosses a twenty-cent piece into the air and tells Miff to call.

  ‘Tails,’ Miff says. Tails it is, so she is given the ball.

  I scurry over to stand beside a girl wearing a blue Wing Attack bib.

  Miff jumps up and down, flexing her legs as though she’s about to run the hundred metres at the Olympics. Miss Rowlands nods at her and tells her to settle down, ready for the whistle-blow.

  Just then Miff stumbles and howls in
pain. She drops to the ground and reaches for her ankle. Everyone runs over to her.

  ‘What’s up?’ Miss Rowlands asks.

  ‘I think I’ve hurt my ankle,’ Miff groans. Brooke and I help her to her feet.

  ‘Do you think you can play?’ Miss Rowlands asks.

  Miff hobbles around, limping badly and screwing up her face in agony. ‘I’ll be okay, but I can’t play Centre. Too much running.’ She rips her bib off and thrusts it at me. ‘We’ll have to switch, Paige.’

  I take the bib with the large capital ‘C’ on it and give my Wing Defence bib to Miff. Now I’m in trouble. I only know what a Wing is supposed to do and where they’re allowed to go. But suddenly I’m playing Centre.

  I pull on my new bib and go and stand in the centre of the court, where Miff was standing. Miss Rowlands hands me the ball. My opponent, a zippy girl with hair and legs like spaghetti, jumps madly in front of me. I turn around to face Miff.

  The whistle blows.

  Everyone rushes towards me, yelling my name. Everyone, that is, except Holly, who is wearing the Goal Keeper bib at the far end of the court. I hurl the ball, catapult-style, over everyone’s heads down to Holly. It is a great throw and she catches it neatly.

  ‘Shoot! Shoot!’I call as I run down to stand beside her in the semicircle.

  But Holly does not shoot. She stares at me as the whistle shrills. Holly’s opponent takes the ball from her and passes it back towards the centre of the court. ‘Read it and laugh,’ she sneers as she walks past me.

  ‘I knew it,’ Miff says. She thrusts her Wing Defence bib at me and yanks my Centre bib up and over my head. ‘You’re a fraud, Paige.’ She struts back to the centre spot, her ankle miraculously healed.

  I swallow, realising I have made some kind of terrible mistake. I glance around at my team mates. All of them, Sidney included, scowl at me. The whistle blows, and I have to endure sixty minutes of a game I barely know how to play. But it doesn’t matter. My team mates never throw me the ball. And my lack of skills ensure that I never win it either.

  After the game, the others form an accusing circle around me.

  ‘You’ve never played netball in your life,’ Miff jeers. ‘Have you?’

  ‘I played in PE,’ I say defensively.

  ‘Who hasn’t?’ says Holly.

  ‘And you never ripped your school skirt climbing over the golf course fence and flashed your undies to the world, either.’ Mia thrusts a battered copy of Cindy magazine into my hot, flustered face. It is open at the ‘How Embarrassing’ section.

  ‘And look what I found in the other magazine you left behind at camp,’ Miff says. She reads the headline. ‘My Surfboard Got Munched by a Three-Metre Tiger Shark.’

  ‘I’ll bet you don’t even surf,’ Holly says.

  ‘I bodysurf,’ I say.

  ‘We all bodysurf,’ Mandi sneers.

  ‘What about this sixteen-year-old surfer boyfriend that you had on holidays?’ Brooke says. ‘Did you make him up, too?’

  I sigh. There’s no point lying any more. ‘No,’ I say. ‘He was real … but he was my sister’s boyfriend, not mine.’

  Miff throws her hands in the air and stomps around me. ‘We thought you were cool, Paige. But all you are is a pathetic girl who reads too many stupid magazines.’

  ‘But … but … but the rest is me,’ I say.

  ‘The rest of what, Paige?’ Sidney says quietly. I suddenly realise that this is the first time she has spoken. She has tears in her eyes. ‘The rest of the magazines? You haven’t told us anything else about yourself. We all thought you must just have some trouble at home.’

  I stare at Sidney. She looks so pretty, even when she is crying. Suddenly Claire, the Queen of Clairvoyance’s prophecy about the stylish, fair-haired girl wavers before me. Her misunderstandings will cause you and your loved ones much pain and sadness.

  ‘Never mind trouble at home,’ Miff sneers. ‘You are trouble!’ She tosses the magazine she is holding at me. ‘Read it and weep.’

  I bury my face in the magazine and cry.

  26

  Ping! Ping! Ping! I stand under the window on Elfi’s back lawn and toss three scratchy dried-up seed pods at her bedroom window. I tried to find her and Rochelle as soon as Sports Afternoon was over, but there was no sign of them. And neither of them answered when I texted them on the way home from school. So now I am outside Elfi’s house in desperation.

  Elfi’s face appears behind the window pane. The afternoon sun glints off the glass and I can’t read her expression. Soon a tall figure comes and stands beside Elfi. It’s Rochelle. And then I see Jed, too. I am so glad to have found my three best friends in one place.

  But no one opens the window.

  I jump up and down, thinking that they can’t see me in the glare of the strong afternoon sunlight.

  ‘Elfi!’ I shout. ‘Rochelle! Jed!’

  I wait ages before Jed slides open the window.

  ‘Hi, Paige,’ he says.

  Elfi pushes him out of the way and scowls at me. ‘What do you want, Paige?’ she says.

  ‘I just want to talk.’

  ‘Then talk,’ Elfi orders. She folds her arms across her chest and stares down at me. Rochelle comes to stand next to her and does the same. They look like footballers trying to intimidate the opposition as they sing their national anthem before a big match. It should be me up there with them. We’re on the same team.

  ‘Four reasons why Paige is an idiot?’ I make the challenge. ‘I’ll go first. Because she stupidly chose her new friends over her oldest, dearest, most special friends.’I smile up at them, begging their forgiveness.

  ‘Because she’s standing on Elfi’s mum’s flowers,’ Jed says, squeezing in beside Elfi so he can see me through the window.

  He laughs. Rochelle and Elfi don’t.

  Rochelle’s face is hard. ‘Because she chose her new friends over her old friends and thought it was okay. And now she thinks she can make it up to them with a lame apology.’

  Elfi glares down at me, too. ‘The same as Rochelle,’ she says.

  ‘Hey, you can’t both say the same thing,’I say. ‘It’s against the rules.’

  ‘What rules?’ Rochelle says.

  ‘The rules of our group,’ I remind her.

  ‘You’re not in our group any more, Paige, so we’ve changed the rules,’ says Elfi.

  ‘But … but …’

  ‘Three reasons why my friends and I are going to have fun this weekend,’ Elfi says, putting her arms around Rochelle and Jed.

  ‘Because we’re sleeping over at Elfi’s house tonight,’ Rochelle says.

  ‘And we’re all going to the movies tomorrow,’ Elfi says.

  They look at Jed, waiting for his answer.

  ‘This is stupid,’ Jed huffs. He walks away from the window and I can no longer see him.

  ‘No, no. Can I come to the movies with you?’ I plead.

  ‘We’re seeing Scary Summer Camp,’ Elfi says. ‘You won’t be able to follow the plot. You’ve never been to camp.’

  ‘Ha-ha,’ I say.

  ‘Yes, ha-ha,’ Rochelle says. ‘Ha-ha to you for being sent home from camp. But then, you’re one of the I Don’t Cares, so you probably don’t.’

  ‘It was your fault,’I say. ‘Both of you! You ignored me at canoeing. You started the food fight, slopping mash all over me.’

  ‘That was an accident,’ Rochelle says.

  ‘So if it was an accident, why didn’t you apologise?’ I demand.

  Rochelle snorts. ‘Like you’ve apologised for all the insults your new friends have hurled at us? Like you’ve apologised for tossing us out like we’re newspaper at the bottom of the budgie cage?’

  ‘I’m apologising now,’ I plead.

  ‘Well, it’s too late, Paige,’ Elfi says. ‘Things have changed.’

  ‘But … but they can’t change,’ I say. As soon as I say the words I know how stupid I sound. Things have changed and I made them change. ‘That’s o
ur motto,’ I add.

  ‘Huh!’ Rochelle says. ‘That was the shortest-lived motto in history.’

  ‘That’s because we made it our motto on the last day of school,’ I say. ‘A day when everything in the universe was about to change. We were stupid for thinking things wouldn’t.’

  ‘It wasn’t about things changing or even people changing,’ Rochelle says. ‘It was about our friendship not changing. That’s what our motto meant. But you made it change, Paige. You didn’t want us any more. You wanted new friends. Cool friends.’

  ‘I never said I didn’t want you as my friends,’I cry. ‘You were mean to me.’

  ‘Well, it’s better than being ignored and forgotten,’ Elfi says. She slides the window closed. It slams against the aluminium edge and I step back.

  Elfi and Rochelle walk away from the window and the house is quiet again.

  ‘You don’t know what it’s like to be ignored and forgotten,’ I whisper to the closed window.

  27

  I pack my bag and sit on the lounge to wait for Dad. Finally we are going to his new place. Finally we are going to meet Chloe.

  Felicity is excited. She thinks we are going to eat out at every meal and she’ll be able to wear all her fabulous new clothes. She thinks Dad is going to take us to the movies and shopping and everything else to make up for the fact that he left us. But she is mainly excited because Dad lives in the same street as Curtis Bradshaw—her current crush.

  I am not excited, but a weekend away in a new place with Dad’s new girlfriend might take my mind off the fact that I don’t have a single friend in the entire world.

  Mum whisks past in a rusty-red dress. She looks amazing. She has touched up the grey roots in her hair and is wearing make-up. I suspect she wants to look good for Dad, to remind him of what he is missing.

  ‘Where are you going, Mum?’ I ask.

  She smiles at me. She comes over to the lounge and holds my hand. ‘Out for dinner with Reuben.’

  ‘Oh.’ I had hoped she was going to do something that was fun. All she ever seems to do these days is learn new fortune-telling skills. ‘My bloodstone pendant would look really good with that dress,’ I say.