“You were the one who wanted to stake out the place.”
“Are you upset we did?”
“No. But this was not my idea.”
“Still, I’m here for moral support, so the least you can do is tell me about the stunt that made you leave town.”
“Fine.” I sighed and sank lower in my seat. “Because Bruce’s death was so unexpected, the doctors had me on anti-depressants and sleeping pills.” Luke nodded, understanding this coping mechanism. I pulled my gaze from his and stared out into the street ahead. The sun had lowered in the horizon, and hues of orange and pink lit up the sky.
“My best friend, Leslie, had given me a few glasses of rum with a splash of Coke when everyone returned to my house for coffee and tea. I was in no mood to talk to anyone, and she figured the alcohol would ease the pain I was feeling. I should have told her about the pills I’d taken, but I didn’t. A few glasses later and I was a sloppy, violent drunk. I blurted out to the guests that I was the reason Bruce was dead. That I killed him.” I closed my eyes, shaking the memory from my brain. “His poor mother. I took away her son, broke her heart, and then kept her grandchild away.”
“Damn.” Luke said after a few seconds had passed. “What made you come back?”
“She did.” I scoffed. “As his wife, I was the trustee to his estate. And when I left, I left everything up in the air. His will wasn’t probated, his affairs weren’t in order, and Sue knew I would only come back if I knew I would lose it all.”
“I can see now why you think she hates you.”
“Oh, I don’t think. I know.” I laughed. “Sometimes, I think she only tolerated me as her daughter-in-law. She was very sweet and loving, and when I agreed to move here she opened her arms to me like I was her daughter. After his death it all changed. It was like she knew all along I wasn’t good enough for her son. Now I understand why.”
“And that is?”
“No woman will ever be good enough for AJ, like no one was ever good enough for Bruce. It’s a mother thing. We’re the only ones who know how to love our little boys.”
“I think my mother would like you,” Luke said with a boyish smile. His words made my heart stammer. We hadn’t even kissed yet, and he was already thinking about introducing me to his mother?
I bit back a laugh and tried to calm my nerves. “I doubt it.”
“I’m serious. She’d be so happy I brought a girl home to meet her that she wouldn’t even care if it was the devil reincarnated,” Luke said, and I covered my mouth to mask my laughter. “All Peggy would see is the potential for grandbabies.”
His last sentence made my head snap in his direction. My vision blurred as I blinked erratically. Before I could utter a single sound, my stomach growled and interrupted our conversation.
“Hungry?” Luke asked.
“Famished,” I whispered. I knew my face still held a shocked expression from the baby conversation that hung around us.
“I’ll be back,” he said and leaned over to my side of the car. His lips quickly brushed against my cheek.
“Wh-what?” I stammered as I tried to gather my thoughts. “Where are you going?” I said, and he kicked the door open.
“I’m going to grab us something to eat and give you enough time to talk yourself out of a panic attack. I’m not bringing you to meet my mother, and I’m not asking you to have my children. I didn’t mean to freak you out. I misspoke.” He climbed out of the car but crouched down to look back inside. “Don’t leave, and don’t panic. I haven’t even kissed you yet, Stephanie. Can’t have babies until we take that step.” He winked and closed the door behind himself.
I sat back in the sticky leather that was gluing itself to my skin and sighed. Luke was right, there was no need to panic. None.
It took twenty-five minutes for my heartbeat to return to a normal rate. Twenty-seven for Luke to return with a brown bag and two cans of soda.
“You’re still here,” he said as he swung the door open and climbed inside.
“Ha-ha. You think you’re so cool because you can read people,” I quipped.
“Not people,” Luke said, handing me a can of cola. “Just you.”
“What’s this?” I asked when he handed me the brown paper bag. The scent of fried, greasy food wafted through my car.
“Dinner.” Luke dug inside to pull out three sandwiches. “We didn’t have many options, but I found a burger joint a few blocks away.”
“Are you ordering for me?” I said jokingly.
“Nope.” He placed the three burgers on the center console. “Here we have a plain hamburger, a cheeseburger, and a bacon cheeseburger.” He gestured his hand like a conductor. “Take your pick.”
“Oh,” I said, taking the bacon cheeseburger from the pile. “Very smooth.” Luke laughed and took the cheeseburger. He dug into the brown bag again and pulled out a few packets of ketchup and a wad of napkins. “What if I didn’t eat meat?”
“It was a gamble.” He took a large bite of his sandwich. “But I figured you would have said it on your list of things you don’t like.”
I squirted the red ketchup on my patty. “You know, this wasn’t how I envisioned us having dinner together.”
Luke laughed. It was a hard, thick laugh, and I admired the way his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. Then I stole a glance at his neck and imagined what it would be like to slide my tongue along his jaw.
“Me neither,” Luke said, banishing my dirty thoughts. “I had rehearsed all my best moves.”
“Oh, really?” I said before taking an unladylike bite.
“You have no idea.” Luke reached across the center console and lifted his hand to my face. He wiped the corner of my lips and brought his thumb to his mouth. I watched a little blob of ketchup disappear into his mouth. “Now we’ll just have to wait,” he whispered.
I slowly chewed and swallowed my bite, my eyes glued to Luke’s the entire time. His gentle hand returned to my face and rubbed along my chin. My heart raced in my ears, and I realized then how small the distance was between us.
“You’re absolutely beautiful,” he said in a hushed tone. His thumb rubbed along my lower lip. “Breathtakingly beautiful.”
I closed my eyes, hoping he would kiss me. I anticipated his lips meeting mine. But my phone rang, interrupting our moment. Luke dropped his hand and I cleared my throat. “Hello?” I said answering the phone.
“Hey, Mom.” AJ’s voice greeted me.
“Hey, bud. How’s your night going?”
“Good. I’m ready for you to pick me up,” he said in a chipper, carefree voice.
I sighed a breath of relief. “Okay.” I closed my eyes. “I’ll be there shortly.” We said good-bye and I tossed my phone onto the dashboard. Tensely, I looked over at Luke. “Do you mind if I drop you back home? I’m not ready for my in-laws to meet you yet. Besides, I’m not ready to explain to AJ exactly what we are.”
Luke reached over and grabbed my hand. Lacing our fingers together, he brought the back of my hand to his lips and kissed it. “You don’t have to say anything else. Take me home, then come back and get your boy. But promise me dinner—a real one.”
I smiled and sighed. “I promise.”
8
Present
There were times I felt as if Laura and Luke were chatting behind my back.
She always managed to have the boys for playdates on the weekends, and she was always taking them to try new activities that she had heard about through social media. Oddly enough, she never asked me to join her. As she said, “This gives you some time to yourself.”
This weekend, she was driving forty minutes away for a rock-climbing excursion. Scott and AJ were over the moon about it. AJ had spent most of the week telling me about the three different walls he planned on climbing.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked Laura the Wednesday before. I had taken the boys to baseball practice, and when I brought Scott home, she invited me over for dinner.
&n
bsp; “No.” She waved her hand like it was silly to even suggest something as absurd as helping her with my child. “It’s no big deal, really. Scott has been asking to go for a while now, and I figured AJ would love it as well.” She moved through her kitchen, pulling a few seasonings from the cupboard. “And it will be nice for Scott to have someone to play with since Michaela has reached the stage that we’re no longer cool enough for her.”
“Then I’ll come and give you a hand.” I took a sip of the sweet tea she had given me.
“Stephanie,” she said, resting her hands on the granite counter of her island. I knew a lecture was coming. “The reason we do these playdates is so we can have breaks from our children. You’re a single mom, and I’m pretty sure there are many things you want to do by yourself. Fill your tub and have a large glass of wine, or get lost in a trashy novel.” She sighed and gave me a sweet smile. “It makes no sense for you to come.”
“But it’s a Friday night. Are you sure you want to do this on a Friday?” I tried my best to reason with her. It seemed unfair that every Friday night she was with AJ. “We can go Sunday afternoon. Maybe you and James can grab dinner and a drink, and I’ll stay with the boys.”
Laura mixed her ingredients into the pot and waved her wooden spoon at me. “James works late on Fridays. We usually go out Saturday nights,” she shrugged, “and Sunday doesn’t work because we go to my in-laws.”
It was then it dawned on me. She was giving me a free pass to see Luke. “Why do I feel like that’s a rehearsed script?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She turned back to the stove, ignoring my deadly glare.
“Yeah,” I took a sip of my tea, “sure you don’t.”
“If you didn’t have me, what would you do on the weekends?” she quipped. “You would probably sit inside that big, giant house, read a book, or chat with AJ.” She paused and took a sip of the wine she was cooking with. “That’s depressing.” She took another swig, this time bigger than the last. “You take the boys on Wednesday, I get them on Friday, and on Mondays we let them decide where they want to go. The schedule works, so stop fighting it and go out.” She winked.
I shook my head and couldn’t hide the grin that grew on my face. Laura was definitely up to something.
* * *
Luke had made reservations at Lydia’s for our first official date. After I showered, I walked into my closet to pick out what to wear, and the first panic attack came crashing. I’d gotten rid of most of Bruce’s clothes, but I saved a few for AJ. My hand slid down his Burberry suit, and my eyes filled with tears as memories invaded my mind. Why was life so unfair?
Unable to hold the pain inside, I sat on the floor and sobbed. The tightness in my chest made it impossible to breathe. How could I spend a night with Luke when I still had Bruce in my heart? When I decided I couldn’t sulk any longer, I stood and picked out something to wear. I had made the decision to move on, and sulking and throwing a pity party for myself was not going to help. I reminded myself that if it was me, I’d want Bruce to find happiness again.
I hopped in the shower once again because, as the second panic attack hit so did the heat wave, and the last thing I wanted was to smell on my first date. As I lathered my body with soap, I realized I was crossing the line with Luke. After tonight, there was no tiptoeing around dating or being friends. Although there were still times I cried over Bruce, I wanted more with Luke. Much more. I didn’t act on my feelings before, but I had nothing to hold me back now.
Once I was ready, I texted Luke that I was leaving the house and I would meet him at the restaurant. At first, he suggested picking me up, but that was a step I wasn’t ready for. Baby steps, I reminded myself. It would take a while before I was okay inviting him into a home I had made with my late husband.
Lydia’s was in the heart of downtown Savannah. It felt like a lifetime since I’d been downtown. There were carts serving street food and a local band performed for a small crowd. Many restaurants had outside seating, and you could smell the fresh cuisine from the street and hear the chatter and laughter of people enjoying their night out.
I picked at my hangnail as I approached the entrance, my heart accelerating. The thrumming in my ears, the butterflies flapping in my stomach . . . it was all juvenile, and yet, it made me feel alive.
Luke stood at the main entrance near the hostess booth. The twinkling lights strung above for outside diners made the moment perfect, and for an instant, everything went quiet. I couldn’t hear the cars driving by or the chatter coming from the restaurant. All I could hear was the drumming in my ears as my eyes locked with Luke’s.
“Wow, you look breathtaking,” he said as he leaned down and kissed my cheek. I had chosen strappy sandals, skinny jeans, and an off-the-shoulder blouse.
“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” Dressed in jeans with a gray fitted button-down and a charcoal blazer, he looked delectable. Not to mention, his lips were mere inches from my face.
“Shall we?” he said, extending his arm for me. A small shiver ran up my spine when his hand rested on the small of my back.
The instant we walked into Lydia’s, the smell of garlic and tomato sauce assailed me. The aroma was powerful, and my stomach ached with hunger. The hostess led us to our table in the corner. The lighting was dim, and tea lights gave the place a romantic ambiance. Luke pulled out a chair for me before taking a seat himself.
A bottle of wine, two entrees, and a shared dessert later, my butterflies had died down and my heart was back to a regular rate. When Luke handed the waiter his credit card, he looked over at me with a boyish grin on his face.
“Will you take a walk with me?” he asked.
I nodded, glad to know that our night wasn’t over.
Luke held my hand as we strolled down toward East River Street. At first, we didn’t speak. I wanted to believe we were enjoying each other’s company and there was no need for words. Luke led me to the waterfront and stopped at a railing that faced the ferries. My hands gripped the cold metal bar as I felt Luke’s presence behind me.
“Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear. Unable to speak, I shook my head. “Did I do something?”
I found the courage to face him and turned around. His body was flush against mine, and I desperately wanted his hands on my body. “I’m nervous,” I admitted. “I haven’t done this in a while.”
Luke chuckled and lowered his head to the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. “I thought you rambled when you were nervous.”
“You’re right.” I closed my eyes. My hands fought the urge to wrap around his body. “I’m scared.”
“Of?” Luke said, barely above a whisper. He lightly kissed my neck. I knew what he was doing. He was testing the waters before making his move. He had always tiptoed around me, never pushing me too far.
“Of that,” I sighed and slid my arms up his chest. It was now or never. I was going to have to cross the line, and once I did, there was no turning back. Pushing him back slightly so he had to look at me, I shook my head. His eyes were hooded in the dark night, and I found comfort in them.
“I’m so scared of what you make me feel. Of what this means. Where do we go from here? What if it flops?”
“Steph?” He said my name as his hand found my chin.
“Yes?” I looked weakly up at him.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he said matter-of-factly.
I took a breath and let my shoulders relax. Luke cupped my face and pressed his forehead against mine.
I wanted him.
I wanted him to kiss me more than I wanted to breathe.
I slid my arms around his neck and smiled. When Luke smiled back, my breath caught in my chest. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this,” he said before his lips captured mine.
His warm, soft lips brushed against mine and sucked the air from my lungs. Though it was a warm summer night, I felt a shiver run up my spine. My heart hammered in my chest as our tongues collid
ed, and I moaned into his mouth.
I felt alive.
I felt wanted.
I wasn’t a mom or a widow, I was a wanton woman desperate to be touched by a man. It had been a lifetime since I felt this way. Luke kissed me until I pulled away to catch my breath.
“Wow,” I managed.
“I know,” he said and kissed my neck. “Definitely worth the wait.” Luke looked at me and brushed my hair away from my face. “It will only get better.”
* * *
Luke: Truth, I can’t stop thinking about you.
Me: Truth, I can still taste you on my lips.
Luke: Truth, I’m dying to see you again.
Me: Truth, I haven’t felt like this in a very long time.
I sat curled on my couch with a blanket over me, watching the evening news. AJ was in his room sleeping while I was alone in the living room, my gaze glued to my cell phone screen. The mere thought of our date caused the butterflies to flap their wings in my belly. I had a ball of nerves leading up to it, but now, two days later, I was dying to see him again.
I’d finally opened myself to the possibility of us being something more than friends, and I wasn’t afraid. There wasn’t anything holding me back. I had lived through what I believed was the worst part of my life, and I couldn’t bring a dark cloud with me everywhere I went.
I took a sip of my wine and felt daring. There was no need for us to stay in the slow lane anymore. I was ready to date.
No, I was ready to date Luke.
Me: I’m free Friday night.
Luke: I’ll pick you up at seven?
I gnawed on my lower lip as I read his text message over and over. I was ready to date, but I wasn’t ready for AJ to know. I also wasn’t ready to open my home to Luke. Even though AJ loved having Luke in his life, I sure as hell wasn’t ready to introduce him to a boyfriend whom I wasn’t sure would work out. Luke and I had a few great times together, and AJ considered him a friend. I didn’t want him to see Luke as a potential father figure if there was an end to this fling.
The Perfect Life Page 9
