Nervously, I tapped the keyboard on my cell phone.
Me: Seven works great, but I’ll have to meet you there. I’m not ready to tell AJ about you, nor am I ready to have you over. I know that seems harsh, and I don’t mean to be rude. It’s just that I made this home with my husband, and it feels weird having you pick me up here.
His three little dots appeared on my screen, jumping as he typed. Each second that passed felt like an hour. Had I ruined it all with my bluntness?
Luke: I get it. When you are ready you’ll let me know. I’ll let you guide us. The last thing I want to do is make you feel pressured.
I sighed and rested my hand on my melting heart.
Me: I’ve been out of the game for a very long time. I need to remind myself to pick up a book like Dating for Dummies.
Luke: I saw that at the bookstore last week. I’ll get you a copy.
Me: Ha-ha, not funny.
Luke: I’m as clueless as you are. Med school made me awkward. Years of studying and no time for dating.
Me: Maybe you could pick up that book for yourself. I’ll take the SparkNotes version.
Luke: How about we just take it one day at a time?
Me: Sounds perfect.
Luke: Be at my house by seven on Friday.
Me: You’re pretty presumptuous, picking your house as a place to take me on a date.
Luke: I didn’t say you had to come in… unless you want to. ;)
I couldn’t respond. I didn’t know how. It was a good five minutes before I came up with a clever remark.
Me: You’ll have to wait and see.
* * *
Luke and I fell into a pattern that consisted of hidden touches, lunches in the car at his office building, and Friday night dinners that ended up back at his place, curled up on the couch until it was time to pick up AJ from Laura’s house.
He never pushed for anything more than kissing. Even when we were deep in a passionate kiss and it felt impossible to pull away, he never forced me to go where I didn’t want to go.
I wasn’t a prude, but my fear of going further with him was my own demons rearing their heads. It had been years since I’d been on a date. Years since I had sex with someone other than Bruce. Years since another man saw me naked. And the all-consuming fear that coursed through my body was the fear of being bad in the sack. Every time I thought that maybe I could take it all the way with Luke, my mind went to the darkest fear of all. The last time I had sex with a man for the first time, I didn’t have scars on my body from birthing a child, or scars in my heart from losing a husband.
Each time we were together, we inched a little bit closer, but I was always the one who pushed away, afraid to take that leap of faith. We were destined to go down that road, but not yet.
“You’re a fucking cock tease,” Laura said to me one afternoon after we dropped off the boys at karate and were walking down Main Street, window-shopping.
I had taken a sip from my Arnold Palmer when her comment registered. I choked and scrunched my features as the lemon and tea went up into my sinuses. “I’m not a cock tease,” I defended myself. I had spent the last ten minutes explaining how Luke and I were dating but had yet to seal the deal.
“You’re with him every Friday night. It’s been what, over a month now?” She looked at me and her eyes were wide. “And you go out to lunch with him during the week.” Her voice grew louder. “Not to mention, you guys hang out with AJ after baseball practice.” She laughed. “Total cock tease.”
“I am not.” I raised my hand in defense. “I don’t know what you want me to do. Just sleep with him? It’s not that easy.”
“Sweetie, I know you’ve been out of the game for a while, but nowadays you need to give it to him or he’s gonna ghost on you,” Laura said as she looked over at the new summer line at Simone’s Closet.
“Ghost?”
“Ghost. You know, like Casper?”
I closed my eyes, and slowly shook my head. “How the hell do you know what ghost is? And don’t act like I’m ancient, because the last time I checked, you’ve been married for quite a while now.”
“True.” She pouted her lips and shrugged. “But I like to think that I’m young and hip, and I read plenty of trashy gossip magazines to know what ghost is.”
“I’m at a loss for words.” I giggled.
Laura pulled open the door to Simone’s and the cool conditioned air hit us. “Maybe you should put down your Pulitzer Prize winning novels and your Raising a Well-Behaved Child books and read dirty magazines instead.”
I walked over to a blouse and ran my fingers across the sheer material. “One, don’t judge my books because you’re the one who keeps coming to me for tips on teaching manners.”
“Whatever.”
“Second, what’s ghost?”
“When a man you were seeing just disappears. No text. No call. He just disappears.”
“I think you should call it a Houdini.” I moved over to a flowered maxi dress. “Can’t people see ghosts?” I held the dress against my body and Laura scrunched her nose, obviously not liking the dress. “Houdini actually disappears.”
“I didn’t make it up.” She handed me a dress with Aztec print. “It’s what the kids are saying. He ghosted you.”
“Or he Houdini’d you. Sounds better.” I smiled.
“Well, maybe you should send a letter to whoever created it and have them change it,” Laura sassed.
“I think I will.” I put the dress back on the rack, deciding not to get anything.
“You’re getting off topic again. I know what you’re doing,” Laura said as we left Simone’s Closet.
“I’m not ready to have sex with him. Besides, I don’t think Luke is a ghosting type of guy.”
“Until he ghosts you and you don’t know why.”
“That’s all types of wrong.” I shook my head. “And he better not. AJ is his patient and I know where he lives.”
“But the more important question is, why haven’t you slept with him?”
“You had two kids. You know what that does to your body,” I said in a low voice as we walked by a few gentlemen outside a local cigar bar. “Not to mention, I nursed AJ for two years. The girls point south, and my stomach, even though it might be small, has skin that jiggles and stretch marks a mile long.” I cringed at the thought of lying naked under Luke. He was a runner and lean, and I had seen him without his shirt, so I knew how defined his abs were. “I’m not ready for him to see me naked.”
“He’s a doctor and not an idiot.” Laura stopped in her tracks. “I’m sure he knows what he’s getting into. I seriously think you’re overreacting.”
“I’m not!”
“Well.” Laura looked across the street. “The only way to get over it is to get under him, and if you do think your body is horrific, that’s why God invented lingerie.”
My gaze pulled away from her face and moved toward the direction she was staring. “No.” I shook my head.
“Come on.” Laura laced her hand with mine. “We can get you something sexy, and you can wear it for him when the time comes.”
“Laura, I’m not buying lingerie from this store. What if it gets out that we were here, or worse, what if Luke sees me walking out?”
“Then he’ll know what to expect.” She winked. “Come on. What’s the worst that can happen?”
I sighed. “I guess it’s time to rip off the Band-Aid.”
“Exactly!”
Even though I fought her on it, I knew Laura was right. There was no real reason I couldn’t sleep with Luke. And maybe, just maybe, buying something delicate with lace would give me the confidence I needed.
9
Present
Never in my life had I done something so daring as I was doing now.
My heels clicked on the cement as I walked up the pathway to Luke’s house, and my heart raced in my chest.
I couldn’t hear the world around me.
I wanted this more than I wa
nted my next breath. We had been teetering on the edge for too long now. Running my hands through my hair one last time, I rang his doorbell. The few seconds I waited for him to answer felt like an eternity. His wooden door pulled back, and I realized it was now or never.
“Stephanie?” His eyebrows furrowed with confusion. He wasn’t expecting me. We had plans to meet for dinner, but showing up at his house was not part of the plan.
“Hi.” I bit my lower lip as my gaze locked on his body. His hair was still damp from his shower. His body was hugged by his white cotton T-shirt.
“I thought we weren’t meeting until later?” he said, and I watched as the confusion left his eyes. “Wow,” he muttered. “You look…” He paused, and my body ignited with heat. “You look beautiful.” He opened the door wider. “Come in.”
A chill ran up my spine as I stepped into his foyer. I had been here many times before, but my agenda had never been this one.
“I can be ready in ten minutes.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Actually,” I paused and exhaled slowly, “I had a different idea for tonight.” My finger coiled around the button of my coat. “Maybe we can stay in.” My voice was shaky as I reached for a button and then another.
Luke’s head cocked to the side, and his eyes watched me tentatively. “Steph?” he questioned hesitantly.
“I’ve been wanting this for a long time, and I know you have too,” I said as I reached the last button on my coat. “Unless you want to grab dinner?”
I shrugged the coat off my shoulders, letting it pool at my feet. My breasts were covered with a black lace bra that was low cut and covered my ribs. The panties sat low on my hips allowing the garter belt to sit at my waist. The sheer black stockings stopped mid-thigh and were attached to the clips that held them up. Finding the courage deep within, I looked up at him. The only place I planned on going tonight was to his bedroom.
Luke’s eyes were on my body. “You…wow.” He shook his head.
Every second felt like an eternity.
“I’m tired of waiting.” I felt the heat rising up my spine. “I want you, Luke.”
He closed the gap between us with two large strides. His hand entwined in my hair and his mouth captured mine. Desperate for more, I moaned into his lips. His tongue twirled with mine, and the ache between my legs became unbearable.
“Please,” I pleaded between our lips. I needed him to touch me. I needed him to make love to me. I needed everything from him.
Luke growled into my mouth, and my breath grew irregular. Months of pent-up want coursed through our bodies. My hands wrapped around his taut body, and I dug my nails into his cotton shirt. He pulled away from my mouth, leaving my lips bruised. In one quick motion, he laced his arms around my thighs and lifted me up to his waist. My legs wrapped around his pelvis as he slammed me into the wall. I cried out in pain, and his lips kissed a soft trail between my breasts.
His body pressed against mine and I could feel his erection. Slowly, I started to move my waist. The friction between us eased the pain.
“You...” He grunted. His eyes met mine, and I coiled my fingers through his tousled hair. “You make me crazy.”
“Show me.” I moved my hands to cup his cheeks.
Luke tightened his grip around my body and moved toward his bedroom. The closer we came to his room, the faster my heart beat.
I felt drunk.
I felt high.
I felt every touch, every kiss.
I felt like the world around me no longer existed. Luke was my world, and I was his.
He placed me on the ground and took a step back to admire my body once more. My body burned under his gaze and I looked away feeling embarrassed.
“Don’t,” he said when I looked down at my feet. He pulled my body forward, making me fall right into his arms. His hungry mouth covered mine, and one hand entwined in my hair as the other squeezed my ass. “You are more beautiful than I ever imagined,” he muttered between our lips.
My hands trailed up his body. Wrapping them around his neck, I deepened our kiss. His tongue danced with mine while the oxygen escaped our lungs. He tugged me toward him, only stopping when the back of his legs hit the bed. Separating our conjoined lips, he rested both hands on my face, looking deep into my eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Positive,” I said with a sigh. I had never been so sure of anything in my life.
Gently he laid me on his bed. His body towered over mine as he caged me in. His kisses grew tender, his touch softening as he kissed a path down my neck. “Truth, I can feel your heart beating,” he whispered and kissed between my breasts.
“Truth, it always beats for you this way,” I responded, but my breath was cut short as his fingers pulled my bra cup away and his tongue twirled around my nipple. Incoherent sounds escaped me as his tongue flicked my nipple until it was a firm pebble. Slowly, he moved to the other side and repeated the blissful torture.
My hands gripped the duvet comforter as my core ached to be touched. Leaving me on the brink of ecstasy, Luke moved down to my body, his eyes glued to mine. I anticipated his move. I waited with bated breath for what else he had in mind.
His tongue licked around my navel, and his teeth pulled on my garter belt. Once he released it, the slap of the elastic burned my skin. Luke rose to his knees and quickly pulled his shirt over his head. It was my turn to gawk. His bare chest, his defined abs, and the perfect happy trail made my mouth water.
“Not yet,” he said as though he could read the thoughts running through my mind. “I’m going to take full advantage of you.” He ran his fingertips down my thighs, and then lowered his mouth to my knee, his hand digging into my thigh.
“Please,” I whimpered. I felt like I would explode any second.
“I don’t plan on rushing,” he said with the devil in his eyes as his teeth grazed along my sheer stocking.
Tossing my head back, I tried to tame my arousal. I was soaked. I could feel it. My core was more than ready for him. Luke lowered his body until his face was mere inches away.
My heart hammered in my chest so hard I could hear it in my ears. The room began to spin, and when I felt his warm tongue on my wet core, the world around me stopped. My heels dug into the mattress, and my breath came out in spurts.
“Luke,” I moaned.
“Hmm,” was all I heard as his tongue continued to kiss the most sensitive part of my body. I had been on the edge, but it was now impossible to hold on any longer.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t stop.”
His hands gripped my thighs while his tongue teased me to the point of no return.
One lick.
One kiss.
One nibble.
Two licks.
Two kisses.
Two nibbles.
The pattern continued until my legs began to tremble, my whimpers grew louder, and my toes curled like they had never done before.
My body was limp and sated on his bed. I felt every fiber in my body as an electrical current ran through me. Luke rose and kissed a feather-soft trail up my stomach.
“Mmm,” I moaned, still high from my climax.
Luke chuckled and kissed my neck. “You taste like heaven,” he whispered in my ear.
Before I had the chance to respond, his lips met mine again, and I whimpered as his tongue twirled around in my mouth. I could taste my arousal on his lips and I knew I needed more of him. I lifted my pelvis into his groin, where I could feel his semi-hard cock pressing against my swollen bud. The shy, innocent woman was gone. I was desperate for him.
Luke pulled away from my lips and lightly bit my chin, his teeth gliding against my skin. I angled my head to the side and exposed my neck for him again. My hands wrapped around his head and gripped his hair as he placed wet kisses down my neck.
He kissed my lips, the side of my mouth, my cheek, then worked his way to my ear, nipping on my lobe before kissing down my jaw to my throat. Sliding down my bo
dy, he stopped at my navel and kissed the scars that came when bringing a child into the world. Luke’s eyes shone up at me as he ran his hands up and down my waist. In them, I saw everything he wasn’t saying. All the words we hadn’t spoken to each other. Three little words that threatened to slip between my lips. Luke rested his weight on his elbows and moved his pelvis to mine. His erection was hard and ready for me, and I ached with need. Anticipating his every move, I opened my legs for him. Luke pressed against my core and slid into me. I held my breath as the familiar pain coursed through my body. No words were spoken as he slid deep inside of me. The sudden thickness filled me with both pain and pleasure.
“You ok?” he asked towering over me. Unable to utter a sound, I nodded. Luke placed a hand over my head as his thumb gently stroked my hair. Entrapped under him, I gave in to him and felt the desire for another orgasm growing. Grunts escaped him, only adding more fuel to the fire building inside of me.
“Please,” I begged
“You feel fucking perfect,” he moaned. I whimpered in pure ecstasy. I felt Luke’s engorged cock push deep into me as his nails scraped down my back. My release was approaching, and between his grunts and speed, I knew he was close too.
My toes began to curl as the tingles crawled over my skin. Loud, untamed gasps and the slap of him against my flesh were the only sounds that could be heard. I held my breath, holding my release in, savoring every heady moment.
“Give it to me.” Luke grunted, thrusting deeper, harder, and faster. At his request, I exhaled loudly, and my world shattered into a million pieces. My body shook. Driving deeper inside of me, he found his own peak. My body was lifeless under his. My heart was hammering. My eyes were closed. I was numb with bliss.
* * *
Luke's arms were snug around my body. With every second that passed he found a reason to touch me. Whether it was a kiss, smelling my neck, or caressing his hands along my skin. I savored every touch and realized how much I've missed the touch of a man.
The Perfect Life Page 10
